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What happened to the guys & girls who want a committed relationship? (Page 2)
Anonymous
(30-35) 
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I agree with you. I think a lot of it has come from hollywood/media. Granted, people SHOULD have a mind of their own. But most of them don't use it. They follow and agree with whatever is said on TV or whatever is "popular" or whatever "everyone else is doing". There's still a few of us (VERY, VERY FEW) that still believe in the true understandings of relationships.
I'm glad someone here values my opinion :) Thanks! It just feels like people don't wanna hear the truth (which is that they're being used in subtle ways they're not even aware of) :)
You're welcome. Yes, people typically do not want to hear the truth - even if they need to and it's brutal.
Most women seem to be in denial about this fact, but we have feminism to thank for this. In the past, sex was something men knew they would typically have to wait to marriage before they could enjoy it. Since the "sexual revolution" men have free access to plenty of sex without marriage or even commitment.
Also, for men many of the benefits of marriage have been removed, and plenty of pitfalls have been introduced or increased in severity. At best marriage has simply lost it's appeal to men, and at worst it is a risk simply not worth taking anymore.
All of this has led to a situation in which women are increasingly interested in marriage while exactly the opposite is true for men (see linked Pew Research study). That trend will continue until we see a significant adjustment in the "rules" of the dating and marriage game. Until then, men will continue to boycott marriage in increasing numbers.
The link...
www.pewresearch.org/.../
It seems like at some point, relationships have become associated with "caving". That is, people are more obsessed with how independent/"empowered" they can be that anything associated with long-term relationships and marriage has become associated with being dependent, weak, regressive.
Therefore, everyone is trying to show how awesome they are by being "too good" for relationships.
That's what I've been seeing, anyway.
They're still around... what you described in your write-up sounds exactly like my boyfriend and myself. There are a few couples like that in our group too, none of which stray too far from the idea either.
Innocence has not disappeared from the dating world. Not all women simply feel obliged to remain a virgin before marriage with them now having a lot more rights than back in the patriarchal days when they were essentially marrying into being their husband's property.
Sometimes it's just waiting for opportunity. I have a friend with benefits whose my ex. The relationship didn't go well but we enjoy the sex. If either of us met someone we wanted then yeah we'll go for it. But not everyone has a crush or a chance to met someone. But we still have urges and they are okay. I still want commitment with the right person one day but I don't need to be a nun in the meantime. Friends with benefits is safer and easier then sleeping around.
I understand where you're coming from :) I think I was just trying to say that the people who want a committed relationship deep down don't admit it because it is somehow seen as clingy and undesirable these days. As long as the two people involved are on the same page then that's fine :) But if they are just settling because they think the person will reject the possibility of a committed relationship then there's a problem :)
Oh I completely agree hun. It's hard when people are open and honest anymore.
I want a relationship but just not with anybody. My issue is despite getting lots of dates and a few hookups here and there, I've had no luck getting a real relationship.
It's like I'll have one to a four dates with a girl, may get sex out of them occasionally but not too often, and then after that, they disappear. Not that I'm trying to get with as many women as I can, it just ended up that way. My closest to a relationship, I ended up being used as a rebound or the ones who did want a relationship with me, I didn't like back and I'm not just gonna be in a relationship just for the sake of being in one. That's desperate and wrong.
they keep holding out for "someone better" until they become horribly old and can't even get the rules they spent so much time blowing off (women) or using (men) then either end up bitter and alone forever or settle on the first thing they can get. half of the one settling ultimately end up either getting divorced in the next decade or in unhealthy, miserable relationships.
*get the ones, not rules
Okay this dude was me.
But the more time you have with yourself: the more time you get to do whatever you like.
And the more time you get to do whatever you like then the more you like yourself and less lonely you get.
But then it cycles then maybe you'll have a few days of being jealous you didn't get the relationship, family, home but then go on about your business and continuing life.
Look, if it happens then it happens but if it doesn't then I have to still live with myself. I am the person I see in the mirror and I have to see him everyday. But I would rather not just settle just because I don't want to be alone.
I could be on my own if I could figure out the sexual cravings sometimes.
I'm curious how old you are? I've found that as people get a bit older they tend to want commitment. It's just not something people are as into in their younger years even though they still have sexual desires/needs. So, having casual relationships makes sense when you're younger. It's only an issue if one person is being mislead about what it is or trying to get something from the other person that they know that person doesn't want. If both people are on the same page, who cares?
I'm twenty years old :) & that's exactly what I'm saying lol :) If casual sex and dating are what both people want then that's fine but I mostly think they're just settling :)
That's not at all what came across in your post
let me know when you figure out the answer to your question. I just went back into the dating market recently after getting out of a relationship and met lots of girls who are willing to hook up but aren't willing to commit to a relationship with me. I guess when you are old fashioned like me, you are kind of f***ed.
wow as some one who is older and been married since i was 20 i thought this generation was a total loss when it comes to a committed relationship. thank you for showing there a still younger people who value a long term relationship. insted of just the hook ups everyone seems to talk about on here.
Aww, thank you so much! :) It means a lot that you also value this perspective & that you're an example of this lifestyle :)
i used to want to be married and all that good stuff but then i realized that women are nothing like i was raised to believe then i kind of just stopped caring.
Hopefully there are still some girls out there who value marriage & committed relationships :) you'll find someone out there who is worth your time :)
Loyalty, honesty and trust are something I value very highly. I really dislike the hook up culture, and do not hook up with random people. I want just one guy, that's it. I seem to be in the minority, though.
Trust me I feel same way :) It's not that I think it's necessarily wrong, but I mostly think people are settling for less than they deserve because they don't wanna be alone :)
Yes, I think you are correct (about not wanting to be alone). Even when I tried dating sites and told them my intentions, I tried to find a guy with similar intentions and all they wanted to do was hook up. Other people can do as they want, but I do not want that.
Yes, people should do what makes them happy but that's not for me at all :)
Hahaha your acting like your special, no girls nowadays want to put out anymore
actually it's very rare for a girls to be like that nowadays :)
I believe you should date and hook up casually in your teens and 20's and then settle in your 30's. nice guys are learning not to wait or persue because when they do persue said women, most of the time she is banging mr hottie bad boy over you anyway. Men must never wait or persue.
Interesting perspective & I see where you're coming from :) Guys and girls should be free to do what they want as long as respect is still present in the relationship (even friends with benefits). I just think a lot of manipulation goes on behind closed doors and in my mind that's just deceptive and not okay :) Thanks for your input :)
What women don't understand is that men have to deceive and manipulate. Why? Because men have to initiate the attraction and women just receive. But it won't work for example if I want just sex (for example) and walk up to you and blatantly say, "hey, I want sex". I have to first chat and blah blah, but if I come off as too direct, I'm a desperate perv, if I wait to long, I'm friend zoned, so a man must consciously say what they need to say even if they don't mean it. Irony is that you women created this environment. If women were more direct and on the level, guys would know where they stand more. But even this isn't enough. The golden rule: "attraction in the moment" if a guy attracts you big time in the moment, women lose their sense of "rules". It's shit, but it is.
That's actually something I never considered before :) On the other hand, I also think guys misperceive what girls mean sometimes. For example, I was once chatting to a guy and right off the bat told him that I was just looking for someone to chat with. He immediately launched into a whole speech about how I was just playing mind games and apparently secretly wanted to date him. Honestly I was just looking for human interaction and he got all defensive and angry about it. Even when I tried setting him straight he kept insisting that girls are slutty and should stop with the mind games. I understand where you're coming from but guys also have preconceived notions about how girls approach the dating scene :) I do appreciate your input though because I never would have considered that until you pointed it out :) Thanks!
It's because most people look in the wro ng places for the people who don't do hookups. For people like me who only date and don't do hookups we stay single for much longer than those who hookup, and most of us are taken by the time we are 30, and we usually don't get involved in that drama shit that other people love to get into for some reason.
Well if it makes you feel better my go to first time idea for spending time with a girl is to go ice skating instead of just going to one of our places to screw. Maybe it's a little dorky and seems like too juvenile for two adults to do for a first date but I like it.
That's not dorky at all :) I just don't like the idea that some girls and guys feel obligated to do that so the relationship lasts. I mean, I've have boyfriends for long periods of time and the most we ever did was make out :) I just think there's something to be said about classiness and respect. If both parties are fine with the idea then that's a different story. But I feel people settle for what they don't want because they'd rather have a sexual relationship than nothing at all. People should just be upfront and shouldn't be ashamed about wanting a committed relationship. It seems to be confused with clinginess and desperation (which is totally not the case) :) Instead of asking for a committed relationship, girls just agree to have sex because they think the guy will be immediately out of the picture if they don't. I hope you catch me drift ahha :)
I also want a commited relationship, but i don't if it is me, or maybe things were a lot harded back in the day; but to me it seems girls are very difficult and seem to care more about other things that don't matter like looks, status etc than actual feelings and good intentions.
I have actually had a few girls break up with me because they just wanted a fuck buddy and I refused to give them sex until they showed they wanted something more. So Im the wrong person to ask lol.
I'm really glad you aren't conforming to what society is suggesting these days :) Keep up this mentality because it'll get you far in life & you'll meet someone special soon :)
I'm 23, a vaginal/anal virgin, waiting for marriage, and am okay with a committed relationship lol I'm not clueless when it comes to sex because I've not been able to resist the temptation of other things. My friends who sleep around actually ask me for sex advice. Go figure! I just have a lot of head-knowledge about it, but not much experience. I am certain I'll have no problem once I marry ;)
I want a committed relationship. I am also tired of being hurt, strung along and used. Until I get all the pieces put back together, I'm going to enjoy sleeping around.
I'm sorry that you were used. I've been in that situation before and it really feels awful. The good news is that some genuine and authentic people do exist & you'll meet one someday :)