Should men also get promise rings or engagement rings? Or should we just do away with engagement rings all together?

Brainsbeforebeauty
Should men also get promise rings or engagement rings? Or should we just do away with engagement rings all together?

I've seen so many posts by women complaining about their engagement ring:

"He "only" paid (enter amount here)....

"The stone isn't big enough"..

And, whatever other complaints they have🙄

It really got me to thinking why do women even get an engagement ring and a wedding ring, yet men only get a wedding ring...

We know what the wedding rings are supposed to symbolize:

Should men also get promise rings or engagement rings? Or should we just do away with engagement rings all together?

Sometimes I think the real reason is some women want to have something to show off... "See what (enter name) bought me, He really loves me"...The "He went to Jared's" moment...

Should men also get promise rings or engagement rings? Or should we just do away with engagement rings all together?

It seems like "showing off" the ring has become more important than the giving of the ring or the giver. It shouldn't have to be expensive, or bigger and better than their friends rings. It shouldn't matter what other people think about the ring.

Should men also get promise rings or engagement rings? Or should we just do away with engagement rings all together?

And then, to top it off, some women act so unappreciative about it or entitled with it...

So how about women start buying their fiance an engagement ring as well?

Then maybe they'd see/feel how men feel when they spend their hard earned money on a ring, only for some women to put more importance on the cost than the gesture or the man himself....

Should men also get promise rings or engagement rings? Or should we just do away with engagement rings all together?

I mean, Ladies how would you feel if you felt pressured to buy an expensive ring to prove your love (bad enough) but then for your fiance to acts like it wasn't good enough or expensive enough. Or if he cared more what his friends/family thought about it, then that it was a special gift to symbolize your engagement?

Halfway through making this Mytake, I read a comment from a moderator that said a lot of these posts are created by the same troll. I believe that. Just like the same troll that was creating both blue and pink accounts to claim all women are bi sexual🙄🤣

So I was going to scrap this Mytake.

But I decided to post it because I do believe that there are some women that really do behave that way. Gold diggers are real lol Just not all women are gold diggers.

And I do believe men feel that pressure. That it has to be a big, expensive ring. Noone should have to "buy" someone's love or acceptance.

Should men also get promise rings or engagement rings? Or should we just do away with engagement rings all together?

Why aren't wedding bands enough? And then have a female and male design that matches and cost the same. And he can buy hers and she can buy his 🤷🏼‍♀️

If a man chooses to buy a ring and she accepts, that's one thing but I don't think it should be an expectation.

We need to go back to when rings were more about the love/commitment they're meant to symbolize and not money...

Should men also get promise rings or engagement rings? Or should we just do away with engagement rings all together?

And in times where(at least on GAG) some men think all women are the same, men will think that's what all women want

And that just isn't the case...

Should men also get promise rings or engagement rings? Or should we just do away with engagement rings all together?

In closing, love should be about emotional connection/chemistry not materialistic...

As Always, Thanks for reading💛

"Brainsbeforebeauty"

Should men also get promise rings or engagement rings? Or should we just do away with engagement rings all together?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • JustAnj

    I am gonna guess you don't understand why women have two rings, why people marry, why men proposed or why some women if not most have preferences. Men also have preference, women also make the mistake of thinking they weren't picky and are. It's also not always about the money and saying it is over quality for a lasting ring is a flawed statement.

    You have a preference to not care, while someone else does. Nothing is wrong with that as long as two people love each other or the person being judged still loves the guy. If she loves him less or doesn't want to get married because of the ring then yeah that's a problem, but that's not usually the case.

    Do you yourself not prefer something over the other? It would be pretty judgmental and hypocritical to say women are gold diggers unless the women is 100% about his money not love.

    In posts I read the guy obviously did not make a lot or could not afford a more expensive ring. This means she was never in it for the money and she just wanted a nicer ring that was more her liking.

    Being materialistic or not doesn't matter as long as two people love each other. Being judgmental about it seems redundant since it's based on your own feelings, the guy is not marrying you he is marrying the poster.

    Also I bought my guys wedding Band. Some guys also prefer to wait until marriage to wear thier bands as a traditional thing.

    The engagement ring is to ensure other men knew not to approach a woman because it stated she has accepted a commitment. Men usually did not wear rings until married back then because it usually was a man who approached women for a relationship or offered marriage.

    The second ring was given after marriage. I don't recall which ring was the ring with the stone but the most purpose of two rings was for financial purposes. So that if they ever were in debt or needed the extra money the ring can be sold to cover them financially. The man bought an expensive ring to prove he was ready to financially provide for a future for his future wife and future children. Hence the expensive ring.

    This actually works. Is still very applicable and smart. My brother bought his finance an expensive ring. When they had kids and where in debt they sold the one ring and she kept the less expensive one to wear, this helped them get buy and he bought her a new ring when they were steady again.

    My mom also stores her ring for future financial issues.

    So there you go.

    Now in regard to now, it is really dependent on how a couple wants to handle thier relationship and how they prefer to proceed with marriage.

    Is this still revelant?
    • I believe I did say, if the man is fine with buying an engagement ring, then by all means he should... I also believe I stated all women aren't gold diggers. Before you label someone judgmental, you should fully read or fully comprehend what's being said...
      Men shouldn't feel pressured into buying expensive rings when or if they can't afford to.

    • JustAnj

      I've seen so many posts by women complaining about their engagement ring:"The stone isn't big enough".. "He "only" paid (enter amount here)... And, whatever other complaints they have🙄

      It really got me to thinking why do women even get an engagement ring and a wedding ring, yet men only get a wedding ring...

      I answered that question and also you were 🙄🙄🙄 Judgmental.

    • That's being judgmental? Stating there are women that complain about their ring? Don't see how, but okay🤷🏼‍♀️

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  • Tiptoetamm

    I don't want a big fancy ring I would be happy with a wedding band that's it. My man and I have been talking about having rings tattooed on something beautiful. I would rather have something meaningful. I totally agree with you. I think it's absurd the way women talk about getting an engagement ring like they want to be better than the people around them. I'm just not like that and never will be. I would definitely get my man a promise ring. Why not show him how important he is to my life as he does for me. I would prefer making memories

    Like 1 Person
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Guys

  • Massageman

    Very nice take, there, Brain! Of course, society has been sold a "bill of goods" that:
    "OMG he doesn't love me if I don't get a 5 carat ring that costs more than we both make in 10 years", just so that DeBeers, Jared, et al can stay in business, blah, blah, yada, yada.

    As far as rings outdated? Like immersion water baptism after the age of reason, the ring is accepted as an outward symbol of what has happened INSIDE the person (s): whether or not the ring is present, the conscious decision still IS!

    From a practical standpoint, my wife wears her engagement ring, wedding band, and her "mom and daughter birthstone band" all the time- eating, cleaning, planting the garden- which kind of worries me, since a stone already popped out once (we found it). So, at times like these, we should just put them in the jewelry box for an hour until we are finished. Other than that, doing away with them isn't really needed, maybe just tone it down a bit so we can afford a house instead of a gaudy hunk of incinerated, compressed carbon.

    "Bubba Ray, I told you nothing less than a FIVE carrot ring before you get inside me."
    "Bubba Ray, I told you nothing less than a FIVE carrot ring before you get inside me."
    Like 2 People
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  • Anonymous

    I'd agree. For me the importance is in the gesture and also it's about picking the ring not due to its price but because it is a gesture of love, it should show you care and that you pick something that is unique to you almost as if it has a reminder of them.

    If that makes any sense.

    I would like to learn how to make jewelry tbh and think it would be nice to make an engagement ring.

    And I would hope if I ever meet someone and propose that they would appreciate the gesture for what it was and not behave like I've seen as well as you.

    And I honestly wouldn't have an issue with wearing engagement or promise rings as far as I'm concerned it shows I love and care for the woman I'm with even more.

    Like 1 Person
    Is this still revelant?
    • Yes it does... I get exactly what you mean

    • Anonymous

      I'm glad, I do think that well yeah buying each others wedding rings is rather sweet. And I don't think they should necessarily be identical but maybe have a thematic match I'd that makes sense. There is something about the rings in a way that ties them together like 2 Half's if a whole.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1344
  • Screenwriter

    Ahhh, the show-off symbol of matrimonial promise.

    The real reason for the ring is, it symbolizes "capture" of the woman for a "Bride price" : the cost of an expensive ring. The man shows off his wealth and ability to "earn" a high-value woman by how large the stone/ring is. The woman gets to show off to her friends and family that she has a "wealthy" man who will support her and future children well.

    On the other hand a ring also, more existentially, symbolizes eternity and the bride and groom's union.

    But there's no NEED for the matrimonial promise object to be an expensive ring. How about a beautiful bracelet? A string of pearls, freshwater or otherwise. How about a used ring found in a pawn shop? There are beautiful, unique examples that don't cost $3000 dollars, but more like $300. Lovely earrings.

    And why shouldn't a man get an engagement object also? The choice should be the couple's. What matters to them? How do they want to show off who they are to those they know and love? Could be a motorcycle, a greenhouse, a duck hunting boat, a home they decide to build together.

    The point is not to impress others, but to bring joy to each other. The symbols should matter most to the couple. And they should be for each of the people involved, whether man and woman, two women or two men.

    Like 1 Person
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  • USLegionary

    The rule is that you should spend 1/4 of your annual salary on an engagement ring so 50,000 per year you ought to spend $12,500 on the engagement ring. I can't see many women doing this and most men would rather she buy him an engagement sports car or at least a down-payment. It's crazy when you consider the amount that's wasted on engagement rings and weddings.

    Like 1 Person
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  • humanearth

    That gold digging woman got you pee'ed off. Thinking he didn't spend enough on a ring

    Should men also get promise rings or engagement rings? Or should we just do away with engagement rings all together?

    This is one reason I don't wear rings. I ruin them, by working with my hands

    Like 1 Person
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  • Reaper1985

    spending a tons of money on a shiny rock or big party is a scam. if your partner can't be happy with a plastic ring out of a gumball machine then they likely aren't right for you. also easier to have a backyard BBQ or get married at the local court house. so you can save the money you would have sent on those things for your future life together. like a better honeymoon and/or home to grow a family in.

    Like 1 Person
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  • Blueeyes81

    The problem is people never stop to question why tradition says a man should pay three months salary on ring. It stems from when women could not work. If the husband passed his wife could sell the ring to support herself and the kids until should could get remarried. Traditions are dead peoples baggage. It no longer needs to exists but somehow it has morphed into a test of "love". If he loved me he'd have bought a more expensive ring, blah, blah, blah.

    LikeHelpful 2 People
    Reply
    • Very true! Things have gotten so misconstrued from what they used to mean/be about..
      Just like dating used to be about finding that special someone you could see spending your lifetime with to now it's either just finding someone to have sex with or the best "option".. What happened to seeing people as people/humans with feelings you shouldn't play with instead of dating multiple people at once so you have more "options"🤷🏼‍♀️

  • annabananna

    Honestly a bigger stone is more uncomfortable and can make you a target in certain areas so bigger isn’t always best even though big stones are pretty too. If I was to start the tradition I would probably have picked both just do a wedding band…. Or maybe a wedding necklace. Finger swell and change shape over the years lol

    Like 1 Person
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  • HighValue

    An expensive wedding ring is because the woman loves the money and impressing others. She does not love her man.

    Really, the man should get her a cubic zircon stone. It will look the same, even to jewelers without special equipment to examine it. It will cost less and be the same token of commitment. Get real gold for the band part so the color won't change over time. If she is greedy she will have it appraised and find out it is a zircon, which would tell the man she only loves money and he should leave her.

    In my experience after getting married many years ago (I divorced her) she was resentful for not spending a lot on a ring. She also got angry that I wouldn't provide her with a car. One of my friends that I was the best man at his wedding was foolish enough to spend $6,000 on a ring for his wife. He bought her a new car too. It still ended in divorce for him too. Plenty of them are in it for the money and are greedy.

    Not all of them are though. My mom was happy with what my dad got for her way back and they stayed married until one passed. I think it was 42 or 47 years of marriage. So not everyone is greedy, but it is common.

    And you have a valid point. If the woman had to spend an equal amount on the man, maybe she would think differently instead of being selfish. And people that worry so much about impressing others instead of just making their SO happy will never have a happy lasting relationship. They will just make their partner miserable and feel unappreciated.

    Like 1 Person
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  • DryGermanGuy

    Wasn’t this whole materialistic debacle started with the marketing campaign of a certain diamonds company stating that a man had to spend three monthly salaries on his fiancée’s ring? 🤔🙄🫣

    Like 1 Person
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  • anylolone

    Technically, here they already do. Gosh, when I started dating we used silver rings in the left hand to signal courtship.

    I don't like it, though, rings are fucking annoying, specially permanent rings.
    You never take them off, and when you do, gosh, it's horrible.

    Like 1 Person
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    • Lol right! I don't need flashy jewelry to feel loved, show me you love me with attention, caring, and commitment

  • 69Bruh69

    I agree the women that complain about engagment rings should go to hell. Its already awkward to propose and it doesn't help when the man is worried if the ring is big enough. If I proposed to a women and she said yes, but started complaining about the ring, that would be enough for me. I would leave her a note on the fridge that very well might read "fu*k it, I'm not spending the rest of my life with you".

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  • Jamesshinobi

    I stopped wearing my wedding ring because it was a woman magnet. they just have to flirt with a married man. my Twin brother noticed it first. we went out and i gave him my ring so he could pick up chicks lol.

    Funny 1 Person
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    • I don't get the women that do that.
      Why would you want someone else's husband instead of your own🤦🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

    • there was a joke by chris rock. Guys see their friends with a good woman and say "i want a girl just like her" Girls see their friend with a good man and they say "I want HIM" it appears to have some merit.

  • Texasgal95

    I think the engagement frame is very similar to a promise ring I’d be okay with my man not spending an arm and a leg on the engagement ring I’d rather him save up and we get nice wedding bands but everyone is different and what they want to sit down and talk with him about it before you are to that point give him hints about what you like and maybe he can find something in his price range that way he doesn’t go into debt and it’s something you’ll actually woke you like it

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  • MikeInHawaii

    Women love status. Why else would anyone expect to pay thousands for a useless rock? How about putting the monkey on her back? “Here’s a fake diamond engagement ring it was $200. I can put $5,000 in your IRA, put it towards the down payment on a house, or go buy a Diamond ring. Which do you want?”

    if she chooses the ring, reconsider the proposal.

    Like 2 People
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  • Emily_925

    I think this is more a problem with gold diggers than the rings, I've never met a guy keen to have a sparkly ring and I'm sure most girls aren't too concerned on how much it is, it's just a cute thing to get excited about getting married

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  • exitseven

    Thanks for writing this. It gives me lots to think about.
    My first job out of high school was working in a place that made trophies. We did business with a lot of jewelers and I saw up close what a scam the jewelry business can be. As a result I never was much into jewelry.

    Like 1 Person
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  • bolverk

    Only if the SO spends the same mount that a guy is expected to spend on an engagement ring which today is around the equivalent of three months salary.

    Like 1 Person
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    • That's what I'm saying.. These women that think men have to spend so much to prove their love, should either put up or shut up.. I wish now I wouldn't have deleted the thread from the 31 year old saying a man had to buy her extravagant things to prove he's invested in her. What though does she do to prove she's equally invested in him🤷🏼‍♀️ But once she started trying to throw insults at my deceased husband, that was crossing the line.. Insult me all you want, that shit is just funny to me, but just because he's no longer here, I won't tolerate someone disrespecting a good man like my husband was, anyways but especially not a gold digger beotch 🤣

    • bolverk

      I agree, there was an opinion from earlier this week where a girl is complaining that her boyfriend bought a plain engagement ring and what should she do about it, I told her that it was only a symbol of a promise and does not need to be of any value:
      My boyfriend got me a really plain engagement ring. Is it something I should bring up to him? ↗

    • Yeah that was one post that sparked this Mytake, as well as others I've seen on here

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  • maximumpower

    q: who do you think pushes that idea?
    a: the people that sell the stuff.
    don't be tools, guys.

    Like 2 People
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    • My point is why aren't wedding bands enough? Do women really NEED an engagement ring? Or one that cost thousands of dollars, whether they can afford it or not?

    • a huge majority look at it as a show - a pissing contest, if you will.
      "see how HUGE my rock is?" ("it's BIGGER than yours...")
      the merchandising (supply) side takes every opportunity to push the so-called "rule" about cost of ring and the man's income. it also happens to (conveniently) correspond to the materialistic side of the majority mentioned above.

    • Well yeah, I know all that.. why saying if women expect that from their men, they should also put up or just shut up... Although the post that sparked this take was most likely fake by a troll, as there's yet another similar post just posted today by presumedly the same 25-29 pink Anon, doesn't mean there isn't women that really do get that way.
      And men shouldn't feel pressured into buying expensive rings as proof of their love

    • Show All
  • OnKoing

    Don't see the point tbh. As a 'rational' male; what does the idea of giving one vow, before you give another later?
    Promise to be faithful, fruitful and available maybe. All of these notions are, generally speaking, based on religious ceremonies. These turn me off, as religion is quite close to hypocrisy sometimes, imho.
    The short answer is: no !

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  • Bratsondanielle

    My ring was almost 100 dollars and I wear it sometimes but most times not. Living off grid it's just not practical. It gets stuck in the chainsaw and the mud and the chicken and...

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