Men Issues: Falling in and Falling out of love takes time.

[Anonymous]

Disclaimer:

This myTake is primarily to help the men of GaG who have suffered dramatic blows in their relationships (i.e breakups), but it's open to women too because I would love to hear their suggestions and thoughts.

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Let's get to it shall we lads?

The first thing is something I've devised: "The See-Saw Effect".

When a girl blows you off by either cancelling a date or unilaterally changing the terms of a relationship (i.e breaking up), what she's really saying is "I've tried letting you know that you're not acting like a man. It's turned me off and I'm no longer attracted to you" ... in other words you've done something (acting insecure and/or clingy).

Usually when a girl says any of this, the guy goes into overdrive and will you RATIONALITY and LOGIC which is a 100% NO-GO! The more you push her, the more the see-saw will tilt towards her and the more she'll run! What you're doing is EXACTLY the sort of thing that pushed her away in the first place.

Mind blowing, euh

Now back to the main points.

1. A girl takes time to FALL IN love.

This goes for everyone really. A lot of young people will assume they're in love after the first 2-3 weeks OR even when they've first met, but this is purely infatuation. Love takes time to develop. When you like a girl and you're doing everything right, she'll fall in love with you within the first 2-3 months.

2. A girl takes time to FALL OUT of love.

Now this is the disconcerting part. A lot of guys will get dumped by their girlfriends and wonder "What the fuck? That was totally out of the blue". They'll go around questioning "But she said she loved me the other day!" or "If she doesn't love me any more, then why would she still be with me for 2 months?" - This is lame LOGIC and REASONING ... this NEVER works with relationships.

Here's the real story behind her break up, or even a girl who blew him off.

"She had been thinking of the break up for a while. Her feelings for you started to deminish from the point you did something which screamed insecurity or clinginess. She told you in her own girly way that you did something wrong in the hopes you'll notice and change, but you ignored it or didn't have the skill to notice it. Progressively things went worse and she lost more feelings up till the point she had nothing left. BOOM AND THERE GOES THE DYNAMITE!

And as a last point ... your ex suddenly, a couple weeks after a break up, is already dating someone new! You know what happened?! When your ex figured out that you were not going to change and that her feelings were close to zero (or less than 51%), she met up with her plan B!

I hope this helps people in the Break up/Divorce section of the website ... but also helps people in Dating and Flirting AND possibly relationships!

Peace!

[Ozanne]

This is so true. People who have a break up sprung on them are usually so clueless to the arguments and bad times that led up to it and still want to know why they are breaking up. It took me fucking forever to get rid of one guy because he was smothering and possessive of me. I was so miserable and snappy with him for so long that when I finally had enough he had made up his mind it was because I *MUST* be cheating. First, that was false, and secondly, he was too self-absorbed to fully understand how unhappy I was with him. He even blamed me for not appreciating his smothering as I was the one misunderstanding that his smothering meant caring. Stupid me.

I think my falling out of love happened for many many months leading up to the breakup, hence why it was easy to get out of it and never talk to him again. Actually I did once to tell him to fuck off because he was still hounding me for an explanation of why I broke it off, still insisting that I must have been cheating, but that was about it.

[myTake Owner]

Let me tell you something. A man who understands women will never argue with her.

I'm not going to say I understand you girls completely, but I'm well on the way. It's so much simpler than people think!

[Anonymous]

Part of this is women should communicate their issues, especially accompanying the pressure they put on men, not just keep on trucking and deferring responsibility until it falls apart and then moving on to plan B a week later. But it's important to look for signs and force that communication lest you be blindsided by a breakup.

[Herschelle]

"She had been thinking of the break up for a while. Her feelings for you started to deminish from the point you did something which screamed insecurity or clinginess. She told you in her own girly way that you did something wrong in the hopes you'll notice and change, but you ignored it or didn't have the skill to notice it. Progressively things went worse and she lost more feelings up till the point she had nothing left. BOOM AND THERE GOES THE DYNAMITE!"

Funny how that entire paragraph is exactly depicting what my previous boyfriend was like right before we broke up. But I admit he had sort of a very feminine behaviour (mainly the bad aspects of a feminine behaviour) so perhaps that explains it all.

[CumminsTomic]

I don't agree with this, mainly because everyones different, it works both ways and depends on culture too.

My ex fell in love with me after 2 weeks (i did too). But so much so she wanted to get married. I was the one to breakup with her for being immature and clingy.

[simplegurl123]

I like the clingy guy... that means he can't live without me anywhere... i don't breakup because i find guy clingy or desperate but because he stops showing what we as a couple mean to him... or love seems lost

[Ratiocinative]

By clingy he means the guy is doing things like excessive texting, not waiting for you to call/text back, seeking your approval, etc.

A man should be affectionate and playful with a woman, and occasionally a little naughty, but chasing a woman is not the way to do it. Planning a fun, intimate, and romantic date while being in the moment, giving her your full attention, and actually listening to what she says is by far the most effective way to show you care without being needy and clingy.

[Anonymous]

She had been thinking of the break up for a while. Her feelings for you started to deminish from the point you did something which screamed insecurity or clinginess. She told you in her own girly way that you did something wrong in the hopes you'll notice and change, but you ignored it or didn't have the skill to notice it. Progressively things went worse and she lost more feelings up till the point she had nothing left. BOOM AND THERE GOES THE DYNAMITE!"

Not always maybe she just wants you to reach out and work things out

[TheEroticJester]

You are somewhat right, but clingy means you stop living your life. as a man always have hobbies and goals to take up your time,

people here think being completely unemotional or uncommunicative will land you the girl when it will not

[Anonymous]

Wrong when a girl blows you off and ignores you it's immaturity. I've had it done to me several times and I didn't not act clingy or insecure at all.

[myTake Owner]

So you think when a girl dumps you it's just immaturity? ... puah, you have much to learn.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm talking about dating

[myTake Owner]

Well nor dating. Sure if you act clingy and desperate she's going to blow you off.

[Opinion Owner]

I've been blown off and never acted clingy or desperate it's immaturity on the girls part for acting interested and then getting cold feet.

[MattDamonAndFriends]

No one seems to agree with you, I think by default that makes you wrong

[myTake Owner]

Great logic right there...

[MattDamonAndFriends]

So is yours, you think you are an expert or something this is your point of view not the truth

[simplegurl123]

Actually i think MattDamonAndFriends you are right..

[MattDamonAndFriends]

Thank you ms

[Anonymous]

A little bit funny but i don't agree..