I'm writing this because I just need to let stuff out, I'm not really good at talking to people, unless it's my best friend or surprisingly that kid I met at college in my Monday and Wednesday class, but when it comes to absolutely anything? It's my best friend.
And at times like now, when she's not here- I usually write stuff out, so here we are. And I just wanna talk about this decade for me, personally, to let it all out like I said, because I'm ready to leave it behind and start fresh for the 2020s.
Anyways getting on with this MyTake.
I don't really consider 2010-2013 to be all that serious really. From what I remember I was just a kid I've got some nice childhood memories, like the YouTube channel I tried to setup (we all know how that turned out😂) Well I say I tried to set it up, my dad set it up through is account and monitored everything I did- I just made the videos, but anyway that was trash😂
And it's crazy because when 2010 started I didn't really have the concept of "a decade" in my head back then, because I even a decade old back then, so I didn't really think I was going into a new decade when I was- so 2020 really feels like the first time I'm entering a new decade, because I'm aware of it.
It's just I think of the people I knew at the start of the decade, back in primary school and the ones which I remember I don't even talk to anymore. It's hard to say if they even remember me. And I think of them all, and they've changed so much now.
From what I've seen on social media, some look like they're doing pretty great. I was actually talking to one girl a couple of years ago, now I remember, and she's actually going to this really cool preforming arts school in another city- so that's really good for her. I remember how I started talking to her, was somebody made a groupchat for our primary school and for some reason some of the kids started giving her shit for no reason, and a few of us checked in on her, to see if she was okay- and in our chat she was telling me how excited she was for it, and I came to the conclusion the ones who were giving her shit were probably just jealous of her.
And then I've seen some who looked like they had promising futures in primary school- to be fair, it looked that way for pretty much everyone, but they just got in with the wrong crowd, they probably gained bad habits from that, and now it just looks like they're going down the wrong path.
It's just crazy to think 9 years ago, these people meant so much to me, now I don't even talk to a single one of them.
There's my childhood best friend who still wishes me a happy birthday, a merry Christmas, and a happy new year every year without fail- and it always surprises me because we don't talk anymore, yet she still remembers.
In 2014-2019 were my secondary school years. I don't even think 11-year-old me, who started secondary school would even recognise me.
The truth is, when I started secondary school- I was actually really insecure. I would have done anything for validation from the ✌️popular kids✌️ and just the crowd in general. And it didn't help that I took selfies, and uploaded them to social media for more validation from people- I wanted comments telling me I was "pretty" and stuff- and I got some of those, and then these dudes would come on, telling me that I was disgusting and ugly, and like I said that didn't help.
So then I turned to makeup, and you know those beauty vloggers on YouTube? I basically emulated them.
The truth is, I was the most insecure person I knew, but I didn't know that at the time. I remember I even used to lie to some of my old primary school friends about getting invited to places and stuff- I was just telling them stories of what I wanted to happen, but it never did because I was chasing the wrong crowd in the first place. I remember one girl even sent me a text telling me how I was really pretty, funny and kind and how she wanted to hangout with me more- so I asked if I could sit at her table and she said yeah- but the next day, she ignored me like nothing happened🤷🏾♀️
And I got so caught up in chasing them around, my life basically became social media. I basically became a Gen Z/Millenial stereotype. Constantly checking the number of followers I had, the amounts of likes of I had, constantly reading my comments for validation- then one person would come along and tell me I'm ugly, and that'd crush the rest of my week. I even lost interest in my own interests, for that- that's coding, writing, crafts, reading, hanging out with my family, I even pretended like I didn't like superheroes just to fit in with them, all for a group of people who didn't really care about me.
And let's just say, a few things happened which gave me a huge wake-up call, at points shit came down on me like a tonne of bricks- and I realised they didn't really care about me, I was just their useful idiot to edit their photos when they didn't have time, what a fake person I became all the lies and stories I was spinning- pulling the wool over people's eyes, trying to be someone I'm not- all my interests I'd pointlessly given up, and how insecure I became, how consumed by social media I became- it was toxic.
And I didn't just realise that all in one shot it was over a long period of time, and when I'd fully realised everything- was the end of 2016.
I see the group I was chasing back then now, and honestly, I'm glad I woke up when it wasn't too late. Because some of them, really did get themselves in the shit, over the years- and had I managed to get in with them, I would've got dragged through stuff which I didn't need to be dragged through and it would have messed me up today.
It's kind of sad when you think about it because they all had such potential if they just applied themselves, but they didn't- and here I am glad I didn't follow them.
In 2016-2017, I met better people but still I was floating around from group-to-group. Most of the people I met were good people, but let's just say within my friendship group back then there were still problems.
Somebody made a fake account on surprise surprise, social media (this was mid-2016) and started slandering the girls from our school and girls in our friendship group. And the thing is nobody knew who it is- and it caused complete chaos in my group. People were blaming each other, everyone was playing the blame game, luckily I wasn't one who got blamed- I was just trying to play peacekeeper- or if I did get blamed, they never blamed me to my face.
And it turns out, school managed to track the IP address and it wasn't anyone in our group. It wasn't even anyone from our school. It was some kid from a neighbouring school- people still had an idea of who it was, but nobody actually knew who it was.
I mean it just got me really, how fast everyone started blaming each other, how much people were talking behind each other's back, I mean from what I heard people were even talking behind my back about me for some reason- and the thing is nobody even told me, one day one of my friends from that group was at my house and she was showing me something on her phone, but just as she was showing me that- I saw a text from another girl in our group accusing me of "lying" about something- I don't know what, and I didn't decide to question it either because I had enough drama to last me a lifetime.
I never really felt at home, after all that. Just how quickly everyone turned on each other and then once we found out it wasn't even anyone in our school everyone went back to normal. It just felt kinda fake to be honest. And then some more drama (concerning social media surprise surprise) happened someone posted a bad photo of someone and stuff got heated and the group slowly dismantled. First split into two, and those two little groups, slowly grew away from each other.
And then there was just a bunch of boy drama in 2016... This rumour started that I had a crush on this guy in our year, and then it spiraled out into some not very nice things, and he was playing along with it- and was horrible to me about it, and let's just say it got me pretty upset. But he left our school, and then one of his friends told me that he started the rumour himself, and he went around spreading it, every single rumour even the horrible ones, to anyone he could. So that was really messed up.
Like I said, it wasn't until the end of 2016, when I realised the whole "uploading pics of yourself on SM constantly like you're some kind of social media star when you're not" was a load of shit.
❤️2018-2019💙
These for me, were the better years of secondary school. I finally found a solid group, where there was no drama, no social media drama, my insecruities died, I was finally comfortable settled. And honestly I have some of the best memories within these two years.
Meeting my best friend is the first. I met her towards the end of 2018, she moved here, all it took was me talking to her once, which lead to us talking even more, and here we are today- me forcing her to watch High School Musical this weekend😂
We had some awesome school trips, like one to a theme park where I threw up and lost my shoe on one of the rides - the first ride we went on😂 - and I had to go around the whole day with just one shoe on my foot, until the staff found it again, and gave it to me😂I remember being so scared ringing my parents up to tell them I'd lost the shoe because they were an expensive pair of shoes, and all my friends trying not to laugh as I explained what happened😂But surprisingly my parents weren't mad like I thought they'd be😂
Then there was the school residential we went on, my last ever school trip with our secondary school and oh my god, there's such awesome memories from that too. I remember we gyll climbing- and when I first saw the thing, I thought I'd never be able to climb it, but I climbed it just like all the other kids, I was a little slower, but still, despite my disability I managed to do it, and though I hate putting it like this, there's really no other way to put it- it made me feel "normal". Then there was just the evenings with my best friend where we sat next to the Christmas tree because that was where they had the best Wi-Fi😂😂And then my teacher told us that it was a really good photo op, us sat on the stairs near the Christmas tree, so she did- but we looked so awkward in the pictures and the top of the Christmas tree was kinda bent because it was too tall😂😂
Then leaving school, when the final exam was over- and walking out of those big green gates, and just like a glowing feeling, it was a strange feeling but a good one- and I'll never forget it. Getting changed out of my uniform knowing I'll never have to wear it again, taking my ID off, and finally being able to say that I've left school. All of it felt weird but good.
Then seeing Far From Home in the summer with my best friend😂That was just one of the best things ever as well- our reactions throughout the whole movie whilst everyone else was dead is something I'll never forget😂
Not to mention before that, we had prom which was amazing, and leavers assembly where we finally bid farewell to everyone- and there were tears, but it was bitter sweet. Bitter because everything's changing, we're all leaving each other, but sweet because everything's changing and it's time for a new start.
Then starting college this year, I remember how nervous I was the first lesson of every subject I was taking, so nervous for everything- me and my new friend I made at college were even talking about it, how college has actually changed us for the better, and how now we've actually become more confident and things- and whilst we're talking about him, when I first saw him, I thought there was no way we'd ever be friends, but one day some kid stole my seat and I had to sit next to him today we're really good friends.
And I did have a little bit of boy drama this year, with a kid from one of my classes having a crush on me or whatever, and I hated it- but I'm glad that's died down now, and I think he finally got the message.
And even earlier this academic year, getting involved with the whole library campaign for my city was great too. I don't know what the future for our libraries is, and I'll be brutually honest, after this general election unfortunately, it doesn't look like we'll be able to save them- and it does pain me to say that, but it's the truth- who knows? There may be some chance, but... I don't know- nobody knows. But all I can say is I'm proud of everyone involved because we all tried our absolute hardest, and I don't think a single minute of my time was ever wasted and all we can do is be a pain in the ass and hold them to account. You can guess who "them" are.
And on a happier note, seeing my best friend after 3 months of not seeing her and just being able to catch up with her about her college, my college- and everything was just great :)
Then there's family... And I'm speaking for the whole of the decade when I say this, watching my little brother grow up over these past 9 years, as annoying as he may be, and he may be a huge pain in the ass at times, but I wouldn't change it for the world- even though he's taller than me now, he'll always look like the same little kid to me, and I cannot believe he will be 13 in 2020. <3
And my parents, like any parent-kid relationship we had our ups and downs, and at times I thought I knew best- but in reality I didn't know shit and they were right, and they've taught me so much- and even at times when they shouted at me, and gave me really hard tellings-off, I'm glad they did that because if they didn't I would have turned into an asshole real quick😂
So...
This decade has had it's ups and downs. If you think about all the bad times, you'd think it's been absolute shit and you're ready to leave- but if you think of all the good times, you'd think there hasn't been a better time.
But I think about both, and the bad times just made me a better person and the good well they're always there to look back on and smile at.
And I am just so ready to go into the 2020s. Because I'm just ready to start something fresh and new.
It's crazy to think who I started this decade with, and who I'm ending it with. I'm ending it with people who I didn't know existed when it started.
And even most of my friends from secondary school, I don't even talk to anymore. It's crazy how much can changed even in just one year.
It's even crazier to think I've been threw primary school, secondary school and now I'm at college- all in one decade, mindblown🤯.
Any Last Words?
Well this was a long ass wall of text😂😂Or tower😂
I'm not expecting everyone to read it, like I said, I just needed somewhere to let a bunch of stuff- so here I am😂
I'm expecting a lot of TLDR responses😂
But if you did read it, I hope you enjoyed this read and...
I hope you all have a wonderful new year, and decade- 2020? Bring it on😂
And finally...
Thank you for reading! :) <3
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