Sorry for the doom and gloom title. It really is what this article is about though. I've honestly never had a loving, mutually respectful relationship and the sad thing is that neither have most of my friends, whether they realize it or not.
Our generation is so focused on this idea of winning in relationships. One MUST COME OUT ON TOP. That's the central idea and a really shitty one. When did relationships become a game, a competition?
Relationships are meant to join together two lives, two people, and two souls. Relationships and dating involve intimacy: opening up the deepest parts of yourself to another human being to make a connection. Intimacy isn't sex, it is the joining of two people emotionally. Sex is merely a physical asset that builds upon the intimacy that two people possess, which is why sex without intimacy leads to heartbreak or one person wanting that intimacy (become emotionally invested), while the other doesn't.
Why can't our generation seem to understand this? We go after people for the wrong reasons: looks, money, status, to feel a void, etc. Relationships are about what is on the inside of a person because everything else can fade - we get older, money dwindles, status can vanish, and inner voids can only be filled on your own - but what is in the soul is everlasting. That soul connection and opening up, learning about that person, and merging your souls and destinys are what love is about.
So how did it get so twisted? Why do we hide behind cellphones and social media? Why would we rather put people through immature tests and games, instead of getting to know the real person behind that phone in person?
And, why have we turned everything into a competition instead of being mature adults and communicating? Instead of telling someone how we feel, we would rather play games and conceal our feelings. Instead of telling someone we aren't interested, don't want to talk, or that things are over for us, we ignore people, cut them off, and leave them hanging in an anxiety, emotionally-abusive abyss. (Studies prove that ignoring someone causes the brain to interpret it as abuse and it is what causes people to become obsessed with finding out what really happened and why you treated them that way.)
Our generation is caught up in this horrible dating pattern and it is killing dating, relationships, and love. People get together for wrong reasons without a solid foundation and the relationship/marriage eventually crumbles. People start talking and never make it to dating because one person refuses to create that intimacy by being open and wanting to spend time in person because they want to "take things slow" and hide behind their cellphones for months, dening themselves a real connection. Intimacy and true love is forgotten. It is kicked to the curb by Generation Y.
I wish so much for a world in which it wasn't about winning because that's not how I operate. I used to operate under the dating/relationship ideals of Generation Y - as I was born into the heart of it - but as I get older I yearn for more. I've grown up and realized that all we do is hurt others and ourselves. Being an adult in the dating realm should be about openness, honesty, communication, and intimacy.
The sad reality is that I've implemented those things above into my dating life the last two years and it has brought me some harsh realities: it will make you realize just how misguided this generation is. So many people run from true intimacy, they are afraid of actually having a connection and if you try to show them love, they will run, even though that's what they crave deep down. People use games to protect themselves from what they actually need (honesty, openness, communication and intimacy) and when you tell them you're not going to play them, they become angry and accusatory.
We are a generation that isn't self-aware and I think that has attributed to a lot of our problems. Only when I really examined why I did what I did and what I truly needed, did I realize I was part of the problem. As a generation, we need to come together, really examine ourselves, see why we do what we do, and work to change it. Everyone deserves honesty, openness, communication, and intimacy, as they are the foundations to any enduring relationship, whether it is with a significant other, family, or friends. We deserve that and so do others.
Once you make the changes within yourself, you will be able to see the bigger picture. Those people who wouldn't take things to the next level and strung you along? Your anger turns into compassion because you realize they aren't where you are. They weren't ready for real intimacy. That marriage that crumbled? The foundation was lacking and they are human too, but they weren't at the same place as you, willing to work and grow together in intimacy, and thus, anger turns into compassion that forgives.
I long for a world in which people were honest, open, communicative, and intimate in relationships because in the end, it makes life better whether it is returned or not. If you treat others with those things, you can always move forward with no regrets because you were yourself, not some manufactured, hidden self that was afraid of getting hurt and got hurt anyways.
Why not take a risk and know you gave it all? It really is a refreshing and freeing way to live life. Some people will abuse that, but if you're open and honest, you will figure out sooner who is worth your love and time. End the end, it is worth it to be yourself.
So, Generation Y, I challenge you to be yourself, be open, honest, communicative, and intimate, and love people with compassion. Put into the world what you want to get back and little by little, help make this world a better place. After all, you never know what people have endured or are going through.
Spread the love. You might just change someone's life while you definitely change yours.
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