How do I make it stop how?

[soulbabe]

So essentially if someone gets upset with me or yells at me I'm friggin petrified like as soon as you leave I'm going to start crying if it's someone younger than me or within 8 years of age I don't really give a fuck. But if your older than me or God forbid an angry woman I'm petrified I can't speak and my hands shake so unless you physically attack me I'm not going to move or say anything.

So people have more control of me than I would like for them to have how do I stop being afraid.

And I don't mean I'm nervous I mean the same kind of fear you would have with a lion stalking you level of fear it makes me feel so pathetic.

I'm physically strong like I can lift a 250 pound man but I'm going to vomit because a 35 year old woman screamed at me WTF 😒

[Oliverlogan263]

Okay, I hear you - getting super scared of confrontation like that sucks. But don't be too hard on yourself, overcoming fears takes time. Here's some things that might help:

- Remind yourself their anger isn't really about you. People will yell over all kinds of shit that has nothing to do with who you are. Try not to take it personally.

- Practice deep breathing when you start getting anxious. In through the nose, out slow through the mouth. It can help calm your nerves physically.

- Visualize yourself standing tall and confident. Fake it til you make it - act how you wanna feel til it starts to feel more normal.

- Gradually expose yourself to less intense situations to build tolerance. Start small, like talking back respectfully to friends joking around.

- Remember you deserve respect too. Don't be afraid to politely stand up for yourself if needed. Baby steps!

- Martial arts or boxing classes can help with confidence over time.

Rome wasn't built in a day luv. Just keep challenging yourself a little at a time and it'll get easier to brush off drama. You've totally got this!

[soulbabe]

Yelling is dangerous whenever my family starts yelling it's a 50/50 shot they become violent and if it was one of the adults if I resisted it got worse.

I'm not afraid of people my age and I can physically protect myself.

But if I feel your older than me or have a way to control my life. I always submit without trying to stand up for myself

[soulbabe]

Ps I have taken judo in the past not a lot but I have done some

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, I feel you boo. Growing up in a household where yelling could escalate to violence, that crap leaves some serious psychological scars. It makes total sense that you'd associate raised voices, especially from older people, as a threat even if intellectually you know you can defend yourself physically. The fear is on a deeper level than just about safety.

A few things that may help:

- Therapy. Talking it through with a professional could help process those traumatic experiences and regain a feeling of control/safety.

- Surround yourself with chill people. Spend less time around anyone with a temper so you're not constantly on edge.

- Set boundaries early. If someone starts yelling, firmly tell them to calm down first before continuing the conversation. You don't have to just take it.

- Fake it til you feel it. Force yourself into low-risk confrontation situations and notice you survive it okay. Over time it'll feel more natural to stand up for yourself.

- Martial arts. Not just the physical skills but the mentality of confidence, control and not being intimidated can indirectly heal old wounds.

Rome wasn't built in a day - have patience with yourself. You got this luv, just take it slow working on feeling empowered instead of helpless. You deserve to feel safe and in control.

[Lynx122]

It takes time. I used to have so much anxiety with social interactions because of the uncertainty. I never knew how someone would react and so my brain was preparing for the worst case which never happened but it still paralyzed me. When I got more experience with social interactions and I learned more what the normal spectrum of responses is that a person will give etc. Then I got more comfortable and I didn't overthink things anymore. Maybe you're also more scared of what could happen next than the actual yelling. The unknown is usually scarier than the reality.

I don't know your situation fully though.

[soulbabe]

Mine is more trauma based then in my head I used to and still do get screamed at and have stuff thrown at me daily so it's not really a my brain just decided it was scary more of I was condition to be afraid

[Lynx122]

Oh ok :3 I'm sorry. Trauma is also fear at it's core and you've already identified and accepted your fear so I do think you can overcome it you just have to wait for your mind to be ready to let go.

[soulbabe]

I'll get over it when I'm 60 because nobody will be old enough to make me feel threatened anymore

[Lynx122]

ok :) You'd be surprised you can do it a lot earlier if you try :)

[Cutegirl06]

Maybe you have trauma from when you were younger. Like your mom or older sister yelling at you?

[Billlewis]

Whenever you find yourself in a situation like that, just look the guy straight in the eye and tell him that if he's all hot and bothered, then maybe he should hurry on home so he can play with himself. Seriously -- when you say that to a guy, he'll never be rude or threatening, because he's so ashamed.

[soulbabe]

Um that's not happening and I did say I'm more afraid of middle aged women

[On_cloud_wine]

lol you’re full of it

[Aiko_E_Lara]

That's trauma. Maybe a therapist can help. Also *hugs*

[soulbabe]

Honestly can't afford a therapist I'm still trying to escape my current situation but I might finally have some freedom in March but I don't want to get my hopes up to high

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Best thing to do at the moment is to think logically about it to fight your emotional thoughts.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

But trauma can't just easily go away. You have make logical thinking a habit or get help from therapists. I also suggest try verbal judo.