Should I be the adult here and have a conversation with my neighbour or let him avoid me out of fear of confrontation?

Question

Backstory:

For the last 3-4 months my neighbour has been having relationships issues. Which has meant a lot of yelling, door slamming, stomping floors - screaming. And when I say screaming, I mean screaming - like at the top of his lungs. This was happening for hours at times, sometimes several times a day, in the middle of the night and mornings. I've been mellow - hinting with loud ass music that "mister, I can hear you quiet down". Worked for a little. Then one morning, after a hard ass work weekend - he woke me up Monday morning, which I thanked him for in a not so friendly manner. (Not my proudest moment).

He's been really avoiding me since, like peaks out his door before running out - runs down the stairs again when he sees me coming down and such. Kinda starting to feel bad for him and want to say things are alright as long as he stops that shit - however I also want to just not give a fuck, it's his mess not mine. In fact this suits me better since his temper and behaviour makes me uncomfortable.

(Sorry if this is a mess, 12 hour shift - joint, English might not be the best) 🙏

DoggyDude · Accepted Answer

So, I guess it depends on what the issues are. To do anything practical you would need to know what conditions apply (so yet, your kinda wise to not really get involved in some aspects).

I would say, unless your seriously and confidently concerned for someones safety or that they might put someone elses safety at jepoardy (in which case maybe involve law enforcement). I would try to just increase your sound-proofing or if its so maddening, ask a burly male friend to go round and politely explain unless they can sort their shit out and be quiet their might be furthur wider issues (politely but coldly).

It's more difficult though for me to advise because I'll do the 'man' actions which might be unsafe for a girl / woman / lady to take, though I'll still share my personal 'action' playbook and let you decide if you feel it helps:

First off, if they are yelling AT a partner; If it's something reasoned, irregular and the partner is doing their own share of response yelling, then I wouldn't involve myself and just let it play out; If though it's one sided, too regular and prolonged I would act because that's something I'd want to try to see cease.

As example an Asian neighbour was yelling near non-stop at his partner flor over 45 minutes (so loud I could hear it clearly through the wall), and after that period of time, I knocked very sharply on the neighbours door and told them, in not uncertain terms, to sort themselves the hell out. I can't recall how I phrased it precisely, but it was something like "If you can't keep the noise down there, I'll be forced to do something about it.". Now, I'm not small and I was a lot older than the couple so it is a point of priviledge being able to sue that stature to make people think (so possibly if you have a burly male friend/neighbour/good soul to help would be good). I was VERY glad I did this, guy still fought with his partner (we can't fix dumb) but the girl clearly enjoyed that she could answer back now without him raising his voice lounder and lounder and I was glad to here her get her side of stuff in (and also, the arguments where MUCH shorter for that, I like to imagine I scared the guy straight there lol).

Second off, if I witness any kind of rough stuff, again I'll step in. Though it will be to try to extract the party getting the short end. Now on this personal choice, it HAS backfired on me. I witnessed a man and woman getting into a physical fight (punching each other) in the street and stepped in to opinion / be firm that noone should be punching anyone, and the girl turned on me and, I quote "you shut the FUCK up and you better get out of here before my boyfriend beats you up" after which I made a tactical retreat (especially as it seems a lot of other parties where materialising who had apparently been there for this fight, but letting it play out, and seemed not to find me the objection not the fist fight). I'm glad to say I walked smartly away , getting faster as I went as that score of people who appeared, the girl was attempting to insight them all with 'aren't you going to punch him?'. So, that's a thing. However, I would still do that again, I DID stop two people hitting each other for a short time, but I suspect they will be right back at it after they lost their ability to unite against a stranger attempting to help them.

After that, I just try to stay out of stuff; I'll share a third lesson in trying to help. This one didn't involve any physical stuff. A girl was on the beach generally yelling at the wind, how terrible her boyfriend was; I walked past and the started to talk to me, so I thought maybe I can help so she more calmly dismanteled the terribleness of her boyfriend to me, to which I nodded and listened politely. After which I risked a comment saying 'yes that sounds very bad', thinking I was extending some kind of polite sympathy, at which point she raged "YOU don't know my boyfriend; He's wonderful... " and she spent an animated amount of time loudly proclaiming his charms and how little I knew. I just extrocated myself at the earliest moment possible.

Good luck, at the risk of irony "yes, that sounds very bad" ;)

teamvic · Accepted Answer

Hmmm here's what you do. Just apologize for how you talked to him, because you neevver know when you might need something. Not saying to use him or anything but it's better to be acquaintances or friends rather than not. But if he's does it again then you can go the not give a fuck route

Also this way at least you can say you tried if shit hits the fan

Cause think about it. When he was mad, he wasn't mad at you. Yes he's not taking into consideration about the people around him which is bad on his part but, I mean no one's perfect. Sometimes people have a hard time controlling themselves. Whether or not that's good or bad, all I'm saying is you weren't the source of his anger and perhaps he feels bad about it. Based off of him avoiding you. I'm not saying he's a Saint. But maybe give him another chance you know

dustybiker2 · Accepted Answer

Never confront a neighbor. Call the police on the noise. Even the police tell you this when you call and ask what to do.

exitseven · Answer

Stay away from this guy. He might be a nutjob with anger issues. Next time he goes offf the deep end call the cops.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Just leave it alone. The next time he starts screaming call the police.

Notherndude84 · Answer

That can be awkward. I sympathize with you, hopefully they can resolve it or end it.

Anonymous · Answer

You’re a loser so I see why you’re scared of confrontation. weak minded white

josepppiiii · Answer

Mind your own business and get a life wow

Should I be the adult here and have a conversation with my neighbour or let him avoid me out of fear of confrontation?

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Am I wrong for not wanting to be bothered by my neighbors kid?

Should I be the adult here and have a conversation with my neighbour or let him avoid me out of fear of confrontation?

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Am I wrong for not wanting to be bothered by my neighbors kid?

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