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The First Time I Was Fearless, and the Beauty I Found


The First Time I Was Fearless


Looking back on the day that changed my life forever, I remember golden sun rays reaching through the cracked window of my car. I was cozy in the back seat, clutching the flip phone I was using to argue with my best friend. Over text message I attempted to explain why I was parked at the lake on a gorgeous spring day yet adamant about staying inside. The truth was that I was afraid. Anxiety gripped my skin and churned in my stomach each time I would try to step out of doors, and I didn't know why. But I had given up on fighting fear long ago.



"I'm scared." I typed. The next six words he sent me were the ones I vowed to never forget for the rest of my life:



"I'll help you overcome it."



I stared at the words on my screen until my vision blurred with tears. How could I deserve such a friend as this? I wondered. Before I could attempt to answer my own question, an image tapped on my window. My view from behind the pane revealed a heavily freckled, comically small boy with cow licked dark hair and a mischievous smile. My best friend, beckoning me to come with him on an adventure. "You can do this!" His glinting blue eyes expressed, as I trembled in my comfort zone. "What if I can't?" I silently protested.



For so long, fear and isolation had been my only friends. I didn't know how to trust, I didn't have the strength to conquer. I only knew how to retreat when all I could see was what I was afraid of, cower when anxiety pounded in my chest and buzzed in my ears. Stepping out into the green beyond seemed to me like waltzing right into hell. But as my darting eyes steadied on his warm disposition, I realized that I had outgrown my comfort zone. It was time for a new beginning.


The First Time I Was Fearless, and the Beauty I Found

I raced out of my vehicle and crashed into his gangly embrace. He held me to his heart for a while, then escorted me on my new journey.


The First Time I Was Fearless, and the Beauty I Found

He let me shiver, he let me scream, he let me run, and he let me cry, but he never let me go through it alone. When we would approach the objects of my phobia, I would start to shake, then relax when I felt his comforting touch brush against my chaos. If he saw that I was so overwhelmed my eyes were swelling with tears, he would tell me a horrible joke that caused me to cry with laughter.



He would play with the lizards and insects that gave me anxiety, just to show me that they weren't so daunting after all. He made it a point to show me all the beauty I couldn't see beyond the fear, introducing me to what was lush, blooming, or dancing. I began to notice that his eyes were as vivid a green as the trees, that his nature was as gentle as the whispering wind. Just as I had treated the glory of nature, I had looked but had never truly seen him before. But as we strolled down the hall of glory together, I saw his features bathed in a new light. He was more perfect than I could have imagined.


The First Time I Was Fearless, and the Beauty I Found

After he escorted me to my car and I drifted home, I felt a foreign sense of peace. I waded in a euphoria I knew couldn't have existed in the presence of fear. I felt love. I grabbed my phone again and reread his message. "You did help me overcome it," I whispered. I rolled down my window to let the outside in, something I never could have done yesterday. As the wind poured through one breath at a time, I shouted:



I am an overcomer!


The First Time I Was Fearless, and the Beauty I Found


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The First Time I Was Fearless, and the Beauty I Found
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