It Doesn't Just Disappear

[Anonymous]

I'll be honest... even though I have a great relationship, my fears didn't just disappear overnight. I just had a full blown panic of self-hatred.
I panick that I'm not good enough.
That there are so many reasons why I don't deserve him. Or deserve anything at all.
I'm disgusted. I don't even need to look in the mirror to know that I'm like a filth.
I'm scared. Because I've shared too much here.
That maybe you'll say I don't deserve anything, him especially.
I am rotten.
My eyelids feel so heavy. My dreams torment me-- makes things up, it's going to all fall apart, or that nothing is real. The fear dredges up other emotions-- childlike, highly irrational.
I'm just not good at existing.

[BlackRoseFairy]

I am sorry to hear you are struggling like this.
It is hard to fight those thoughts but you shouldn't give up. You say you don't deserve your boyfriend, but I believe that he saw something in you that is much stronger than your feelings of inadequacy, something more beautiful than what you see in the mirror, something that is worth fighting for. And that's what he did. So maybe when you are feeling down you could grasp on his strength and his love for you and pull yourself out of your bad thoughts.
Remember, the light at the end of the tunnel is not an illusion. The tunnel is...
I wish you all the best, and if you need to talk I am here. Feel free to PM me whenever you feel the need to! ❤

[myTake Owner]

❤❤❤❤❤

[Guardian45]

I agree!

[midnightmoon05]

That feeling will come and go no matter how old you are. But when you make it last time and still here... next time, will be a little easier.

"When I Think about being strong, I realize there's not one time. It's a progression over life, over an entire lifetime. Where ever time you hit a road block. And you leap through it. You jump through, you break through it. you challenge yourself - you become stronger." by lisa oliver

[myTake Owner]

❤❤❤❤

[Bmories99]

We all fill this way at times. I know I do. All we can be is the best that we can. Some days we are awesome. Some days everything we touch falls apart. The best thing I can tell you is to lean on friends if you need talk to them. Communicate with your partner. It's ok to share you insecurities. I know I have a very hard time with this since my father left and basically abandoned and now spends all his time with his other son. If you ever need to chat I would be happy to encourage you as a friend.

[myTake Owner]

Thank you ❤

[Bmories99]

Welcome

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I'm desolated you are feeling like this, it's horrible.
You are a beautiful, strong and intelligent woman and you deserve your partner and every good thing in the world.
Things can be difficult and messed up, but I'm sure you'll overcome them and find your happiness!
I'm rooting for you, everyone does!

[Guardian45]

Bravo!

[myTake Owner]

Thank you, @Jean-Marie_Celine ❤

[OlderAndWiser]

I would tell you what a great person I think you are but I'll bet that wouldn't accomplish anything.

I understand self-doubts. And I'll bet that you spend a fair amount of time thinking about the future, worrying how things will progress, how will things work 6 months from now, etc.

Do you have difficulty staying with the here and now?

[lightbulb27]

PMS hormone swing? First I'll say, I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. You didn't ask for it nor do you deserve it. You were made with special gifts and you are worthy of being loved completely!

My rational...
If I wrote a computer program that screwed up the computer so it had to be rebooted and put it on a timer, it is no different than what is going on in your mind. You took an emotonal recording, it was repeated and believed, now it plays back at various times. That's the easy part... understanding.

Track those feelings down to the memories down to where they started, write them down. I have a chart that can help isolate what age they may have started. Once identified the "lies"... and that is what these are, emotional situations that we had to process and created false beliefs, then it's a matter of re-programming those lies emotionally. Praying them away, re-framing them with an adults mind, repeating the positive.

They don't let go easy, these are strongholds that control us. We don't like to change, but we are made to change and adapt. Those memories and beliefs, although they had some purpose at the time, were mis translated as a child and are no longer of value nor are they correct.

[myTake Owner]

You're right in your analogy. I don't know how to track them and I'm really afraid of what I might find. I'm also scared of living like this forever.

[myTake Owner]

No, no PMS hormone swing.

[Grobmate]

We need to fond your triggers. Once you find them, you can weaponise yourself to beat this.

[lightbulb27]

I can send you what I have and walk through. those fears are strong, but realize, they are just feelings... from the past. they have meaning, but they were translated with a childs mind. the adult mind can see them more correctly, especially if take a higher perspective. lmk.

[myTake Owner]

Yes, that make sense.

[Grobmate]

I'm very sorry you feel those things and find yourself in this position Sting. He loves you and that isn't something that happens by chance, nor does it happen withoutdue merit. It happened because you are amazing and he knows it. It happened because you and all your imperfections are EXACTLY PERFECT to him. You can't change that.

He knows you more than you perhaps give him credit for and you definitely deserve that love more than you think you do.

You aren't filth, you are its exact opposite.
You are one of the most decent human beings I've had the honour, (yes it is an honour knowing you), of meeting on this site. You aren't just a human being, you are a himan doing. Human Doings get shit done! They mean business!

We humans all have periods like this at some stage or another. Even monkeys fall out of trees you know?

You are undeniably the furthest thing from rotten in existence. Those who know you and admire you on here will tell you that.

What you are dealing with is anxiety and intrusive thoughts. It comes and goes in waves throught our lives. This wave like others will pass. Trust in yourself, trust in your partner and the family you have. That little voice inside that says toxic things means nothing to those who love you. Instead of that voice, listen to your inner child.

There is a child inside each of us that at times needs to be nurtured and cared for. Listen only to that inner child and your family. If you ever need to talk, I'm here.

[Guardian45]

Well-said!

[Grobmate]

@Guardian45 thanks. She's a beautiful person and words come easy when it's the truth. Sadly for me, typos come easy to but I'm sure she's used to that.

[Guardian45]

LOL!

[myTake Owner]

You're killing me with your words. I appreciate you. Made me laugh too with the monkeys. ❤

[Grobmate]

❤ Everybody loves Monkeys right? But it's 100% truth.

[Jjpayne]

Here's the thing we all to an extent have to make our own positivity no one will naturally hand that to us. You have to be strong and claim what you are. Force yourself to journal out positive things about yourself. Then you need to claim them. Here's a few I know for sure, I am beautiful, I am supportive to others, I am funny, I am great mother and lastly after whatever you say, say I am important! Claim these things over yourself. Because you need to take control of these emotions and make your own positive ones. Because you are an amazing a
Person and I know that if you found that untapped power within yourself if you believe in the supernatural, you would scare quite a few evil forces because I can sense the power in you and it is great. There are forces bring down other women and you can call them out

[Jjpayne]

I hope was not sounding too crazy there but just on your activity on here, you can help many broken people and wether you know it or not, there are many people looking for your help.

[Guardian45]

Agreed!

[myTake Owner]

Thank you, @Jjpayne ❤ Always so uplifting

[almondcake]

There are a few people on here that when I read their responses , I take note as I feel these people are caring and intelligent people , I allways read your responses to all questions with great interest , you ask this question on here so I will say on here you are a very important piece in the GAG puzzle ☺

[myTake Owner]

Thank you for that. That's why I stick around, to let those other puzzle pieces not feel so alone. I appreciate your words.

[almondcake]

Your most welcome

[DeeDeeDeVour]

Simply look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself: "You're much more than this!"

[myTake Owner]

❤❤❤❤❤ I feel so silly doing that. I don't feel like I'm worth more than this.

[Miss_Savanna_Dry]

I've always wondered if there's other people out there that feel this way. More people feel this way than we realise. I've been struggling with this for years. I wonder if it will ever disappear

[Wowgirl30q]

Yes with work

[Miss_Savanna_Dry]

🤞let's hope❤

[myTake Owner]

I hope it disappears for you too. ❤

[myTake Owner]

That's part of why I shared... people need to know they're not alone

[bklynbadboy1]

I'm really shocked that you said you dont deserve him. Your a good woman and you deserve happiness just like everyone else. Yes your lucky to have found him but trust me as a man out here dating he's equally lucky to have found you!

[bklynbadboy1]

I'm happy for both of yall! Both you guys seem like really nice people and your obviously great together.

[myTake Owner]

I'm afraid of these demons that I carry. They've been with me for what seems like forever. I get so sad sometimes.

[bklynbadboy1]

@Stingrayxoxo I understand but you have a good man in your life now. So you have to let those demons go. You can't truly move forward and begin to heal until you close that chapter of you life. Your stronger than you think you can do this and if you feel you can't lean on your man trust me he got you.

[yucychan]

Can you just find a hobby to preoccupy yourself?
Like maybe you could start to do some housework or learn to cook a few new dishes, so you don't have time to feel sorry for yourself.

[myTake Owner]

That's a great idea but sometimes it overtakes me when I'm doing stuff like that too. But great idea! Maybe a new hobby.

[Liam_Hayden]

An oddity that I have discovered is that it is often the best people who are the most insecure. Judging solely by your posts and those of your partner you are both awesome.

[myTake Owner]

❤❤❤❤

[MannMitAntworten]

There are probably four posters I probably comment to on a somewhat regular basis. You are one of the four, which is largely due to your post having nothing to do with the constant sex questions common to GaG. Further, your post tend to be more evocutive which lends them to drawing out a comment - for me. Now, I of course do not know you beyond from here or you me, but the last thing I pick up from you through here is a lack of worth or deserving. Where this comes from and why it persist in you I can only speculate. I can tell you I do not view you as unworthy or whatever in as much as I know you here on GaG. You always seem a decent individual so... I don't know StingRayxoxo. You are alright in my book.

[Anonymous]

I also have a same problem. I was raped when I was a little gal for almost a year. well I end up telling my grandmother she couldn't take it. it was to much 4 her. she started get sick.
My life has have been fun. I had to be indoors all the tym.

Sometimes I feel like killing my self then I think of my grandmother. I really don't like the life I'm living. I just wish I could be normal just like others BT I can't. I can't even love myself

[Jamie05rhs]

I'm so sorry to hear that you experienced that. Please know that you are special and a unique person with great worth. It's not your fault that your grandmother reacted the way she did; you still did the right thing by telling her.

[Opinion Owner]

Sometimes I wish I could turn back tym Nd not tell her

[morimeme1]

Honestly I can 100% relate to those feeling and the situation, despite everything being actually very good these feelings can still surface and try to drag you down into the darkness. Had a similar panic a few days ago. All we can do is recognise the problem and slowly make changes and adapt positive thinking.

[loveslongnails]

S. R... Everyone can speculate on what happened in your childhood, or past, to make you think this way. Or maybe it's some chemical imbalance in the brain, or maybe you just plain "think too much". Or maybe we all panic like that at some point, just some more pronounced than others.
BUT... I've observed you on here for quite some time, read your answers, your questions, your opinions. We've messaged each other too on sensitive subjects, and here's my FINAL answer:
"If there were just ONE more person like you on this planet, the world would be a better place".
Period. End of story.

[chuck991]

You are a wonderful person. Stay strong. Whatever you did, put that behind you and stay positive. Things have a tendency to work themselves out.

[myTake Owner]

Thank you for you kind words ❤

[Logorithim]

You definitely deserve him.

[Nayrr]

^^^^

[Wowgirl30q]

@Logorithim I don't like her demeaning herself in public it's not healthy it's not good she can call me or somebody. You need to stop this please I can't watch my friend do this to herself it hurts me and this is actually giving her verification to those feelings. Please

[myTake Owner]

It's not his fault. I think venting it out is healthier than keeping it all in. I just get lost sometimes.

[Wowgirl30q]

@StingRayxoxo he can't let you think that and needs to say enough no not his fault but he needs to stop this i promise this isn't venting I know you think it is I'll explain later

[Straight_Shooter]

It pains me that a good person would have these feelings. I hope the feelings pass quickly and you realize all of the good in yourself and that you bring to others.

[myTake Owner]

That's part of the problem-- these feelings have existed for so long.
Thank you❤

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Thanks for sharing your MyTake well appreciate it very much sorry you feel so bad 😇🙏

[myTake Owner]

Thank you. I was in a really a really rough spot but it seems to have passed for the most part.

[agamo]

Garup that’s good!

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

You're Welcome :)

[agamo]

Well since you bring it up maybe you don’t deserve him lol. I don’t know you didn’t make your question very clear.

[BlackRoseFairy]

If you had balls you'd post this publicly and wouldn't hide behind anonymity to spread your acid. That's what real men do...

[agamo]

Aye I’m sorry please ignore my answer.

[agamo]

@Stingray I’m sorry for my bad post I was drunk when I wrote it. I wish you the best relationship!

[myTake Owner]

Thank you for your apologies. All is good ❤

[Nik1hil]

Hey Stingy!..
You are amazing..
If a guy doesn't likes you.. Don't waste your time on it..
If you are Petrol..
Then pouring yourself in Steam Engine is useless...
It will never work..
Go in Petrol engine and.. Honey That steam engine will realize that fault is in him..
You were a great thing..