What happens when you see too much death?

[Anonymous]

I was 5 years old when I cremated my father according to Hindu rituals. I remember it clearly. And after that, something died in me. I have seen death after death since then in my family and friends. But I have never shed tears after what I experienced with my dad. I think I don't feel as much as I should. People say that I am strong minded to not flinch at the sight of blood or death but even that's not true. I just feel disconnected from feelings. But after 26 years, I still have nightmares about the smell, sound and the sight of cremation of that day! I feel like I will never be able to feel anything worse than that.

[purplepoppy]

I'm not a Hindu but as I understand it you see the cremation process as a way of releasing the soul more than simply body disposal. If I were you I'd remember it as your last act of kindness to your father.

[Asker]

It was far from kindness when you have to pick up the unburnt body parts and push them back into the fire. Or when you have to break the skull with firewood because it won't burn whole. Or when you have to pick small pieces bones in your hands and put them in a jar once the fire is out! And all that when you are 5 years old. Do you think a kid knows or cares about rituals or souls or whatever at that age?

[dustybiker]

That must have been awful for you at such a young age.

[ChrisMaster69]

It’s normal to become detached.

would suggest some counselling and a PTSD assessment.

[crossdressingrihno]

Honestly you just become emotionally detached or get way too emotional