Are you fine with having children out of wedlock?

Question

Even if you are going to marry that person maybe later

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Well, seeing as I have four children out of wedlock, I guess my circumstances answer the question for itself. Absolutely, and if my girlfriend told me tomorrow that she was pregnant, you would not be able to wipe the smile off my face. I would be the happiest guy on the planet.

To turn serious for a moment, there is no doubt what the stats show. Children born out of wedlock tend to not fare as well, in school and in life, as the children who were born into married families. Indeed, typically, the parents of such children do not fare well either.

There is a reason that society has such rules and encourages marriage. Though those rules - as my own case shows - are being relaxed now, with almost half of all children in the United States being born out of wedlock.

Still, there is the general data and then there is the individual and the choices that he or she makes. My girlfriend and I have lived together for over a decade and we have three children together - my two boys and my little princess - and they make me the happiest man alive.

My first was an unplanned pregnancy and I won't lie. I was nervous about whether or not I could handle a baby. However, I had - and have - a good job, I love my girlfriend and when she told me she was pregnant I was surprised - yes - but also wildly happy. We don't need a wedding ring and a permission slip from the state to make it special and, in fact, that would make it all seem somehow diminished and so - three children later - we are a family without the ring and I love my little Munchkins and their mommy with all my heart.

With my oldest - my son - it was a little harder. He was conceived in what could only fairly be called a "one night stand." I did not know the woman all that well. It was just a night of unprotected sex that we both enjoyed and gave no more thought to.

In fact, after that night we only saw each other briefly and never developed a relationship. Truthfully, I don't know the mother of my son all that well. We had some great sex - and that was it.

It was only years later - and this happened only last year - that she tracked me down and told me that I had a son. It was stunning but the tests proved it conclusively. I have met him and am quite proud of him and even love him, but his mother stipulated that I could only meet him if I agreed not to reveal that I was his father.

She argues that he needs a normal high school and college experience - he is 14 - and that he does not need the drama of discovering his father after all these years. I have the choice, but she has a point and for the moment, he is in my life, but not as his father.

It has been uncertain, but if I could rewind the clock, other than that I would have known from the outset that my one night stand had gotten pregnant, I would not change a thing. I want to be in his life and I love him, and I would not give him up for anything.

CONT.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

What I am against is mothers raising children without a father, which is increasingly common today and marriage rates drop, and we know now with a great deal of certainty that fatherless children suffer from all kinds of problems that negatively affect society in a huge way.

I also believe that when a mother and father raise their children together in a stable and healthy environment, it doesn't matter whether or not they are married. But statistically we know that the odds of that happening are much lower when they are not married.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Accepted Answer

I wasn't married when my first child was born or the second... We were still in a committed relationship though... To me, what makes a man and woman, husband and wife is more than just a piece of paper... As long as both parents stay a part of their child's life, that's what's most important.. There's people that were married and had children and then abandoned their children when the marriage failed, so how is marriage at time of birth really any better?

just_a_potato · Accepted Answer

Only if we were planning to get married (he already proposed, or we talked about moving in together and getting married sometime soon). Only then would I be alright with having a child out of wedlock, and I wouldn't be purposefully trying. It would be one of those 'if it happens it happens'

OlderAndWiser · Answer

No. A baby should be brought into this world by a husband and wife, dedicated to their marriage and dedicated to their family.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes and no. I got pregnant with my twin boys when my husband and I were just engaged and we were both very happy about it. Therefore technically I'd say I'm fine with it, but at the same time we were already living together and dead set on getting married, so even though we hadn't gone through the official ceremony we were as good as married anyways.
I do think it's a big deal for parents to make sure they only have kids when they're in a loving relationship at a commitment level equal to marriage. I also think if you're that committed you're either super close to getting engaged, are engaged, or are married.
Having a partner to raise your kids with makes a really big deal. I know that from experience. I raised my two girls on my own for many years. It was a lot harder and I honestly do think things were harder for them with only having one parent (I still think I did a good job at raising my girls and I was able to lead them in good life directions. However, I also think that having two committed parents does make a significant positive difference.) When I got together with my now husband I think things got a lot better for them in that they had two devoted parents raising them. I also cannot describe how much easier and better it's been raising children when you've got a supportive partner helping you.

menina · Answer

I have no problems with that. The child doesn't need his/her parents to sign a paper and wear a ring. They only need responsible parents who love them, support and protect them and give them what they need.
Marriage is just a detail not an obligation.

rodeschaap · Answer

Here I am. Not married, but together with my boyfriend for over 6,5 years. And we have a 11 month old baby together. We're happy. Our relationship is strong. Come on judgmental peeps, attack me for being wrong for not marrying my guy before having a baby!!!

Anonymous · Answer

I’m old school, so no I won’t have babies out of wedlock, I’m also choosey when it comes to “finding” husband material. I don’t care how long it takes, I refuse to settle for less, I’m not giving babies to a guy who gives me the title of “girlfriend.” If he wants a baby from me, he better put a ring on it.

little_rose · Answer

I wouldn't mind it.
I don't want that intentionally but tbh I don't really know what I'm looking for in that area (dating and family and stuff).
If it did happen I'd prefer that it's with someone who plans to stay with me and someone who I know isn't playing games.
But if it does happen with a douche who abandons me, I still wouldn't mind the child because I feel like I'm strong enough to take care of him on my own. The guy would never be allowed around the kid ever but I know I want a little one.

DizzyDesii · Answer

When i had sex with my ex, i fantasized about it because of how badly i want to be a mom but I’d Only if do it through in vitro or by getting a sperm donor (since neither consists of having sex with the person to conceive). If im gonna have a baby outside of marriage, i rather be single and have not had sex to conceive them

Alyssa11 · Answer

Nothing wrong with it. It’s not about being married it’s about the stability of the relationship. Marriage doesn’t automatically sum stability or commitment.

However, I’m in a place in my life where I’m ready to be married and I have the intention to be married. So for me, personally, when I meet my special someone I’d want to be married before having kids.

90sVibe · Answer

I don't judge others in a negative context for it but I'm not a fan of it because statistically it doesn't produce the best environment for any of the family members in many categories. That said though, I plan on adopting and being a single mother once I'm in a comfortable financial position to do so.

Apple1996 · Answer

I did it with my first son and then got married when he was 15 months old. I see no difference in having a baby while married or not married. The only extra step was for my husband to claim paternity so he could sign the birth certificate.

JDavid25 · Answer

No, it's not healthy for the kid, and it doesn't exactly provide a stable household for them to grow up in.. Even if the parents decide to stay together but never marry (which I don't understand) I think married couples give the children a better outlook on relationships and provides a strong foundation..

Ez-Bri-Z · Answer

Sure. It is sort of antiquated anyway to think everything has to be done inside a marriage. The more important part is that they are both there to support the child.

Mamaganja · Answer

I won’t ever marry. What’s the point? Times aren’t what they used to be so yes... I am fine with it. Though o do wish I could trust someone enough to marry them. I am very skeptical of people actually practicing what they preach.

SphynxUK · Answer

Our kids are 9 years apart. Unmarried with the first, married with the second. Makes no difference to me really.

supercutebutt · Answer

I am against children being born in or out of wedlock. Let's let another species take over the world. We have done enough.

Zelda_5 · Answer

Yes, but if I was going to get married to the guy I would plan on waiting just cuz it would likely be easier

Ripper_E · Answer

Yes, as long as it's with a woman I trust. A friend.

ladsin · Answer

Yes and no.
yes in that it’s the right of consenting adults to do pretty much whatever they damn well please with their own bodies.
no in that it seems to be very bad for children statistically speaking.

lilmonster66 · Answer

honestly we need to out grow out of societys rules. Just because someones not married when having a baby doesn't make it a sin. Just like when people aren't married and they have sex. Its normal. People need to stop worrying about regulating social norms

19magic · Answer

I've never believed in marriage and I was born out of wedlock and that didn't matter

Miristheiss · Answer

I had mine with my wife.  I had no intention of having kids without being married. It isn't healthy for society overall.

kamalravi25 · Answer

Marriage doesn't guarantee commitment. And neither does words. If either of you are not ready for it then don't do it. Sad to say but abandoning an infant and abortion happens everywhere in the world.

IveGotNoName · Answer

No. Unless it was unexpected and you are absolutely certain that you will get married, it won't be stable. A child needs stability.

Kaneki05 · Answer

Last time i checked magic didn't exist. So been married or not don't matter cause it wouldn't magically just make your kids grow up fine and happy.

Voulezvous · Answer

I don’t see the problem with it, I was also born out of wedlock.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

I have a son, a daughter due in a few weeks. Never married. Doesn't bother me in the slightest

Avicenna · Answer

I think it’s more accurate to say it’s a very bad idea to do it outside of a relationship in which you’re already committed to each other.

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

Do not have a problem, however a simple civic ceremony is best,

genericname85 · Answer

Yeah i would. But i would not be ok with not marrying once the child is there.

jackderby_01 · Answer

No. A child needs a father and mother equally. I would only have children within wedlock

AdithyaR · Answer

I don't want kids but if I did, marriage wouldn't be something I'd be worried about. I can be committed to a partner with or without a marriage.

Laciandmaci · Answer

No marriage and then babies later. Marriage ALWAYS comes first to me!

sixtyeightplusone · Answer

No, it's not fair to the kid. This is how we got to the place where people think they are oppressed, "the system" is rigged against them, and the government owes them a cookie at the expense of others who were raised right and worked hard.

Citizenkirk · Answer

No, but I was a child out of wedlock, so my opinion is biased.

fonduegirl · Answer

I don't think I want anyone's kid, let alone a wedlock.

karaspara · Answer

Yeah seeming as I have two children out of wedlock

kitty71 · Answer

If I ever have kids on my own an naturaly which I doubt I that will ever happen, at this pointi n my life I think I won't midn even if im religious.

Anonymous · Answer

no. i personally don't think that's okay. that's almost a guarantee of being a single parent soon.

EaterPeter · Answer

Not a good idea. Specially for women. I am not sure for my self either. I probably would not want to have child out of wedlock.

Bakcula · Answer

Nope. I want to have some idea that my girl is not sleeping around leaving me to take care of some baby that is not mine.

clampfan101 · Answer

No. Only during marriage. Especially if there’s any level of “maybe” about it.

Ms_Vanderquack · Answer

Why would I want either?

Wise4myage · Answer

No, my Uncle calls such babies”pasture bred”. It’s a country thing.

modelUN242 · Answer

No, it has to be in marriage.

Smashingdoozy · Answer

I'm not gonna get married so yeah

michael1469 · Answer

Marraige is outdated and over rated... so is needing to have a family of 12 little bastards.

WowwGirl · Answer

Not for me but I don't judge others for it

Coulis · Answer

Intentionally. No, I am not fine with it.

elizamichale1 · Answer

Yea i had my twin boys before i got married

goaded · Answer

Polls. What are they for? Yes.

A_Bell · Answer

No. It's too much responsibility for one person.

BCRanger10 · Answer

I am very firmly against it.

putthefootdown · Answer

Nope. That brief. Nope.

Shihab91 · Answer

as a Muslim no its not allowed

apple_jack · Answer

Yeah, that's totally normal.

jimmy2 · Answer

Its not the childs fault

PatriciaIsHerName · Answer

I'd rather be married first

DavidHart · Answer

i want my children to be born within marriage.

NikolaiIvanov · Answer

Never ever, marriage first.

Iron_Man · Answer

No I would like to be married

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