People that wronged me are more successful than me... isn't this unfair?

[Vesuvius87]

In reality, the Hollywood ending (bad guy loses and good guy wins) that says those that wronged you will be losers in life while you'll be on top is false. That didn't happen.

I got curious on FB and they've all become successful (more than me) in their lives. Most of them are already established, with high level management positions and married with kids.

Good for them but this still leaves a bitter/sour taste in my mouth. Isn't this unfair?

Updates

+1 y

Then there is me, just an average woman with a good earning but still remains at entry-level, has a worthless BA degree and still not married and childless.

[lightbulb27]

They all wronged you? How? How would you describe yoru personality? Sensitive, trusting, nice, etc..

It is reality, life is not fair... world is not fair. I used to have similar thinking as a value... and it brought me to the cliffs edge emotionally. It's a lie. Is it fair kids born in Palestine are being blown up and wounded with no help? Is it fair what happened to the Israeli kids?

You have to learn, and fast at your age, and renew your life. Time to get a new perspective so you can obtain the things that you are desiring rather than developing negative views of others.

The problem is you (thinking, not understanding yourself and possibly traumas), the solution is you rising above.

[Vesuvius87]

I'm an easy going personality but not that trusting nor naivee anymore (given by my history of being bullied during my early school years, being set up twice with fake apologies, others taking advantage of my past forgiving nature and lastly my ex boyfriend scamming me with money and never proposing... finding out everything was all a lie and he was a narcissistic-sociopath) and by I'm not afraid to speak up.

[Vesuvius87]

To get an idea of how forgiving I used to be, someone could screw me over once or twice, then cried and said sorry and bang, I would forgive them. Not anymore.

[lightbulb27]

There are some common patterns here. You are learning your lessons.
You mentioned the likely underlying issue... being bullied. But it's that plus your personality. I went through a lot of that, and some of that was the issue.

I suspect you are what's called a "caregiver", highly sensitive person (there's a test you can take to see if that's you). Nice people... get trampled on and taken advantage of until they are strong, recognize the abusers/nacrissistic people and can say "no" and hold boundaries. Sounds like you started learning, but I'm not convinced from what I read the inner child has been worked on. Until that's done, you will fear your own gut rather than trust it... and your sub conscious likely to steer you right back into these types of people.

Your path out of this rut.. we'll there is one, I don't want to beat you up over it and you haven't asked. But I got out of it, much older than you. Life isn't over yet, it's just getting started, but this is a great time to get serious about your life to make some changes... if you are sitting and reflecting on how unfair it looks, then you've got to get motivated like a Rocky I prize fighter to work on your self.

Else the way life works... we just keep playing the same repeating record until time runs out.

I had issues with people... but I turned all that back on myself and accepted my role in allowing the abuse. Once I saw myself, I saw them, and the reasons for the issues, it became easier to address, avoid, and improve and make decisions.

There's a lot you can learn and attain if you get serious. Life can/will change every 10 years, just how it works.

[Vesuvius87]

I had enough with being the pushover for years. Nowadays, someone that screws me over doesn't get a 2nd chance no matter how much they beg or cry. I would block them from all my social medias immediately.
By curiosity, can you forward me the link to take that test to see if my personality is like that?

[lightbulb27]

https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/
Whether you are or not, I've heard enough to say what happened to you makes sense. It's good you can hold a boundary now. Being highly sensitive to me would just support how you got into a state of being wounded, which lead to the other problems.
A lot of this is peeling the layers on the wounds of the inner child. As you find the wounds, there are techniques to heal them and grow above them. Wounds turn to strengths when healed. From all this you gave emotional wisdom and strength when it is viewed with courage and heart. From that you can give to others.
It's unfortunate our world and society are so abusive to "empathetic" caregiving people. And I hear there are more "narcissistic" people going around, so I'd expect more of such abuse. Where are people trained about themselves in the education system? They aren't, they are just chewed up and often crushed unless they have good support around them or learn and grow.

[Vesuvius87]

So far, this is what I got on the test.

Your Total: 14
Scoring:

If you answered more than fourteen of the questions as true of yourself, you are probably highly sensitive. But no psychological test is so accurate that an individual should base his or her life on it. We psychologists try to develop good questions, then decide on the cut off based on the average response.

If fewer questions are true of you, but extremely true, that might also justify calling you highly sensitive. Also, although there are as many men as women who are highly sensitive, when taking the test highly sensitive men answer slightly fewer items as true than do highly sensitive women.

[lightbulb27]

you may have been a person whose better off staying out of school and debt and starting a business, if you have the drive and ability. school sets you up to get to college... that's all. college sets you up to get a job with specialized skills, that's all. getting the degree that does not equate to $ means, college probably not worth the $. Listen to dave ramsey show?
got a long ways to go in life...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bX8uresbwk
some of this... is bad/wrong choices. that happens and it does cost a lot of $ and time. Been there... done that, cost me I don't know how much $,$$$,$$$
I just read story of a guy that injured his back at work. Was waiter at high end restaurant. Decided to go into the business himself and became very successful with high end steak house.
Note that there are other people whom are abusive and will prey upon others weakness and abuse them... and feel good about it. That's how they are, you can't change the. You can be aware of them and choose other friends and don't let them choose you. you may have learned that.

[lightbulb27]

can you relate to this girl around 25sec on how unfair life is?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I--AUvKnP6k
it's all perspective. point is a lot to be thankful for...

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Everyone lives their own life & so should you. Success is a wonderful thing & sometimes success comes at a price & online people may look successful however offline those people might not be successful at all.

Some people have kids & some people don’t. Some people are married & some people aren’t. Some people have high level management positions & some people don’t.

You don’t have to be married or have kids or have a high level management position to be successful. You can be successful in your own way.

Stop being so hard on yourself!

[IslaTheWitch]

Who you are depends on you. Your future, in a great portion, also depends on you.

Do you have a shitty BA? Do other, more useful.
You don't like your position at work? Learn what the career path looks like and start climbing the ladder.
It's not easy. I know it first hand. But gritting your teeth and taking the next step out of your comfort zone is the best gift you can give yourself.

[Vesuvius87]

Ok. Now what about the wanting marriage part. I'm tired of staying at eternal girlfriend stage. I don't want to date forever.

[IslaTheWitch]

I'm better at work-related stuff :P

I simply asked my husband if he wanted to get married :D

[HelpfulWoman]

well no. because assuming "karma" or such was going to provide your life for you is simply dumb and shows WHY you're unsuccessful.

[Vesuvius87]

I don't believe in karma but I thought that since they weren't exactly bright students in school while I was, they would struggle in the professional world... only for the opposite to take place.

[HelpfulWoman]

eh, you're there saying they're dumb so maybe life was exactly fair.
besides, it's proven time and time again that education level doesn't equal the success you'll make in life. But maybe you're a similar "not exactly bright" if you don't realise that...

[Vesuvius87]

I've wasted years of my life, effort and time in getting good grades, excelling academically and all for nothing. I regret wasting time on school, regret doing long, worthless math homeworks. Good grades mean nothing in the end. I'll never get back that wasted time.

[Twalli]

Good grades give you the ability to excel more easily than those that don't get good grades. Good grades fo not indicate you will more so than those that didn't get them.

[BoopBoopBeep]

RIght, but you got out of school 20 years ago. You can't keep blaming your school years for doing nothing in the interim.

[Still-alive]

Yes life is unfair i get it. but you gotta just ignore all that and live the best life you can.

if they are truly terrible people though you can bet they will cross the wrong person in life and they will pay for it. It has rewarded me a few times. not all the time though.

[AviatorTom]

Who said life is fair? Life is what we make it. We learn from our mistakes, get stronger from our adversities. Rather than dwell on what isn't, emphasize what can be. That's what life is.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Life doesn't care about you feelings. But remember life is a marathon, not a sprint. Up till 40 I might have thought the same way as you. But much like Warren Buffet. Most of my earnings have came AFTER 40. The good news is people that are jerks tend to remain jerks. So if their being a jerk at the wrong time hasn't tripped them up yet, remember the race isn't over. Most of those people I can take my wallet out and crush them with it now.

[Vesuvius87]

It's a pity that some people don't change. None of the people that were jerks to me in both grade and middle school ever reached out (I look the same, have the same last name and I'm easy to be found) to me, lol. Oh well, I'll just try to find ways to make myself successful on my own. I'll just be patient for the meantime I guess.

[exitseven]

Life is not fair. However , what did you do to become successful? Did you go to college? Did you find a good job? Did you work hard and do the compromises it takes to climb the corporate ladder? Success does not just come and sit in your lap.

[Vesuvius87]

I went to college and go an BA degree on tourism, hotel management and culinary arts but I'm not working on my field. I'm working as a bilingual, phone translator, continue to work for a manager, continue at entry level.
I think my mistake was relying too much on getting good grades during my school years, focusing on just being excelling academically that I didn't apply what I've learned towards the real world.

[Vesuvius87]

Excelling academically at school is just about being good at retaining information that's all, nothing else. It teaches you nothing about how to perform corporate level tasks, about how to be prepared for the real world.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Anybody who is expecting "Fair" out of life has a lot of growing up to do. You're 36. Time to get to work.

[Vesuvius87]

I'm just venting. I think it's natural to be bothered if you've put so much effort in education, didn't get the results you wanted and see the people that were jerks to you already climbed up the ladder long ago.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Well education is a small part of it. I know plenty of people making 6 figures who topped out at community college, if they even went. What's your degree in? If it's something useable, why can't you be "more successful [than them]" doing it? If it's not anything useable, well, how could you expect to be more successful with a low-value degree?

More importantly, how are you defining success and how are you quantifying theirs? By their own social media feed? Most people don't post their alcoholic spouse totaling the car again and having to ride the bus to work after stepping in hobo vomit, they post their weekend in Milan (that happens once a year at their cousin's house". You KNOW all the crap in your life, you only know the crap they choose to share online that way.

[Vesuvius87]

It's a BA degree in tourism, hotel management and culinary arts. I'm not even working on my major. I'm a bilingual, phone translator working for my supervisor, still working for someone, still just taking calls.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Okay, so not the highest demand field in the world. How about the people you're comparing yourself to? Are they in a different field? If you're looking at astronauts with an art history degree you have to have a different definition of successful, as obviously there won't be much overlap in life experiences there.

So phone translator seems pretty mindless for someone who is bilingual. I say that as someone who has held down a mindless job for the past 7 years because I wanted less stress/more hours off/bunch of other things, so there's nothing inherently wrong with that, but if you want to live a fast pace jet-setting lifestyle, need to find some other ways to do it. Saving up airline miles or something. I don't know. I'm not sure what success looks like for you yet. They have a spouse and kids? They make more money? They're all superstars in local government? They build prosthetics for injured baby animals?

What's the desired end result we're shooting for that you're saying they're closer to hitting than you?

[Vesuvius87]

My main former female bully from my middle school years is a teacher that been working with very small children and is the director. A jerk that gave me a hard time is a nutritionist and another jerk is now a radiologist.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Ok... so "successful" to you means what? You're still not answering.

[Vesuvius87]

This is what I would've liked in life (as my ideal for being a fully accomplished and successful woman):
- Already living on my own (even though it's normal to live with your family in my country, some people have been independent for the longest)
- Either have my own business or being the director/manager of a company
- Being married with at least one child
- Traveling to other places or going on trips with my family

[BoopBoopBeep]

Okay, at 37 CAN you move out? Because if so, that should count, or it doesn't count and you should move out. If you can't afford to then to be quite frank you need a completely different career path because yours is dead end.

Same with owning your own business. You translate phone calls for a living, how does that get you closer to that? I would think it doesn't, so what are you doing to get closer?

Traveling... well... plenty of ways to travel hack. Check out google and "how to travel hack" if you have no idea what I'm talking about.

The marriage thing. Since that's important to you, why do you think it hasn't happened? You're not getting the guys, you're not getting the GOOD guys, you're getting them but they aren't sticking around? Each is a different problem.

[Vesuvius87]

Yes I'm at a dead-end and can't afford to move out. I don't have enough money for an apartment. The only thing I've been trying to is saving money but it'll take me forever. I think I have to start looking for another source of income online such as writing.
I would like to travel one day but not alone. I was thinking of traveling with someone in my life, someone meaningful.
The marriage thing is the real issue. Even my older female cousin got married several years ago at the age of 39. I got strung along with a user that scammed me with fake promises of marriage. Then my 2nd boyfriend (we never even had sex either) lied about the timeframe established when confronting him about it, he said doesn't want to waste my time and broke up. It took me a while to finally realize there is nothing to gain by being an eternal girlfriend, forever at the ''I love you, miss you'' infatuation stage but no actual commitment aka marriage proposal. Any man can make me his girlfriend, big deal but getting one to propose (the equivalent of someone actually buying from your company/store and not just going for the free coupons) is like pulling hairs. I understand why it's harder for men to nowadays propose but some women are still getting married even today so I must be doing something wrong.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Writing online doesn't pay shite. Are you in a high cost of living area or your job just pays THAT shite? If it's the former, well, quite frankly you're not entitled to live there, and acting like you are won't get you there sooner. Move to the country/small town/less desirable parts of whatever country you're in. You can't get a villa in L. A. if you make $50k/year, but you can buy a house for that in Ohio. Whatever the equivalent is in your country, you may want to explore. If you already live there, then well, what was going through your mind when you made these career choices? Surely you knew how much they paid. You can't shoot for champagne dreams on a beer budget.

I don't think it's hard for men to propose so much as they're not seeing the value to do so. I'd propose tomorrow to someone who brought enough to the table, but most women can't cook now a days and I have no intention of cooking for two the rest of my life. The marriage thing is going to be hard for you. You're past your prime for marriage material, to be quite frank. No offense intended, just statistics. You're going to have to bring a LOT to the table to overcome that and you'll be limited by the amount of men who don't want a large family. That may mean lowering the standards you had for your ideal spouse when you were in your 20s to something closer to the types of men you're likely to attract. Guys do the same. (Nearly) Everybody wants to date the SI cover model (the former ones at least). Most guys don't warrant that. Make sure you aren't making the same folly.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Quite obnoxiously, my battery died while I was taking care of things and multitasking with my answer to you, so trying again.

Are you widening your net for men appropriately to the section you can attract. Men make that mistake frequently. Everybody once used to want to date the Sports Illustrated cover girls (back when they were women) but everybody doesn't warrant that. The broke Danny Devito looking guy who is a bagger at the grocery store... probably not going to land Cindy Crawford. Okay, tough love time. You're a middle-aged woman with a track record of making decisions which do not particularly better you. You've already ruled out any men who want a large family because time is not on your side, so you can't just sit around and wait for Prince Charming to sweep you off your feet. Where are you going to meet men? They're not just going to show up at your doorstep, and clubs and bars don't count. Hopefully you've at least kept yourself in decent shape. What do you bring to the marriage table? Let's find a way to take that and exploit it into a force multiplier. Me, you, twenty random women walking down the street all put into a room together. I have 20 minutes to talk to each of them. Tell me why I should pick you to go on a date with.

[Vesuvius87]

I believe finding a faithful, loyal person (someone that has your back and support) is a big contribution towards any relationship. It doesn't matter if they're wealthy or not. I know this probably is the bare minimum to some people but then again, many people are cheating in their relationship or marriage so it's not easy finding loyalty. I can cook better than my mother and grandmother but in my last relationship, I put too much effort on cooking, only for a break-up to happen. So much for the saying that ''a man falls in love through his stomach'' BS.
Nowadays I'm not going to overdo it with the cooking.

[Vesuvius87]

Secondly, finding someone that brings harmony and peace (someone that doesn't argue too much nor bring drama) is what many men want.

[Vesuvius87]

I'm still childless and yes time isn't on my favor at all. Though if a man wanted a large family, I wouldn't mind adopting children in need of parents.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Very few men are into adoption as an equal tradeoff to their own genetics. Your last three messages certainly paint you in a high-value light. Ok, so let's say other than the age thing, you are knocking your competition out of the park. Where are you going to meet men, since they can't ask you if they can't find you? Incidentally, I'm off to bed, but I'll check again in the morning.

Cheers

[Vesuvius87]

I would have to go out more often and change locations. I've tried going to the park, to the mall, to bookstores, libraries, Starbucks Coffee but ended alone like always. I've tried on a FB dating site and there is an American man (he has hispanic features but speaks little Spanish) I've been chatting with for nearly a year, who claims he's going to visit me. I don't believe in fairytales anymore though and will try other options.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Yeah all those options suck for dating because none of them say "approach me" and I doubt you're doing any approaching since you don't seem all that motivated. Join a group/volunteer at a cause that matters to you. Say it's an animal rescue. Well you know everybody there has that in common with you, and you're there to complete a specific task, so there's already cause for interaction with the other people. Some of them will be men. Some of them will be women who will know single men. At nearly 40 you can't wait for the off chance that some stranger just randomly walks up to you at a bookstore, especially after men have been shite on so much for doing just that because attention seekers want to label it cringe and make a video about it on tiktok.

[Blueeyes81]

It is but when is life fair. People love to believe in Karma. It's good in theory, justice will prevail. But if Karma did exist we'd all reap what we sow. But life isn't a Hallmark movie and Karma is just a word.

[Vesuvius87]

Indeed and I'll never get back those years I wasted time getting good grades, excelling academically... all for nothing

[CoolCatMar1]

You can become successful as well! Just believe in yourself

[Vesuvius87]

I've tried and as the years passed by, it hasn't happened.

[Still-alive]

you gotta keep at it. never give up. life is a struggle. @Vesuvius87

[Andres77]

Your biggest competition…is you.

if who you are today is not better than who you were yesterday…is that fair?

challenge

[JohnK123]

It’s also what market u get urself into and what u purchase or don’t have etc… where you live also matters bc of costs etc

how r u

[Vesuvius87]

I'm doing ok here. I was just venting out now.

[JohnK123]

R u better now? Can u dm

[Vesuvius87]

I'm ok.

[JohnK123]

Okkk but why can’t we dmmmmm loll

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

What about the people that wronged them? Everything isn't about you, besides you don't know someone personal lives behind closed doors to assume they are successful.

[jamesgoldman]

That's life as they say

[Vesuvius87]

yeah tables have turned. I was a former middle school kid some of these jerks would try copying from my math mid-term exam once (they bullied and used me); only to realize grades don't never in real life.

[Vesuvius87]

Now they're on top in the corporate world, what really matters. Getting good grades is just a small advantage for the timebeing, for the short-run.

[Anonymous]

Yes, life can be very unfair, but use that to motivate yourself.

[Vesuvius87]

True. Sucks. I hate how many movies give false hopes.
I wish I had what they had. I'm tired of forever working for someone and tired of not progress past girlfriend status in a relationship. The main woman that wronged me in our early adolescence has already gotten married twice in her (that's two proposals... meanwhile I never get proposed to) life and is a director at a school.

[Anonymous]

these people gaslighting you wouldn't say what they're saying right now if they gone through truly terrible shit

[Twalli]

What makes you the good guy?

[Vesuvius87]

I've never bullied nor used people.

[Vesuvius87]

I was a former bully victim, then later on used and scammed by an ex boyfriend. I never got my money back.

[Twalli]

That doesn't make you "the good guy"

[Vesuvius87]

I still can't think of a time I've ever hurt someone badly on purpose. Meanwhile bullying or scamming someone is done deliberately, knowing very well the person will get hurt and they don't care.

[Twalli]

I understand, but the prototypical good guy is typically not someone who is victimized. The good guy helps and saves victims.

[Vesuvius87]

You got a point. Then again, I never saw anyone else getting bullied. I would've done something if I had seen someone in my same position.

[Twalli]

You're not naive enough to think that you were alone in being bullied though. Also the only reason why they bullied you is because you accepted it. I was bullied and thrn discovered who I was and then I couldn't be bullied. I knew everything that comprised me and insults don't work when you know yourself. Now I am not saying you should have done that in highschool as it's extremely difficult and requires you to pretty much be a social pariah in the most difficult times (learning to accept and love your faults), but you emerge with emotional teflon, because you know yourself inside and out. When you know everything about you, insults don't work because you know they aren't you, and if they are you then you don't see that as a detriment. I only know this because I went through the process then and while I emerged stronger it also took 3 out of my 4 years in high school.

[Vesuvius87]

It was ok in High School. I was bullied in both grade school (4th to 6th grade) and middle school (7th grade mostly and 8th grade not that much)... but yeah 7th grade was the worst school year ever.
I just had few friends in HS and was somewhat invisible. I think that's because my social skills got stunt due to the precious bullying in the grades mentioned. I think Middle school bullying is just as bad too.