This is a tricky one. Or maybe I mean a sensitive one. We're about the same age (I'm 22). Since I was a little girl, I've heard teachers, movers and influencers, social leaders... all preaching at me that I shouldn't ever make any man the center of my world. I've always been told that MY interests, MY career, My life APART from my partner should be the most important things to me. So I don't get why society that's been preaching that to us women for so long should have a problem that men feel the same way.
And just about every study I've read on parenting says that mothers tend to prioritize their children over their husband's needs and to love their children more. So many of us women have already been doing this. I get that our kids aren't "friends," but the principle is the same--we love people even more than our spouse. I also get that not every mother feels this way.
I don't think another human being could ever be the most important thing to me. Then again, I don't plan on getting married or having kids. But if I had a husband, I wouldn't be upset that his friends or parents or... were more important to him than me. I'm not the jealous type. I'd only be upset if he were abusive (emotionally, financially...) or if he refused to spend any time with me. In which case I wouldn't try to change him (he deserves to be whoever he wants to be--apart from abusive--and if I loved him I'd recognize this). If it didn't work for me, I'd let him know and I'd leave. But if we had kids, I think I'd just learn to deal with it because you can't change the way other people feel, but at the same time a kid I chose to create would deserve more than separated parents. If possible.
Expecting to be first in others' lives, at least I think, leads to deception and worse things. Why can't people love whoever they do and prioritize however they want? Just like we love the people we love, I think we should be free to prioritize the people we like. And we should be free to honestly acknowledge this. I wouldn't want anyone to feel obligated to love me first. Anyway, I hope you and your husband can work something out that works for your family. Good luck.
I understand how you feel because my dad's kinda like that too. Even though he hasn't said it, that's how we feel.
I don't know what to tell you. I kinda think that divorce is a solution but since you have kids, that would be very wrong. When my parents were considering getting divorced, I wasn't affected at all but my brother would cry all the time because of it. So, divorce is devastating for some kids.
We just ignore him sometimes at home cause we kinda don't know how to deal with it when he does things that hurt us... like not being at home for Christmas etc. Maybe you can try that but that's not a good thing to do either cause it can just make you drift apart...
Other than that, we try not to care much about those set backs. (Maybe try doing that). Try going out with him and doing things that he wants. Ever since my dad has been home a bit more, we go out on roadtrips etc together, which has never happened during my childhood.
But yk I kinda found my way around things. He loves me enough to never be violent with me so when he does hurtful things, I hurt him back even more. I once told him that I thought he was gay and that he makes a better couple with his friends than with my mom and that my mom deserves wayyy better than a gay sissy. That's healing for me. Maybe you can give that a try too if yk that he'll never lay a finger on you. But that has its risks too. I once went 2 months without talking to my dad after a fight.
My father never invited friends at home, there is nothing they have to be doing at home, expose your family to strangers or people that would not care for his family or harm it. Drinking friends belong at the bars, game friends belong at the stadium family stays strong when supporting each other!
I am at the ER with my wife my older brother is watching over my new born as in the past I watched over his son and daughter, blood is ticker than water or alcohol, my son comes first mi wife knows it, and for her our son comes first and I know that we both expect for the other to pick our son first, but a friend either hers or mine will never come before my wife or me and that is how it should be.
"For you will leave father and mother and become one flesh " for the reasonable mind there is not one more word to be added to this...
Okay listen.
You sound like a wonderful woman that any man would love to have by his side. However, "Men respond to standards and values."
You are being taken for granted because you never set standards on how you want to be treated.
If you did set those standards then you need to bring them back because when a Man says something like this to his Queen that is 100% disrespectful.
Get the respect back.
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Your a comfy chair he knows will be waiting for him when he wanders home.
Focus more on you and your kids. Develop your own interests, go out with friends if you can, do things that will make you stronger and more independent if you need to. Gain strength within yourself. Either he will start to realize he might lose you and change or he just won't care.
Wow. How did you marry that? He is not right. He's neglectful and abusive. He has 0 respect for you, and I suggest since he said all of that rubbish, remove yourself out of the house. Do not be surprised if he's cheating on you. As a good few have said, you need to set your boundaries and set the tone and the authority that you are the wife and if he doesn't like it then he should be prepared to give you a divorce then because you are not somebody who deserves to be treated like dirt. And most importantly it's very clear that he had no desire to be married to you, never wanted to be married in the first place, and you wanted to use you for easy sex. There is no love in him.
There's a saying that say "Bro before Hoes" (or a stuff similar) so I guess he's just following it. You can't do anything since it's just the way he's.
There's guys that completely neglect their friends after getting a girlfriend and other who neglect their girlfriend and prefer their friend.
To me it seem he married you cause it make his life easier (you cook, clean, give him free sex when he want, etc...) Why wouldn't he keep you at bay? But you aren't his priority cause he doesn't really love you he just like the fact you make his life easier.
He shouldn't treat you this way at all. I think you should show him how valuable you are. There is a proverb in my culture that says, "one would understand the value of sb/sth only when he/she loses them" I'm not saying directly ask for divorce bc it seems to me that you love your life and don't want to ruin it. but you should give him a hard time. So he will realize your real value and you get the place that you really deserve. In my view your fault is: you were always there for him and that made him to think it's your duty to do that or even worse he never notices this heavy burden. as a result he does not appreciate. If you leave him for a while and he faces all of these things, he would understand that those friends won't be usful or helpful
Now tell us the part you're leaving out, about how you instigated this whole argument and your husband simply wasn't having any of your shit.
Why are you crying on the internet's shoulder? Because your husband knows you're fucking full of it and looking for sympathy you don't deserve.
Anyway, what do you want any of us to do about it? What are we supposed to do for you, sweetheart? Huh?
I say good for your husband for standing up to your bullshit, too bad you're probably going to divorce-rape him, but that's what he gets for getting married.
Well, easy, you're 18-24, and you've given him everything a man wants. You're the trophy wife, and easy to take for granted. It's easy, have you washed dished by hand, and then got a dishwasher? You forget all about the time and energy that dishwasher saves after a few months. Just start a load of laundry, start giving him head, tease it out until the buzzer goes off, and, the laundry is more important. You need to become a person again instead of an object or utility to be taken for granted.
Sorry that you married such an asshole. However, you are the one that made that choice. When he said his friends are more important than you, what did you do? Did you kick up a fuss and threaten to leave him with your kids or did you just keep silent and tolerate this bs?
Your husband took you for granted because you allowed him to treat you like that. If you want him to treat you good, then let it be known and demand for it. Never settle for second best or compromise.
Your husband is the one of the luckiest husband to get u as his wife. .. . But trust me he just need everything frm you but in return he could give sadness and hurting. .. You may look for a job and be self sufficient to look after your child. .. Talk with your parents else u can just ignore those and never give anything what your husband wants and do the same that he does to u
He’s not ready to be a husband then. You should leave for a vacation and see how he feels with all that work. If he still doesn’t appreciate you, then go get marriage counseling. If he won’t go to marriage counseling, then leave him. He sounds awful.
He shouldn't be. God, self, spouse, rest of family, job, friends- in that order.
That said, the only way to be treated like a doormat is to ALLOW others to walk all over you ) sorry for the bluntness). Claim your rightful position as his spouse and equal- but different- partner.
You can bring up making a will and tell him that you'll leave all the money or valuable things you have to the children only. Another thing you can do, is tell him that if he dies before you... You will donate his body to science or something he wouldn't want to happen to his body if he were to pass. When he gets upset, confront him on your woe. Tell him the same hurt and angry feeling he is experiencing is how you felt when he put his friends before his family.
Your friends and your relationships are different sure you gave him everything and in all honesty probably doesn't deserve it but you have to accept that friends can do stuff for him you can't and you can definitely do stuff they can't but you have to consider he said this in a moment of weakness or anger and if not don't take it too hard
He is absolutly not right for saying that. You are his wife and the mother of his chldren so you should take top priority over his friends. If he said that, it needs to be addressed with him because honestly, he needs to take responsibility and realize life isn't all about your friends, he's got a family to feed and a wife to take care of.
He's an idiot to openly say that and for you to believe it ! What is he going to do when he needs help with his laundry and can't find a pair of underwear ! Call his buddies to handle it? Right their going through say go without or you should have thought about that before they were all dirty ! Point is friends are friends and a lifetime partner is quite a bit more than a friend !
Sounds like he takes you for granted. Call him out. Tell him to have his friends come over and cook for you! Wash your cloths for you and give you their asses so he can sodomize them.
Girl dont cook for him treat him like the dog that he is until he resents his words and realizes his mistake.
He's WRONG. Absolutely 100% WRONG.
When you marry someone, they become your new family. They become your partner and your best friend for life. They become your #1 priority and you owe them your loyalty over anyone or anything else.
Your husband is trippin'. He's got it WAY twisted. He needs an attitude adjustment.
Take a vacay and leave the house to him.
See how his friends will help him cook, wash dishes, babysitting etc.
Honestly, I feel like the point that kind of guy gets married is to get free maid called "wife".
I get the general impression that you're wrapped around his finger. It's cruel to say that his friends are more important, and the union of marriage should mean more to him.
Unlike his friends that he has a relationship with, it seems like you may have painted yourself into a corner of only being his nanny, maid and prostitute.
Wow, I would tell him that from now on he can have his friends wash his clothes and he can have sex with them. You're done playing 2nd fiddle to his drunken sot friends.
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