Dating again for the first time since 2019. And its not going well so far?

[LovelyBones13]

I am currently a 29F. I had been in a relationship between June 2019-March 2025. My ex dumped me, but in hindsight I am very happy the relationship ended.

I took some time to really woek on myself. I have been in therapy some problems with overworking myself since ocotober 2024. So the break up and aftermath I also processed with my therapist. In the months following the break up I decided to undertake things that my ex would prohibit me to do. Things like going to concerts or travel to new countries. I did those things and more by myself, made tons of new friends this way and really learned how to be alone and enjoy myself.

So since September this year I have been slowly trying to date again. Besides 1 1 night stand and 1 month long situationship I dont have much luck. I have installed Tinder and some other dating apps early on in Ocotber and I have over 600 matches on Tinder alone, but no luck. Guys are either overtly sexual, want to push me off tinder towards insta/snap/whatsapp after minimal messaging, are very desperate (if I dont emssage back within 15 minjtes they already start to double or triple message me) or a turn off for me in other ways.

The guys I do end up going on a date on have all told me a different flavor of the same bottom line: I am too accomplished. I have been lucky enough to buy a 4 bedroom house at age 24 by myself wirh a minimal mortage. Due the low costs of living I have been able to upgrade my entire house and a recent evaluation estimated that I have at least tripled my house worth. I do not boast about that, but if the subject of housing/rent/buying a house/the national housing crisis comes up I do not hide that I have already bought a house.

Updates

5 mo

The details about my financial situation I ofcourse do not discuss, but if a guy asks me what I have done the past 6 months I can not not say that I have been to 3 different continents by myself right? I have a very high paying and steady job since 2021, which I am greatfull for. But the men I date all seem to find it a turn off; that they can not provide for me, because I can provide for myself. That they can not "over power me" career/financial wise, because I am way ahead of them.

Updates

5 mo

1 guy even verbatim said that he didn't like the fact that I would never have to look up to him.

And I thought it was my dating pool, but the guys I match are between ages of 27-39 and are all highly educated. Some even owned houses themselves.

Also, I do not see dating as a job interview and a high paying job does not equal perfect match to me. I have dated guys on wellfare before, there is nothing wrong with that to me.

How should I go on about this? Keep dating? Give it a rest? Keep quiet

[wallyworld12]

You're not "too accomplished" haha... You're just bumping into guys who think dating is a power contest instead of a partnership.

If someone needs to feel above you to feel good about himself, that's not your problem. That's his insecurity wearing a nice shirt.

I wouldn't hide your life at all. I'd just filter quicker. The right guy hears "I've built a cool life" and thinks "I want in on that" not "uh.. I can't compete"

I'm curious.. what makes you loose interest faster.. neediness, ego, or lack of direction?

[Lliam]

I wouldn't rule out dating. Dating is like being an inventor. You might fail 100 times before succeeding. One life changing success out of 100 ain't bad.

That doesn't mean that you have to constantly search for a good man or use dating apps. Just don't rule out dating all together. Sooner or later you'll meet a guy who clicks.

With your accomplishments and all the self reflection you have done, you are savvy enough to rule out mismatches pretty quickly. But there are lots of guys out there and you are bound to run across one who will appreciate how amazing you are.

Don't give up.

[supercutebutt]

Since you own a house, you could always set up a private gloryhole. Maybe by the backdoor? You wouldn't even need to communicate with the gentlemen visitors if that is your preference. Establish a no talking rule. This way, you could avoid suffering through their inevitable soliloquies about how awesome you are. :)

[OlderAndWiser]

Tinder has a reputation as being a site primarily for hook ups. Do your homework about dating sites because they are not all equal. Take a look at Bumble.

[Bricealan]

@lovelybones13 Dear Ms. Bones. After reading your post, and some of your comments recently, I think you have the world by the balls! I would continue as you are and not worry about your dating status so much. Sounds like you are far and away above the local guys you see and date, and I can assure you YOU ARE!

[Jerre]

I would keep on dating. Fairly soon, you will find the man you enjoy being with.