Why do older men take advantage of young, quiet shy girls?

[Anonymous]

I'm an 18 yr old girl, and a lot of men think I'm pretty and cute. I am however very shy and quiet. I am a book worm and a social outcast, with an outlook on life and interests beyond most people my age (not saying I'm extremely nature). I have a childlike nature in some ways, but I am also a very depressive and emotionally sensitive person... I don't believe in happiness. My religious beliefs get me through killing myself. The thing is, there are men who have found out about this, and they perceive my quiet nature as a sign of submission, so they think they can take advantage of me. They compliment me all the time, brag about my intelligence, how special I am, lend me their jackets, give me lots of kisses and cuddles and talk to me affectionately. But some of them act very dominant and condescending towards me, sometimes not really caring about my opinion. I love older men, but I need to be careful. I just want to ask, what is going through these men's heads when they decide to do these things to young shy girls? What is it about us that they find so appealing? I have my theories, just interested in some other opinions.
I have no romantic experience at all.

[MaryElise]

Be careful. It's not just "guys being guys". When I was a teenager I was extremely shy , studious, didn't think I was attractive, etc. Older men always hit on me (when I was on the train, bus, in a cafe, you name it) and I mean businessmen in their 30's and 40's who I knew could tell I was a high school student because I dressed like one and I always had my books with me. Having no experience dealing with men (like you), I didn't know whether to be flattered or creeped out. When I was 16, I foolishly got involved with a 29 year old man. I have regretted that relationship all of my life and I am now 52. He kept me isolated from my peers, he was controlling and manipulative. No one his own age would ever have put up with his behavior. He also had the emotional development of a 13 year old boy. I was more mature than he was. I stayed in that relationship too long (mostly because I was being abused at home and his house was an escape, but that's another story). He outright told me he wanted me to have his kids. At 16? I said no, I am going to graduate from high school, go to college, and get my Master's Degree. (Which I did, on my own, with no help from parents, a man, or the government). I ended up working, going to school, supporting him while he was unemployed and then meeting a man my own age. Needless to say, I got out of that situation (though he threatened me with violence). My point isn't that all older men are like this but realistically, a man in his 30's or 50's who has to find a teenager to be in a relationship with may have emotional problems. I don't fault men for being physically attracted to young women, but when it comes to being in a committed relationship with a woman, a man without mental health issues is going to probably want someone closer to his own age.

[Anonymous]

Guys like that fetishize young/shy women. They are turned on by things like innocence, virginity, submission, naivity, etc. They assume that if you are young, and especially if you are shy, that you fit those stereotypes. They see you as someone that they can manipulate and get what they want from, without much concern about how they may hurt you. They want to take advantage of the power imbalance that typically comes with an older person dating a very young person.

Honestly, I would just stay away from significantly older men altogether. I'm almost 30, and 18 year olds look soooooo young to me, and even the most mature ones are still much less mature than someone my age and with my life experience. It's incredibly shady when 30-50 year old men think it's appropriate to date 18 year old girls (and if they say, "But she's legal!", all that shows is that they only care about whether or not they'd get in trouble for having sex with you, not about YOU as a person or how you might be affected by that relationship).

[Asker]

Well, when I am with them, they act super dominant... Around other women who are less shy (and still around my age) or older, they aren't so dominant.

[BearsAnswers]

There is not going to be one answer that sums of the motivation of all of the guys that approach you.

Some will simply be interested in you. There are some people that don't really factor age into it, so they will simply see something about you that they like.

Some will want to take advantage of you - but that happens to all girls, not just the quiet, shy ones. All girls will have guys that want to take advantage of them. And not just older men... really, that's just a constant threat, for most women, always.

Dominant men will often become MORE dominant as they get older - they learn more about themselves, gain more experience and confidence, and end up being more successful at exerting their will onto others. To them, they may see your shy, quiet demeanour and interpret it as submissive behaviour. And the way a Dominant personality works with a submissive personality is often to overwhelm it. Not always, you will find Dominant people who express their dominant traits in different ways. But often they will just attempt to overwhelm the submissive resistance. Which is often desirable to a true submissive - it's what they want to have happen.

What the person finds particularly appealing about you will vary from guy to guy though.

[Asker]

I do love their dominant behaviour, but at the same time I'm scared of it... I'm scared they'll take advantage of me and ditch me, and I'll be heart broken.

[BearsAnswers]

Ah. That's a rational concern. That's going to be the concern of every new relationship though, older guy or young, dominant guy or not.

The advice I can give you for that problem is kind of conflicting. You can withdraw more in an attempt to protect yourself, which will make you less likely to get hurt. However, it will make you less likely to find ANYTHING, to be honest. And you will still run into the fear of abandonment if you find a young guy who doesn't seem dominant. Dominant guys do not have the patent on leaving partners.

The other approach is to just pursue your own happiness knowing that you WILL get hurt from time to time. But you'll need to learn to get past that hurt, to know that it is part of life, that everyone experiences it, that it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, and that it is simply an opportunity to learn. That is not to say just run into things without thinking. You'll want to be smart about it. But don't let the fear cripple your life.

[kheserthorpe]

They find you attractive and sweet. There doesn't need to be anything else since those are probably the two things men look for the most.

Some may look for girls to manipulate.

Some are drawn to girls they feel they can protect.

[Yous_15]

Why not just stop talking to these older men. Just avoid them if you don't like the way they come off to be.

[Asker]

They talk to me, and I get super flustered and nervous and they're so overbearing I feel too awkward or panicked to say anything.

[Yous_15]

Well just keep quiet and avoid them and keep on going.

[Iron_Man]

How old are these men? Maybe when you act to shy and have nothing to say they want to take the lead and they feel they need to show you how its done be in charge because you are submissive and like in the wild submissive animals get eaten up

[Asker]

From their 30s to 50s

[Iron_Man]

Oh ok

[Asker]

They love to lead the conversation and for me to listen, and I do listen very intently.

[Iron_Man]

Well thats a good thing I wish you the best of luck, but when your in a relationship your also going to have to lead the way

[ReallyRealChemist]

Some dudes dont care about how you look others care a lot. I care about how intelligent a girl is. different guys have different things. check out my question

[Klaatu51]

easy

because they r smarter (in a bad way) and can manipulate them basically...;-)

[Asker]

What do you mean by "manipulate"? Is that for a relationship or just sex?

[Klaatu51]

both basically!

[grkmanga]

It's not about you being shy or young... its about men being men. ... if they are dominant naturally... age or shyness doesn't make a difference

[swettannie]

because exactly like you said, they found our nature as a sign of submission