Is it a common problem for couples to get bored after 5 years of marriage? If Yes, how do couples deal with boredom in marriage?
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I am unmarried😃 but seeing my friends married I sometime wonder... do they get bored? (Just out of curiosity) and how do they deal with it? When asked, most of them dont really share the real reason and Just say its life and you will get used too when you get married., I have also heard my single friends telling my married friends that they have turned boring after the wedding? Is it true?😅
Boredom in Marriage? What are the ideas to refresh?
First of all, it's not necessarily a bad thing. When a relationship is stable and past the honeymoon stage it gets more on the cozy side and that's absolutely fine! However, it is also normal to wish that things become exciting again, and there are some ways to bring back the spark. Just a few ideas I can share are:
- Go out on dates like you did when you were first dating. Maybe go to the same place or wear the same outfits. Even trying to recall the details of where you went what you wore what you did or what food you have can turn into a fun activity. Go to the same places and observe what has changed. The surroundings, the food menu, all that.
- Try out new kinks, I'm not kidding. It opens a whole world of new things to try and explore in (or out 😏) of the bedroom. Bondage, sensation play, food play, ropes, chastity cage, sensory deprivation, roleplay and so much more. Or even new and challenging sex positions! In ancient India couples were gifted with lucky charms that had an image of a challenging sex position inside it. The charms were given to new mothers especially since it's a stressful time and trying out this difficult position can be a way to re-establish communication and intimacy between the couple. There is also this waist jewellery with bells that women would wear and the challenge was to be on top of your partner and move your hips without ringing any bells! I don't know if that is even possible but it's a fun way to get some giggles. You can DIY a waist chain like that or you could order it from someone who makes customized jewellery!
- Do something risky. Bungee-jumping, getting on a scary roller-coaster etc.
- Play those fun couple games you see many people play on TikTok. You have to answer a series of question like 'who is messier, who wakes up earlier, who is more social etc', it can be a fun activity after you get home from a date.
I am not sure when the boring part starts as I have 10 solid years of marriage here and boring is one thing that hasn't arrived here. Both hubby and I have great jobs, nice home and 3 kids (Oh God one starts college next fall and one enters kindergarten) which keeps us busy, but we have always found time for the two of us to have some fun time together (and not always in the bedroom) we golf together, shows every so often, and we have cozy dinners from time to time.
Simply put a good marriage will require work, lots of work to keep the ship smooth running.
Mobile phone and handheld gaming devices also not allowed in the bedroom.
When you go together in there, it's not to put attention to other stuff. It's to sleep next to each other, give attention to one-another and to talk-talk-talk. Ofcourse to also have sex (which should strengthen the bond). Think about sex games, and play them honestly and fully. Commit to the game.
Think of fun things to do WITH THE TWO OF YOU. I'm not talking about going to the theme park with friends and family. I'm talking about doing stuff and going on vacation and make memories with "just the two of you".
Try to find hobbies that the 2 of you can enjoy together. This is gonna be a bit hard because many times you two are very different. But think about picking up dancing lessons (but be very careful to make sure the two of you dance with EACH OTHER and not with strangers, otherwise it might backfire... cheating.. etc...) Maybe learn to play some instrument (guitar?) together. THe two of u. Just share new exciting experiences together.
And last but not least... stop watching romantic movies and soap series. Those will only give you false unrealistic dreams that marriage is one happy fairy tale where both of you stay in love happily ever after, without making any effort.
Love is a choice, not coincidence! (passion is coincidence)
Thank you so much for penning this down! It's beautiful š
I second you. Find sames hobbies is a bit challenge if both are oppositesš but yes can a find a way out.. like u mentioned something like travel just the two will make a huge difference šā¤ļø Thanks a lotš¹ā¤ļø
The second greatest challenge of any long-term relationship right next to raising kids is boredom or a better word monotony. Hell contrary to popular belief, married with kids DOES get boring, but I digress
Adultery and divorce are neither optimal solutions presuming you're in a relationship with a healthy individual, the choice becomes clear - you keep working on it. There are countless books dedicated to spicing up the bedroom or even better life outside of it.
Other ideas worth mentioning include: pick up a hobby (i. e., magnet fishing), go window shopping or stay-in with wine and paint (or some art medium you can do together).
Yes once kids are thrown into the mix the gravity driving the exchange of love and effort is redirected from each other towards the kids, thus making it difficult to do regular date nights. But not impossible, if you truly love them - if you do you will fight to keep the relationship going. Any mutual loving spouse will in-turn do-likewise.
1.1K opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.
"Boring" is a very judgmental and condescending word.
Have you changed as you have gotten older? Probably.
Do you do as many things that are as exciting, adventurous, risky as you did when you were 16? Probably not.
Are you "bored" with your life? Probably not, because your need for excitement, adventure, and risk has seriously changed.
Married people settle into routines in their lives and that gets labelled by some as "boring," nostly by people who aren't married. Most happily married people wll tell you that the routine in their lives is comforting and reassuring as they get older. And if they have children, routine and predictability make a better environment for children.
Do some married people get bored? Of course. I work with a 65 year old guy who is still ADHD and he is constantly on the prowl for excitement. I don't envy him; I pity him.
Letās say thereās an Operating Joint account. Allowances come from there. Guy is āsimpleā donāt need much. Keeps his in 20.00 in bed nightstand. Favors. Once 20 then Biden inflation now 40 BJ. Income producing opportunity is on her when there are 262 20s in that bag monthly. Thereās a 125 (20s) availableā¦monthly.
Only been married a year. Any routine can get "same old" and maybe that is considered boring. I actually like routine, but we all want some fun and surprise at times. I think adding fun and change and variability in there can help. We go out to restaurants, and try new places, and go into the city, and we travel. We sleep in different beds sometimes and different places. There's lots you can do. I think you and the future " he" can get creative to your desires. We all change, life changes, so roll with it.
I got bored being single, doing the same thing, same 4 walls, and lonely and knew I was missing out in life... I had a void in my life. Me and my Mrs got the ball rolling last year. O I embraced the new life, it was enlivening and refreshing because it was all new. I've lived so much in the last year... like 10 years worth of life! And that's at my "ripe" age, so 30 is "spring chicken" to me... and the 70 year olds say I'm a baby. It's all relative.
@midnightmoon05 thank you honey for the wild and surprising life, I'm loving it!😍. I'm scared to think of what is coming next... haha!:)
Maybe try roleplay? Not necessarily as a bedroom thing, but also as a simple way to have fun and bring some novelty in the relationship. My wife and I had dabbled with it in the past, but started to really get into it only recently - since we both have private and work phones, she called me with her other phone and I didn't immediately recognize her - also because she introduced herself with another name to pull a prank on me - and afterwards the idea of calling each other with other numbers and pretend to be other people just kinda came to us. Sometimes we go on "dates" like that.
For me personally it's a way to have some fun and it helps taking my mind off current worries and recent events for a moment. Also feels refreshing to put in the effort and try to impress and court her up again when we go out for a coffee.
That's fantastic š You guys are truly amazing šš And make a marriage look like it is meant to have fun.ā¤ļøā¤ļø And yes sometimes it just takes a little work.
Thanks for sharing your storyā¤ļø I really appreciate it āŗļø
Money is like the pot and the soil to keep the tree growing strong. Without it, the marriage is on life support and will die soon.
Good sex is like the water to keep the tree alive. Without it the marriage will die slowly.
So it's incredibly important to keep sex interesting and active in a relationship. At a minimum you need sex once a week. As soon as one person in the partnership feel they don't want it then you have to change it. Or they will either cheat or the marriage with break.
This is such an important topic which needs a lot of attention, TBH āŗļø
I guess just having less sex than you think you āshould beā and are fine with it, thereās nothing to be worried about. But I believe it's the frequency of sex is a concern.. also it matters what sex means to each partner & both of them must be on the same page š
Its not so much that life becomes "boring" per se, its that priorities change. That sexy lustful passion will eventually fade and a couples source of happiness and fulfillment comes from elsewhere. Having kids keeps our marriage dynamic because theyre always changing. The rewards are different than when I was single, or just married.
Seeing my little daughters drawings. Seeing my son tackle a hard ski slope after teaching him myself. Having them both fall asleep in either arm while reading them a story.
I think changing their mindset is important. Marriage is not suppose to entertain you. It's to provide stability, support, and an environment to raise children. If you're truly bored with life, while married, then you should think up ideas together of what could bring some desired fulfillment- that doesn't include opening your marriage, cheating, or getting divorced.
Iām not married, but in the relationships I have had, I notice that some guys are just so easy to be with. They are the type of guy who can make me laugh without even trying, or without ever telling me a ājokeā. The type of guy I can have a great time with just sitting next to watching TV. Then there are the guys with whom I am constantly struggling to think of new and exciting things to do, (as is he) because just sitting with him watching TV is like torture! Maybe marry the first type, and avoid the second type like the plague! I just cannot imagine ever getting bored of a guy who can make me laugh every day without even trying, and with whom just sitting watching TV is a wonderful and exciting experience!
Marriage like life takes workā¦ work/life can be boring or funā¦
make it fun!! we put effort into planting a gardenā¦ we must do the same for our partner. Wake up, have a pillow talk. Tickle each other. Drop the whole world. Just do things for each other. Take up classes, volunteer. ā¦ plan trips, go out on a picnic. Take a dance class. Write little notes.. tell them how lucky you are!! Smile, hug, kiss!! Repeat!!!
even after being married 5 years. 10 yrsā¦ once we stopping going on datesā¦ it gets āboringā
Bored after 5 years? Should never have married then! You can become complacent in a marriage and feelings do fluctuate over the years. Sometimes youāre closer, other times more distant. Things to keep things good, is to do things together. Even cooking or cleaning. Not all the time, just some of the time. And have a date night every week or whenever suits the current life stage. Even if you donāt always make it out, do a special meal, wine, candles or settle with a good film, a drink and popcorn. Also, keep communicating. Without this there isnāt much hope lol
Communication and take part in activities that can give a spike in dopamine. Travel together, go bunge jumping, sky diving, etc. Do something together as a couple. Encourage each other to seek new passions and hobbies. Learn new skills. Switch it up some in the bedroom.
However Having an open marriage is not thrilling. It's reckless and not going to strengthen bonds, but cause inevitable distance.
Plan weekend getaways , do stuff that you use to do together before you got married , Do spontaneous things for each other , Making a marriage work takes both partners to keep the spark alive , Remove selfishness for each other and avoid temptations , No relationship is perfect but if you make each other a priority and make each other feel wanted and valued love will continue to grow. If you canāt do that for your partner then you are the problem , and you wonāt be able to do that with someone else , No matter how hard life gets knowing you have each other is the best thing you can ask for , you will never experience true love if you need validation from others over your partner , you are just wasting your time. Itās better to work out your marriage and fix it before being selfish and only thinking of yourself
I donāt know about other couples but, after 5 years for us, we were able to talk to each other about difficult subjects easier, we were able to work things out easier and we were able to communicate our needs better so we did not get bored - things got better.
I feel like it can be possible but definitely keeping up with one another matters and trying new things every now and then like new hobbies, sexual activities together, coming out of your comfort zone but I don't know maybe this is just me, I personally couldn't ever get bored of a guy I'm into and fall in love with. The spark dies when people stop trying or one of them does. Just my thoughts.
@ManhattanMan1212 my current boyfriend is average and I honestly do NOT care like honestly what a man can do matters more than the size itself, not all girls want a guy with a huge dick and honestly for my boyfriend being average he is doing fantastic. Iām sure someone will marry you and not mind.
Ask your married friends what they did before they got married that they no longer do. You may find that they don't date/go out anymore. They don't go to the movies or out parking/making out or things that they used to do. Instead they sit at home and watch TV.
Married for 45 years. Life is boring so you need to get used to it. The problem with women today is they have to have drama and excitement in her life. Women need to be entertained all the time. She will get bored and destroy her family just to make some excitement in her life. If you are bored after just 5 years, you don't have a chance of a long marriage. You better enjoy the boredom, that means everything is going good in your marriage. Life will throw all kinds of crap at you as you walk through life. My wife and I have buried two of our children, not to mention all the other things that happen through those 45 years. You better research how hard it is to find another husband before you dump the one you have. It's not as easy as you think. Men are going MGTOW and Google NEVER DATE A SINGLE MOTHER.
I have lots of family members who've been together for decades, stuff they've told me is to always have a weekly date. At least one time a week, can do more if you have time and money but no matter what do at least once a week.
It doesn't have to be expensive either, go to a park or a hike or a ride or something. Dedicate time to each other. If you have kids get someone to watch them for that time.
Otherwise, I got nothing... I'm not a good example of how to make it last.
Even though I havenāt been married I can say that traveling together (even just a road trip or a weekend at the lake) and getting some alone time with just the two of you helps so much.
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