What it's like Being The Ugly Friend!

[MonaMae]

My life story except *me* is prettier than I am.

What do I mean by ugly friend?

We can obviously see the ugly friend. Imagine the blonde is me standing next to my best friend. Who would you go out with?

Being the ugly friend doesn't mean I'm ugly, unattractive, bad looking, unsightly, not gorgeous. It means I have a friend prettier than me, but in my case all my friends are prettier than me, and I'm not lying when I say that.

I'm not one of those people who thinks everyone is beautiful. I know a unattractive looking person when I see it. I know am one of them.

You can imagine how that is for me. Being so ugly and all. My friend gets compliments on their good looks? More admirers? More friends? Yes.

Are they better looking than me? Yes More attractive? Yes, Better body?, Yes, Really? Yes, Am I sure? A hundred percent sure.

How do I feel being the Ugly Friend?

I felt like this a few months ago. I'm not lying.

I would be lying if I said I have never felt bad. Infact! I used to feel really bad, I was so insecure, I'm still insecure. If I took a photo, I would stare at it until it turned ugly, then delete!

My bff was the prettiest girl in my class, so many people complimented her looks and they steal do, They would say, "Molly( Not her real name) is so pretty, natural beauty, she is the finest girl in the class. Black beauty."

I turned green with envy everytime I heard this. When some of my classmates would be be debating the top ten prettiest girls in class. My name would never be in number eleven. If you start counting the least prettiest girls in the class, I'm sure I would be in the list of the top five.

The girl I had deemed the least prettiest girl in the class is prettier than me. Gracie( not her real name) was not very pretty, I always thought I was prettier than her, until like 14 people proved me wrong saying, " Gracie is prettier than you, Mona( also not my real name)."

So if she is not the least attractive, then who is? Me? Imagine the least attractive in a class of 62 people, about 34 girls, and you are the least attractive. I'm I really ugly?

A girl told me, " Mona you are not fine, see how your hair is, very rough," she burst into laughter," Who told you that you are fine. Keep deceiving yourself."

I was very sad, my soul felt crushed, when I got home, I stared at the mirror, wondering what was wrong. Why was I so ugly?

I was so jealous of my friend.

But I coped, and I'm still coping, I'm living my best life now( but I'm still insecure)

How did I cope?

This is true.

My sister says I'm one of the prettiest people in my class, that I'm really prettier but not prettier than Molly.

I basically wear glasses that makes me ugly, and I'm prettier with my glasses, I'm fat, Blah blah, I really don't care anymore. Living my life to please others just won't make me happy.

I don't want to marry a man that will like me for my looks, I want to marry a man that will love me for being me.

Now when I stare into a mirror, I see a beautiful, lovely, gorgeous girl, who is so awesome.

Yes, I was once envious of my friends beauty but now I'm not.

I shout out loud sometimes and say, " My friend is so pretty!"

So yeah, I coped. I will not drop poison in my friend's tea when she's not looking.

How will that help me?

Yes, I'm still a bit insecure, I didn't magically get pretty. I still look the same

How I felt before VS how I feel now

So how do I look really?

Yeah, I'm not going to be sharing my pic anytime soon.

So, that's my life story.

[TransAm85]

You are still so young! When I was in high school, I was chubby and my 2 best friends were little skinny chicks that could get any guy's attention. I used to call them Avril and Ashanti as nicknames b/c they looked just like them! But time passes, we grow older, our body changes.. I started looking good after graduation! The same will happen to you.

[strateguy632]

if people eat properly but often need to change eating habits

[killarney]

Don't forget you are who you are, looks don't matter that much, personally is the winner here and dress sexy when going out, leggings or mini looks amazing and after that, you win every time

[Starlight007]

Stop telling a 14 year old to dress sexy that's not cool!

[siseñor]

@Starlight007 x2, jfc

[blowmedown]

@starlight007 Stop believing things written on the net are true!

[oh_k789]

@Starlight007 They all do their all to do that, without anyone having to tell them, actually.

[AManOnTheWeb]

You're still incredibly young. I've been around the sun many more times than you have, and in that time I've learned some things about people. One of them is that women in high school turn out very different as adults. There was one girl who was always very beautiful and when I saw her at the 20 year reunion, she looked like a plastic surgery nightmare. Fake nose, fake boobs, fake lips. Her face was like a female version of the Joker:

Just say "no" to Botox!

She was still super sweet as I remembered her, but scary. She was married to a rich dude and seemed happy though so I think she's ok. There were other women who used to be hot in high school and they didn't age well. Conversely, there were many girls who I barely noticed in high school who grew up to be stunning. I think many female movie stars have said this.

All I can say is be true to yourself, and worry about stuff that's more important than your looks (like your education). All of this gets easier with time. You'll find a niche of friends and there will be a special someone who you click with, I'm sure of it!

Sending you positive vibes and best wishes!

[Pinay_ako]

Back in my college days, most of my girl friends were the good looking ones and some popular. I didn't understand how they just latched on to me since I was the new transferee from another university. Everywhere we go, people would approach them differently and they just had an aura of confidence in them that attracted people towards them. I was the odd friend but I didn't really care because I was having fun with them. They got the guys (I had a boyfriend) and I was just enjoying the moments with my friends. I didn't feel jealousy or wishful thinking wishing I was as hot as them because from time to time, I get asked out as well or hit on but I discourage myself because I had a serious boyfriend then. Sometimes, when a guy wants my number, my friends would even kick him to the curb, they get protective of me since I was the youngest in the group. My friends didn't pick me to be their friend to feel hotter or more superior. They picked me because they think I was cool, smart, chill and pretty. Awwww lmao. We're still friends to this day!

[ohshee]

I dont even know what to say.

Except fo growing up there's always going to be someone who doesn't like us and who calls us names.. some one that is a bully and thet try to bully us there are a lot of ugly people in this world
Your not one of them
UGLY can only come from in
I have been introduced to girls that most people would say are beautiful and pretty that's not the first thing I look for it's probably the last thing the first thing I look for is I want to know who they are if they're confident if they're happy that you're smart if you're wise if you can smile if you can laugh at yourself the outside is just an extra bonus

But I have met girls the most would say they are very beautiful the five minutes into a conversation I don't even want to be around them just by the way they treat people are at or even treat you they're unhappy they're depressed they don't understand you are who you want to be

If you and I were laid out in the open field looking up at the sky at the clouds just because you see something is it mean that I see it we all see things different

We all feel things different

And who's to say any of us are right

And I'm sorry you feel that way about yourself I wish you had more confidence I learned a long time ago that we were all given a gift when we were born and that gift was choice it's our choice to do whatever we want we also get the choose who we want to be in life play the things we say and do and believe it and if you have negative thoughts about yourself this was going to be inside of you you're defeating




yourself before you even get started I'm sitting here thinking was about 20 things on my mind and what I like best is I see you completely different than you see yourself

Let me ask you this are you open-minded can you laugh at yourself do you make bets

You like to bet you something and me if you would please I would love to ask you a couple things

[Moose304]

Over the years the most fun I have had with the ladies was with women some might not consider being beautiful. Their not full of themselves and are simply a blast to be around. I am speaking as a 64-year-old male. The average age of the crowd I hang with is 45-60 but I have taken notice when we are having fun playing games and laughing at corny jokes some of the more "beautiful" ladies are sitting at the bar or at a table alone looking sad. Many times I have invited them to join us. Most do, and some don't. I understand those years between 16 and 30. I really can see the pressure to fit in. As a female think about this? Do you really think you can depend on a man over a lifetime to stay that is only with you today because you are "hot"? I know this is going to sound really strange, but in a way, it is the "ugly" friends that should have pity for the hotties. Over the long run, I think they have better more stable relationships. Getting a 24-year-old to understand this is almost impossible.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for sharing your story. It takes courage to talk openly about your insecurities and struggles, and I appreciate your honesty.

It's important to remember that beauty is subjective and that there is no one-size-fits-all definition of attractiveness. What one person finds unattractive, another may find beautiful. It's also important to recognize that physical appearance is just one aspect of a person's identity and that there are many other qualities, such as intelligence, kindness, humor, and empathy, that are just as important, if not more so.

It's great to see that you have found ways to cope with your insecurities and that you are living your life on your own terms. It's also admirable that you have learned to appreciate your friend's beauty without feeling jealous or resentful. It's important to support and uplift each other, rather than tearing each other down.

Remember that you are a unique and valuable person, regardless of how you look or what others may think of you. Keep being true to yourself and focusing on the things that bring you joy and fulfillment.

[Anonymous]

You feel ugly because you feel bad about yourself. That's how girls typically process it. Bad=Ugly.
You have to start feeling good about yourself. It has nothing to do with looks.
Looks can always be fixed. A make over, diet, exercise.
Is there anything specific about your looks that you dont like?
Get some therapy. It always helps.
You might have to take a break from friendship with your so called "pretty" friend. Tolerating that much jealousy in your situation is very toxic to you right now.
Unless you can stop actively comparing yourself to her or others, or you can start seeing your own strengths compared to her, and start believing them, you should really take a break. Because this takes practice. At least one continuous week of reprogramming.
You feel whatever you tell yourself in your mind. So for starters, find some good things to tell yourself about you. There has to be something you can find.
I think there is a lot of judgement and comparison going on in your life. It is very toxic. You may need someone's help to sort it out.

[Opinion Owner]

I want to add that there are many extremely super successful or happy people out there. You could google just about anyone. None of them are really beautiful by today's standards. Most are actually ugly or plain.

[strateguy632]

glasses ugly? depends which style if matched your face.

also paragraph two conflicted picture that you say is true?

but you dont say "nobody ugly?

you write about fat as "a pretty" issue but it is a health issue often doctors will say overweight need to change especialy with the frequent hormone shifts of estrogen and progesterone. health is not saying "i dont care if i am fat i will find someone who does not mind my fat" it is a health issue dont eat like homer simpson!! make sure you walk for your heart if you can jog like i do.

[KelleyNice]

If that is you and your friends, at least until middle age, they will always be prettier than you. However, only a few people are born with the genes to be beautiful. Nevertheless, there are times when beautiful doesn't count as much as something else. For example, if you can handle the basketball like a wizard and shoot 3 pointers, colleges will recruit you as a point guard and not give your beautiful friends a second glance.

Regardless, you both benefit. Your friends like being with you because the guys they like will choose them and they don't have to compete with you. You like being with them because they attract guys that you couldn't.

[TommyMountainFigure]

For guys it's different. At least between my friends and I it is. Let me explain.

When we meet up for example, we'll shout across the room or hall or whatever the place.. "oi you ugly sod, how are ya?" or something similar. to which the response will be something like.. "Long time no see. Hows that infection you had?"

None of us are ugly, but the point is we are ALL confident people. If someone calls me an ugly bastard for example? I'll just laugh and say "If you think I'm ugly, you should see my friends, they turn milk green!"

Those quotes I just thought up off the top of my head.. I'll just say whatever comes to mind..

The point is, it is ALL about confidence. If you dress smart, look clean and tidy and exude confidence? Nothing else matters!

I think however, you've realised that yourself now as said towards the end of your question..

[Someone80004]

These are some great words and you sound like a very kind person, but unfortunately my experience has been different. I think I dress well, yet I'm still the worst-looking girl on the site.. The one, who doesn't get more than 3 comments, whenever she posts on Howdoilook (and you know the average amount of comments that girl's there get). I don't know if plastic surgery would benefit me

[Someone80004]

I saw that OP is just 14. I'm sorry for ruining your advice with my negative comment

[TommyMountainFigure]

@Someone80004 Don't be sorry. You have nothing to apologise for. Now then... WHY would you ask a complete stranger how you look? It doesn't matter what they see when they look at you.. It matters what YOU see. I want you to go take a look in the mirror and do not look away until you are able to say to yourself. I am me I have as much right as anyone I know to be able to walk down the street with my head heald high, and if other people have a problem with it? They can go do one! It is time for you to STOP thinking you aren't good enough or you need plastic surgery. You don't. Did you know for example everything we see through our eyes is upside down? Our brains convert it to look the right way up.. That being the case who is to say you aren't the prettiest 14 year old on the planet.. (I do not mean that in a creepy way whatsoever) . NO.. I want you to fight how you feel inside and give it your all to be confident.. force yourself if need be,, but remember these words.. Nobody is better than you and nobody deserves to be treated better based on how they look!!!

[TommyMountainFigure]

@someone80004. I'm really sorry.. I got so carried away because you lacked confidence that i jumped to the assumption you were the one who asked the question.. but in fact that was meant for both of you

[handsomelad70]

Don't know. I'm the handsome buddy.

[handsomelad70]

Few of my friends come near my good looks, but for the most part, they aren't schlubs. (The Logsdon brothers, who befriended me in 1980-my best buddy Jamie is the sole survivor, as am I in my immediate family-were, like me, handsome, boyish men. Jamie still is despite his gray hair and crabby personality.)

[SkyCastle90]

"My bff was the prettiest girl in my class, so many people complimented her looks and they steal do,"
.
With the amount of compliments stealing her looks she should be looking like Smeagol by now.

[MonaMae]

Hi, hope you know you are a troll. That was a typo and it something you could have pointed out nicely, Kay.

It's not like you are perfect.

I know your life is not going great but don't push your anger on me.

Anyways, have a nice day😊

Hope you find someone who will push you out of your misery.

[SkyCastle90]

You say you're doing fine, but you take a minor joke like this personally. I can't really fault you though, because I use to be this sensitive over everything; no one could joke with me or approach me; and friend's had to handle me with kid gloves. You got to TRULY rise above these insecurities of yours, because someone poking fun at a minor spelling mistake is setting you off this much, something is wrong.

[SkyCastle90]

Like your spelling mistake made me giggle, because I can imagine someone going, "Jessica, you're so beautiful," multiple times until she like, "Yessssss mooooorrrrreeeee." If you never seen the movie and the joke was in bad taste, I'm sorry; but don't lash out at me over this.

[oh_k789]

She made a fine joke, and your response, truth be told, seems a little worrying.

[rienna888]

Dam I was rarely the ugly friend but I was in like a few situations. I made friends with this girl in class and she was gorgeous and slim. I was also slim but I just had my nose job so my nose looked big that time. The male teacher was disrespectful to me in front of my prettier friend and basically treated her like gold and like he just kept disagreeing with everything I said, which showed he clearly disliked me. For example he asked us what kind of pie we liked and I said apple and he would say something like “apple pie is okay” like did I ask for your opinion? I also had another friend in class who was drop dead gorgeous and the teacher who was a female treated her like a Queen and I, like dirt. Used me as bad example for everything

[Adronicus]

Appearance can be improved upon greatly to an extent. I used to look so nerdy & never get any attention from females when I was younger. Admittedly I was self absorbed in my own world of constant analysis / observation, defining who I was. Those things consumed me & I'm sure I came off as rather aloof to most back then. That changed full circle later in life but I still run some D&D 2nd edition campaigns every couple months for a friend & his kids & I can still get into some old school MTG matches.

[Adronicus]

Often I chat up the less attractive ones, not to seduce them but because we usually have more similar hobbies. I love growing things, trees, vines, bushes, bird watching, reading, pc building, mechanics, not as much into gaming anymore but still enjoy some. The hot ones usually have personalities that don't jive with all that making it a bad relationship prospect to begin with.

[anylolone]

Gosh, such false modesty.

I never knew what was like being the ugly friend, I don't keep a constant beauty hierarchy with my friends, I'm not a shallow bratty cunt.
Instead I keep my focus on more useful hierarchies, like competence hierarchies.

I do have friends I believe are more beautiful, others I believe aren't (on average to the general population) but that's rarely useful. I tried match making, mostly over my female friends asking, but the average woman have impossible standards and are filled with attention whoring false modesty tendencies, which is why appearance focused social media is so fucking popular with the ladies.

And to be honest, guys aren't much better, but for different reasons. They are simpy and desperate even with the average chick. (you shouldn't be with anyone, not even your SO)

[Blackcosmo]

Girl I feel you and i'm so happy to hear you became less insecure! Not everything is about beauty and so many people think they're ugly but they aren't. You're still so young and have so much more room to grow so don't give up and keep being confident!

[mortonc57]

I know how that is but in a slightly different way. I was one of the regular 4some going to the beach and having a reasonable time meeting other groups of gals.
Then when I was 19 I tattooed large colored Playboy bunnies onto my arms... long story... anyway, when we'd go out all the girls would notice were the bunnies on my arms. They would pretty much cringe and avoid me, while I saw my buddies move in all with green flags.

[CourtRose7777]

Hey girl, if your insecure about your looks, you can learn to do makeup. If done the right way, it will amplify your appearance drastically. Wear cute clothes, not the clothes "that everybody is wearing", but the clothes that you yourself like and feel confident in. I highly doubt that you are as big as you think you are, let alone as ugly as you think you are. We tend to judge our appearance more harshly than others do. Wear cute bras and panties and just stuff that make you feel pretty! How ahead and try it, I'm serious. And by the way, most of the pretty girls aren't anything other than average or not good looking, they tend to wear makeup. Watch the before and after makeup videos on YouTube.

[faithgrace4u]

I am with you I'm the ugly friend to I have glasses that make me look okay but without them my face is plain and I'm not fat but I'm not skinny my Bestie is WAY prettier then me and I'm jealous of her for that but we have to tell ourselves that God made us perfectly so we are unique and beautiful in a way that even if no one else can see God can and so does our future husbands

[Sarahslater3738]

I’m not the ugly friend but I’m the bigger friend and I’ll best honest it’s very weird. Especially in this photo they ordered same size robes for everyone and obviously that was an issue for me…

[myabe123]

you are prettty!

[DavidRaul]

You are 14. There are going to be a lot of changes that would happen until you start dating for real. Believe me i looked really bad when i was 14 and now i don't look too handsome but i look good than most of the men. I worked on myself. So its ok to feel insecure but you are the one who can change. No one is ugly , its just the way we think.

[exitseven]

My best friend was way better looking than me. He always had lots of girlfriends. I often felt left out. He also had sex years before I did. However he got married really young and is on wife number four. I found just the right person and have been married for 26 years.