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The Birth of the Player: It Ain't Pretty (Page 2)
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Do what you have to do. Even if it means to turn into a player in order to get what you want, it's OK. I heard a quote similar to "If someone is rejecting you then its them, who are missing their chance.".
Yup. There is almost no love left on this world in the human race. I believe money and power have taken over the original and natural human foundations, which includes emotional attachments. If it's not the case of money, then there is still power.
You don't need to feel like you missed out or you're getting hurt from all that. In reality when we hear "Where are all the good men?" then it's a clear sign, that those, who say this have played with their fire for too long and burned themselves. In other words, they have hurt themselves.
You can simply go no-fucks-given mode and lose all interest and attention in girls. Once they notice, that they are no longer in that spotlight, the tide of things WILL change! But it doesn't have to and neither do you but that's all up to you.
i agree, actually i started playing women recently and did not look back. For years i tried to be that good guy by treating women with respect but in the long run, women always complained and left. Now i get really hot women too by being a gentleman with a slightly darker side and women go crazy, i have sex with them and then leave. Yea, it breaks there heart, but hey, better than them breaking my heart down the line. In the end whether you like it or not, women are meant to be used and that's it
I understand your frustration, but maybe you are looking for 'the girl' in the wrong place? Maybe you need to have more experience of understanding that the rejection is indispensable with some certain girls like the ones physically out of your league or the ones flying over moon with ridiculous expectations like they are some kind of shit? Anyways either way i get it you are bitter and most of us have been there, but dont miss the one because of your pride of being 'the player'. Good luck
I have never went after girls that were out of my league physically. Most were average and some even below average. Without sounding too arrogant, most people consider me to be above average or very attractive physically. In fact one girl that rejected me (who herself was about average) actually told me I was "one of the most attractive people she'd ever met" and that all her friends wanted to meet me.
That's besides the point though. I don't feel as though I have ever reached "beyond my league" which makes the process much more painful for me. I can tolerate being rejected by a girl that is INSANELY attractive, but when it's just a normal girl, it hurts more and just boosts their ego and reinforces their ridiculous standards. I get what you're saying, but me overreaching my "league" is not the problem here.
To be honest, I think you're putting in too much effort.
I mean, I get the impression that you meet/chase girls to get into a relationship with them. I think it doesn't really work that way. Guys should not chase after women, it's more like the 2 people should grow towards each other. It has to happen naturally and smoothly. It should not be forced.
Don't look for love, because you will rarely find it when you look. Love will find you, when you're not looking for it.
No offense, but if you're actually 17 I'm not sure if you've had enough experience to really say any of this with much confidence. HOWEVER, I won't dismiss your opinion on that basis.
Unfortunately, the "two people growing closer together" sounds romantic and cinematic, but I've never had it happen to me and in my opinion it doesn't seem to work. That isn't to say that it isn't a better way of thinking, I don't know. Girls will usually assume that you just want to be friends or become discouraged when it seems that you're not interested in them in a romantic way. Expressing interest and directing the relationship is mandatory at one point or another.
That being said, I know a few people that are in relationships and they all ACTIVELY SOUGHT relationships. You have to date and meet LOTS of people; leaving it to chance is highly inefficient and extremely frustrating. I get what you're saying, it's just a little too unrealistic/impractical in my opinion though.
Yeah I'm 17 years old and have no experience in dating/relationships... :( but I do have a brain :P
Hmm yeah it sounds cinematic indeed. I just wrote what I thought was best, but as I have no experience I can't really tell, I can only think about what'd be best.
Meeting lots of people sounds good, but how does it go next? I think after meeting it should go naturally, like the first time you meet her, you don't set up a date of some sort. Because that gives away your intentions too easily, and it's not quite smooth/natural. Say you meet her at the same place (school? work?) another few times, you ask her to do something fun with you (dont call it a date, because that sounds kinda formal). Like for example you have discovered she likes to do running, or she has the same music taste as you, you can ask to do some running together, or go to a concert together. You know her interests, because you've talked to her before and you both get along well with each other.
It's basically showing genuine interest in her, because at first you got along well (making jokes and small talk and stuff, so now slightly move on to where her interest lies etc.).
But remember it should all go naturally! Don't force it, let it happen :)
I you could follow along and I hope it helped a bit
"I promise that I used to be a nice person. Every time I was rejected by a girl, I still tried to be a good friend and I suppressed all the "ulterior" motives that I had"
See that`s the error in your thinking. That staying around as a friend is the right thing to do. Its not.
When you apply for a job as manager and the company won't give to you, you dont hang around as unpaid intern and hope that someday they will see what a mistake they made not hiring you. No, you thank them for their time and try again at a different company. You move on
Well, you're missing the very important point that with many of these girls I was basically forced to see them at various times because we had shared activities or friends. I could have started ignoring them or being a jerk to them, but I didn't. I tried to go on like nothing had ever happened.
Furthermore, it's always girls that say: "Well clearly he was a jerk because he didn't want to be my friend after I rejected him, like my personality isn't a good consolation prize" or some nonsense like that. Anyway, I get what you're saying, but it isn't that simple in this case.
So you hang out with them when you have to, you are friends of friends or acquintances. Dont be a dick but no one is forcing them to be friends either, just be civil.
And no, I've never heard a girl say that
Eh, everyone has there preferences. You wanna be a sex only kinda guy? Go for it. Just be truthful about it. It'll save you a whole lot of pain when she expects a relationship and you just want sex.
All the people dissing him: don't bother. He's allowed to choose his own way. You getting on your high horse doesn't do anything but sound trite and hypocritical.
Do I agree with his views? Hell no. But am I gonna call him out on them.
Thanks for the opinion. I don't really want to be a sex only guy, however, it seems a lot easier at this point. I don't see why I should ruin my good female friendships and get rejected constantly (being rejected for sex is pretty hilarious/fun compared to a serious relationship rejection which is heartbreaking) for no real gain? It doesn't seem like a good use of my time.
Might I suggest older women if you are looking for a good relationship? Even if the age gap turns out to be an insurmountable difference, you can learn so much in those relationships.
I'm not necessarily saying go after full on cougars, but someone who is, say, 4 or 6 years older might be more receptive to respect.
I did not read your post. You can control your emotions, your feelings, your behavior and you can control your thoughts. Don't act like a victim. You can be a hopeful person even if everyone you meet tries to destroy your hope. You can be a good person even if everyone you meet wants to make you angry. You can choose to keep searching for a great girl. I wish you luck.
Well, it's debatable whether someone can remain hopeful when everyone they encounter makes their life worse. In fact, that sounds more like insanity.
Furthermore, if you didn't read the post I don't really know why you're commenting. The post wasn't that bad and isn't going to give you a disease if you read it...
It's not insanity. You have to have hope. That's what hope is. When everything is bad and you can't see the light, you have to believe you will one day. Why do I need to read a post that says basically I am this way because of other people. No. That can't be. You are that way because you chose to be. You are the boss of your life
Your advice sounds great in theory. Unfortunately, human brains don't work that way and so it has very little practical application. When humans consistently fail at a particular thing (or more specifically, they find that a particular thing cannot be achieved), they rationally learn to avoid it.
"Oh look, every time I hit that rock with my hand, nothing happens!"
Idiot: "Just BELIEVE in yourself! It will break eventually!"
Normal: "Yeah. Stop hitting it."
Well I think most Christians are crazy. We believe that when you die you will be raised from the dead. Even if we don't see it happening. So I am a Christian, what does that tell you. Another thing is, I never had anyone ask me out when I was younger. Do I just assume that guys don't like me. I was told terrible things by my mom and sister that was ugly and will never find a successful relationship. Did I believe that? You have to be crazy sometimes. You have to believe in yourself. You can do it. You are awesome, you are worth it. No one can tell you until you tell your self. I asked my husband out, I am in my only ever relationship. My mom and sister has been in like a lot. My sister is on her like tenth relationship. I don't care what people say or do. You can call me crazy. Live your own life.
I can kinda understand where you are coming from. After my divorce I went out with some jerks that just wanted to get laid. Yes men my age. It almost soured me on the whole dating thing. But I finally found a nice man... we fell in love and we are happy. It can happen for you to.
I, too, have been noticing that women do tend to treat you badly when they know you care about them. It's as if they are attracted to you more when you remain cold and distant. I think the media and feminism has just caused women too much brain damage.
To be fair, I think feminism has caused everyone a bit of brain damage, including its psycho flag bearers and the 'scholars' behind its concepts and utterly preposterous research.
You see all these female responses? Soak them up. Because this is why "communication" doesn't work.
Act.
Do not talk.
Do.
Let them them feel reality. Bitches are like Japan before Hiroshima. THey have no idea what is about to hit them. Reality must burn deep and hard into their bones.
Then when all the complaining, whining and bitching begins, you tell them this:
"It's as if she feels she's entitled to a man."
We told you so, women. You were warned.
I definitely agree with you "Snatch Finder" (lol) that women just DO NOT get this concept at all. They don't understand how men could possibly be bitter and they don't understand that love is not magical and mysterious. That's why I sort of regret writing this take. Firstly, it doesn't communicate exactly what it is that I wanted to say. And furthermore, it's mostly talk and as I've discovered women have a hard time "talking" about what male attractiveness actually is. I don't necessarily feel bitter towards women. I feel bitter towards society and the way I was raised which was HOPELESSLY out of touch with reality. It took me many years and many experiences to figure that out.
Eventually every man figures it out in the end.
Women are doomed, and the ignorant, arrogant cunts on this take are the reason.
So I'm just gonna put this right here...
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a10615-she-s-not-a-bitch-she-s-just-not-into-you
As hard as I tried to apply this concept in real-life, it just hasn't worked. I do agree that unleashing your anger on the girl herself is not productive. However, in some instances I don't feel as though having an angry response is necessarily a bad thing.
As bad as it sounds, her inner logic and functioning really isn't any of my concern. I know that there is a functioning, logical (likely non-evil) brain beneath her decisions, HOWEVER, at the surface level, her actions are what is important.
I've gotten angry at people sometimes because of the things they DID. They probably had reasons for doing them. They probably actually had a logical succession of thoughts that led them to do those things. They may have even been completely innocent and without ill intentions. Ultimately though, their actions dictated my opinion of them, and except for a few rejections I've experienced, in most instances they were blatant insults not worthy of an overly accommodating response.
"However, in some instances I don't feel as though having an angry response is necessarily a bad thing. "
What instances would an angry response not be a bad thing?
I guess this depends highly on how you define "angry." My version of "angry" is more like "indifference." I don't think violently, reacting for example, is ever useful.
I'll give an example where an "angry" response has seemed to be acceptable. Cybill Shepherd wrote in her autobiography that Robert DeNiro supposedly asked her out during the filming of Taxi Driver. She rejected him, and in response he never talked to her out of character again. She writes that she regretted not taking him up on his offer. Some could say it was an immature move, even angry. But if you think about it, just like ANY kind of social rejection, I don't think it's healthy to still be accepting of people that reject you regardless of whether it is in a romantic way or not.
Furthermore, though you say in your take that girls are often not ACTUALLY leading you on, I can say with some confidence that some girls do in fact do this, even if it isn't purposefully. I've had girls admit later that they had been doing this to me (part of the benefit of staying friends with them I suppose). Some girls admit to doing this to other guys or going through a phase where they frequently did this.
Also, sometimes a rejection is just unexplainable. One could easily say that "it just didn't work out" but after a while you begin to blame yourself more and more to the point that it hurts your confidence. Once in a while blaming the other person doesn't seem entirely unreasonable to me, and if it improves your confidence and makes the rejection easier, I don't see what the big issue is.
Hmmmm. . . My sense is that your main mistake is/was (but likely still is) thinking that the way to win a girl over to being sexually attracted to you is to display your "I'm good boyfriend material" characteristics. I think that's been/is your primary mistake. You need to display your "I'm sexually attractive" characteristics FIRST. Only then will any of the rest of it matter.
This could be true, though it's unlikely. I've met my fair share of guys that definitely do this, but I'm not a pushover at all in real-life. I really feel like girls can often sense that I'm more emotionally invested than I "should" be which either causes them to get bored or believe that there's something wrong with me. That wouldn't happen if I stressed the physical component of relationships rather than the romantic part (so I believe). That's really all I was getting at in this take.
Yeah, my point is that they need to be physically attracted to you FIRST. I don't think you're being rejected for being emotionally invested. You're being rejected because you're physically under-invested. Get them aroused/intrigued/interested in you first, and THEN emphasize your emotional investment.
yup, wouldn't call myself a player but a girl on tinder got me to fuck her to cheat on her boyfriend and damn it felt good coz i was better than him and she was good looking and the ego boost i got. I forgot every shitty rejection i had, every girl that looked in my direction and gave me a look of disgust, every guy that said i was too ugly to ever get laid. BEST FEELING EVER and i'll never stop at any chance to get it again.
Find the balance, bro. Be nice when you need to and a d*** when you need to. It all revolves around honesty. Take charge and learn when either is appropriate. Being a "player" only shrinks the pool of decent cadidates for rest of us. Same goes for skanks. Women would rather a man hold the door open because he feels they need it, not because it's expected of him, in my opinion.
the oly way to self inprove and be more a Gentleman than a Player?
STOP GIVING A FUCK about her Beauty. See if she deserves your attention
otherwise move on.
it all comes down to SELF RESPECT. If they dont respect you, move on and/or fuck them up. But dont be an asshole to everyone, that's just... doing what i was doing a long ago. It doesn't work out.
i know that myself well. i felt like shit in the end
try to raise your standards - have both fuckfriends and friends you would bang but you dont, then look around for decent girls. there are great girls but you know what? if you're too nice, you get fucked up. That's just how women are
https://i.giphy.com/12nfzGiQdA8xO0.gif
Of course not. How else did I write this article?
I was being sarcastic. lol.
ok, but what if the girl hasn't flirted with you and rejects you because she is working on school, for example? not every rejection is about a flaw that you have.
I have also found that self improvement has very little payoff. But I'm not angry with women, at least not over that. I just tell them what I want in a blunt but tactful way. It's been more successful for me so far than any amount of self improvement.
I despise players--Probably because I've been duped by a couple in my time. It sucks so bad to be on that end. Especially when I thought it was something real.
I wish you well though.
I didn't write this take correctly. The term 'player' has a definite connotation of deception. That wasn't what I was trying to imply here. I don't think that deception is the right answer, but, I'm beginning to think that as a male, having any sights on trying to build relationships with women is futile, hence, having a fixation on the physical aspect (and being clear about that) seem like a more emotionally conservative approach.
I'm just tired of emotionally investing myself and getting hurt, that's all. Strictly physical relationships don't carry that risk.
Honestly I'm tired of the same thing from my perspective but I'm just not the type of person who can have a fling. I kinda wish I was like that, I'd get way more action.
And now I understand why I was dumped. Seriously, thank you