What happened to the guys & girls who want a committed relationship?

[Anonymous]

I just feel like people stopped caring about committed relationships and don't value loyalty anymore. I mean, I understand wanting to experience the perks of dating without being tied down, but it's getting a little out of hand. I keep hearing people talking about being friends with benefits and having one night stands. What I don't understand is why people can't ask for what they truly want. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that approach to dating, but I feel like friends with benefits are normally not on the same page.

For example, a guy starts developing true feelings for the girl and she is perfectly content with just hooking up with the guy. People seem to think it's wrong to want a committed relationship these days. It makes me really sad that this is what the world has come to. I think there is beauty in the chase. For example, when a guy is interested in a girl and pursues her for months before she finally agrees to have sex with him. Even more importantly, why is it so rare for a teenage girl to be a virgin? Yes, I understand that it is not "popular" to wait until after marriage, but I just think the innocence has disappeared in the dating world. When a guy asks for sex and a girl refuses because she thinks she deserves better or simply isn't ready, he looks at her like she's out of her mind.

Obviously girls want the same things a guy does but they make it seem like it's unheard of. Of course I'm not saying this is always the case, but I miss when guys would meet the girl's parents, treat her as a gentleman should, and see her as more than just a physical object. Respect has disappeared out of dating (on both sides). Girls also use guys sometimes to make other guys jealous. Whatever happened to behaving authentically in a relationship? Maybe it's just me but I wish old fashioned dating can be made "popular" again. Women and men should have respect for themselves and understand that a committed relationship is nothing to be ashamed of. Please share your thoughts and sorry if this comes across as judgmental but it's something I'm very passionate about

[MrOracle]

Let's start at the beginning. Up until quite recently (the 1960s, which is VERY recent relative to human history), women married at an average age of 15 - and getting married at 12 or 13 was not unusual except in the big cities of the east. In many areas of the world, this is still the case today. Having sex in mid-to-late teens is absolutely normal, and has always been - but until very recently, it was done within marriage. This is also the basis of the "wait until marriage" rule - guys routinely married at 17-18, and girls at 15 or 16, so waiting until marriage wasn't a huge sacrifice.

Technology (including medical breakthroughs like birth control) has changed western society in huge ways in a very short amount of time - we can now have sex without the near-certainty of pregnancy, something that was impossible only 50 years ago. Technology also allowed feminism - especially women working outside the home and making their own living instead of being reliant on a man, as had always been the case previously - and it greatly increased the need for advanced education. Prior to WWII, most people had an 8th Grade education, with only the rich or those who lived in big cities typically graduating high school, and only the rich or the exceptionally gifted going to college. This obviously allowed people to start families at much younger ages than today.

But, again, these changes happened incredibly quickly - far faster than most people realize - and people largely haven't incorporated those changes into their moral teachings. Parents still teach their kids what they were taught themselves, even though those old rules really aren't applicable anymore. This has led to confusion and frustration, as people are taught to follow a set of rules that most people don't believe anymore, and taught to expect things that aren't likely to happen anymore - and for those who don't wake up to the new reality quickly, there is a huge disconnect, as you are feeling, Asker.

Today, people don't marry until they are 30 on average, yet their bodies and instincts are still programmed for teen sex, so it shouldn't be surprising that they have it - it's natural to do so. And it's also natural that they don't take relationships too seriously in their teens and 20s, because most realize they aren't ready for marriage yet. That's the new reality, and most of us have had to adjust.

[Jibaku]

Hear hear, well said!

[SomeOtherGuy]

This is a well thought out observation! It's good to see some objective wisdom dished out on this site.

[Anonymous]

Here's the truth about life. If you do not want to go with the norm, then do not go with the norm. What is right is not always popular, and what is popular is not always right. If something goes against your conscience, which is given to you by Mother Nature, then do not give in, and do not give up. People may tease you, bully you, mock you, or think little of you; but these people are losers in the long run. Be faithful to your own values. Stay true to your heart. Let no one mislead you down the wayward path of regret, shame, and worthlessness.

In concrete terms, you should behave in a way that you think will lead you to a better life, happiness, and holistic wellness. These things are not short-term goals, but lifelong aspirations. If a guy or girl wants to have non-committal sex with you, you can refuse, and they should respect your boundaries, since not doing so qualifies as rape/sexual assault. Face it. You can't control other people's behaviors; you can only control yours. Take advantage of this fact, and live your life the way it is meant to be.

[myTake Owner]

Beautifully said :) You're a very articulate person!! :) That's probably the best advice I've ever gotten on this site :)

[Opinion Owner]

Don't forget to rate this as Most Helpful Opinion, if you think so. :) It'll boost my rating.

[OlderAndWiser]

The problem stems from living in a digital age and a youth culture that encourages avoidance of feelings. You meet girls online instead of in person. You text them instead of talking to them. You ask them, in a text, to "hang out" instead of calling it a date. When you finally do go on a date, it's "not official." Whn you break up, you don't sit and talk; you text. But after you break up, you keep seeing each other because. . . who in the hell knows why?

This whole culture encourages people to ignore or minimize their feelings. It is no wonder that many of the young people have such a casual and cavalier attitude about sex and it is no surprise that they get into a friends with benefits relationship and accidentally fall in love, don't want to admit it, try to hide it, and then get hurt when their partner says, "I just wanna have sex."

I am old school. I court a lady. I tell her how I feel. I'm not so old fashioned that I don't text, but I reserve it for things that are not important, like "I'm going to the grocery store. Send me a shopping list."

This culture needs to change.

[myTake Owner]

Loved every word of your response & I think it's very true :) You should written MyTake for me lol :)

[benthurber]

Our society has experienced radical changes over the last few generations.

The Silent generation suffered WWI and The Great Depression. The Greatest Generation suffered WWII and saw the mobilization of women in the work force... We're now two generations of "walking casualties" of men who survived trying to have a home life. Of course women suffered and at the same time they got a taste of earning a real wage. Bad marriages were common but these women were still tied down by social moors, but "the ties that bind" began to loosen as divorce began to rise and mothers taught their daughters to have an "out" by getting an education and a job.

That brought us the Boomers: children who experienced an explosion of wealth and workforce mobilization that was unprecedented in human history. While materialism became mainstream with their parents, it became religion with boomers. They also saw a third generation of war and the brokenness that it brought home. Families suffered and boomers spent their wealth in meaningless pursuit of materials and education for their children. The two-income household drove prices up on the cost of living and made the lifestyle a near requirement. Combined with the social revolution, thus dawned the age of entitlement with Generation X.

Generation X got sold a bill of goods by their parent's ideals. They fully embraced their parent's life choices and saw college as the big ticket to success. The demand for college far out-paced the supply and the costs slowly went up. Gen X hit the glass ceiling, though, because Boomers were living longer and not retiring. Generation Y took up the mantle of college and careerism, but now the costs are so obscene that many will be debt slaves for the rest of their lives and not have the option of a single-income family...

That long diatribe is just to explain one thing. Relationships have become little more than entertainment for many. Family is now seen as an obstacle to the religious path of our age: career success and material possessions.

I have asked 'numerous' women on dates and tried to start relationships.
All of them.
Every.
Last.
One...
Is only interested in living for their personal career ambitions. (With the exception of one, who was called into the missionary field. She gets a pass on that one.)

It's the same thing every time. "Now is not the time for a relationship. I'm trying to focus on my career." Etc. Etc.

[benthurber]

Most have histories of unhealthy relationship cycles. The majority cringe or get wide-eyed with fear when discussing having children in social situation.

"I don't know that I 'want' to ever have children."

Yeah, I've done the whole "ask their dad" things and everything else. But people are so broken nowadays that they literally can't handle a healthy relationship. They run from them and seek the brokenness that feels comfortable to them. (Been there, done that.)

Quite frankly, until people start making relationships a priority in their life and reject materialism, unrealistic expectations, and pornography, society is screwed. Your best hope is to recognize the brokenness, hold-out for only the right people, or shop in other cultures.

[hellionthesage]

The irony is that men where obsessed with careers because it allowed them to provide for their families. Now men and women are obsessed with their careers but have no interest in families so the sole purpose for the career is lost, replaced with selfishness. Kind of sad really.

[benthurber]

@hellionthesage Exactly. But at the same time the cost of living now is very high. I'm only recently accepting the fact that marrying young is something that is not readily available to most men anymore. If anything, I've been extremely fortunate to have not gotten tied down as I'm just now becoming fully financially independent. I've got a nice house I'm finishing up here and will have the option of renting out rooms for supplemental income. (Which is a vital backup plan in case I ever get hurt or can't make the money I do right now, A wife could work a low-wage job and solely support the family if that's what our needs were.)

So, men really have to have their stuff together to plan for marriage and a family. No one ever taught me, but when I have children you better believe they're going to be taught the lessons I learned. Sons will be taught to ignore relationships until they're solvent. Daughters will be taught to go after men who can support them, even if they're older.

[hellionthesage]

To my understanding it started occuring when women joined the work force. Prior to that a single income home was not just standard but was almost exclusively the case. Then the government realized it could tax women who worked and by extention double the money it was taking in through taxes which is why the original model of the family unit is no longer feasible, you now require to incomes to function rather then being able to have only one. Its very true though, you do need to be financially secure before having a family in our current era, which is kind of sad as it means you have to give up your best years to work leaving only the later half of your life to family (and even then your still going to have to spend most of that dedicated to work). Such is life though.

[Mesonfielde]

"""For example, when a guy is interested in a girl and pursues her for months before she finally agrees to have sex with him."""

Yes, that must be beautiful from the perspective of the one who isn't made to wait arbitrarily :p

"""why is it so rare for a teenage girl to be a virgin? Yes, I understand that it is not "popular" to wait until after marriage, but I just think the innocence has disappeared in the dating world."""

For multiple reasons, actually
1.) Virginity just means not having had sex, and that's it
2.) Innocence is not valuable and is a vaguely defined term in the context of sexual behavior
3.) Marriage is just a legal contract, so there isn't really an actual point for people to wait until forging a contract for whatever reason.

"""treat her as a gentleman should, and see her as more than just a physical object"""

Funny thing actually, idolization is objectification. Treating her like a gentleman would is essentially just whiteknighting to get in her pants. That is a bit oxymoron-like.

[ThisDudeHere]

This^^^^^
I don't even need to write an opinion here anymore.

[myTake Owner]

That was brilliantly written lol :) kinda left me speechless actually ahaha :) Well I was mainly referring to the idea that when people secretly want a committed relationship but don't admit it because they believe it makes them appear clingy & desperate. Or they think that the guy will be out of the picture if they don't engage in sexual activity :)

[schnipdip]

Marriage isn't just a legal contract. Legal contract came after refligious beliefs.

Marriage in itself is a religious act.

The idea that Christ married the church. Today's marriage was born from religious views. Aocto say morals are non existent yet still want to reape the benefits of marriage without any religious connection is a problem.

You don't even need any legal documents to be married... Marriage is an agreement between two people and that is it. The church says you need a witness. They forget that God is the the third witness. So many people mistake the need for a presidor.

Everything else is personal preference.

However, if you believe in marriage and want to be married then you better follow some relgious moral guidelines...

[schnipdip]

To say morals are non existent***

[COCOCHANEL]

i agree

[SomeOtherGuy]

@schnipdip Does this mean that marriage is fine for anyone who has a religious belief?
So I can get married under a Buddhist temple to say, a husband, and it's fine?
I can logically interpret what you say as such.
So fortunately, gay marriage isn't wrong.

What would be wrong would be Aethists getting married.

[SomeOtherGuy]

I agree with most the things you've said.
However, being pursued for sex isn't exactly a comfortable experience. On top of that many men believe they're entitled to a woman's attention, sexual or romantic, simply because they made an investment, financially or emotionally.
That's not something I would like to trade in for. If a woman bought me a drink and talked to me, and part of the way through the conversation decided I wasn't interested, I'd be upset if she got offended and bitched me out, grabbed her purse and left.
It'd also suck if I liked a girl but had to wait for her to come talk to me. Even if I found her cute and accessible. Because I'd probably look desperate or bonkers if I went up to her.

Just because you underestimate the powers you actually have doesn't mean you should under-estimate the disadvantage the opposite sex has.
Either way, the way things are set up is still kinda shitty for both ends.

[thewanderingme]

I would consider a guy treating a girl as a gentleman should to mean with respect, not idolizing.

[Mesonfielde]

@thewanderingme I account that with being a decent human being, no need to make it gender-specific. If a guy treats a girl like a gentleman, that typically implies benevolent sexism like holding doors open and stuff because the lady has lady parts.

[thewanderingme]

holding doors open is just a nice gesture. if you paid better attention, you'd notice those same guys (and females) who holds doors open do it for everyone. I like a gentleman myself and it has nothing to do with sexism.

[Mesonfielde]

@thewanderingme If you're holding the door open because you can see the other person be like 5 meters away then you're clearly not being sexist. If you let a girl in front of you because she's a girl then you're being sexist - as benevolent sexism is still sexism. General courtesy over "gentleman behavior".

[thewanderingme]

I don't care what you say being a gentleman is not sexist. and especially with holding a door for a woman, a lot of door are actually quite heavy so a nice strong man holding it open for a woman, who's probably weaker than him, is the decent thing to do.

[Miss-esq]

We live in the age of the Emancipated Male. There is no incentive for men to get involved in a deep relationship anymore. They get pussy 24/7 from wherever, and most men just aren't picky. Why should they get tied down?

It's all just too easy and lots of wonderful capable independent women out there who give a guy everything a man could want, sometimes where he doesn't have to expend one red cent for the good time or companionship. Then she discovers she has wasted her time when he moves on to younger greener women and he gets to start the whole process over again. He can settle down and have kids after he is 50 if he wants. Women can't. Women are getting screwed over by loss of time and they let it happen.

If you don't want it to happen to you, I think a woman has to take care of herself (physically), get to know him as a person and make him get to know you, too, not sleep with him for a very long time, and give him standards to meet (not explicit of course, but have standards and stick to them). Don't give yourself away. People just don't seem to value that which is easily or freely given, men or women. I don't know why, but men in particular don't. If he doesn't have the stamina for dating, he is just messing around or has no temperament for the long haul.

[myTake Owner]

Loved your perspective on this & I think that's very good advice :) I too believe it's really important to get to know the person first before choosing the next course of action. Thanks for reading my piece! :)

[vishna]

Well, I'm in a relationship, and have been asked out. So, for me, I'm not seeing the world in a 'where are the commitment driven guys' lens. But I do know a lot of people my age who haven't found guys who want anything more than a fling. But most of my friends by the time they were in college, had found someone who wanted a committed relationship.
In regards to respect in a partner, I think domestic violence is down in the US (and I could be wrong, and I would love a good link if someone has one) but the culture has changed. And you may not like the overall cultural change. But for me, it was relatively easy to find guys who valued me and treated me with respect. I've only dated 3 guys, and the guy I'm with now is amazing and treats with with respect, loyalty, and affection.
I think maybe the culture in your area is really different than your traditional values and therefore you think the majority of young people are like this. And/or the guys in your area are generally not into commitment. I'm not in a place like that, but I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt, because it's ALL about location in regards to dating.

[gray_sailor]

An interesting article you should read:

www.washingtonpost.com/.../AR2010050702755.html

From the article:

A new study by psychologists at James Madison University found — not surprisingly — that college students hooked up almost twice as often as they went on actual dates. The perplexing part? The majority of students from both genders said that given the choice, they preferred traditional dating.

All things being equal, 95 percent of female students said they would choose dating over hooking up, and 77.5 percent of men said the same.

So, uh, why don’t they just date?

Arnie Kahn, one of three co-authors of the study, which grew out of undergraduate student Carolyn Bradshaw’s thesis, says it comes down to something called “pluralistic ignorance.” Essentially: Everybody’s doing it, so it must be good.

One of Kahn’s previous studies on the topic found that both men and women overestimated the degree to which the opposite gender enjoyed hooking up — described in this study as “a sexual encounter, usually lasting only one night, between people who are strangers or brief acquaintances.”

Furthermore, students overestimated how much members of their own gender liked hooking up. “Because everybody else is hooking up you assume that they do it because they like it. Whereas you know that you don’t like it that much, but you do it to go along,” Kahn explains. “College students are very conformist.”

---

I first learned about the above article via this web page on a very useful website:

www.hookingupsmart.com/.../

Check out this page and for that matter, the rest of the site. It will be worth your time.

[gray_sailor]

"Pluralistic Ignorance" is made all the worse because the words "hooking up" are deliberately vague.

One person may mean that they drunk-made-out with a stranger at a party last night.

Another person may have hooked up with a one night stand.

Still another may have called up a long time regular fuck buddy and got together for a hook up.

Finally, someone else may mean that they had sex last night with their SO in the context of an exclusive LTR of one year.

So, which one is using the words "hooking up" correctly?

Trick question... they all are.

The words hooking up are intended to imply both that you did more AND less than you actually did. The words signify membership in a group and participation in a common experience.

It's about like an NFL first round draft pick and a fantasy football league player both saying that they are "into football". The statement isn't wrong coming from either individual. You just can't draw much information from it.

[schnipdip]

This comment deserves a Nobel prize

[gray_sailor]

@schnipdip

Thanks 😊

[Bluemax]

(Raising my brow )
Fascinating...

[gray_sailor]

@Bluemax

Classic Spock move.
https://youtu.be/W6MkESn1v1w

[Yellowbone]

Have you considered that MAYBE some people don't want relationships BECAUSE they value them?

When you value something, a lot of times you'll want to take things slow. Some people don't like hopping from relationship to relationship because it's pointless. They would rather wait to find a good person so they can have a relationship that will last.

I think the problem here is that you're WAY too focused on labels. A lot of the stuff you wrote has nothing to do with SELF-respect, it's more-so societal standards that have been placed on people as to how relationships are supposed to go. Nowadays, folks are starting to do away with living their lives in a society-approved way & are starting to focus making themselves happy... true happiness.

There's definitely men out there who believe what you do but like I said, it's no longer a societal norm, it now goes on an individual case-by-case basis. You need to go out & actually surround yourself with people who believe what you believe, rather than wasting your breath trying to change the minds of those who don't. You will be a lot less frustrated.

Yeah, it may be harder on you now that you have to actually work to find a man who treats you in the way you desire, but that's a good thing, because you're finding a man who truly wants to treat you like that, not because society is forcing him to.

[Anno_Domini]

This is the natural outcome of turning away from God and embracing a hedonistic lifestyle.

Most people today do not actually love their partners. They experience lust, which wears off eventually. They then break up and search for another source of selfish pleasure, and the cycle continues, leaving a lot of broken hearts in its wake.

@MrOracle is 100% right with his take, but it's not just changing of the times. It's a planned breakdown of the family unit, just like what the Soviets did in the 1920s. Technology helped in the 50s to push women into the workforce, but it's not just the fault of technology.

Once women entered the workforce, their children were raised by daycares, and the parents had less and less influence over them, since they were busy working to pay increasing taxes (another excuse now for why both parents have to work). The children today are brought up by the public educational system instead of their parents.

Throw promiscuity into the mix, and now you have kids growing up thinking that sex is just something you do to feel good, rather than something that cements the bond of marriage. It's no surprise that divorce rates have skyrocketed since the sexual revolution.

[GoodDogNigel]

"It's a planned breakdown of the family unit,"

https://i.imgur.com/cJCG8g9.png

[Anno_Domini]

@GoodDogNigel read a history book, pal. It happened in the Soviet Union.

[Stephen10]

A variety of things caused the breakdown of love and commitment. Feminism, corrupt divorce laws, and the sexualization of our culture. The culture that you live in will usually have an impact on the way people live. If you live in a culture that shames people who commit adultery, sleep around, and have children outside of wedlock, then people are far more likely to pursue love and commitment. But if you live in a culture that tolerates and even encourages adultery, single motherhood, and promiscuity, then people are more likely to give up on love and commitment and pursue sex and pleasure.

Another big problem is feminism and corrupt divorce laws. Feminism is much more than equality. Much of feminism encourages women to not need a man and to abandon marriage and motherhood. From a young age, girls and young women are constantly fed lies in order to see men as the oppressors. On top of that, the divorce laws have been changed to benefit women, so that women can benefit from getting a divorce and the husband gets screwed over financially. The end result is a generation of young men who see marriage as a danger.

This has been a deliberate agenda. It hasn't happened by accident. The evil people who run our world are behind most of the evils. I don't see things getting any better. Such as life.

[genuinlysensitive]

What evil people are those?

[Stephen10]

@genuinlysensitive The powers that be, the elite who own all the money and big corporations.

[skykidx1]

No loyal people anymore. Put it this way my friend girlfriend moved in 2 days after their break up all while saying she loves him then pretend it never happened.2 weeks later another girl gives him her number now she saying she misses him agin yet has a boyfriend. As for me I had a girlfriend who parents decided to forced a break up on us won't say why because I don't wanna bore you.. but you would be supposed how fast she went from a crying girlfriend saying i don't know what to do.. to 2months later I find a guy with a car that am gonna belive all the lies my parents told me about you and treat you like shit even through I know your sister almost died from cancer during this time. So like I said most people only wanna hook up because whenwe give our heart to people they throw it away like we ment nothing to them. As for people thinking she just wasn't a good person this is someone I know for 7 years before dating... so enough said. Pss everything her parents ever said about me am. proving them all wrong, I have spent 1 year doing nothing but improving myself. I have just 2 things left for my short term goals 1. Get into college which my placement test is next month 2. learn to drive which my driving lessions start in 3 days.

[lilac_flowers]

Women want relationships. Those who say they want hookups are either rare few, or liars to protect their pride. Very few women are genuine exceptions who want just sex. I mean less than 1%.

Men want both. But because a relationship is hard to build when you're emasculated by feminism, they tend to linger on their need to hook up. At least those who can afford it do. Obviously if you're a low quality man, or have no social skill, you can't pull it off.
And there are males who don't want hookups, exceptions just like females who do want them.

Bottom line, don't pretend this article is for "people". It's not. Women may enjoy sex, but they never want to be worthless sluts. They want love, intimacy, closeness, security and what most men of 21st century are offering in youth is dick. This is from you, to men who don't want to date you.

[myTake Owner]

Very good point :) However, I'd like to make a clarification. All my relationships have been long-term & I've actually had to turn down guys I really liked because they had different morals that went against my own. They kept asking for inappropriate pictures after just a few conversations & honestly I just felt disrespected. I actually think it would be easier to have a relationship with no strings attached, but that goes against everything I stand for :) in short, this isn't my way of getting back at guys...

[lilac_flowers]

It would never be easier for a woman. To a man, yes, but please don't conflate our genders even in theory. The emotional price a woman pays for casual sex makes it a 10 times more complicated option every time.

Also I know how you feel. You don't even need to do anything casual, just being proposed to do it, or worse being annoyed to do makes a woman feel emotionally burdened and disgusted. (Note to feminists: this is not a reason to attack men for making mere propositions, I'm just sharing how we women feel.)

[cankles]

To the My Take owner: If you are just 21, it's very difficult for me to take your claim that "all relationships have been long-term" seriously. I wouldn't consider a relationship lasting a few seasons or so long-term. I don't even think I would take any relationship under the age of 18 seriously. A guy who asks for inappropriate pictures after "a few conversations" isn't courtship. "Conversations" via text or social media are NOT actual conversations at all, and they do not count as courtship (Do you see where I going with this?). At this point, I think that what I am getting from you is that you and many (if not all) others in your generation don't really understand what it really means to be "social" or to date. If you are utilizing modalities other than actual, REAL talking to communicate with potential love interests, you aren't actually even dating. What you count as experience doesn't even qualify as reality to those of us who were dating before the internet came along.

[myTake Owner]

You're free to feel however you want to feel :) The point I was making is that guys shouldn't think it's okay to ask for inappropriate pictures without getting to know the girl first. & by long-term I simply meant that we fully got to know each other, talked about personal things, bonded, talked for long periods of time, and were committed to each other. Basically, we were totally loyal to each other and didn't date anyone else on the sidelines. That's what I was getting at :) Also, the most important thing is that none of them left because I didn't want to have sex with them. Some girls do it because they think the guy will be out in two seconds if they don't comply with his demands (which simply isn't the case).

[knight1986]

Nice take :) , my wife and i grew up in a environment that was similar to what you describe. I don't understand "friends with benefits" or "hooking up" (not judging anyone who does that). I courted my wife... and what a journey it was for the both of us.

We courted for a long time and neither one of us thought about sex. I was just so happy to take her out, or drive away from the city and watch the sunset while holding her hand. She taught me how to dance and we would find ourselves lost in each others hearts... laughing and smiling uncontrollable at each other.

The first time i picked her up from home i went and introduced myself to her mum and asked to take her daughter out. They were magical times for us, teasing her, carrying her, first kiss <3, singing, dancing, playing games, holding her tightly in my arms as the cold crept in :). During our formative years we built a strong emotional bond without sex. Even after years of marriage i enjoy every heartbeat with her.

[myTake Owner]

Honestly that's such a sweet relationship!! :) That's what I hope to find someday & your story makes me realize that it's not impossible. I really appreciate that you & your wife stuck with your values and didn't compromise your beliefs about dating :) Honestly that's so romantic & I didn't realize how many people would have opposing viewpoints because in my mind it's just the right thing to do & I can't imagine doing it any other way. Thanks for your input & I hope you continue having an amazing marriage!! :)

[COCOCHANEL]

awww ♡

[knight1986]

@COCOCHANEL Thank you :)

@myTake Owner Thank you. You will find what you are looking for, believe in it as i did :)
When i was single i also wondered if I would find her, but i kept believing she was out there and when i finally saw her... i never let go. Your are welcome and thank you... I wish you all the best... it will come... don't doubt it :)

[RJGraveyTrain]

Honestly, I have always felt about it like this: if people want to hookup, that is their business, not mine. I will happily wade the dating waters until I find someone who suits me, but I don't judge people on who they have sex with or how many people they have sex with because it isn't my business what they do with their genitals. I don't think less or more of people based on how much sex they have. You can be a virgin and be an asshole, and have 100 notches on your belt and be the kindest person I've ever met.

I don't hookup, but if other people do, all the power to them. Freedom and all that good stuff. I'll just be all abstinent by myself, makes no difference to me.

[myTake Owner]

That is a very accepting attitude & I appreciate it immensely! :) You seem like a really sweet/kind person :)

[RJGraveyTrain]

Thank you mytake owner I try my best.

[Rei02]

I agree That committed relationships are more rare. It could be because one is scared to commitment, responsability, freedom loss and change. Also let's add afraid to be broken hearted.

One is afraid to put the heart and trust in someone Who in one moment can deceive us in some way, Who can break our "perfect" world, our own "utopia".

However, one should never forget That everyone is an individual, a unique being With personal goals and Dreams in life, different ways of thinking, which may change overtime.

Relationships are not so easy, but if both like each other and want to be together, they Will Know how to solve the problems.

Also change always appears, we can accept the "good" one, but we have difficulty in accepting the "bad" one.

The relationship is about two, if one or both don't want to go on, then it is the moment to be honest.

[genuinlysensitive]

"People seem to think it's wrong to want a committed relationship these days." I couldn't agree more! Even women, seem obsessed with all this "No strings attached" BS. The truth is relationships give you more frequent, better quality sex, so the whole "Its only about sex" argument is flawed, why would anyone choose less quality/less frequent sex? Not to mention all the emotional benefits from a relationship. Plus when you purposely seek out hookups you force yourself to stop yourself from forming true emotional bonds, the corner stones of relationships. Then, without those skills you cannot function in one when you actually want to. But of course, any criticism of the hookup culture is shouted down.

[Anonymous]

This may sound harsh and could be taken the wrong way, but it is because feminism happened. During gender roles men and women needed each other, and so relationships were treated as business arrangements. That is why things were held with such a formal manner back then.

There are only two ways that a man or woman can have value as members of their gender. One is by fulfilling gender roles, which no one wants to do anymore. The other way to through access to their reproductive system. Sex, children, that sort of thing. All other forms of value a person can have is not related to their gender.

With no gender roles, but with sexual needs still present, it only makes sense that we would become a hook up culture. Men and women simply don't have the same value for each other as we no longer have the same need for one another. Hookup culture is the result of gender independence.

[myTake Owner]

I totally get what you're saying :) But I think this issue goes both ways. The reason that women have been fighting for equality (especially in the workplace) is because sometimes women would remain in abusive relationships because they were financially reliant on the guy. As women began asserting themselves occupationally, they were given more freedom from their husbands :) I think you bring up a very insightful point though :) Both genders should respect each other & value what the other brings to the table :) However, I think men are mixing that up and disrespecting women in ways that they shouldn't be subjected to :) Just my opinion & I found your opinion to be quite interesting :)

[UnknownXYZ]

A masterclass response Anon.

[myTake Owner]

Ahaha :) I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not but I appreciate it :) Thank you

[Jager66]

The My Take Owner and the Poster of this comment are both Annon.

I personally think the Guy posting in responce to the My take here is spot on and that the MyTake Owner has missed the point entirely, like just a mistake or something, nothing nefarious or what ever.

[hellionthesage]

They still exist, I am one. I think its both men and women who are like this and society is essentially saying that you should indulge your every impulse without though of the consequences. Thier is ample evidence showing the negative impact of promiscuity which society at large ignores. Its a shame but I do think people are starting to come around, very very slowly, but it is starting.

[myTake Owner]

Wonderfully said & exactly the point I was trying to make :) The only people who are getting defensive are the ones who are engaging in the behaviour I described above, lol :) :P

[MaskedSanity]

What happened to the guys & girls who want a committed relationship?

They got into committed relationships.
25.media.tumblr.com/...maxvmgYsHT1r0ufaco1_400.gif

Honestly, I've never encountered the issues you describe in your take. There is no shortage of people wanting a meaningful connectionconnection.

Sounds more like you're hanging out with a band of drummers expecting to hear piano music.

The world hasn't come to anything, passionate hookups is not a modern invention, people have been doing it for thousands of years. The only difference today is there is media that helps move information around.

[rjroy3]

Pretty much anyone on sites like eHarmony or ones complaining about guys only wanting to hook up. You see them all the time.

The real problem is that women often times want to guy to commit, when he really doesn't know what he's getting into yet. Vs saying upfront "I don't sleep with someone unless I feel a deep connection with them first". That way you weed out all the guys that just want to hook up and you entice the guys that might want more, by giving them something to work towards. Which in this circumstance would be getting to know you and forming a connection first. Which is what we all want really.

Who doesn't want to be with someone who is sexy, that you have great conversation with and most of all "gets" you.

[Mekkalyn]

When I was on Okcupid I wrote in capital letters "do not talk to me unless you are interested in the possibility of a relationship" because all I ever got were messages saying "What size are your boobs" or "send me nudes" or "wanna see my?" or "let's meet up and hook up" like, no, no, NO. I do not want to do or tell you any of those things!

As soon as I wrote that at the top of my profile it weeded out 99% of those guys and I actually got people wanting more along the lines of what I wanted.

You really have to spell it out for people, in big red letters. Light up a billboard sign.

There will always be people who want a committed relationship, just have to find them!

[rjroy3]

@Mekkalyn Exactly : ).
It's easier to find what you want, when you're upfront about it.

[ConsultantIsBack]

This is really good stuff. Me personally, I feel like people that only know me at the surface-level might initially perceive me as a "player" because I date around/meet heaps of people, but it's all in an effort to find the right match and my type, when I find her then I move into a relationship. It's really calculated, I don't just spark a relationship with any girl that is fun to go on dates with.

[myTake Owner]

Aww, that was a really good answer :) My underlying issue with all this is respect, but I can see that you aren't disrespecting anyone. I also don't get how some people feel so entitled but I'm glad that you're still seeking out your dream girl :) Good luck!

[ConsultantIsBack]

Thx! I'm actually dating a great girl now. by the way, wtf are u anon? Haha I want to follow you

[myTake Owner]

Glad that you finally met someone worth your time :) Well, some people are getting pretty defensive but I'm just going to own everything I said because there's no changing my mind about it, ahaha :) I'll follow you :)