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So a new recruit in the Foreign Legion was having a bad case of sexitus. He complained to one of the more veteran guys who told him that the camel was out back. The new recruit got really turned off with the prospect of having sex with a camel. So a few more weeks go by and the new recruit's problem has only gotten worse. Finally he decides that the camel didn't look that bad to him anymore so he asked his buddy about the camel and his buddy told him again that the camel was out back.
So the recruit quickly goes out back, unbuckling his belt as he approached the camel.
He got behind the camel and had the best sex of his life. He finished and when he looked around he saw his buddy looking at him. He asked the other legionnaire "How did I do?"
The older man said, "You did fine but most of the guys use the camel to go into town">
What to you call an Alligator in a Vest?
(investigator)
what do you call, .. An Owl that does Magic Tricks?
(Hoodini)
How do you organise a Space Party
(you Planet)
What Kind of Shorts do Clouds Wear?
(Thunderwear)
Finally…..
what do you call a bear with no teeth?
(A Gummy Bear )
What do you call a taxi driver who builds cupboards? A screw driver?
Why did Mia’s daughter use a cross bow? Because she was from Miami?
What do you call a train that likes to be the underdog in bidding wars? A dog trainer
I invented them on my own!
I'm hungry
Hi hungry I'm Dad
😂
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20Opinion
What do you call a domesticated bear that walks like a human and can socialize?
- Invited to the cookout
What do you call your local homeless man that walks around on all fours biting people?
- A crackodile
What would we have called the ark if it never flooded?
- Noah's art
An old lady in a nursing home approaches an old man in the rec room...
She says “Hey there stranger! I’ll bet ya 50 big ones I can tell ya how old you are to the month!
“You’re on!” he responds.
“Aright, I’m gonna need ya to pull down your trousers.” Confused, but not wanting to lose the bet, he does so. She then proceeds to poke & prod at his thighs and bricks for a few minutes.
Finally, she stands up, smiles, and says “you’re 92 years and 5 months.”
The man, flabbergasted, says “How the devil did you know that, woman?”
She answers, “You told me yesterday.”
A French scientist conducted an experiment. Viduavoire noire schweoiuezeleainauoeuoux! So he took hieoux a frog and cut off one leg. Then he told it to jump. Then he was like, 'Ze frog. He not jump so fareoux!" Then he cut off the other leg and told it to jump. Then he was like, "Mademoiselle, oh wait, I zo not have za madame because I am a nerdeoux scientist!" But he noted that the frog jumped a shorter distance. Then he cut off another leg and told it, "sater my beautifuleox frog. Sauter [jump]." Then the frog barely jumped. Wazzis! It is not jumping when zis three leg cut off! Then he cut off the fourth leg and said, "Jump. Merde! Jump you sheet frog you fucking sheet I told you to sauter you fucking frog. You shazeoineoux." Then no jump. So he made a discovery and noted that frogs with no legs can't hear.
I moustache you a question.
So I was walking down this street.. I seen this cat.. was a nice tabby had to be a kitten..
so I looked at him and knelt by him.. I was like "Im gonna teach you to speak English.
You will get any human.. They will be amazed by your fluency..
The cat responded..
Me? (H) ow?
A crazy wife tells her husband that moose are falling from the sky. The husband says, it’s reindeer.
Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
I had a crazy dream last night! I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea.
Monday: I got jokes for days.
Tuesday: I got jokes for days.
Wednesday: I got jokes for days
Thursday: I got jokes for days
Friday: I got jokes for days
Saturday: I got jokes for days
Sunday: I got jokes for days
Monday:...
I got jokes for days not weeks. 🤷 Lol
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
.
(It wasn’t peeling very well).
.
Did you hear the joke about pizza?
.
(Nevermind, it’s too cheesy 😞)
.
Did you hear the joke about butter?
.
(Nevermind I should’t spread it 😞)
Two men are talking. One of them has a hearing aid. His friend says " Hey, new hearing aid?"
" Yup, I just got it this morning. It's the best hearing aid money can buy. I paid five thousand dollars for it."
" What kind is it?"
The man looks at his watch and says" Oh about half past ten."
u What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing.
It's more of a cheesy pick-up line, but I believe it still counts:
"If I bounced a quarter off your ass, I'd only get 15 cents back, because you're a dime."
"Experience is like a comb nature gives you when you are old and balding."
What I usually told my dad when he went all "back in my day..." on me.
I would but they're all stale at this point.
how sad
Wanna Date?
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?” Because every play has a cast
What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn? Where’s Pop Corn?
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it 🙃
What's the difference between Enzyme and hormone?
You cannot hear enzyme!
Knock knock
Who’s there
To
To Who?
No, it’s “to whom”
Why did the teacher call the police during her class? Because there was a kid napping.
It's not a dad bod, it's a father figure.
What do u call an eagle who is sick.
Answer : illegal
Pls give my regards to @loves to learn.. she has blocked me.. pls ask her to unblock me.. tell her I won't repeat what I did
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