Coming from America where divorce rates are 40-50%, I see that many people do not truly understand what it means to be with someone for the rest of your life and to bear his/her children.
So I will try my best to address this issue in this myTake.
When you fall in love with someone, you must not abuse this love. By abuse I mean this: if you throw all your weight and energy into one punch, you will waste most of your energy and might not even connect (actually, you'll most likely miss as most fighters know - taekwondo red belt here), thus you are more vulnerable and more susceptible to counters against a smarter opponent.
So what should you do when you fall in love? First, don't be impulsive. Be patient and get to know that person and ALL of his/her strengths and faults. You want the person you love the most to be your absolute best friend on this planet, the person you can lean against when times are tough, the person who will hold you when you cry, the person who will even die for you. This is where many people stumble and fall - they are blinded by emotions, by weapons of mass sexiness, and temporal wealth. They are desperate for someone to be with; they are blinded by our society's obsession with losing one's virginity so that the pure and honest love becomes perverted and twisted into indulgement of one's desires, a cheap adventure indeed.
So when you find this best friend, don't let him/her go. Don't let him/her go just because you think there's a better person out there because you will NEVER find that person (if you always think there's a better person). This is why some people get back together because they realize their mistakes, thankfully.
Okay, so what about children? When you have children, all your dreams and hopes MUST go into your children. You should desire your children to surpass you, you should want them to hold the torch high up after you leave this world. They are your legacy, they are YOU after you leave this planet.
My parents absolutely loved me and placed all their hopes and dreams into me. They were refugees from Vietnam who came to America in '97 with absolutely nothing. But they worked their asses off to give me and my little sister's life today. My mother now owns a hair salon, and my father is a custodian at my high school, and we live in an affluent, white majority neighborhood (somewhat mixed with Indians, blacks, and Asians). When I graduated from high school and got into college, they were ecstatic and unbelieveably proud of me. I also am going into pharmacy school starting this Fall, and my little sister plans on becoming a surgeon.
So when you marry, marry your best friend. When you have children, have your children carry your hopes and dreams.
Most Helpful Opinions
no, no, no.
1. Neglect of your partner is one of the emerging reasons for breakups and cheating among families with kids. TAKE TIME FOR YOUR PARTNER!
Treat him/her with the same excitement as you were dating. Don't relax just becaus you're married, and he/she is bound by marriage. This is when the work begins, this is when you need to constantly keep the torch of love burn brightly.
Always obsessing over your kids WILL make that torch die.
Make sure you got some energy to make your parnter feel loved. Get a babysitter if you have to, and go out if you have to!
2. Your kids need to see that you're in love! Recent studdies heavily suggest that kids need to see their parents live by what i mentioned under 1. in order to actually fully understand what love is. So without it, they won't be able to properly love future partners, or are more likely to not be able to.
3. Your kids need to find their own way! Do you have ANY idea how annoying, frustrating, damaging, and generally bad it is for the kid to be FORCED into a life bath by his parents? To be made into doing and becoming someone he or she doesn't want to? No you don't, because if you hade understoon you would've recomended supporting your kids and their dreams, instead of pushing the dreams you didn't balls up to pursue! So support and help your kids with THEIR dreams!!!
4. Marriage is only an option when it's not needed. NEVER marry a person unless you feel logically 100% sure you two will be able to stay together all life, and work together when facing problems. Always
That does mean being "just a couple" for some time, maybe live together before marriage, and even testing sexual compability. But overal it will increase the likehood of a stable marriage.
How am I, a 20 yo kid able to answer for this? Easy! Because it's simple psychology, statistics, and just telling what research has shown. Might be a touch of personal experience in number 3 too.
But point is; this isn't something i pulled out of a hat. This is reccuring conclusions in serious researches, and can't be ignored.
@9mefo thanks :)
Seems the parents today are forgetting about eachother the moment they get a kid. That's not healthy.
You need to fuel the love (and take time to fuck at times), or else the love will die
damn, that's good!
@kaysundei actually it's very very bad. Marriages are failing because we've all decided parents are supposed to be buttlers for their kids. "oh, you got a baby? Say goodbye to romance, sex life, and love, because you're going to spoil that kid, or else you're a bad parent."
Long story short; take time for love and courting, even if it means telling your kids you're busy.
"2. Your kids need to see that you're in love! Recent studdies heavily suggest that kids need to see their parents live by what i mentioned under 1. in order to actually fully understand what love is. So without it, they won't be able to properly love future partners, or are more likely to not be able to."
Now I feel very bad :( But so far so comfortable...
@Unit1 what do you mean?
@ opinion owner - I never loved anybody yet but so many other people already have done this :-/
@Unit1 forgetting about their partner, in advance of catering for their kid (s)?
Yes, it is considered one of the major reasons coupled with kids fee ltheir partner is neglecting them...
Need to constantly fuel the love, after all