Muslim marriage- is it a red flag if future mother in law asks me to come and visit her before marriage?

[Anonymous]

So I've known this guy for 7 months, we're planning to get nikkah done in January. His mum was saying she would like me to come and visit before the nikkah.
I told my mum this, and she said it shouldn't be like this. Women shouldn't go to a man's mother's house before marriage, whereas my future partner can come and visit our family whenever.

Updates

5 mo

Asks of me to come and visit *

[Oliverlogan263]

That's a tricky situation. On one hand, the future mother-in-law probably just wants to get to know you better before the marriage, which makes sense. But your mom brings up a good point too about traditions and all that.

I'd say don't rush into visiting the mom's place just yet. Maybe meet up with your future partner first and see what he thinks about boundaries and keeping things respectable before the official nikkah. Make sure to keep your mom in the loop so she knows you're not doing anything too questionable.

Might also be worth chatting with an imam if you have one you trust, just to get their perspective on what's proper in Islam. Traditions and family honor are important, so you don't wanna risk stepping on any toes. But also don't wanna come off rude to the future in-laws.

Maybe a public place meetup with your partner and his mom would be a good compromise? That way you can start getting to know each other without any uncomfortable alone time beforehand. Just take it slow and be thoughtful about everyone's feelings man. Good luck sorting it all out!

[RoseySarah]

Depends where are you and are you Muslim?

Honestly I think it's a big red flag! Who knows what might happen to you visiting away from your family and any man to guide you back home!

Saying this not as a racist or hateful but most places in the world a woman cannot travel without a man! Like her brother traveling with you

Big red flag call it off!

[Asker]

Hi yes, both are muslims. I didn't see it as much of a red flag but I agreed with my mum after listening to her. She told me a muslim woman shouldn't be going to a man's mother's house before marriage. It's ok to after marriage but not before marriage.

[Asker]

We both live in the UK and in different cities

[RoseySarah]

K then still red flag why does she want you to visit? Your mom is right!

[Asker]

She told him that she wants to get to know me better and so I meet the rest of the family.

[RoseySarah]

She can do that on video chat! Dodge that red flag.

[Asker]

That's what my mum was saying