My boyfriend toke his baby mama out to eat for her birthday?

[rose0404]

Ok my question is..is it wrong to be mad that your boyfriend toke his baby mama out to eat for her birthday while I was at work. He told me that he went out to eat but it was for his dads birthday Because his dads birthday was the same week..but he also told me his baby mama went with him and their son . But the next day we got into an argument and told me well yea he paid for her Because it was her birthday dinner. I know they have child together but am I being to selfish to be mad that he toke his baby mama out to eat for her birthday with his son & his dad? Opinions! Pleaseee!

Updates

+1 y

Said he finally said he only gave him 150. We have tons of bills coming up and I'm far from greedy but wouldn't you think 30 toward rent would of been better because I'm not paying for it because he was birching and stressing for a couple days before that about money. And also I feel if he can't buy me anything for our one year anniversary or Valentine's day this year he shouldn't get her anything dinner or not. He has money to take her out for her birthday but doesn't get me anything

[loveisbeautiful]

As a girl who has two cousins who have children out of wed lock

(one of them being male), I can safely say that your boyfriend and

the mother of his child being on good terms it's much better for the

kid, trust me!

My male cousin and the mother of his child, basically loath

and dispise each other. It wasn't always that way, but they've

always had rocky relationship. He's got custody of the kids

and she's not a very good mom. They're not together now, but

their eldest son (who turns 13 this weekend) had to watch all

the fights, yelling, swearing, talking smack about one another,

the police being called and the constant moving in and out with

each other. It's been hard on him and he'll probably now have

messed up view on relationships and their youngest ( who is 3)

doesn't talk and is acting out aggressivly, that's probably due to

the fact he's never had proper bonding time with his mom and

she's never around, I mean she's see's them, how often I don't

know. What I do know is, that it's very hard on those kids having

there parents not be on good terms.

My point, is I understand that maybe you're hurt that he didn't

tell you the complete truth, he should have. However, there's

nothing wrong with him taking the mother of his child and their

son, out for her birthday or paying for the dinner. It's a nice jesture

and sets a good example for their son. Also, I noticed how you

said to another answerer in comments, that your boyfriend has said

"I love you" to his childs mom? Just because he tells her he loves

her, doesn't mean he's in love with her. I'm assuming they were a

couple once and may have at one time been in love and now they

have a child together? Not to freak you out, but having child bonds

two people together for life and if they split on good terms, than of

course they might still feel a love for each other. That doesn't mean they're

getting back together or in love with each other. You know what I mean?

My best advice would be, if you're really afraid there's somethings else

going on between them. You should sit them both in a room and confront

them and ask "if there's anything for you to worry about?" And, say "You'd

rather know the truth now, than later on and risk everybody being hurt"

Ultimately, it all comes down to trust. You just have to trust him and

try not to get too angry when he does things with her, it might start to make

him feel like you're trying to alienate him from his childs mother. Obviously,

you don't want that. Just hang in there and I hope things work out in your

relationship. Good luck! : )

[Confucius16]

Good advice.

[Sammm1789]

Id be mad. I'm dating a guy with a kid and the way I feel is that you two should only really need to talk about the kid. You two decided that you two cannot work despite the fact you have a child together. Plus he lied to you, though I'm assuming that he did because he knew you would react the way you are, which I support by the way. But lied none the less. Plus if this is how you feel its how you feel. Don't try to make yourself the bad guy when I think you obviously know who is wrong in this situation.

[rose0404]

That's what I said. But they also have a good relationship for their son and are good friends after all this. But if you read more to what I told this guy that answered my question..you will see how I feel that there is more to this than just a mother of his child.

[ya_ya_ask_already]

This is a little confusing. I think the worst part of it is that he didn't tell you the truth. He first said he took his dad to lunch right ... but later said it was also for her birthday? It's not a deal breaker, as long as he doesn't pay her special attention like he still likes her

[rose0404]

Sometimes I feel as he still wants to be with her telling her he loves her all the time. Even on Valentine's day he said happy Valentine's day I love you. Uncalled-for. And today sent a text wishing her luck at her new job and if she needs anything or help he will do so because in his own words "I do love you". Wtf is all this. Feels Like a bigger picture if he always telling her he loves her. But I also know they have a good friendship cuz.of thier son I guess

[surferstud]

I think it is completely okay for him to take out his ex-girlfriend, who happens to be the mother of his child, and also to pay for dinner. But there should also be very clear communication around it.

He should start by telling you that he would like to take her out for her birthday, asking how you felt about it, setting a realistic start and end time for the meeting, so you need not to worry when he will come home, checking in with you over phone if he runs late. Anything to make you feel secure, that shows he is honest, cares about your feelings and doesn't do it in order to make you jealous or try to get back with her.

You should also cut him some slack, don't drive him away or into lying to you with you jealousy. In my opinion he is allowed to have a good relation with the mother of his child, it could even be a sign that he is a nice guy, taking responsibility for his past. But the situation needs to be dealt with responsibly and there should not be such messy miscommunications like it seems to be the case here. That just creates drama on both ends. Good luck!

[InquisitiveMale]

You have merit if you're upset he lied. Deceit is a dangerous thing. As far as him taking his ex out, given that they share a kid, it could be considered the decent thing to do considering the circumstances. The girl is going to be apart of his life whether he wants it or not. Things move smoother is you stay on good terms with said person.

p.s. he didn't take her out for a private dinner. He went with his son, his father, and the mother of his son. That's not cause for reprimandation. Also, maybe he lied because he felt you would not see things in such a way. It doesn't excuse him trying to deceive you but it explains it.

[InquisitiveMale]

One other thing that just donned on me... perhaps he didn't lie and just provided you with a half truth. His fathers birthday was in that same week, correct? The dinner could have been in celebration of both birthdays. That's not an uncommon situation.

[rose0404]

Yea it was for both birthdays. First he told me. it was for his dads birthday and then day later it was for hers so he paid for her. And the. It was for both birthdays layer on and the argument. I'm more mad he lied to me about what it was for. The whole argument was about bills and money which we live together for over. Year now. That night he said he gave his dad 180 for rent because we rent a house from his dad. And the next.day told me he paid for her dinner because it was her birthday dinner. So with

[rose0404]

Said he finally said he only gave him 150. We have tons of bills coming up and I'm far from greedy but wouldn't you think 30 toward rent would of been better because I'm not paying for it because he was bitching and stressing for a couple days before that about money. And also I feel if he can't buy me anything for our one year anniversary or Valentine's day this year he shouldn't get her anything dinner or not. He has money to take her out for her birthday but doesn't get me anything

[rose0404]

Also on Valentine's day he texted her and said happy Valentine's day I love you. And I feel that is uncalled-for. Meaning he should only be telling me that. He said he said that because they was fighting yesterday. Idc you don't say sh*t like that. And just today he wished her luck on her first day at her new job and said if you need anything or help.ill so it because I do love you. Wtf does that mean. Is there a bigger picture to this. I do love him but I also do know he does love me

[InquisitiveMale]

Well then. It seems there are issues that run deeper then a harmless birthday dinner with family. The money is a common problem among couples and not any real cause for concern unless things get heavily such as him dropping off a pile of debt on your doorstep.

What you need to worry yourself with is your SO telling another woman, other then his mother, that he loves her. That needs to be addressed and if not completely resolved... you can speculate what I think from here...

[rose0404]

Its been addressed to him and he said that it doesn't mean anything to him. He is in love with me and they both said the reason they still sag I love you to show his son and be a good environment. But I don't believe one bit you have to tell your ex the mother of your child you love her all the time. It pisses me off!

[InquisitiveMale]

As it should.

So what's his reasoning behind saying it while he's on the phone with her and out of earshot of his son?

[rose0404]

He has no reason at all. He said he will change the way he talks to her. But hasn't happened after what I seen him telling her he loves her again.

[InquisitiveMale]

Well, it looks like you have all the facts. The rest is up to you.

[PhilaPenn]

Your being selfish, the guy spent time with this kid and the mom was there. It was a nice gesture for him ot pick up the bill on account of her birthday. He gave his son a nice memory. You're kinda drawlin' by making a bigger deal out of it than it should be. It's not about you per say. A father needs to have a strong relationship with the mother of his child. It doesn't mean that he wants to be with her. You drew forreal on this. Kinda selfish.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

I'm just gonna be honest and tell you something you don't wanna hear: They're probably still f***ing. They went out for HER birthday, not the son's. Mommy, daddy and baby going out to eat is what families do.

And if he did not get you anything for Valentines day or anniversary then that is a huuuge sign. He's not showing the right amount of dedication to you and that's not fair. His actions are showing that he's playing around with you and just keeping you around but he's still with her

[Anonymous]

I have a 5 year old daughter with my husband and he has a 9 year old from a previous relationship. Funny thing he does is he will take his son and our daughter out to eat and not tell me that his sons mother "tagged along"...NOT OK! I personally think any relationship between boyfriend and baby mama should be kept strictly about the child! There is NO reason why he needs to be taking her out, he should be taking the son out not her! It's a little different be I have a child with my husband as well so I really feel there is no reasoning for anything more than a cordial relationship between the two. Very simple..pay your child support and take your child for visits or weekends etc. there is no reason to play house for the kids sake. Why create a fake setting for the child?

[Anonymous]

wud you prefer that the child grow up hating both his parents and becoming a person that is emotionally traumatized?

think about it this way, you cud be his step mom in the future. your boyfriend is being a good person you shud not make a big deal about it. the one thing you shud complain about is how come they cudnt go at a time when you cud of been there as well.

him paying for her= not a big deal

him deciding to do the dinner while your at work= big deal

[red324]

Since he has a kid unfortunately you're going to have to deal with the baby mamma. Him taking her out for her birthday and bringing the kid along is perfectly fine. The fact that you over react with him is probably the reason why he twisted the truth a little bit. Now spending money on the baby mama and then not getting you anything at all isn't right. She may be the mother of his child, but he still have respect for you and show appreciation for you on your anniversary and on Valentine's day and get you something or make you something

[rose0404]

I ment to agree with your comment not disagree

[Anonymous]

This makes no sense. Your boyfriend's mom is a baby, or your boyfriend has another baby that isn't yours? Next time, be more clear.

Don't hurt the baby emotionally.

[MissConfused93]

*took...

[rose0404]

Well thanks for spelling grammer. I was typing fast in anger. Lol