Guy I'm seeing has now ended things because I had colleagues in my room after a Christmas party which also included guys. Was I wrong?

[CB1988]

So have been talking and seeing a guy for 2 weeks. It's been amazing and been going so well to the point he wanted to make things official. Anyway I had Christmas party for work this weekend and I'd already told him colleagues would be coming to my room before the party for pre drinks. He made the comment "didn't know guys would be in your room to be fair, be good" and I said "oh there's really nothing to worry about plus it's a mixed group. I promise" so he said he trusts me. Then party happened, yesterday morning he asked me how the party was and I told him plus I said that after everyone came to chill in my room and how we all ordered food but 4 of my colleagues decided to jump in my bed whilst we were all chatting away and how 3 of them fell asleep whilst waiting as they were all tipsy but they left when everyone else was leaving. I even sent a picture of them (2 guys - one of which is gay, 2 girls). I told him all this because I really thought this isn't a big deal as one it was a big mixed group of people and I didn't have anything to hide as it all felt innocent. He kicked off, said he's not happy about me having guys in my room at all, let alone my bed. And that he can't trust me, he's done etc. Wouldn't give me the chance to explain. He said he takes issue with how close I am with my friends (especially the male ones). He seems to have deleted my number and all that now. I know it's so quick to have fallen deep, but I'm so heartbroken but don't feel there's anything more I can do. I had asked to talk but he doesn't want to and I'm hurting. I was never going to have one guy or just guys come into my room as that never makes me feel comfortable due my past experiences but this feels like a real drastic decision. I don't know, what do you think?

[chicosuave]

The reality is that no matter the relationship either side will get insecure. the other day like a group of girls told me that they would not let their boyfriend hang with other girls to a nightclub or bar. I was like i thought women would 100 percent support their men hanging with other bitches. Geeses all my ex gfs would not let me look at other girls when they were walking. they would get super insecure and tell me to not look at them which i found super odd. Im ok with my girlfriend checking out other dudes. its not like she's gonna approach them and get them which is something women never do. But tbh your ex man has massive balls. most guys would hold on to their girlfriend while she is hanging with other dudes. but this guy didn't tolerate it and left. Props to him. He might come back to you but who knows. just move on. find another guy which you will. most girls never struggle in finding a guy so you will do fine. maybe find a guy who will let you hang out with other guys and who will be ok with it. but you have to let him hang out with other girls as well. 100 percent trust.

[MementoMori777]

Can't say I wouldn't have reacted the same, I'm surprised he agreed to guy friends to begin with, you don't need guy friends if you have a boyfriend, the fact that they were in your room on your bed just seems to have rub him off wrong and can you blame him, imagine him going to a holiday party and his female coworker friends are all up on his bed and then he tells you nothing happened, deep down you would feel uneasy about the situation as well because even if you trust your man, you don't trust the women he was with, they can steal a kiss for example and it's not his fault but it can still happen and if it does it doesn't change that it happened, at that point he was probably thinking "what's wrong with the living room" why the bedroom and why the bed, there's also a chance he might be thinking that there might have been some intentions because you led them on your bed, having drinks and shit, I can't say my gut wouldn't be telling me the same in his shoes.

[MementoMori777]

Mostly after how the world is so full of betrayal and lust, let's not mention what he might have experienced in the past, if you get a second chance from him then now you know to not put yourself in these easily misunderstood situations.

[CB1988]

Yea I mean we are still learning about each other right, so if he just said I know it was a mixed group but it still makes me uncomfortable then I would never do it again because its not worth that headache but he just said "I'm done, it's over"

[MementoMori777]

That actually makes things worse, two weeks into a relationship he is still reading you out and you gave him the wrong idea, his trust was clearly not fully there and you were just too comfortable with the bit of trust he had for you he didn't see it the way you did cause clearly he wasn't there, all he is thinking about is how much of a red flag it might be that you let two dudes on your bed while sipping on some drinks, lying is unfortunately always an option and when people are caught cheating, lying is their first form of defense and if he wasn't there to witness the truth then how else would he see it besides you cheating and lying about it, any person would see it that way honestly, be honest, two weeks into dating and he does this, would you believe a word he says?

[CB1988]

Plus I've already been in situations where exes had mixed group of guys and girls back in their room for drinking or just chilling and I never worried. I know everyone is different which is why you learn the boundaries. As for guy friends, what is wrong with having male friends. I'm very firm on never wanting anything with a friend. Also he has girl mates he's close to and chats to. He's told me of all these girls that are obsessed or interested in him (all this on date 2 by the way as couple of them were there at the bar we were at) and he said he likes how unbothered I was by it. I said well everyone has a past, what's the point in letting that stuff get in the way of trying to see how things go with you. I honestly would have no issue because as I've said, been there before and never phased me. I'm also very open so if anything did make me feel insecure or uncomfortable I would say and just work it out.

[MementoMori777]

That's of course cause you know how a woman's mind works, same goes here, he knows how guys are and this is something women don't seem to understand when it comes to guy friends, the problem isn't that the guy doesn't trust his girlfriend, it's almost always the fact that they don't trust the guys, guys can be very egotistical and selfish that they can easily ruin a relationship and not care, that's of course most guys, now if your guy is an overthinker as well, even things such as the guy might try to sexually assault you might come to mind and of course that's just another worry on top of that, girls are more respectful towards boundaries and to a guy saying no, guys on the other hand can be so egotistical that they might try and "steal territory" if that makes sense and they will destroy relationships with no remorse because they can always think they can beat the boyfriends ass or whatever, there's even guys pretending to be gay to get touchy with women if you haven't noticed, it's a new generation thing I believe, so clearly when it comes to situations like much more things cross a man's mind then it would to a women, let's not mention men put in more effort to get a woman than women put in effort to get a man so competition is always in the back of a guys mind as well and when he doesn't witness what happens in a situation like this, it's expected for many things to cross a guys mind and what you say won't change it no matter what the truth is, you might not believe this but a guys worst enemy is his own mind when it comes to women and that's why his words were "I'm done, it's over" he is saving himself the headache, he rather just drop it all, after all, giving up is easy.

Much easier than having to deal with the mystery of what could have happened, what did happen and what was being said that happened.

[CB1988]

When you put it like that, I understand. Just thought he'd give me the chance to talk and explain because he said I mattered a lot to him. I'm devastated but what more can I do

[MementoMori777]

You can still put effort to try and see if maybe you can fix the problem, give him time to think and blow off steam and then try again, then see if he will listen, if it makes sense to him, he might choose to believe you and maybe y'all can try again

[CB1988]

Yea I let him know I'm always ready to talk whenever he is ready and I'm not giving up just giving him the time... I know he'd deleted my number though as can't see his pic and status. I also said if there's nothing more I can do to fix it then I cannot force him

[MementoMori777]

Seems good enough

[SpringValley]

Sounds like you screwed the pooch.

[slatyb]

No, he's an ass. Be happy you are rid of him.

[Danny_dan92]

Were you doing anything questionable?

[CB1988]

100% no. It was literally just everyone chilling, eating, laughing. I wasn't even in the bed. I waited for everyone to go

[Danny_dan92]

Your man is actually a boy. A boy that is insecure

[CB1988]

No one was super drunk, everyone was just happy etc and there were no more drinks being had. Literally chat, eat and then they went. I was so open about it all thinking this shouldn't be a problem as it's a group but he's fixated on just the guys. He thinks I wasn't thinking of him at all but in fact I was hence why there was never just a guy with me