How to recover from being emotionally abused?

[Anonymous]

I dated this guy for over 3 years, he has a temper, yells, puts holes in wall, some things I can look passed.. however he was very emotionally abusive, calling me stupid, telling me I'm insane when I would ask questions.. I was always on egg shells not knowing if something I was saying was stupid or not. but somehow I can't stop going back to me and the name calling I keep thikning it will get better.. *he has issues, he doesn't work he is on disability and hasn't worked in 10 years* so I assumed he's just having bad days... but I cannot handle it anymore, how do you recover from being called so many names, how do you move on.. when you know it's such a bad situation to begin with.

[Speeder132]

As rough as it sounds, anon down there is right. You fell for a bad boy and now his side is showing and you can see it rather than just saying it didn't exist before. Nobody who truly loves someone would treat their partner with extreme disrespect by namecalling or physical destruction. Take it as lesson learned and be a lot more careful in choosing who your S.O.'s are. Feeling down or inferior to someone in a relationship is very unhealthy. You should feel that both members care for one another and the tasks are split 50-50 and nobody is put down or made fun of. Support is mutual for both parties and nobody hurts another.

[Theguyoverthere]

You have to leave him if you haven't already.

Not only that, but I am sure you have some baggage now and I honestly suggest a therapist if you can afford one. Seeing one will help you feel a lot better overall and get you over the situation you have been given.

I see one every so often myself and it allows me to keep mentally stable in stressful situations.

[why-makoto-kun]

First of all, dump the dirtbag who makes you feel terrible. He's not worth it. Let him stew in his misery and find someone else to dehumanize (better yet, hope he's alone). Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline ( thehotline.org) to form an escape plan and talk it out.

After the breakup? Therapy/counseling, calls/chats on LoveisRespect.org, talking it out, writing, etc. all help. I haven't been in one as long as you, but I've been in way too many emotionally abusive relationships. I'm sorry you went through this for so long. :(

If you want, I can recommend some books for you about this topic.

[Asker]

books are always good thanks, what ones would you sugggest?

[why-makoto-kun]

Why Does He DO That? by Lundy Bancroft

The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans

Should I Stay or Should I Go? by Lundy Bancroft and JAC Patrissi

"Not to People Like Us" Hidden Abuse in Upscale Marriages by Susan Weitzman

Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward

Dealbreakers by Bethany Marshall

The Gift of Fear by Gavin deBecker

In Sheep's Clothing by George K. Simon

[Anonymous]

Just leave, spare yourself the misery of ten years later when you have kids and you can't get away. My dad doesn't work either, he's physically abusive and my mom never dared to leave him, even when he abused her, me and my brother.

These people are mad. Think of your dad being like this.. would you believe it? I wouldn't want to be with these kinds of people, even if I got one million dollars for it. It's just not worth the time, effort and tears you waste on these people.. they truly never get better. Leave this sucker to someone who wants to get beaten up. He's not worth you.

[Arwens-Fire]

Take care of yourself and ask yourself why you are willing to deal with such abusive behavior.

If you are still with him,find the strength to LEAVE.

Seek therapy/counciling to help you through the mental and emotion turmoil you have gone through.

Good Luck.

[carelessxwhisper]

It will take some time, but you can recover. You have to know that it has nothing to do with you and everything with HIM. You are not stupid or any of those names he called you. It's great that you were able to get away from him. He sounds toxic.

[idontknow88]

it's not a question of how to get over it with him. You have to leave him. You do not deserve to be called names no wonder how bad his situation is. End of story! He clearly is manipulating you and doesn't respect you. I used to date a guy who would also called me stupid for questioning him about cheating when he was. Now looking back I was like how could I stay with him, I was blinded by "love" and fear. You can definitely find a guy who will treat you how you deserved to be treated.

[Anonymous]

You simply have to break it off with him.

Find better guys for yourself.

Someone who will treat and respect you as a person, as a woman, and as a lover.

[W1llem]

One of my close friends treated me like this, get them out of your life for good. That's the only way to get past it. Once your around normal people you'll see your not any different then anyone else

[Breathe]

distancing yourself is the only way. Being nice to yourself in your thoughts is also helpful

[Anonymous]

You know you're not stupid. So don't let it bother you. Be confident!

[TouchTheSky]

How come she ain't stupid? Have you ever seen a question on this site, this guy is so kind and nice to me I have problems? But overall they never give a chance to nice and kind guys, that's why every guy turns to be jerk. I think I am going to be like those idiots also.

[why-makoto-kun]

So, so massive generalizations and bitterness at not getting enough dates will make you decide to be a jerk? Good job, buddy boy.

[tiredofwaiting]

Lots and lots of professional help/seeing a shrink

Journal about how you feel

Know the warning signs

[Anonymous]

Girl wanted badboy, girl got badboy.

[TouchTheSky]

+1, have you ever heard this guy is so kind and nice to me I'll give him a chance? But we hear all day this guy said me this did to me this, I love him what to do? Go test your IQ lol.