How do you say NO to a proposal from your best friend without being rude?

[Anonymous]

Please Help ! I'm actually in a dilemma now and would appreciate any kind of advice in this regard.

I have a best friend who is a guy and he's not just another guy-friend for me. We both actually understand each other so well that we can read each others' exact thoughts every time ! We call this our very own "special-connection". We have known each other for 3 and 1/2 years and this "special-connection" started a year ago. It still baffles both of us as to why this sudden telepathy has emerged between us and neither of us share the same with any of our other friends (and I should mention an incident wherein I dreamed of him falling sick 1 morning and by afternoon he texts me telling he is down with flu! Weird! ) .On the other hand, he can easily pick out when I'm sad even though I try pretending otherwise( I need to mention that I am a good actress) . We do care for each other sincerely.

Ok,so by now I hope you have got a picture of our friendship. But recently he has started having feelings for me and yesterday asked me if I was in love with him. He feels that we are since we share this "Special-connection" and he wants me to decide if we need to take this relationship to the next level - that of being in a committed relationship. He was sure it was love for him but I have no such feelings towards him. I mean, I do not see him in that manner and I didn't know how to respond yesterday so I have asked him time to think over it. I also told him that we need to handle this maturely i.e. in case if I respond in negative I told him that I wanted us to remain as we are now.

Now how do I exactly go about telling him that I am not in love with him. He is a gem-of-a-friend and I don't ever want to hurt his feelings..(But I cannot go to the extent of pretending to be in love with him so as to not hurt him) nor ruin our current friendship. So please help me and give me suggestions on how to do this in the right manner without being rude.

[Anonymous]

First of all you need to realize that no matter what happens now things are never going to remain how they were. Even if you say you just want to be friends with him he's going to be hurt that you rejected him (no matter how nicely you word it or what excuse you give). Even though it seems rude/mean/etc I believe honesty is the best approach. You have to tell him how you're feeling. Don't make the mistake of trying to be nice and just stringing him along when you really have no intention of ever being in a romantic relationship with him. (You see that a lot on here, someone doesn't want to be rude so they inadvertently string the other person along making the situation even worse.)

[Asker]

It is a double-edged sword I'm walking on right now. I realize that. If I am honest, I risk losing his friendship and if I try not to hurt his feelings I eventually will be putting myself in a much tighter-spot every time I would be with him. I do not like the feeling of thinking too much for each and every single sentence I say to him. I want us to be as casual and care-free as we are now.

I have decided to be honest- but I need tips on how to be honest WITHOUT being blunt.

[Opinion Owner]

But that's the thing, you can't be as casual and care-free as you are now. It sucks, but that's how it goes.

I think the best thing to tell him is simply what you told us here. You really enjoy the friendship you two have, but you just don't have any romantic feelings/spark for him.

[YouKnowThatGuy]

Just assume that the friendship is already lost. Don't go burning the bridge, but assume the worst. Assume that he will not want to be friends anymore. Go off of that assumption, so that way if it ends up not being the case, it's just an added benefit. Be straightforward. "I don't view you in a romantic light, and I don't see that changing for any reason. I'm glad you told me, and I'm flattered, but I don't feel the same way. I hope we can continue to be friends" After that, let it be what it is. Nothing more you can do. Out of your control.

[Asker]

Thanks. Its a little saddening though to think of the aftermath ! Oh why does love have to come with complications ?! It would save much trouble if Love happened in pairs and not in single hearts !

[Longshot]

You might just be straight up with him and tell him you're not in the same place as he is right now. You have good feelings about him and you don't want to lose what you have. But you're not ready to take the next step.

Those feelings could develop for you so never say never.