Relationships

The "Ex" Blueprint

The


So, before I start, let me say that I don't advocate ever changing yourself to appeal to anyone else, rather realizing what about you is attractive is always a great piece of information to have.


So, the "ex" blueprint refers to the idea that the past relationships of the person you're dating offers incredible insight into the person you're dating. In life, it's not so much what type of person you're into, but why you're into them. What about them do you find matches you or excites you? By spotting patterns in your bf/gf's past relationships and seeing which guys/girls stood out for them as particularly intersting or uninteresting shows you they are as people and whether who you are really matches that.



it's not so much what type of person you're into, but why you're into them.



So, let's start with the girl/guy who has been cheated on multiple times by mulitiple guys/girls. (If this is you, you should watch Nights of Cabiria.) The first reaction many would have is that this person is too trusting and has just had plain bad luck to have so many people cheat on them. Yet, if we inquire more and find out that they were passionate about these people we're lefting wondering...what about the girls/guys who didn't cheat on them? In my opinion, it is very likely that this person is attracted to the danger in relationships. They are turned on by someone who seems like they might cheat on them. Maybe the trait itself is just self involvement, which maybe they are as well and so when they see it in someone else they find it very sexy deep down inside. The trick is to realize that we are sometimse attracted to negative traits just as much as we are positive ones, which is the cause for a lot of suffering, but also the cause for a lot of hot sex. So to bring it back to the thesis, this blueprint would tell us that if we are the self involved cheating type or even flirting with other people type, we may be this person's cup of tea. If we are extremely loyal to a fault, we may not be a good match. People tell you all about themselves all the time, but the problem is when we don't want to hear what they're saying--when we don't want them to be those people--we close our ears and don't listen. We block it out and have trouble recalling that they ever said it. You aren't going to be that person. You're going to read that blueprint, understand it, and proceed accordingly.



The trick is to realize that we are sometimse attracted to negative traits just as much as we are positive ones, which is the cause for a lot of suffering, but also the cause for a lot of hot sex.



Let's take another "negative" example since this is, after all, a site devoted to troubled relationships betweens the two sexes. The next example is when your gf/bf tells you they've only had one person they've really loved and they really hate them. Now, we'd first read this as them being still into their ex, however, if we inquire just a bit into it, we can see that they are very intense when in relationships and respond well to the exclusivity aspect of relationships. Once they're dating someone, thoughts will revolve around that person. They put too much energy into a relationship and either very happy or very stressed out in life based on how said relationship is going. Instead of thinking to yourself, oh we'll have to work on that, ask yourself whether you are someone who devotes a lot of his social life and himself/herself to a relationship. If you are, then this would be a good match, if not you'll probably hurting this person in a very similar way to this "one person" that didn't work out but who they seemed to have at one point loved a lot. Here, the key takeaway should be that you are not special. You are not really unique. What happened with someone else will probably happen with you. We are simply a species of living creatures. Don't think that the ex blueprint doesn't apply to you, it does. Instead of wondering whether history will repeat itself (it will) ask yourself if you are ok with that history and that, given you being different from that person, you will respond to the situation differently than they did. If you think you'd make very similar choices that that ex made when faced with the same sort of conflict, consider moving on.



What happened with someone else will probably happen with you.



So, that's the ex blueprint in a nutshell. Don't be afraid to learn your gf/bf's history and don't think you can change them. It will be an exhausting process with little to no payoff. Better to learn and decide early on whether you think something's there.

The "Ex" Blueprint
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