Gender roles... I see why men would want that but I don't get why women would want that?

Question

When it comes to traditional gender roles, it seems like a hard win for guys but not really for women. I mean that for both if she's working and when she's not working. Unless the guy has one of the worst and hardest jobs out there, then he gets a pass. But for any other normal person working, their job isn't that outrageously difficult where they need their wife waiting on them hand and foot.

Imagine if you had a housewife who made all your meals, managed all your appointments and social life so you didn't even have to remember important dates, does basically most of the child rearing, cleaned your house, all with very little pestering from you so that you only had to focus on going to work and coming home and relaxing? It sounds like a great deal for him.

Yes he's working and yes he brings a pay check home if his wife isn't already but I really just don't see how that's fair in a relationship and healthy for the woman. Unless the scales are balanced in someways in the relationship, I feel like she's mainly doing all the work and he's being treated like a king while she's slaving away. How the heck is she not miserable?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Many women were miserable in the "traditional" roles, but of course they weren't allowed to say it. Luckily society has evolved. I see we have some cavemen answering already throwing "feminist" around like we're somehow supposed to be insulted. The men are just sad that women stand up for themselves now and don't mindlessly obey. Wait for a man who has evolved and these cavemen will die off when they can't reproduce anymore.

gothbxtch · Accepted Answer

internalized misogyny

Anonymous · Answer

"I feel like she's mainly doing all the work"

No, she's just doing all the "unpaid" work during the day, but she's still getting paid even though she doesn't have a formal job because if they are like most couples with a stay at home mother, she has equal access to the bank account. In fact, she is likely the one who spends most of the money.

You've painted a very biased and one-sided (and naïve) picture of what things look like for married couples when the husband/father works to support the family and the wife/mother takes care of the home and children during the day. I was lucky enough to grow up in a family like that and I know a lot of families like that today, and it's not the case for a single one of them that the husband is treated like a king and the wife slaves away doing all the work. Yes, she does the work at home during the day while he does the work at his job to support the family financially. But when he gets home he's doing just as much work as she is.

Unfortunately, the economic reality today is that most couples can't afford to get by on a single income. But studies show that a majority of working mothers with children under age 18 wish they didn't have to work so they could be home with their children. Why? Because they are in a position where they see firsthand that there are huge advantages to everyone involved when the mother can be home with her children.

The advantages to children are obvious. They have a real mother whose world revolves around them. They have a mother who knows them better than anyone else in the world to teach and nurture them during the most critically important years in their mental and emotional development. They are raised by their mother rather than paid daycare workers who could never know and love them the way she can. There are countless benefits for children who have real mothers at home with them when they are young.

The biggest advantage to the father of course is that he knows his children are being loved and cared for by the one person in the world who is by far most capable of the job. Plus, he gets to spend more quality time with his family rather than spending so much time during evenings and weekends doing all the things that don't get done during the week because both he and his wife are working all day.

The mother enjoys the same benefits as the father... more quality time together as a family during evenings and weekends... but also the huge benefits of being able to be a real mother to her children, to teach and nurture them as much as possible, and bond with them the way a working mother cannot. She get's to be the one to choose how her children are taught and treated rather than a paid daycare worker who doesn't know or love her children like she does. She get's to control their environment and diet rather than someone else who is infinitely less qualified. She won't suffer the horrible guilt most working mothers do while at work, away from their children, and later in life when those mothers look back knowing their parenting was just a compromise and wondering if some of the problems their children have might have been avoided if she were home caring for them. And she won't have to watch the majority of the money she earns go to daycare expenses so someone else can raise her children for her.

Society as a whole will benefit because there will be more emotionally healthy and well adjusted adults in the world.

It's sad that most young women today are given the messages they are about this topic and don't discover the realities of mothering until they actually become mothers.

comekitty · Answer

I'm not miserable because my family is important to me and taking care of them makes me happy.

I dont work in the summer, so the child rearing, keeping the inside of the house, and cooking are responsibilities I assume.

Child rearing - there is absolutely no way I would ever trust strangers to mind my son. Never, ever going to happen.

I spend quality time with him and have fun being with him. He is polite and well behaved, has an excellent vocabulary, reads above grade level, and he's in an advanced math group.

Housekeeping- I keep things clean and tidy as I go and we don't live like filthy animals - so this isn't really a big undertaking. I like decorating and redecorating and I like it all to look nice - so yes, it stays clean and tidy. I am beyond picky about the way things look - if you rearrange the living room throw pillows I will know.

Cooking - I don't know what else to say other than I just like it.

I supposed everyone is just different and variety is the spice of life but I personally would be very unhappy being married to a demanding career.

WindAtMyBack · Answer

I grew up when and where traditional marriages were the norm. Virtually all marriages were traditional.

You have it completely backwards. SOME women who had a bunch of kids might be worked pretty hard, but most were not. Also, it's largely voluntary for women. It's largely voluntary how much work they put in, and it's almost completely voluntary when they do it. That makes a huge difference since half the battle of a regular job is just getting up and going to work every single day whether you want to or not.

Some housewives did more than others. Many didn't put in more than a few hours a day - at the most. There were probably very few who actually worked a solid eight hours a day on a regular basis.

But the thing is, it's not a competition. It's division of labor. Everyone needs to contribute. No matter who you are, you will always have obligations and things you don't want to do. No matter who you are, there are times you just want to sleep in, but can't. Everyone needs to pull their weight, and they won't always like it. That's life.

Neither men or women get to pick and choose everything they do. I knew hundreds of kids when I grew up, and usually their mothers. I NEVER heard women complain about it. Not once. I never heard men complain about it either. People have to work in one form or another. They did it and didn't complain.

You are probably going by a bunch of theory and misinformation put fourth by feminists. The feminist mantra is cherry picking best, and downright lies at worst. I've seen it work in the real world with literally hundreds of married couples. The feminist stories are NOT how it works in reality.

Where I live traditional marriages are still pretty common. It's probably still more than half. Those women don't complain about it because there really isn't anything to complain about. They are quite happy doing their job.

JSmuve · Answer

Errrr, you grossly exaggerate things here. First, it's not a hard win for guys. If the guy is the only earner, that puts a tremendous amount of pressure on him to perform and excel in order to support his family. If he has a low-paying job relative to the cost of living or he loses his job, he's going to find it very difficult to support his family. Budgeting becomes very important and if his wife is one who spends without discretion, then it'll cause strain in the relationship. A lot of relationship issues are money-related, so a single-earning man will find it very stressful to keep advancing his salary unless he's making 200k a year. Those jobs don't grow on trees and come with a lot of responsibility.

I also don't think women are waiting hand and foot on men. My mom was a stay at home mom until I was old enough to be at school full-time. I remember she'd run errands, do grocery shopping, pay bills, clean, cook; basically run a household but have the responsibilities spread out over a week. When she started working again, all of these things still needed to be done, but there was considerably less time to do them because she was also working 9-5.

I think you're greatly undervaluing men's roles and overvaluing women's; making it seem harder than they really are. I mean, I take on both the "male roles" and "female roles" in my life. So by your logic of how hard women's roles are, I must be a superhero to be able to do both.

Anonymous · Answer

My older brother is married and they have two children, a girl who turned 3 last week and a boy who turned 1 a few months ago. His wife stays home as a fulltime mother. Both children are exceptional and far more advanced than most children their age because their mother does such a good job taking every opportunity to teach them. She has had "conversations" with them since before they could crawl because she knew them well enough to understand their needs and emotions and what they were trying to express even when I or even my brother only heard gibberish. As a result their language and speech are far more advanced than 99% of children their age. Their brains and emotions are more developed, and they are more confident than others. The difference is stark when I see them together with other children. That's one of the biggest benefits of having a mother home with children rather than working. I think mothers who could be home with their children but choose to work instead are very selfish.

RavVid · Answer

It is up to the couple.

A lot of tradie wives answer the phone and do the invoicing and would get paid through the company. A couple of invoices and 3-4 phones is not onerous. As the wife can take a salary from his company, they can split the income so they are paying a lower tier of tax then if the income was going to him. Greater household income combined. They could easily not be able to afford her having an external job.

So why shouldn't she do housework between phone calls? She does have it fairly cushy.

I earn a fairly high rate so even without income splitting it could still be advantageous for my wife (if I had one) to spend her time to support me working say an extra hour a day. My working an extra hour might be 4 hours of her working. If we can split income like the tradie & wife it is a no brainer for her to stay at home if she would like.

So unless she really does want to have independent employment she'll probably find it preferable to work for me. I have heard a lot of wives say they are completely over working. They play tennis together & have coffee, tea parties after tennis etc. etc. By and largely they love quite a nice lifestyle.

A lot of women do value their child raising role and want to be stay at home moms if the husbands income allows. If the husband is doing 8+ hours a day how is it not balanced if she does 8+ hours a day in the home?

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

That's because the traditional gender roles of the heathens are selfish and bias in nature so that's why their gender roles suck or many women like yourself perceive it as such and mostly are right.

Wheather he is married or single the man will still pay his house bills a role that will automatically be doing anyways so what brownie points he gets?

The proper gender roles apart from the heathens BS is a Biblical gender roles as everything needs structure.

Men Biblical priority gender role as a husband should be the following.

#1: Must provide what is needed for the household i. e. substance and protection.

#2: Must love his wife as Christ Jesus loved the church and be willing to die for her.

#3: Must show honor/respect to his wife.

Women Biblical priority roles as a wife should be.

#1: She submits to her husband as the leader of the household.

#2: She obeys her husband. (No it doesn't mean being a bossy jerk)

#3: She loves and respects her husband.

#4: She manages the household.

#5: She raises children in the fear of God.

That's the way things ought to be done as God teaches in his word to provide structure and order and a household of harmony and love.

The heathen way of doings things in this case gender roles is always structure in ego and selflessness to benefit mostly the man and his needs and desires.

Apple1996 · Answer

Cannot speak for other women but personally I like having gender roles in my relationship. It makes me feel fulfilled being able to take care of my husband but he does work a extremely demanding job so I would maybe feel differently if he worked a basic job.

reds-noro · Answer

People got preferences, just because you don't like something doesn't mean someone else can't like it. You also got a bit of a negative view on this type of relationship dynamic. Plenty of women love to be subservient to a man. They say it makes them feel more feminine. From experience (being told by older women that I should not be dating a girl but a man that takes care of me... which is ironic to say the least) I can say that feeling appreciated is the no. 1 upside according to women in traditional relationships. And being a housewife gives them that feeling.

Anonymous · Answer

As a woman I'd love to be a housewife. I enjoy cleaning, I like cooking, I like making others happy and I love kids. I am the most comfortable and the most safe at home and I could have such big effect on my future kids lives. I could have my own company working from home part time the same time to help with the economy but thats about it. It would be so freeing

LazerBean · Answer

Because he has a job that he loves and provides plenty for the both of us but has odd hours. Me not working means I can go out to breakfast and often lunch with him, complementary of his job. I have time to go to the various markets for natural, locally produced foods, and prepare baked goods so that we can live a more healthy lifestyle than most people. This Wednesday I'm going blueberry picking with my mother in the morning. When he gets a random day off, we can hang out or go out or do whatever we want. We get to go on 2 to 4 weeklong vacations every year, not including the minis. Whenever we have random, last minute planned parties (which is quite frequently) I can have all the supplies and food we need ready beforehand instead of us both having to scramble to get ready in the hour gap between getting off work and people arriving when we could have spent that hour cuddling and relaxing instead. In short, we quite would not be able to so have the lifestyle we want if I were working.

KatherineJ · Answer

Oh my goodness! The good thing about living in 2023 is that we can CHOOSE to live a more traditional lifestyle, or we can take the parts of it that we like and leave the rest to the history books. Women don’t have to stay home, unless we want to.

Lliam · Answer

Traditional roles are fine as long as the guy doesn't act like the head of the household and feel entitled because he goes off to earn a paycheck. If he controls all the money and thinks he is the boss instead of engaging in an equal partnership, he's a shit head.

Anonymous · Answer

I agree in general.

But I would add this seems a modern situation of gender roles. Much of my family grew up as farmers, some still do. Both men and women work extremely hard, and doubt either much would want to switch gender roles. I feel the world was like this for much of it's development... and not all that far from our past.

jshm2 · Answer

You're confused. The so called "traditional gender roles" are basically "Western ideals". Household dynamics are different from country to country.

Even the term "Housewife" is a Western ideal as it implies the role of the woman. Hence your assertion is moot.

humanearth · Answer

Me and my wife have the typical gender roles.

She makes my lunches, cooks my meals, fucks my brains out when I ask for it and I run the farm, work in a factory, pay all the bills.

I come home dinner on the table with cold beer waiting

Why fuck with something that's been working for a few 100 years in the USA

HighValue · Answer

Working full time is MUCH more hours than doing ALL of the house and yard work, in addition to helping with kids.

If a woman didn't like it, I would do everything for one month to prove how easy it is, then never do anything around the house again after proving that she works much less by doing the stuff at home.

crossdressingrihno · Answer

First off being the stay at home parent has so many advantages.
#1 cleaning the house doesn’t take that long.
#2 the kids are at school all day so you have the house to yourself all day.
#3 you since you don’t need to do as much your not always sore and tired.
#4 calendars existed so managing appointments wasn’t horrible but now we have cellphones so it’s even less so.

Being the house wife/husband would be OP if the bread winner earns enough money.

Samantha36 · Answer

Yes the traditional gender roles are very out dated. My partner works full time and I work part time as we have 2 children. Whoever is home 1st usually cooks tea. We both clean etc also.

ohsheeT · Answer

No not for me work as a team as 1 Plus I only like cinnamon rolls they're the best I think put a little bit of butter on it heat it up have a big glass of milk

Gender roles... I see why men would want that but I don't get why women would want that?

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