Should people forgive serious offenses against them? Why or why not?

[BCRanger10]

A few weeks ago, a young woman here asked how to forgive and pray for the guy who raped her. Though there weren't a ton of answers, everyone on that thread except me either told her not to or questioned her as to why she should or would.

I've been pondering this a lot since. Should people forgive serious offenses against them? Why or why not?

Yes

No

[Anonymous]

This is complex. Forgiveness is really more about making yourself at peace about a transgression/trauma vs. feeling empathy for the perpetrator. You are not letting them “off the hook” per se. That’s reconciliation. It’s different. Forgiveness is more for yourself.

Anyway this woman has to manage this horrible trauma is some method. I also don’t know if this guy was criminally prosecuted or not. But if even if justice was delivered that still leaves her coping about what was done to her. Sure she can hope this guy rots in prison. Wouldn’t blame her. But does that bring her a true peace of mind? Maybe. But holding onto grudges and wishing revenge on the people who harmed you in itself are a burden.

I had to forgive my ex for something absolutely horrible she said to me years ago. Treated me like I was then human after something serious happened. She didn’t say it out of anger either. She said it with cold callous indifference and really meant it. I remember losing 13lbs in one month because I couldn’t eat, sleep or do anything. Almost lost my job. It aged me fast.

Well I forgave her about she said. But later I found out she had cheated on me. Suddenly everything she did made sense. She had to see me as less then human to treat me the way she did to make her selfish pos ego feel better. I haven’t forgiven her for that. I don’t know how to. But one day I need to.

[DJB72]

Forgiveness doesn't create relationship between me and anyone who hurt me. Holding unforgiveness in your heart only creates a prison for yourself.

The Bible says to forgive those who persecute/hate us because doing so heaps burning coals onto their heads. (Proverbs 25:21,22 & Romans 12:19,20)

The best film adaptation of a book I've seen is "The Shack" starring Sam Worthington. His character has an encounter with God after his daughter is murdered. Watching the scene where he carries her body home is heartbreaking, but seeing how forgiving heals him echoed in my heart. My brother wasn't murdered, but the driver who hit him was going too fast. It was an accidental death - technically - but it took real pain out of my heart after I managed to forgive the driver.

[river23]

I would have to say no, I could never forgive the ones who raped and repeatedly hurt me. I just hate them and would never be able to forgive them let alone forget. But if she truly wants to forgive them that's only something she can do when she's ready and only something she can answer when she herself finds out why she wants to forgive them. But personally me I could never forgive them and that's mostly because I don't know why they choose to do what they did to me. I mean they had every girl around throwing themselves at them yet they choose to use me. They said it was simply because they were curious and they said boys will be boys. I mean once I hear those answers I need straight from them then and only then will I be able to even consider forgiving them. That's just my opinion because everyone experiences rape differently though I was more so sold to those assholes 😤. Jeez and they even had the audacity to say boys will be boys and they were just curious yet they sold me to their damn fucked up friends 😡. Gosh I can never understand men or boys, there's just to much going on and society's basically fucked them over with how they trick people into seeing them.

[MAC1983]

Those aren't boys, those are terrible human beings. Boys will be boys? I guess they will never be men, so that's true.

Rape is hard to get over, and everyone has to find balance (if peace and forgiveness are possible, great, you don't need that emotional baggage).

I struggled with mine, and it took a long time to get over it, even despite the fact the person who did it died about 5 years later. It affected puberty, relationships, growth, a lot of things.

Try therapy. Find someone good for you. It will help you get in a better place, but you have to go in with low expectations and patience. It helped me.

I am sorry for those bastards. I am ashamed of sharing a Y Chromosome with them. They are in no way representative of what the majority of my gender do, think and act.

I hope you get justice, but if not, that you find some way to make headway to where you want to be in the future.

You can DM me, or message, or whatever it is called in GaG, if you want.

[RangerBlue22]

@MAC1983 i agree that no rationale man is using the “boys will boys” to excuse a rapist.

“Boys will boys” describes the following:

- Guys being cocky and checking out and confidentially approaching women.

- Guys competing with each other over women (including fighting)

- Young guys approaching and checking out multiple women

- Guys going AWOL after (consensually) getting what they want. Not cool but It’s sure as hell isn’t rape.

- Guys being goofy, crazy and random for attention or to show some bizarre form of dominance.

What “boys will boys” is NOT:

- catcalling with sexual remarks.
- being overly aggressive with women they just met (touching)
- any form of non-consensual forcible rape. Any time a woman explicitly says no and he keeps going. Or if she is passed out drunk (but not drunkenly awake and engaging/enjoying in it)

[Cecinene]

Because our heavenly father said that you should forgive those who trespass against us, because he himself has already forgiven us.

That is the main reason why we should forgive and forget no matter the gravity of the offences the person has done to you.

[DizzyDesii]

I dont wish death on rapists or anyone. They’ll get whats coming to them in some way or another without me having to wish ill on them. I say forgive but never forget. When I was taken advantage of, I loved the guy so I kept allowing him back in my life. But after finally getting away and self reflecting, I hope to never see him again. I still dont wish ill on him though. I just dont want him near me

[NathanDavis]

I would forgive offences that serious... but I would hope that they forgive me too, for what I would do them in response...

forgiveness should go both ways, no? and then... god forgive us all, lol

[worldscolide]

I can only speak for my self. I believe depending on the offense they should be forgiven. When I say defending on the offense. My forgiveness stops when it comes to murder, rape, or really any physical harm against my self or my family. Those items I do not forgive. Anything else I will, but I will not forget.

[jshm2]

Depends on them, I suppose.

If you can move on, or got compensated to, then that is enough. You're just holding a grudge or not really capable of moving on.

[Alwayreckles93]

What needs to be done is file a police report!

[Agape93]

Do what thou wilt. Forgive if you wish. But I don't forgive, I don't forget and I will destroy them.

[KrakenAttackin]

Forgiveness is more about giving yourself peace of mind than the person who committed the act. It's about getting go of angst that harms you in the end.

[Cubus]

They should, but it's not easy. It shows your greatness if you're able to.

[TroyDT]

Christians should. They've been forgiven repeated acts of cosmic treason.

[dustybiker]

No. Some things are unforgivable.

[douride2]

Some things are simply unforgiveable.

[msc545]

If it will help the person who was injured yes.