Most of us have been through heartache, breakups, seemingly incomprehensible emotional outbursts, and if we haven't, yet, our partner almost certainly HAS.
Most of us don't live our lives in small villages, where we share a common history, cultural values, and know everything about everyone, We have people whose pasts we know nothing about, who may have been raised abroad, who view intimate aspects of life completely dfferently.
Most of all, people have been abused, traumatized, not only in a legally actionable way, but by the pressures of modern life. Many people are with spouses who have uncontrollable emotional crises, resulting from betrayal in past relationships, job pressures, military service in war zones....
People I know on the site have told me of having to deal with loved ones who can't commit to them because their previous partner was 'crazy' and 'a cheater.'
Imagine how this impacts the partner, who naturally tends to feel it is their fault the other person won't commit. As this person said, they want to cry and slap their partner,at the same time.
And many people often do precisely those things. But that won't help cure the pain their partner is demonstrating to them.
No one WANTS to appear crazy, no one betrays in their couple without a deep-seated compulsion.
These people are not whole, they are damaged, somewhere, somehow, sometime.
It's likely they or their previous partner had a history of abuse, or had no parental care as a child.
These damaging experiences can't usually be overcome without intense therapy, AND a tolerant, loving partner. Most people never have either in their lives.
Instead of rejecting people who are a little 'damaged', we should do our best to help them, in every way. Then, we can expect them to do the same for us.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
I totally agree with this! As you can see on this site, there are so many people dealing with cheating, lying, abuse and other problems in their relationships. Those things can be really damaging to a person.
I know myself personally, I am dealing with a cheating situation. I was cheated on, and it hurts! Right now I am back in the dating game, but I am having a really hard time trusting anyone. I find that I am being super picky, because I'm afraid of making another mistake. I need to feel safe and that I can trust a guy. So far I haven't met a guy where I get that feeling.
I need someone patient and understanding. I'm not damaged goods, I'm a good person. I have many good qualities and I can be an amazing partner. I just haven't had the best luck when it comes to relationships. Unfortunately I trusted people who didn't deserve it. I gave too much of myself and put myself out there and it didn't work out.
I feel bad because there are a few guys I have talked to who I would have otherwise given a chance, but I couldn't because something about them didn't feel safe to me. I'm being overly cautious and I know it.
I'm actively trying to work past it, but healing takes time.
no reformed hos allowed.