I think this is a common struggle with people who came into their attractiveness later in life.. like ones who were unattractive in high school and hit attractiveness in their 20’s. In high school, I used to get called ugly nearly every day. It wasn’t that I was ugly, I just had an extremely volatile home life so I was never taught to take care of myself. I grew into adulthood still thinking I was ugly. Anyway, as the years went on, I started working out, cleared my skin, wore better clothes and have become quite attractive, but I can not tell you how long it took for me to come out of that high school mindset that I was unattractive.
I also think it’s less socially acceptable for attractive people to talk about their looks than average people. If an average person goes on a tangent about how pretty she is etc. no one really bats an eye. But an attractive woman, it’s always a negative. Same with how women who are very attractive don’t often get approached by men. A woman would perceive this to be because she is ugly if not taught differently.
I think there are a lot of factors as to why an attractive person would have low self esteem and a lot of it has to do with what environment they were raised in or are currently in. That’s usually the common denominator.
It's not black and white. A person's history with how they were raised by their parents/family (attachment styles), dealing with bullies, poor environment, negative reinforcement, unhealthy relationships (friendships, co-workers, romantic, etc), and such can all play big factors to how someone views themselves and experiences mental health challenges. A person must take on the mental work to overcome it to build their own self-confidence and healthier relationship with themselves.
Whereas others who know they are attractive and have higher self-esteem experienced the opposite upbringing, more positive praises/recognitions, positive support, and positive reinforcements in their life.
There are various reasons why this often holds out, for some its past history, this can be bullying, abuse, narcissistic parents etc. Being the ‘pretty one’ among a group of young people makes you a target, you stand out, standing out makes you that target. You get a bit older, you never really know if your friends are friends because they like you or because you are the ‘hot one’, that always sits at the back of your mind. You start socialising, you get hit on and once or twice is okay, however when it gets more, it’s an annoyance, you know they only like how you look not how you are as a person.
When you get a bit older, you start looking for jobs. You get interviews, these go well but the interviewer keeps looking at you rather than your CV / resume. You get the job, then you do something really good connected with your job, you then get that great backhanded compliment, ‘Oh you are actually good at this and not just a ‘pretty guy/girl’. You have to prove you are good at something and not just appreciated for your looks, body etc. That does takes its toll on your mental health, especially if you had the issues from earlier in your life.
I have encountered this many times in life in some pretty women I’ve had the privilege of knowing professionally and personally.
When all you are told day in and day out is how pretty you are, at least for a lot of women, you start to crave being recognized for just about anything besides that. If you don’t get it, you start to develop doubts.
Add to that, that beautiful women are often subjected to a boatload of issues unique to their lot: constantly being approached by men, sometimes uncomfortably so; stalkers and aggressive men; random hate and bullying by other women; exaggerated assumptions about who you are or what you’re like; and so on and so on. This will erode a persons confidence.
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I think it's because their looks become the metric that defines them. Say like if you're an average looking white girl, you don't have to worry as much about being used for your looks or race.
If you're an Asian who's an 8, you totally do have to worry about being fetishized for your race, feet, some aspect of yourself that you have no control over at all. I could see how that would wear down on you.
It's something that took me a while to realize as my "type" is busty redheads, and nothing will ruin it more for them than saying that. No matter what woman you're with, if they ask about your type, it isn't them lol. It makes things easier.
I've noticed this too. It's because people downplay their looks so they never think highly of themselves
Not sure but I think it might be because they notice people give them attention, like looks and glances.
When people inspect you like that you become self-aware about it.
Some don't make the connection that people look because they admire them. They just feel uptight, observed and a bit paranoid about why they get attention, they don't think they deserve it.. because they didn't really try to get it. people just stare.
Also, good looks don't make people automatically confident, they're just as flawed, torn and fragile as most are.
Attention isn't always a good thing, especially if they're comparing themselves to those they deem better looking than themselves or better in other ways.
It’s because these people have been getting comments about their looks for almost their entire early lives. It’s literally part of their identity and it’s especially true for women. It gave them special privileges and power they will never knew until it’s gone
The thing is you can control your looks up to a certain extent (good by hygiene, diet, exercise, rest, dressing well). But the rest of it is completely dependent on genetics. And Father Time sadly ultimately takes away good looks from everybody. It’s sad but that’s just life.
Personally I believe good looking people have a lot harder time aging than average looking people. People are more judgmental of a once attractive person who gets older.
I guess of the good looking person was a dbag in their youth had it coming. But often people take pleasure out of former jealousy at making fun of someone who doesn’t look like they used to. That’s not cool.
I've dated and/or banged over 500+ females ranging from average to model types
This is true, you'd be shocked to know that all the model types had major insecurities. One had a perfect body, we met at a hotel, she even had a boob job and her breasts were perfect. 5'4 / 110 lbs and had to be D cups perfectly round, perfect body shape. She took off her top for me and then covered her breasts and said ugh I don't want you to see. I asked her why and she said she was still embarrassed by them.
That's why all those model types get plastic surgery, they're all insecure asf
I once dated a beautiful girl who was easily a 10+.
Guys were falling all over her. They were afraid to even approach her and got wobbly knees.
But she had NO IDEA how beautiful she was. I was completely shocked when I got to know her that her self esteem was non-existent.
I waited for about 3 months before I even talked to her about it because I could sense something about it was really distressing to her. Turns out she was molested as a child. That'll do it. Not hard to understand that something like that can play some really bad games with their heads. I suspect she is not alone.
eeeeeeehhhhh, I can say I've noticed this behavior before, but it was almost always some good-looking female with shitty people around her.
I’ve always been a good looking guy (other people’s words), but have always struggled with extreme confidence issues due to being raised by a narcissist and growing up in an emotionally abusive atmosphere. Also I grew up with Tourette’s which were worse as a kid and was a late bloomer so needless to say I wasn’t popular in school and my awkward phase lasted a pretty long time. People say I’ve got what’s called “ugly duckling syndrome” cause I kind of became hard wired to feel like the outcast even as I grew more attractive as an adult.
In my opinion, it's the opposite. Honestly, I don't think any of the people, who answered the question, understand the psychological implications of being conventionally unattractive, or what unattractive people are going through. Being marginalized, ignored and treated with contempt, as a scapegoat your whole life, can take a real toll on one's self-esteem and mental health.
On the other hand, it has been shown by studies that people, who are exceptionally beautiful, will likely be given more opportunities in life than someone who is not as beautiful. Also, people tend to associate physical beauty with positive characteristics such as friendliness, warmth, and confidence.. Thus attractive people are generally treated better than unattractive people.. This is bound to affect their self-esteem in a positive way.
I don't know if this is entirely accurate. I consider myself average. A 7/10 at most on a good day. There are tons of guys way better looking than me and I've always had low self esteem in terms of looks. But people always say I'm really attractive and say I look like a model, which I genuinely believe they're saying to be nice. I'm average, but I have low self esteem, so I wouldn't say your concept applies.
I completely disagree with this statement. Confidence is developed and affected through positive reinforcement and praise.. How can someone, who has been bullied and made fun of every single day of their life, have more confidence that someone, who gets compliments and hears how good they look all the time?
It's ironic right? After all, not a hint of makeup or product on me besides hairgel and shampoo, I don't use any skin care besides sunscreen on a hot day or UV day, and look at me: i am gorgeous to the ladies. So I don't know why women or ladies have such issues with their looks and their self esteem. I mean, hot or less hot, why are they so downbeat all the time lol long before any prospective mate/s
If that's true I must be a good looking guy but I don't believe it to be true. I think all people have their insecurities. Some people have just undergone more scrutiny from others so it effected them differently. If you grew up with people saying you were ugly or fat it could make you mentally ill thinking that you always are no matter what you do. If you grew up with people telling you that you were gorgeous it could make you very arrogant and give you a high esteem.
Man, you couldn't be more right about that. I'm friends online with Elena Rybakina, the world #4 tennis player and 022 Wimbledon winner. She's VERY nice and humble... and her looks SMOKE OUT any of these Walmart Baby Mommas... yet, it's the Walmart Baby Mommas who have a MASSIVE "all guys want me" entitlement shitty attitude. You couldn't be more correct. I travel a lot and run into this constantly.
Because situation around yourself Make your self esteem low🥺
I feel hot people aren't insecure. I am ugly and am insecure rightfully so lol. People that always get noticed aren't gonna be insecure. They tend to be normal or arrogant.
I don’t think that’s true…I’m a pretty average looking guy and I have extremely low self esteem…I feel like most good looking guys are pretty confident.
In my opinion, truly good looking people know pretty well their self-worth.
lots of things can make you have a low self-esteem without realizin it
This is a false statement.
Now you might say that some of those people have a skewed view of the world. Or have narcissistic tendencies which manifest in the form of always craving attention. But they don't really have low self esteem.
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