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The "Good" Advice You Never Needed

BeeNee a

From time to time, we all need a little sage advice. We need to hear the voices of others to help us out with our lives, or certain situations we may be unfamiliar with, but beware! Asking for, and more often than not, not asking for advice on certain subjects will lead to you getting advice you never needed to actually hear.

1. You're pregnant

The "Good" Advice You Never Needed

Yep, yep, yep...so you think you were just going to get pregnant for the first time and the whole entire world wasn't going to give you the whole play by play on your impending child's life from first cry to their college graduation day...WRONG. Thought telling people you didn't want their advice would stop them? Ha, dummy! This is the most invasive time in the future mothers life in particular because unlike her partner, after a few months, she cannot hide or deny that she is pregnant.

She is a walking billboard seemingly advertising the question, "do you have some unsolicited advice for me?" The best part of this whole nightmare is when people who aren't even in relationships and don't have kids and who are like 15 tell you how it's going to be or despite your crippling fear about giving birth for the first time, that random person who sits down next to you on the park bench and tells you how so and so bled out and died in childbirth even with a healthy pregnancy. What in the actual f--k?

2. You've got this weird rash or a chronic illness

The "Good" Advice You Never Needed

Do not under any circumstances ask for advice about your chronic illness from people who start out by saying, they have a friend who "cured themselves," of it. Your illness isn't a game, it's your life. When people give this false hope and hearsay news to people with serious illnesses, they can seriously endanger your life should you believe it and say stop getting medical treatment or taking your medications.

These people aren't medical professionals. Your friend has never gone to the health/science seminars or done a single study nor read the research you are constantly looking at and even if the story is somehow true, that's one person, and you know, in life sometimes miracles happen that science cannot explain and there is nothing more to it, but 99% of the time, it's someone selling snake oil. If you've got a weird rash, fast forward to, "it's cancer." Everything is cancer. That's according to your friends, the internet, that book you picked up with the disturbing pictures...cancer, cancer, cancer. For goodness sake, you're already paying an arm and leg for insurance, go see your actual doctor.

3. You've just broken up

The "Good" Advice You Never Needed

People will tell you how to think, feel, act and grieve or not grieve the broken relationship. They will look deep within themselves, and pull up all their own BS about how their own relationship was and wasn't and project that on to your own. They will let you know, even if they never said this, that they thought she or he was wrong for you from the start. They will then proceed to give you some flowery speech about how everything is going to be roses in literally just a few or they'll give you the doom and gloom version where they actually tell you that you're better of alone and never dating again because every single person of the opposite sex is obviously evil...the proof of that...just look at how alone and happy they are...you want that don't you...you want to be alone...f-o-r-e-v-e-r a-l-o-n-e...

4. You've decided to lose weight

The "Good" Advice You Never Needed

I'm telling you now, there is in actuality only one way that you can actually lose weight and that's the way (insert human being) right in front of you says is the only way. This process involves you throwing away everything but the water in your house, working out TO THE EXTREME 4 of the 5 hours you don't have in your day to do so, joining a marketing scheme that requires monthly "donations" to a health plan for all of your micro organic gluten salt sugar flavor and taste free products, all for that same friend to come back to you in 2 months to say, the first plan was crap, they've realized it, but didn't tell you, but NOW, they're going to tell you about this new thing they saw in an infomercial that is 100% guaranteed to work, so much so that they'd like you to invest in the product with you. Run!

5. You're making a major life change

The "Good" Advice You Never Needed

Deciding you don't want to be a doctor anymore, moving to another city, going in a different direction with your job, deciding to get married or have kids...the advice is coming. It's starts off pretty tame with some congrats here and there, some how to keep in touches, but then it descends into your entire world is going to crumble into the fire pits of hell.

It becomes alarmingly obvious to the rest of the world that if you don't somehow remain absolutely the same, right where you are, doing exactly what you've been doing for the past however many years, any change, even a micro one, will implode your life despite how miserable, or unhappy, unfulfilled, or not getting paid enough you've told them you've been. Even if they are the ones who egged you on to make a change, when you actually grow a pair and do it, everyone suddenly becomes a critic questioning your every decision and telling you how to live or telling you what happened to them when they tried what you're trying. Damned if you do, damned if you don't!

The "Good" Advice You Never Needed
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