I have accidentally killed one of our kittens, how can I ever forgive myself?

[Jemini_Crocket]

I've never before thought of this being possible or for it to happen to me, I absolutely love our pets and would never hurt them. I have never stepped on any cat except maybe their tail.

This unfortunate accident happened when I was carrying garbage out to the bin and after walking through the main door there are two steps. I was walking normally, stepping down from the last step and in that moment I've stepped onto the kitten's neck breaking it in the process (he was just trying to hunt me down playfully I assume), I really didn't see him or hear him. He started to trash around for few seconds, I cried out for my mom to go help me, but we couldn't do anything to help him.

I've apologized to my mom so many times, I really feel so sorry for him, he was a lovely kitten, the best one out of the batch... My mom says it's going to get better over time but I can't imagine ever forgiving myself for this mistake of mine. I don't think it could ever happen to anyone else but me.

I'm crying again atm, I have been since yesterday, it happened yesterday on 6:50pm. My eyes hurt so much, so puffy and red... and the terrible feeling of guilt is unbearable, though I know I deserve all of it.

Has something similar happened to anyone of you as well?

How to forgive myself? I feel like such a piece of crap. I wish I could go just few seconds back and save the kitten. I loved the little guy. Now there are two sisters of his left and I don't trust myself with animals anymore (can't imagine ever having a baby, it's an absolute NO for me).

[GOLDFISH_smile]

I'm so sorry that happened. The only thing I can think of for advice would be try to put the greif or the feelings out in some way, like in writing or drawing or singing or something like that. I've found that landscapes & my husband has found that poems help us process the stronger shit so we can start to feel/address it more calm and clearly.

He actually has 5 poems specifically dedicated to cats, tho u couldn't tell by the poem itself. My husband grew up with outdoor cats, and there were many kitten deaths over the years, several by unfortunate accidents. He claims responsibility for 13 of them...

I understand it's much harder to forgive yourself as an adult too. The ones he caused as an adult are the only ones that rlly still upset him. As a kid it didn't effect him much even in the moment, he said he felt bad, but not guilty. Knew it was an accident. The ones as a teen and adult he felt he should have known better. Obviously, he didn't know better. Obviously, it was all accidents—and he doesn't hold any of his other family members as guilty for the cats they accidentally killed. But yknow people are often harder on themselves than others. Hold themselves to impossible standards.

Maybe silly rhetorical question but, wouldn't you forgive your mom if the roles had been reversed in your situation? Maybe not immediately. Definitely still be upset. But it can be easier to begin the steps of moving past—at least for me—to take a minute to see from a different perspective. Can help understand more I think. Either way I wish you peace over this, it's always especially hard to lose a young pet.

[Jemini_Crocket]

It has been few days since the accident. I still feel guilty but time is a big help, it gets slighly better every new day. Sharing a post here on GAG helped, I also try to keep busy but really the kitten's my first and last thought on my mind. :(

I've tried to put myself in my mother's shoes and to be honest I'd be so furious and angry... though I know that wouldn't bring back the little one and would probably make the situation even more dreadful.

Thank you for your kind comment. It helped a lot.

[CrimsonAngel09]

I've unfortunately heard stories of people accidentally stepping on pets or kittens being in a car engine. You definitely got to be extra careful when your pets are really small. Especially young ones since they can be pretty rambunctious and can run in front of you as you're walking.

I am so very sorry you are dealing with that. I feel guilty every time I have accidentally stepped on my dog's tail or paw.

I felt pretty guilty when I accidentally killed a rabbit with my car a few months ago.

Having accidentally ended a pet, the guilt is going to last a bit. I'm glad your Mom is there for comfort, and just give the best little funeral you can as a forgiveness for the accidental death. Cry as much as you want, and you are just going to have to take it slow until you can recover.

We need more people who are empathetic towards pets, not enough out there which is a shame.

[Jemini_Crocket]

It's been few days since it happened, I still feel guilty ('cause I am) very much but I can say that time helps.
My family knows I'd immediately change the past if I could. I'm just so sorry for the poor kitten. He was really special.

[MementoMori777]

From having cats I can say it's definitely a thing that happens, it's never happened to me to this extend but I've tripped over my cats many times, cats get in the way and it seems purposely, it's just a terrible situation but it could've happened to anyone, the guilt you have shows the difference between a good and bad person, mistakes happen and it's a very unfortunate event, it went quick and woke up in a better place, try not to think of it too much

[Jemini_Crocket]

I'll try.
Thank you

[richardcory]

I'm so sorry that happened. You know it was an accident, but I know how hard it is to forgive yourself.

I accidentally killed my parents's dog many years ago - I was just not attentive when I was walking it and it got away and ran in front of a car. Its been 20 years and I still feel bad about it.

[Jemini_Crocket]

I hate the feeling of guilt. I'd change the past immediately if it'd be possible. :(

[Jemini_Crocket]

Also, sorry for your family's doggo :(

[richardcory]

I know you would. The problem with guilt is that it can't distinguish between an honest accident and intentional harm. if you are unfortunate enough to be like me, guilt can seem to last forever.

Just keep reminding yourself that it was not your fault.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Oh… God… I am so so sorry….

I can imagine how you are feeling.

It had happened to my grandpa once, he had this chick, that loved chasing after him, that chick was like a pup, chasing him around everywhere and of course my grandpa loved him a lot. One day, he drove a bike, and all the chicks were behind the fence, that one chick seems to have found a way out and my grandpa accidentally killed him. I remember how awful he felt.

And I remember how sad the whole family was.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I mean the real little chicks, children of chickens. Not women haha

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Not as a slang

[Jemini_Crocket]

I understood, no worries.
Also thank you

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Just remember you never had any intentions of actually killing that cat so it's not murder. That's just life. People who committed road kills accidentally or just carelessly, people who died doing some house works, got sick and died or got murdered along with others in a group, etc. There's no such thing as perfect life. Gladly for you, you're not really wicked at heart who'd actually commit murder so it's ok. You even did a great job raising those other 2 kittens. It's just that accidents just happen. One accident don't make you a bad pet owner or a person.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Also sorry for your loss. To make up for it is to raise the other kittens well.

[Jemini_Crocket]

I will try my best. They're great kittens. Both girls.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

*Hugs* Good luck

[ShesRad80]

it was just an accident, they happen all the time. you had no evil intentions you are human it happened. it is going to be ok. i have a friend going through more or less same thing, she let out room mates dog and it got killed by a speeding car, she's a wreck, as i tell her it just happened its not your fault. dont withdraw from the other pets they dont understand whats going on, remind yourself you had no band intentions it just happened and was an accident

[BoopBoopBeep]

I've made it nearly half a century on this planet without ever having accidentally killed something. Of all of my friends, that has also never happened. It doesn't "happen all the time" or you know some truly shite people.

[ShesRad80]

@BoopBoopBeep
do you never leave your home? accidents of all sorts do happen all the time. i live rural people hit animals all the time by accident deer, groundhogs, chipmunks, squirrels, cats. an accident means an unfortunate , unintental incident happens and they do everyday.
i work in healthcare in the ER do you know the f*cking shit i see daily? with kids, with elders, with adults? people taking wrong meds, kids doing things and get hurt, elderly cutting themselves those are accidents. accidents occur on the plant daily.

[ShesRad80]

planet**

[ShesRad80]

@BoopBoopBeep and you might wanna read the below comments because other commenters know of people who have had accidents

[MementoMori777]

Boopboop I know shit people bro and if you believe the world Is sweet then I don't know what to tell you, I know people that killed purprosely what is your exact point here, trying to play saint? Nobody is a saint, knock it off 😂

[BoopBoopBeep]

Yeah critters dart out in front of cars all the time. Roger. I pay attention to what i'm about to step on. I'm also not moving 65mph. I don't work in an ER, put a bunch of people there though if that counts. volume wise you got me beat, for sure, but severity wise, yeah I saw them before they got to you. also I've spent a pretty good amount of time in combat hospitals. none of those people stepped on kittens either though, so not sure where we're going with that.

And yeah, i read the comments below. I'm not saying there aren't clumsy fuqs out there, I'm saying the ones I know have managed to make it through life without killing kittens. I also read that i'm not the only one coming from this side of the aisle

[ShesRad80]

@BoopBoopBeep
my point was accidents happen all the time.
beating her down isn't going to help. she clearly feels horrible and has a conscious.
you can hit anything at any time no matter the speed. the world is full of unfortunate events and accidents all you can do is learn from it and move on. we had a baby in Er got her hand stepped on and broke, i mean dumb shit happens daily out in the world, it just does.

[MementoMori777]

Okay, thanks for sharing that useless opinion I guess lol

[MementoMori777]

Don't waste your time Rad, ignorance is a bliss

[BoopBoopBeep]

@MementoMori777 Nobody who has ever read 5 of my posts will accuse me of thinking the world is sweet. I'd have been out of a job long ago if it were.

[MementoMori777]

So you replaced all that time now with sharing pointless opinions online?

[MementoMori777]

Way to wisely spend your time bro 👏😂

[BoopBoopBeep]

@MementoMori777 If I "accidentally" drive over your child in the driveway you're just "accidents happen"?

My opinion was to dedicate her life to helping abused animals. I'd hardly call that useless. Certainly not for the animals.

[MementoMori777]

But you didn't drive over my child in th driveway and if you did it by accident then yea the reality of that doesn't change, you ran my child over by accident, unless you did it intentionally, I don't see your point

[BoopBoopBeep]

@MementoMori777 so if i did that, i should take accountability and make penance for my accident that took the life of your child, yes? so how is my comment different?

[MementoMori777]

That we aren't speaking about a child, we are speaking about a kitten, or animals in general, do I really gotta give you the science lesson on the difference or you are catching up on how pointless your opinions are coming off here, I don't understand what you are trying to accomplish but I can guarantee you that you'll just be wasting time, the people that made these mistakes are feeling guilt, most likely won't get arrested, I don't know what else to tell you lmao

[BoopBoopBeep]

@MementoMori777 whether my opinions are considered pointless or not has never been the litmus test for my sharing them. I wouldn't say I'm trying to accomplish anything. It's G@G. It's the online equivalent to chatting by the water cooler at work, not changing hearts and minds.

That said, I am quite curious what that science lesson would be about. That kittens and humans only have so many genetic similarities? Yeah, gotcha... so what?

[MementoMori777]

Why you asking me, you brought up the kid, what exactly does a kid have to do with the conversation, ask any parents the difference between a child and a kitten, I don't know how you'll treat your children but mine won't be eating off a bowl on the ground or shit in a box of litter, just sayin

Ask yourself why exactly you went out of your way here to start talking about children when the conversation is about kittens lol

[BoopBoopBeep]

@MementoMori777 because i don't care about your children, but you (presumably) do. Was that the science lesson? I'm a little disappointed. I was hoping at least for a vinegar volcano.

[MementoMori777]

You are changing the topic completely, so that's why you brought up children? You are making no sense what's so ever, the science lesson is that cats and humans are different, I know disappointing, but factual, you still haven't properly answered my question tho lol

[BoopBoopBeep]

@MementoMori777 cats and humans ARE different, yes, and i already said that. I also don't see a question from you. I see that you didn't answer mine, namely: " i should take accountability and make penance for my accident that took the life of your child, yes?"

When people F up that's the lesson isn't it? take accountability and make penance to whoever you wronged. Not just throw your hands up in there air like a simpleton child and go "oh well mistakes happen"

[BoopBoopBeep]

@mementomori777
and as far as "wise use of my time"... i've been trading all morning making money to support my family... we're all here on the same website, let's not be self-righteous about "time well spent"

[MementoMori777]

Yes for a child, not a cat, and my question is why did you bring up children to a conversation about cats? What if the kitten was your own or what if it was a wild animal, what accountability do you believe should be taken then? Mr knowitall wannabe, which by the way these are the actual scenarios you've been blabbing your yap about, one was a self owned kitten and the other was a wild animal, so what exactly do you believe should be done? Since you are whinning about it you must have a solution right?

[BoopBoopBeep]

@MementoMori777 I answered that in my original post. Pay attention and you could have saved a lot of time. "Dedicate your life to saving abused animals." See you think children matter because you put some premium on human life. If whales were running the world we'd talk about the value of whale life. But they're not.

Who brought up a wild animal? Unless that's what you consider your child. That's how I consider many of them, but it seems extreme from a parent. Your kid. Her mom's kitten. Which one is the wild one here?

[MementoMori777]

You didn't answer it with a liable answer, you twisted it to benefit your pointless argument, I want a valid answer, of course you don't know cause you are creating assumptions here, the scenario you decided to talk shit on was a wild animal, it might be new knowledge to you but Its not to me, you already know which one was the owner scenario which leaves you with just one other scenario, you are a big baby bro "the whales 😭"

So what accountability should be taken here? As far as I know, there's nothing else you can do here

[BoopBoopBeep]

@MementoMori777 Valid answer to what? What have i not answered?

Are you off your meds? If so, may I have them? What are you babbling about? There's no wild animal involved here. The kitten was her mother's apparently, since she went and apologized to her mom, as she wrote in the original post.

[MementoMori777]

What accountability can they take? She already told the mother, so what more can she do, tell me cause you brought up accountability, you are slow bro, you are in the opinion of a user that had an accidental encounter with a wild animal that had an unfortunate outcome, what are you blabbing about? Cause you are clearly all over the place nor knowing what to bring up cause you know you made a pointless assumption and created an argument with no proper foundation, you've spoken about everything besides the topic of the post, you even brought up whales for some reason 😂😂

[BoopBoopBeep]

@MementoMori777 Accountability and penance. Literally look down to my original post from 10 hours ago. I'm not going to repeat myself again.

And just because I like you... here ya go: Whales... WHALES!

[MementoMori777]

Yea but nothing you said matched the scenarios you are arguing about, there's no accountability lacking in either of these scenarios and accidents do happen, unless you want to illogically argue with that statement, which you can but the fact won't change

[BoopBoopBeep]

@MementoMori777 Yep you're completely right. I gotta take one of my rescue kittens in to get her checkup, so you folks have a great evening.

[MementoMori777]

☠☠🏴🏴👍👍

[Jemini_Crocket]

ShesRad80 - Thank you very much for your comment (and the rest).

[ShesRad80]

very welcome, hang in there 💕💕💕

[Fireguy17]

I'm so sorry.
In time you will forgive yourself.
This is very normal to feel guilty, even when it is a horrible accident.
You will cry about it, but in time you will move on.
You will probably never forget the incident, but unfortunately it happens.

[Jemini_Crocket]

I do hope time's going to help otherwise I'll spend every damn day thinking about this incident.

[jshm2]

The key word is "accident". But as you have not tried to resurrect the corpse in a demonic ritual, you can take it as a lesson to watch your step around kids and small animals.

These things happen. It's why cats give birth to 4-8 in a litter, instead of just one.

[exitseven]

It was a sad and unfortunate accident. Your mom is right , it will get better over time. Just take extra good care of the other cats.

[Jemini_Crocket]

I will try. Thank you

[exitseven]

I used to have a girlfriend that was housesitting for some friends for a couple of weeks while they went on vacation. They had a litter of puppies that she had to take care of too. There was a swimming pool in the backyard and one day one of the puppied ended up in the pool and he drowned. It was just a terrible accident but I felt horrible about this. I think I know how you feel.

[ChiTown33]

Sort of. I left the lid open on my tropical fish tank and a beta I had in there jumped out in the middle of the night. My shoes were below the tank and I found him when I went to put on my shoes the next day. I felt bad because he suffocated to death. To make matters worse I got another beta to get passed it and he died to. So I stopped owning betas after that.

I know it's of little consolation. But at least your kitten went quickly. It's a freak accident.

[Sparkie460]

It was an accident. They happen. With kittens, you can look away for one second and one would be right in your path. It's not your fault. Give yourself time. Give the other kittens extra attention and love. It will take time but you'll get over it

[Jemini_Crocket]

I'll try. The remaining two kittens are just as lovely but he was a boy and I've always ended up caring more for the puss not the kitty. :(

[ericclayton]

Just forgive yourself. You have a kind heart, otherwise you wouldn't be tortured over this. It was an accident.

[Jemini_Crocket]

He was really one of a kind. If I could, I'd go back in time and stop myself.

[Guanfei]

As you said, it's an accident. You didn't want it, things just went that way and it happened. You have nothing to forgive yourself.
Just take your time to process it. You'll realize soon that it wasn't your fault. It's an accident.

[Guanfei]

Also it happened to me, but with a rabbit, when I was a kid. I know how you feel. But it's not your fault.
Worst guilt I have is getting mad at my cat, a day before he died, because he refused to drink and I thought it was what could save him.
Still crush my heart 2 years later. Even if I know well there was nothing I could do to save him.

[Jemini_Crocket]

I'm so sorry to hear that.
I know we can't change it what we have done but I cannot help but feel guilty (and like crap).

[Guanfei]

I understand that, and you'll feel that way for some time, and even in years, when thinking about it, you'll feel a bit of guilt coming back.
But it's not your fault. Accidents happen, and it was your turn. Every time you'll think about it, and feel bad, remember that. It's not your fault.

[Dargil]

It will hurt for a while, but it was accidental.

[Jemini_Crocket]

I hope time's really gonna help or else I dunno how to cope with it :(

[Anonymous]

If you feel like somethings wrong with you and you're unable to maintain awareness of your surroundings then maybe you shouldn't be around peopels pets. Or if it was actually an accident, which do happen, then it wasn't your fault to begin with

[Opinion Owner]

I would be absolutely pissed if someone killed my dog. I WOULD blame them and I'd tell them to fuck off and get out of my house. So I'm not going to say "things happen" because I feel like maintaining awareness of your environment instead of being consumed in your own thoughts prevents accidents

[Opinion Owner]

That said. Someone did kill my dog once on accident and I couldn't do anything about it. So I just forgave them and really missed him. Remembering the last time I was able to show him so love before he was suddenly taken from me my a moron

[Jemini_Crocket]

I know I'd be extremely pissed as well and I very hardly forgive. I'd change what I've done in a heartbeat if I could.
As you said, I really miss my kitten and it hurts. He could have been so large, if only it didn't happen :(

[Opinion Owner]

The fact you knew you had a small young animal in the house makes it 100% worse. Honestly, I'd throw you out of my house.

[Jemini_Crocket]

Reported.

[Opinion Owner]

You KILLED... KILLLED another life. It's not coming back. It's over for it. It got 1 fucking chance to enjoy this world and you ended it. Fucking woman. What next you go abort your baby? Or campaign for other women to do the same. Fuck me
Sick of this shit.

[BoopBoopBeep]

You should dedicate the rest of your life to helping abused animals as penance for not watching where the F you're stepping when there are kittens around.

[Anonymous]

That's sad. It was just a kitten though. And it was an accident so don't beat yourself up over it.

[Jemini_Crocket]

I try but despite it being days since it has happened, I still feel so guilty (because I am). I just hope time's going to help.

[scooogy]

My brother was too excited or whatever to get that he shouldn't push around the guinea pigs who ran around while chewing. One of them choked on it's food until it died.

[Jemini_Crocket]

Oh jesus :(

[Pohjolan]

You just have terrible perception and reflexes. Try to be more careful in traffic or if you decide to have a baby.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Your being what to hard on yourself it was an accident

[Bklynbadboy12]

Good morning are you okay!

[Nik1hil]

You need to go to farm and raise crop or a batch of chickens for slaughter.

[Ms_Facesitter]

Raising the others to be happy and healthy.

[LiamJHayden]

It is sad, but it was an accident.