Why do most have it in them to take advantage of sweet people?

[Anonymous]

My current boyfriend calls me princess and likes spoiling me on some dates. That doesn't give me the rights to take advantage of him nor others. My parents don't have it in them either to use sweet people.

However, many people use someone's kindness. My ex boyfriend was one of them. All it took was for me to tell him ''You're my A+; I'll do anything for you' and all of the sudden he acted arrogant, treating me poorly (all the way to asking for money and never paying it back) and really thought he was almost perfect. He even rubbed it in my face saying ''but you told me I was the best and you'll do anything''. I see many people with that mentality. Just because you're very sweet and didn't put boundaries (you thought they would have logic and be smart enough not to take advantage), they treat you like a doormat. Why?

Updates

+1 y

Doing anything for someone doesn't mean ''I'll treat you bad and do whatever I want and you'll tolerate me''. I see many people translating it that way. Nowadays I'm only sweet to those that are sweet to me. If someone is very sweet, I'll reciprocate. If someone is a jerk, I'll be a total biotch.

[Anonymous]

I am that nice person. I go out of my way for the people in my life that have treated me well, seem to have my back, show up in both the good and bad times, etc. I trust only a few deeply, but when I do you're in. I did unfortunately find out that my kindness was being abused at work. I used to work with these three ladies in our office who were super friendly to me, we laughed, we had some good conversations, but then the cleaning lady in our office who was a true ride or die for me, told me that she overheard them talking about using that very kindness to get me to do part of their jobs for them. I didn't want to believe her, but through other people I found out just how true that was and things sort of unraveled from there. It hurt me deeply because I thought at the very least, we were work friends, but to know they were just taking advantage made me further trust fewer people in my life which is the ultimate bad part about that is when nice people get burned like that, they kind of temper their kindness to guard their hearts.

[Asker]

Sorry to hear you were used and talked back about. This sucks. There will always be trashy people. I've changed and nowadays there are two things I've learned:
- only be kind to those that are kind; I'll no longer go out of my way of getting too close to others
- never lend money to a boyfriend nor others ever again (I've never asked someone for money)

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks. Sorry about your situation as well. In my case, your first tip would not have helped unfortunately--just a hard lesson learned that sometimes people aren't always as they seem. It just makes you value the ones in your life more who are who they say they are and who treat you right.

[dovendyret]

People who take advantage of people - will take advantage of everyone can.

Being sweet, means being pleasant and kind. Being kind means that you're already helpful by nature, being pleasant means avoidance of what is unpleasant. Setting boundaries when disrespected or mistreated, heck even just setting boundaries in the first place can be quite unpleasant and therefor I think sweet people are more likely to let themselves be taken advantage of.

- I've been one of them, so this is in no way meant in disrespectful way,

[HighlyVolatile]

I think it's a psychological defect in our programming. We seem more tuned to assess competence than kindness. Someone eager to be kind seems to resemble a servant in many people's eyes and can end up being mistreated like one.

I've noticed it's possible to be kind to most people though without them taking it for granted and exploited. I see it like more about the strength and competence you exude in doing it as well as some exhibition of arguably healthy reluctance as though to hint that your time is very valuable but you are willing to help anyway.

[HighlyVolatile]

This is something I've struggled with a lot though. I'm wired towards the empathetic and sensitive side as well as being originally from Japan (a culture that really values modesty and courtesy, but it's almost uniformly valued by the people and not frequently exploited). So I was quite culture-shocked in the US how much my attempts to be kind and courteous and modest got trampled on and had to adapt quickly. Yet I genuinely do want to be nice to people and so I've learned that I can get away a bit more sort of tucking it up my sleeves and trying to carry myself in certain ways.

[Asker]

Thank you for sharing this and yes I've heard people have more disciplined and values in Japan than the US. If more people were raised with good values, it would be better. There would be less greedy and selfish folks.

[hahahmm]

Do you eat meat? If so... there's a real sweet cow somewhere that got turned into a yummy burger. Life isn't fair... by default. What you do is control what you can control best: yourself. When you respect yourself you won't let others take advantage of you so you never get into a cycle of endlessly being abused. That doesn't mean you can't be "sweet". It just means you don't go overboard and you recognize when a relationship is one sided & move on or dial back what you give to only as much as the other person gives.

[Sonorous]

Because they don't yet have the ability to go against non-sweet people & live to tell.

[Asker]

Yes and whatever arrogance they had will be stomped on. They are like bullies... same cowardice.

[Sonorous]

I do hate that there is utility in the way they are. That evil is necessary.

I just wonder if extreme degrees of evil are necessary 🤔 If we'd be able to still function with a less defined part of the spectrum of evil. But I have a feeling that a new extreme would be established since we'd need to have a worse extreme to compare it to. 🤔

[Apulu_3]

Because a theif can't steal in theif's home. Kind people aren't selfish, they are forgiving, true lover and all that so they are easy to take advantage of. Bad people will backstab most likely so people take advantage of good people only. Remember the opposite sides of magnet attract each other and same side repel each other.

[Seinna]

Some people are just assholes and do it knowingly.

Many people are actually not aware they're taking advantage of others because they're so focused on themselves. That's why it's imperative to form boundaries with people, especially with men if you're a woman.

[BirdieBeep]

I think we are quite alike. People who have earned my trust and affection, like my boyfriend or my closest friends - I would do nearly anything for, truly. And I know they're the same with me. And sure we rely on each other at all but it's pretty balanced. But there's so much scum out there who only know how to take take take. I cut them out of my life as soon as I spot them.

[jahaims]

Most people are either stupid and don't realize the consequences of their actions or they are greedy.

[Asker]

yeah they have the brain of a small peanut... no brains at all

[Anonymous]

People do that usually to those nice sweet people who the world sees as weak and gullible. Unfortunately, the only solution is to be like everyone else and look out for yourself or give up.

[Asker]

This is sad. It means there are very few sweet people that wouldn't ever take advantage... that were actually raised right. As a kid, I was taught not to ever ask people for money, obviously not steal and treat others how you want to be treated.

[Opinion Owner]

I know. I feel the same, and like you, it only caused me to get hurt and used. Best just to stand up for ourselves.

[boggboss]

Because many people sent care how their actions effect others

[Asker]

It's sad that selfishness is easily found. All they think about is themselves.

[boggboss]

Pretty much many people are like that

[Asker]

Is a sad world isn't it? Trashy people are found everywhere. I don't want to sound like a pessimist but a couple times, I've been told that finding a decent person is as difficult as a miner finding a rare gem. I always wanted to believe it was 50/50 but wow it's disappointing.

[clampfan101]

I think it’s less common than it’s given credit for. Most negative things get treated like they happen most of the time, if not always, no matter how uncommon it actually is.

[virtue2332]

I agree with clampfan101. For some reason we place more energy focusing our attention on the negative vs all the positive things that happen. This is probably instinctual and something to do with survival.

[clampfan101]

@virtue2332 Especially in the news. When’s the last time you heard something happy on the news?

[virtue2332]

Exactly

[Mess96]

I can relate and there’s too many people like that. I’ve gone through it too many times

[Medhat-M]

Simple... Someone takes advantage of you because you allow it 🙂

[Asker]

I know it was partially my fault for allowing it for too long. I was trying to refer to those people that take advantage of someone sweet. Why is it that neither my parents nor me have that mentality? If someone is treating us sweet, we are sweet back. We don't ask for money, nor steal nor become arrogant.

[Asker]

Yet most people do take advantage. I don't have that in me.

[Medhat-M]

There are good quality people... And the other thing...

[SignedAutographs]

Words are cheap. You have to be able to back it up with actions

[Neilbud]

Because it takes a while to realize you can be nice without being a pushover.

[Anonymous]

Because most people that say they're sweet. Really aren't sweet.

[PhenomenalQueen]

Because they view you as a doormat.

[Gwenhwyfar]

I totally agree with you

[CallmeTheKnight]

Because evil doesn't have a face

[OddBeMe]

its just soooo easy...

[Asker]

That makes them garbage people. The point if being kind from the heart regardless if you can get away with it or not.

[Asker]

**The point is
If someone is happy taking advantage of kind people and using them... then they were never kind from the start.

[OddBeMe]

Yes of course.

[Iron_Man]

I know it’s really a shame

[Babygirl_S]

Because most people are selfish and sadistic.

[Anonymous]

How long ago did you have your ex?

[Asker]

For way too long and he took everything from me; my innocence (in every single way; I was a virgin too when he met me), my time, my patience, part of my youth years, my dreams of wanting a family and lastly my money... it was $1,200.

The sad part of this... and he took and took... and never gave anything. I gained nothing out of all this; nothing at all. After all these worthless years, he never fullfilled his promise (what he promised me of forming a family) and kept me as a girlfriend and then downgraded me to must friends. I eventually sent him to hell when I realized he scammed me with money and lied about everything... everything he ever told me was a LIE.

Then I don't know if this was destiny or fate to happend but shortly after dumping that sociopathic user (he was literally a sociopath and a narcissist), I met my now boyfriend in Judo classes. He's my new boyfriend and we have a lot in common. We wants kids and he agree with waiting till marriage and saving money to progress things quicker. He's definitely way better than the user.

[Opinion Owner]

Was he your high school sweetheart?

[Asker]

Nope. He even lied about his real age. I was 19 when I met that POS and he lied about being a poor broke 21-22 year-old. That's the only reason I wasn't demanding too much on the cheap date (him using a discount ticket) because I thought that like me, he was also just starting at life. Nope... he was a 30-32 year-old that looked younger and pass for a young dude, by lying.

[Asker]

A disgusting POS definitely

[Opinion Owner]

So he was over a decade older than you?

[Asker]

yes he was.. I didn't know. Otherwise, I would've never dated him. What the hell was a 30-32 year-old pretending to be broke doing with a fresh then 19 year-old college girl, who had just started life? A normal guy that age is suppose to already been settled in life, wanting a family and looking for 24-26 year-old women if he wants a family.

[Asker]

or women close to his age