You Worry Too Much About Your Looks

Anonymous
You Worry Too Much About Your Looks

The conversation I had headed home on a bus way back in my high school days has always stuck with me about how much it is we tend to obsess over our looks and how we think other people see us--two things which are rarely ever viewed through the same lens.

All of us girls were on the bus talking about how we thought guys hated this or that about us and all the things we'd done to try to change them, when one of the guys from another school chimed in with his own insecurities and wanted to know our opinions of them. He said he thought that all girls liked a guy with like a more muscular or more, in his mind, average sized butt, and he felt really self-conscious that he felt he didn't have one or that his butt was just really small.

I was so incredibly confused by that because this guy was gorgeous. Crushing on him, I told him, he had great hair, the most beautiful hazel green eyes, cute smile, and he was tall. Check, check, and check. The last thing I'd ever thought about him or probably most other girls, was whether or not his butt measured up. It just confused me that someone with all these amazing qualities was completely self-conscious about something that no one even cared about.

You Worry Too Much About Your Looks

But that's just it, isn't it. We see ourselves in the mirror every single day of our lives and tend to be hyper focused on what we see. We notice every hair, ever pimple, every scar, every ounce of fat or lack of muscle tone, every wrinkle, or every dropping anything. We see it all and we think everyone else see's it like we do which is usually with shame or embarrassment. We think no one will ever like us if we don't have this or that. We are fed the same photo-shopped images of what a beautiful man or woman is and there are a billion different products we consume that promise that if we use them, we too can look like so and so and get all the guys or all the girls...if only.

Even if you are model gorgeous, if you don't see it in the mirror yourself, you're going to continue to be an insecure empty shell and there are few things less attractive (ironically) than people who can't see how beautiful they are. It's a total turn off because they spend all their time with you constantly needing reassurance or validation on their body or their looks, or they freak out over every little detail about themselves to the point where you just get frustrated and want nothing to do with them because you rightly so, can not be that person for them that can literally be their self-esteem. It becomes too exhausting.

You Worry Too Much About Your Looks

Part of getting over yourself and all these insecurities is you've got to tune out the noise of society, friends, family, or whomever who is trying to tell you who you are, or put your beauty in a proverbial box, or of a magazine telling you, you can only be beautiful if you are rail thin and have big boobs, or are a beefy muscular guy. You will never get a population of people from around the world with different genetics, temperaments, personalities, what have you, that can all be that magazine cover. You are your own magazine cover.

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF SELF CONFIDENCE.

You Worry Too Much About Your Looks

Roll your eyes if you want to. Continue to believe that no one can ever like your type of beauty. Have a pity party all day and all night, but I'm all but sure that isn't working for you and isn't doing you any favors. Fake it until you make it by at least at first just projecting that you love yourself just the way you you are if you can't get there just yet in your head, and see what happens. Try it for a day or so and see how people react to you smiling, standing up straight, and walking into a room like you own the place, and just confidently talking to others. It may be that you've been blind to how great you really are because you've been too focused on who you think you should be. You might then start to really feel confident in who you are as you see that by being self confident and not focusing so much on little details, no one notices, that you become that confident person IRL that you never thought you could be.

You Worry Too Much About Your Looks
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Most Helpful Girl

  • TheINTJ
    Hm... I'm not trying to sound dramatic here, but I think that just like there is no light without darkness, there is no beauty without ugly and no ugly without beauty. I see a lot of people tell others to not care if people don't like the way they look as long as they themselves do, etc., but I don't agree with that because that's still putting importance on beauty in a way β€” you're just bending the way it's defined and choosing whose opinion to accept.

    I feel really lucky, because I grew up being praised for my actions and behavior, how well I did in school, how good I was at arts and such, and not for my looks and how pretty or cute I was or not. That's how I came to value and give more importance on those things rather than my looks. I never grew up being insecure that I was too this or that, wishing I looked like her instead and such. I practically lived in a bubble and was blind to looks as a whole until I was about 18, but that served me well because I strived to improve other things about myself instead of spending so much time worrying about how I looked. Of course now that I'm older, it's impossible to get away from all that and I'm now aware of the things I'm lacking in the looks department. But because I've already developed a healthy self-esteem, it doesn't really affect me all that much now. I already know that my worth isn't all in my looks and that I have other things to offer.

    Basically, what I'm saying is that you should just not mind looks all together, beautiful or ugly, yours or others'. But I know that's not possible, especially since we look for beauty in a mate too. That's why I think it's critical to promote this from a very early age when kids are still innocent, because once you see that looks do matter in the real world before you've learned to develop a good self-esteem, I don't really know if there's truly a way to go back and if there's anything else to say other than "looks isn't everything".
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      I do agree with your message that we should be praising children in particular, for things other than looks, and I honestly believe parents and others, do, do that, but as you pointed out as well, there is the reality of the world we live in. We have eyes in our heads, and we see each other and even on an subconscious level, we are constantly evaluating people by the way they look whether there is an action or a reaction to that later on or not.

      Never say never when it comes to self-esteem as to whether or not people can help their self-esteem later on in life after being incredibly insecure because people do it all the time. They grow up, largely get out of school which seems to be a vacuum for some for negativity, and go on as adults and realize that they can be loved no matter what they look like, there are much more important things in life than being skinny or having muscles, and yes, people don't care as much as we personally think they do about what it is we look like.

    • Anonymous

      You're not going to change everyone's self-esteem. There is no 100% success rate here, but you can walk people back from a lot of negative self-talk IF they want to stop living in such a way that they can no longer function because of their insecurities. When people realize how much it's holding them back, they can want to not live like that anymore and radical things can happen with a whole new POV on what truly matters.

    • BOUNTYGUY9

      just be your self and l will still be intrested

    • Show All

Most Helpful Guy

  • Browneye57
    Yup. Nailed it.
    Not only that, but physical characteristics in many cases you can't change anyway, so there's no point in agonizing over them. And everybody needs to quit with the celebrity comparo routine and just ignore all the crap they spew out of hollyweird. :)
    Is this still revelant?
    • BOUNTYGUY9

      you have nailed it on the head as you are using your head

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What Girls & Guys Said

2745
  • blueguy932000
    I think this is a good mytake. I tend to be socially awkward and often have a hard time mustering up confidence, but times when I have, I've noticed how people respond to it. I think it does make more of a difference than looks.
    • Anonymous

      I agree! When you see really confident people, you naturally sort of wonder, what are they confident about or how is it they can strut into a room and own it. It's attractive, because you feel like they've got "it," and you want to be a part of whatever that "it" is. Now contrast that with guy/girl who says to everyone and believes that they are lame and ugly and sulks all the time in their hatred of self in corner. Regardless of how either person looks, who are you going to want to hang out with more or give a chance to? I'd go with confident person any day.

    • Yeah that's a really good way to look at it, it puts things into perspective.

  • sovetskii13
    I really like the part where you mentioned that when I look in the mirror we see every tiny detail about my look. But others don't get enough time or opportunities to do the same when looking at me. So they see fewer flaws and anything else I'm insecure about.
    I never thought of it like that. So true.
    A+
  • CubsterShura
    I once wrote a myTake writing that no matter what you look like, you always deserve to look and feel your best. I left some grooming and fashion tips there too.

    But I have to admit, I do have my own insecurities. And no, I'm not into photoshopped models. It's just a beauty standard here that you HAVE to be pale af to be beautiful. I have dark olive skin tone, and the only thing people every noticed in me when they first saw me was that I'm dark. I still remember as a toddler many relatives picked on my MOM because I'm such a dark child (mom has really fair skin). People compare my sister's skin tone with mine all the time.

    I'm a vitiligo patient (not insecure about it). I literally had people telling me that I should let it spread all over my body so that I can become entirely pale.

    Another thing people pick on is my hair. It's the norm here to have Rapunzel long hair but mine is just shoulder length and so people see like why do I cut it... It's disgusting. I just wanna hide and never come out. People love to pick on others. I don't even want to talk about my acne and random people coming up with remedies like it's their duty.
    • Anonymous

      I'm definitely not here to try and convince you that people don't judge people by their looks or that we don't all have our own insecurities, but it's when people let those insecurities take over and rule their lives to the point where they don't go out anymore, they think they are incapable of love or friendship or not worthy to even considered human, where we do need to draw a line in the sand and start really thinking about why we've convinced ourselves of that. People often use their own insecurities about themselves to take their issues out on others.

      I was teased relentlessly as a kid for being tall. Every single day, someone made yet another tall joke or came up with another nick name related to my height, but I chose to love it. I stood out, literally, above all the rest, and it made me unique, just as where you are, your dark skin does. Other people and their issues cannot win over you IF you don't let them. They want to make you feel more insecure or to feel bad about...

    • Anonymous

      yourself, but you are the one totally in charge of how it is you feel and react to those situations. I'm not saying you're going to be super woman and deflect everything every time, but when you start thinking of yourself as beautiful in whatever package you come in, the rest is just background noise. I for one, don't try and spend any time with people who's goal it is to drag me down, especially about things I can't change, like my height. It all sounds a bit corny, I'm sure, but it really does work in the sense that you take back your power in that situation, to say, I'm not going to accept what it is you feel about me, as being acceptable or true because it's not.

    • I try not to think much about what people say... I already learned to love my skin, don't necessarily feel that much bad about acne but I need to take more care of myself. Still struggling to love my hair. People react like i committed a murder when I cut it. Long hair is beautiful but it's so cumbersome for me.

  • Cosytoasty
    So after thinking all that about him... did you date him? That's the important question. If not then he was quite correct about his assessment of himself.
    • Anonymous

      Our school bus was the combination of two different schools that rode it, and his school was on the other side of town, so I think in high school, that would have been too hard to have a "long distance" relationship for me at least, but I at least got to tell him that I thought he was cute just the way he was. Who knows if he would have wanted to date me. We'll never know.

    • Cosytoasty

      Fair enough, but being *told* you're handsome/pretty etc is one thing. Actually having the opposite gender acting on it is quite another... then you factor in getting people YOU find desirable to date you... you see where i'm going?

      It's a nice feel-good take and the whole premise is correct, people DO worry too much about their looks, they lack the confidence to not give a shit if they're ugly. But to tell these people to automatically assume they're attractive is somewhat deluded.

      I would say to *most people to accept the fact they will never be more than average (*that's what average means) and don't let it stop you.

    • Anonymous

      There is nothing feel good cheesy corny live in a rainbow cloud about this. It doesn't matter who is on the other end of who you're looking at, no one wants to be around someone with low self-esteem who hate themselves, who talks constantly about their looks all day and night long. THAT is not going to win you any favors. Like I said, no one can be your self-esteem for you. I'm trying to tell people, if that's you, as I said, having a giant pitty party about it, isn't going to improve your life. Whatever it is you are working with, own it, fake like you have self-confidence until you can gather the real thing for yourself, get out there from under a rock and keep trying. I or you may not like one person's beauty, but that does not mean they are ugly, average, or unattractive because you and I only like what we like, and don't speak for everyone... so to say, "settle" for being average isn't really reality either because beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

    • Show All
  • UnknownXYZ
    www.court-records.net/.../miles-crossed(c).gif

    Meh. Decent myTake.

    I thought this part was funny though, "I was so incredibly confused by that because this guy was gorgeous. Crushing on him, I told him, he had great hair, the most beautiful hazel green eyes, cute smile, and he was tall. Check, check, and check."

    I wonder how you would have responded to him if he didn't check all those boxes though.
    • Anonymous

      100% the same exact way. I'm going to be talking to your face, not your butt when I'm getting to know you. It is the least of my concern when I'm assessing whether someone is good looking or not to me personally. I can't speak for any other woman, but I think even men agree, they generally see or are more concerned with face first before any other part of the body.

    • UnknownXYZ

      www.court-records.net/.../miles-point(c).gif

      You said you were "so incredibly confused because this guy was gorgeous". How could you respond "100% the same exact way" if he wasn't gorgeous?

    • Anonymous

      For the exact same reason I stated: " I'm going to be talking to your face, not your butt when I'm getting to know you," which was his concern, that all girls were perhaps going to reject him out right because of his perceived small butt. It is not up to me or you for that matter to like how every single wo/man on the planet looks or to have to desire every single person simply because they exist, however, as I said, I do not speak for every woman. There were other people on that bus that may not have felt that he was gorgeous in the way I thought he was, but may still give no care to his insecurity when they are assessing him. For the next guy, I may not like his look, but others may think the way I did for the first guy and not care as I didn't about his insecurity which IS the point... that we worry that every girl, in this case, is worried about what we worry about, and that number may only be a handful, vs. those that like what we've got going on and couldn't care less otherwise

  • Vmm90
    I have struggled with my insecurities but have got better at dealing with them. I think we are our own worst critics, especially when it comes to our appearance. I agree that you need to be able to love yourself, you can't rely on someone else to make you happy. Happy people to me in general are beautiful people.
  • GirlNextBored
    I do worry about my appearance too much. Insecurity and all that. Stems from looking young when I was in college--I always got carded cause I appeared to be 14. Since then I've become a bit to focused on having my hair and makeup and accessories all perfect to try to make me look "adult". My husband always laughs at me and tells me I don't need to spend that amount of time getting "dolled up" as he calls it. Hopefully I'll mature one of these days lol
  • KaseyRouqe
    I like to look good and up to my own standards. It feels nice to feel comfortable on how you look. It's like putting makeup that no one notices you're wearing or the piece of lingerie that no one will see. I do it because I like it and it does wonders to my confidence. I don't expect others to do it, but I love it.
  • NogardaCurse
    this is an awesome mytake, a topic i tend to struggle with because everyone says I look like a little boy (i posted a question to see if it was just a local thing but apearently it isn't)
  • MartinMarinov
    Looks do matter a lot for girls, but they take it to the extreame and try to change small things that doesn't matter much, instead of focusing on the bigger picture, like building a fit body. And yes self esteem is important for every girl or guy. But some girls take the other extreame and think they should not lose weight. Strive to be better.
  • mamamai
    I know I do, partly because womens value always seem to be gagged by wether she is beautiful or not.

    A woman does something significant, find a cure for disease, and the first question asked, "is she hot?" If the answer is no, nobody cares

    Flip side if a hot woman does something significant, she gets tons of attention.

    This is why I care to much about the way I look
  • Kuraj
    Sounds good, doesn't work.
    Have you been in the dating game lately?

    Sure there will be "some" people who will find you attractive even though you lack the traditionally attractive traits.
    But your dating pool will go down the toilet, in a dating environment where you absolutely CANNOT afford that.

    You can walk like you own the place all you want, but if you are ugly you are ugly.
  • Lman3000
    I don't care about looks, just all looks even my own, who cares? people move on with their day and don't give a shit but only your inner self thinks people care and which you worry about your own and then comes the thoughts of calling yourself ugly, it's why I stopped caring and I don't feel like that at all
  • VegetaSSB
    Majority of people really do, i did when i was still in the matrix, now i care for my health, but not pure aesthetics, for me it is all in the essence.
  • Laurette
    I still think appearance is a quality that needs to be focused on. Nobody will appreciate looking like they messed themselves up purposely, and knowing their appearance is already knowing a trait of them.
  • Dudette2357
    Nice take!
    I'm friends with this gorgeous guy, but not everyone seems to see him as good looking. I have no clue why! He's a bit intimidating to be honest :P
  • Boppy
    I worry about my looks because nobody has ever complimented them (besides my mom and aunt) and I've been rejected a good few times.
  • jacquesvol
    I don't worry too much about my 71 yr old looks. :D
  • jake007
    Women are emotional beings for one thing. And if they are not emotionally in order they can really be messy. And will never feel comfortable no matter what happens. You can only permanent fix such a problem form within the soul where your emotions, will ando mind is. You have get the cause of the Negativity out and the woman will see herself as who she is from the inside and not the outside only. And the Best way to do that is to let God's Spirit move in your soul and clean you up. That what you get for being a Christian (a clean Heart and Soul full of Love and Peace). Only God can solve such emotional problems permanently. You have to Trust Him.
  • CoffeeGirl456
    Its real looks always important hard to confident in my teenage too, especially in girls.
  • Under_Maps_OF_twigs
    Looks will fade as you age. If you place high priority on your appearance, then you will lose important parts of your personality.
  • Anonskaterguy
    Well looks are very imortant and some of us are ugly (like me) I'm very skinny and short and meh faced so I feel looks are of great importance
  • Tasos96
    I wish some girl would say I'm attractive but no one has ever said that to me (in real life that is and not counting relatives and much older women)
    • Then maybe you aren't attractive

    • Tasos96

      @JamestheKorean Yes man you don't need to say that. I go through enough misery already

    • parvulus

      @tasos96 beauty is in the eye of the beholder, ignore him.

    • Show All
  • 4evaursbty
    I used to think looks were everything when I was younger, I'm so glad that I've become aware of the many other elements of yourself that are more important. Great MyTake!
  • steveguitar
    I really don't get concerned about that stuff, never really have. I used to be fit in highschool, but very shy. Girls didn't speak to me. I used to work in aquatics, mix of girls and guys to work with, similar ages, I was supposed shy and quiet, girls rarely spoke to me. I was more comfortable in on one but never really did anything in life that was worth discussing.

    I don't think it is about looks at all most of the time, it can start with that to aquire interest, but if the only thing you do is have concern for looks then you are pretty shallow and uninteresting
  • yellowmamba024
    I think women definitely worry too much about their looks. If they aim to date good guys, they really should not obsessed with their looks because good guys tend to not be that picky about looks. They value a woman with a good heart and personality instead. However, if women love dating bad boys, then yes, you have to worry a lot about your looks. Even then, they still worry too much because bad boys tend to lean towards quantity of women they bed with instead of quality, although quality is very important too. It's just that look is not as important as you think to bad boys.
  • TomBradysJersey
    Thank you! I needed this so much! I worry about things like this way too much and that is a big problem, which I haven't fixed. I haven't made it
  • Ce3cOrCDRC
    I thank you for this myTake. It's a really good one in my opinion. First off, I am one of those insecure boys, I'll admit it. But you're right on this one, if you don't love yourself, how can you expect someone else to?
    Just be happy with what you have and go with it! I'm not saying people should just give up with their goals on their body, in fact, I promote it even to try and look like you want. But everybody should know that just being yourself and loving yourself for who you are is attractive. So, I just wanna say to everyone who has problems with their insecurities about themselves. You are a beautiful person, you just gotta show it to the world by being happy! :)
  • Dog19
    When your the duff like me ( I consider myself the fat ugly friend) people always tell you how fat and ugly you look. As a kid I was basically forced to wear my hair straight so I could look more like my white peers. I always knew I wasn't drop dead gorgeous or even really beautiful because my parents always told me I had quote on quote bad hair. It was hard for me to wear my actual hair in public because my parents were so against it. At school I was always bullied for my ugly face and at home for my natural hair. But even then, I was like I may be ugly and fat but at least I'm a nice, open minded person. :3
  • BiggestBoss
    The truth you looking for :

    Go on youtube and type FACEandLMS
  • Tootsie89
    I have to admit I'm obsessed with beauty I wish I could be perfect so I try to be as neat as I can but it's not easy 😩
  • Prof_Don
    I am conscious about looking my best, but OBSESSED? Don't think so. :-P
    • BOUNTYGUY9

      you are obsessed go on admit it lol

    • Prof_Don

      @BOUNTYGUY9 not QUITE obsessed, just highly self-aware! :-D

    • BOUNTYGUY9

      so true thank you

  • scooogy
    I sometimes worry about my looks because when I see a cute girl and she isn't really looking at me, this might be because of my own looks.
    • BOUNTYGUY9

      girl could be shy and she can still see you with out looking at you straight on

    • Liyam121

      You're right man, looks are important tbh, when you're ugly its harder to get away with things in life, like myself. Look at good looking people who are living the life, an example Jeremy Meeks, he was good looking and all girls died over him, and look at him now.

  • TheChocolateWriter
    I'm constantly worried about my looks because people have always called me ugly. Mostly guys.
    • Anonymous

      Does that worry make you feel any better? Has it managed to positively change anything in your life? Do you want to date someone who says you're ugly? It's natural to worry a little about our looks, but too much is the problem. When you become so focused on what a few people say rather than building up within you a self-esteem that says I like what I have going on.

  • YingKim
    I do worry too much :/ It has been struggle to accept myself. I think i am closer now.
  • John_Doesnt
    I still need to lose 20 more lbs or I'll never be pretty.
  • krogaan
    tell you a secret when you get old you careless you got way bigger problems than looking good
  • razor97
    except that i have a gigantic head and i'm fat... no type of beautiness
  • joeclem111
    At my age, looks are NOT important.
  • akanetuk
    let your heart control your looks.
  • peachblossomluck
    This was a great read! Kudos:)
  • OvershareGamer
    Mainly it's just kids that have this problem.
  • confusednbored
    Yes I am obsessed with that
  • 404filenotfound
    Great take, thanks for sharing!
  • coolguy277
    blame society we live in looks base world
  • Keenisha
    I like the vanity sanity quote
  • Montana07
    Yeah
  • ILikeToParty
    don't tell me how to live my life
  • didigo182
    Very much.
    If im not worry about myself who will?
  • CT_CD
    Thank You
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