I have had issues, especially connected to self esteem, through most of my life, which is completely normal. My issues really became issues when I moved out and was 100% depedant on myself. It was a hard transition and espeically through the first semester I struggeled, in particular emotionally.
During that time I had to grow a lot, and i feel like in many areas I have become a lot more independant, stronger and more efficitient. That said a recent even has made me realise I have a lot of things i haven't delt with, and I know its holding me back in truly enjoying my life and just live life.
1. I wait for other people to make the move/wait for things to happen to me
As much as I like to say that I dont care what others think, I do care quite a lot what others think. This has manifested it self in a way that I need "confirmation" from other people to feel interesting or likable. This is very relevant when it comes to making friends, but maybe most when it comes to dating. Its extremly rare for me to make the first move or to initiate social gatherings or just hanging out with someone. In many if not all cases the other person has to "constant" show interest before i feel comfortable enough to make a small move. Normally, and understandably, the other part might see my lack of action as a sign of disinterest, so they back off. At this point this is when i start feeling very insecure because i feel like they "got sick of me", and it really gets to me.
How to deal with it: I feel like the best way for me is to become less dependant on other people. I should activly try to initiate more things, and if they ay no dont take it so personal. My plan to deal with this is to first go to therapy and then try to challenge myself to do more and initiate more
2. Caring more about what other people's feelings or reactions instead of my own
I usually try to avoid conflict. I dont like things not to be good, so even though things bother me I dont really speak my mind about it unless its effecting someone i care about. If a situation or comment only effects me badly I keep my mouth shut most of the time. This leads me to often feel unhappy and frustrated. When it comes to dating i'll avoid potential unpleasent, but important topics because im afraid of their reaction
How to deal with it: I think the only thing to do here is to speak my mind more often and dont expect people to agree or like what i have to say. My own opinion should be more important to me
3. I work my life around people rather than working people into my life
This mostly applies to dating. If a meet a guy, instead of just living my life as i would normally do i work my shecdual to fit their's. They become one of the biggest thing in my life, so when it ends i feel a bit empty and like my life isn't great. The latest guy i was seeing. I really started to like the guy, he was close to everything I wanted in a guy, but he wasn't ready to date and he was open about it from the get go. I would change my workout routine for him, even though i was tired and he wanted to come over i would say yes, and if I didn't hear from him all the time I felt worried.
How to deal with it: I shouldn't be afraid of saying no, i shoud learn how to say no and be comfortable with it. I dont like saying no because I dont want to make the other person feel bad. Also, the next time i meet a guy I won't change my routines, i'll just meet him when i can.
4. I dont allow myself to have negative feelings and i dont deal with them
I'm the master of not dealing with my emotions, espeically if they're neagtive. If something upsets me and makes me sad I dont allow mysefl to cry over it, in particular right there and then. If a cry about something it happened days and maybe even weeks before. I dont allow myself to cry over things because I feel like i should "waste tears" on things i feel dont deserve it. This also is a problem in dating because i can never get past a certain stage because im not honest with the guy nor myself about what i want, expect and feel
How to deal with it: I should learn how to be comfortable with crying alone and with other people. I have been seraching for exercises to do to learn to deal with emotions. One of them is when i feel a negative feeling i should recognize it, name it and just sitt there and feel the emotion and not just dismiss it.
5. Focusing on everything im not/ things i dont have
Its really easy for me to look at what I feel i need to be happy, like more friends, a job, being better at school, having a lower body fat%, not having a boyfriend etc. instead of focusing on how far i have actually have come.
how to deal with it: probably the first thing i should do is stop i compraring myself to others. I often feel okay with myself untill i keep looking into other people's life and untill i think about everything i "dont have". I should learn how to be happy with myself and my life, and if im not happy with something i should activly do something about it, and not sit around doing the same thing and waiting for different results.
6. I wait for other people to make me happy or make my issues go away
I think it kinda sums up all of the reasons i have issues being happy. For a long time i though getting those flat abs or getting a boyfriend would some how fix all my problems. I would wait for friends instead of going out and making friends, i would wait for the "perefect" guy to make my life better instead of just of being happy on my own.
How to deal with it: I just have to learn how not to depend my happiness on everyone else. Its going to a prosess, it might be very long, but thats okay. Im taking the right steps to get there through therapy, talking about things and pushing myself to be a better me.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
AKA take initiative to make yourself happy.
are you seriosuly just realizing this now?