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Guys only like me now that I've lost weight? (Page 2)
Anonymous
(30-35) 
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What people who don't know you, strangers, people in mundane, random situations - what do they know about you?
Can they tell what kind of personality you have just by looking at you?
We can tell something only and only about looks when it comes to people we don't know.
You can't just look at a stranger and tell: "It seems like they have a good personality, so I'm attracted to them"
You HAVE.to.understand.this.
This is not shallow. Everyone is that way. Shallow is caring only and only about looks and being ignorant & oblivious even if the other person is very promiscuous, using drugs, very argumentative, hates animals or anything like that - shallow is as long as the looks are there, nothing else matters.
Caring about looks first and then ALSO about other things later - aka getting to know you is not shallow.
She's talking about guys who knew her when she was overweight and showed no romantic interest in her so yea they knew her personality and overlooked it because now they want her since she lost weight.
Even then it's understandable, everyone wants to date only someone attractive.
It's good that you are feeling better about yourself ^_^
Well for the guys who you know now the ones who haven't been paying attention to you I would just write them off because it seems that it bothered you that they didn't feel those things then and now they do given the circumstances. It's your choice if you want to give them a chance or not. But you should be more concerned or focused on the guys who liked you before hand that no matter what, you were enough. Some people are more shallow than others. Just depends on the person. I believe you should forget the ones who are only about one thing or too shallow and get with guys who know how to treat you properly. Hope it helps. =)
Some guys can be shallow (not all are, though).
I'd be upset at the guys you've known for a while too, if I were you.
Honestly, though, I think you have to forgive them. Yeah, it'll be difficult, but it's worth it, no?
Obviously you were friends with them before, and I think it's safe to assume that you didn't like all of them (if any) in a romantic sense. So just brush it off, and continue to think of them as just friends, because they don't seem like they are worth the effort you'd put into a romantic relationship. 'Cause you'd want them to find you attractive at any size, right?
This is shallow,
...in the same way, it makes sense why a girl would find a guy more attractive once she finds out he's a successful surgeon, or very rich, naturally she wants a guy who can provide her with comforts...it's understandable, natural even, but still shallow.
Guys on here are always asking "can a hot girl like a less good looking guy" but it's OK that they won't even give you the time of day until you're hot? That they can't find anythIng deeper than the surface attractive?
No, This is a case of "didn't want me then can't have me now"
I'd be careful to call attraction shallowness. Attraction is a chemical response. Her guy friends who weren't romantically interested in her aren't at fault for that. I don't think anyone is at fault for not being attracted to someone else. They stuck with her as friends who aren't suddenly shallow for their response. I'd bet they're nice guys. :)
I wouldn't call it shallow. Everyone is attracted to something different. I myself would not date a heavy guy because I am simply not attracted to it. The guys who have known you in both situations are attracted to thinner girls. In that case, yeah I can see how it hurts. Don't fall for them. Let them see what they can't have.
Don't be hurt...be happy in your new body. Those guys who you knew before-- tell them if they didn't want you then, they can't have you now.
Really though, Don't be upset. Everyone is attracted to different body types. Most guys like thin girls but there are many who prefer girls who are bigger. It's just how people work. Good luck.
I had this happen to me. I was kind of pissed about it at first. I was fine with the attention but I turned them down and told them I just wanted to be friends. It was really hard for me to get past the sudden change of attention from them. If you do have an interest in any of them maybe you should just ask them why the sudden change. If you really would just rather look for a different guy then I would go for that.
It might not be that they are shallow, but that they overlooked you. I know that sounds horrible but when my guy friends started hitting on me I asked one of them why and he told me it was like the scene from Miss Congeniality where Sandra Bullock walks out of the hanger after she had her makeover. He told me it made it hard for him to think of me as one of the guys anymore.
I eventually just accepted that I was new and I wasn't the same girl they were used to. Enjoy the attention!
Remind yourself about how you are not attracted to fat people. How many physically unattractive people have you put effort into having a relationship with because their personality was enough to get you to be attracted to them?
I think you are only entitled to feel the way you do if you have regularly persued unattractive people because their personalities where so attractive. I doubt you have. If you haven't, you are just the same as most people--you are attracted to good looking people, and not attracted to unattractive people. That is the human condition, get used to it.
Don't get over it! Go with guys who liked you and paid attention to you when you were overweight. The other guys ARE shallow, and you don't need to apologize for CALLING them shallow!
it's nothing shallow demanding a normal looking human being.
from when is it acceptable to be fat? of course I'm not going to be with you if you're fat - even if you have THE BEST personality in the world.
i mean, do you really think I have no self-respect that I would hang around with a FAT girlfriend? you're insane. it's just disgusting.
Wow, way to sound like a shallow douche bag. Looks aren't everything. Looks can change but personality stays forever.
who said looks are everything? it's 50/50.
if you are the most beautiful woman on the planet and have sh*tty personality is as bad as being ugly (i.e. fat) and have the best personality on the planet.
Look at what you wrote are you kidding me ?
"of course I'm not going to be with you if you're fat - even if you have THE BEST personality in the world."
... and then you say its 50/50...
Make up your mind.
are you stupid?
both - personality and looks are important and both things need to be on a certain level. one without other is a dogsh*t.
You aren't a douche, you're just blunt, lol. I think a lot of guys would agree and I understand where you are coming from.
Clearly your personality blows, thus there goes 50% out the window.
Your comments are juvenile. Grow the f*** up.
i understand that sometimes or should I say most of the times people don't really like to hear the truth and don't wanna face the reality.
You're one of those insecure guys that get all big and bad because they are online and hide behind their computer. Seriously read your post you sound like an arrogant shallow pig.
it's fascinating that you can link insecurity with not being attracted to fat girls. just because fat people are disgustingly looking (not to mention unhealthy) you're accusing me of being insecure?
please.
and not only that, you also don't understand what being *shallow* means. it means "lacking depth." and just because you have certain standards when it comes to physical level doesn't mean there's nothing else that's important to you.
are you overweight?
No I'm not, I used to be and I worked my ass off so I could feel better about me not for anyone else. Also, I actually like to get to know someone before I f*** them. Personality goes a long way with me.
All I'm saying is she shouldn't have o deal with these guys that all of a sudden want to do whatever just because now she's lost weight, she was just overlooked before and now they care. F***that.
2/10.
Minimum trolling.
Whoa, street fight!
1. What's getting to know someone before having sex with them got to do with being fat? stick to the topic.
2. Of course she was overlooked, she was ugly. No one will be with the fat chick - except chubby chasers.
Why is this so difficult to understand? You say looks are not everything, guess what, personality isn't either. Need to be some balance, and I really don't see why would you hold a grudge against those who "overlooked" you being ugly fat oink.
Get real.
1) There is a difference between fat and ugly.
2) You contradict your own responses. You said looks and personality are 50/50 yet to you it didn't matter if she had the best personality if she was fat, so its not 50/50 for you.
3) I'm bored with you now.
Answerer is a f***ing d***, hahahahaha.
Thing is, fat women in a relationship often don't lose weight because they settle and don't want to work on it.
Understand you did better for yourself and you should be proud you are receiving this attention.
I didn't get as many looks either when I was skinny before I started exercising and building muscle.
Good for you, if you were not good enough for them when you had a few extra pounds. They are not good enough for you now, that you have lost them.
Ask yourself, now that you have seen how they are. Do you think they would stay with you, if you put that weigh back on. As you say, you are still the same person inside, the outside package has just changed a little bit.
That's a good question. I think I'd just see the situation as... if you're comfortable looking the way you look now then that's how you're supposed to look. If this is the case right now and people are first now starting to pay interest then it is still for the right reasons?
Men and women are shallow regardless if you just lost weight or not, so that should be out of the question.
As much as people say looks don't matter, I think they do. Personality only gets you so far but they've got to have some physical attraction too. And I think that's the main reason for people being friend zoned when it comes to meeting potential partners. I know I had the same thing when I started going to the gym as I was really scrawny. It was just what I needed to get out of certain friend zones. I don't hold anything against them for it.
I'd say everyone has a certain degree of shallowness
Not to sound cruel, but let me ask you this. Did you find men attractive who were overweight? Did you give them attention, or did the fit/in shape men catch your attention?
unfortunately this is one of those "guys are *&&$%#@!" moments. its not that none of them noticed you before, in fact I can almost guarantee that at least one has been noticing for a while.
BUT
all it takes is one "damn man, _____ is looking pretty good today" and the game is on… so to speak. Once one of us notices something we all want that, whatever it may be.
My advise is let them drool and look for the one who isn't saying anything, he noticed you before.
as for the rest of them, its hormones. I have two friends that are girls I don't flirt with constantly, depending on how old you are your going to start seeing your friendships turn into big flirting matches. at least that's what happened to me
Unfortunately, I don't think it's just something you get over because you feel they should have made an effort to get to know you when you were heavier. I would feel the same way so those guys are just guys you tell you prefer to remain friends. tell them you don't want to ruin the friendship by now trying to go out on date with him. Just say that you are flattered and be the bigger person. Don't waste your time on a guy that likes you now while you're thinner because if it all worked out and you were in a serious relationship, would that guy bail out if you happened to gain some weight?
My advice for you is to only date "new" guys and don't focus on the recent weight loss. Forget about what size you were months or years ago, just think of the moment that you're in with that one guy and enjoy life!
You have a right to be happy. You have a right to be (more) confident. Just go for it and don't look back and don't focus on the negative.
Good luck and don't look back! :0)
Don't become interested in them, since they clearly like you just because of your new looks.
Maybe they only want to have sex with you, which is clearly not right, except if you'd like to have sex with them of course.
By The Way, happy for you that you lost weigh :) Congrats :D
You start by being your best person you have to take care of yourself. You are the only one who will be able to accept you for who you are. These people who are shallow are no longer worth your time and effort. Love yourself first and then be sure to put expectations for the next person that they will have to accept you for who you are. If they care about you they will.
If I were you I wouldn't go with those guys. If they didn't want you then, why should they have you now? Wait until other guys come along.
How is she suppose to know which guys are which?
Well... just because a guy becomes attracted to you romantically after you losing weight doesn't make him shallow. They were friends with you when you were overweight right? So the only difference between friends and lovers is looks. Either way you care about the other person, but in different ways. Am I right? :)