Relationships

Tommy Wiseau's Series of Unfortunate Events

DISCLAIMER 1: Sorry in advance for any typos or if some of this is a little redundant or inchoesive. I didn't do a read through or complete edit of this mytake and sorry I'm not fucking Mark Twain 😑 In the immortal words of Bubblegum Tate, "Deal with it!" 💂🏾🏀

DISCLAIMER 2: I'm going against my own principle on this site, which is to not write a myTake about myself that doesn't give any sort of insight into anything, but I'm bored and this is my Saturday night cause I have jack shit going on in my life right now 😑

For those who managed to get this far and trying to figure out what the fuck this is about, this myTake is about the first and only girl I have and have yet to fall in love with and how I managed to almost inexplicably continuously fuck up...

Before I begin, I'll say that this is partially inspired by a take by @Fathoms77, who made a take bout a week ago...

Tommy Wiseau's Series of Unfortunate Events

...about not settling. This take is sort of a bit less generic

I don't know how relevant this is, but here's some backstory about me. I grew up in small town, NJ (sorry y'all. The entire state isn't a massive city and turnpike and pollution). The kind where you know and are friends with the same people from kindergarten through high school. The relevance being that for the first 17 years of my life, I haven't really been attracted to a girl except 1 of my best friends. But that was more of just a crush cause she was, objectively, at least a 9.2. As for my personality, as many of you probably picked up, I'm extremely sarcastic. I'm also really laid back, fun loving and reserved, believe it or not. And I'm not someone who generally puts himself out there to friends or family and generally keep how I'm really feeling to myself

I went to a small university in the Piedmont of North Carolina starting in 2011. Like most kids, the first few months, I made friends, but it wasn't like those friend groups you see on tv or in movies. However, 1 of my friends I ended up hanging out with a lot was with this girl, Katy. She, ironically, was almost everything I wasn't. Eccentric, type A, energetic, extroverted, etc... But she was fun and obviously worth hanging around. So we hung out a while and, coincidentally, lived in the same dorm as me

1 night, I get a text from Katy about meeting her and her friend to play video games. I ain't got shit to do so why not? I get there and I get introduced to Sam. I thought she was pretty, but didn't think much of her. Now there are certain games I'm good at and guitar hero wasn't and isn't 1 of them... Same with Sam. So essentially, we essentially bonded over trying to beat our friend at guitar hero, to no avail. Moreover, I definitely had someone else to hang out with considering she also happened to live in the same dorm literally the room above mine

The 3 of us, as you can imagine, started hanging out a lot. And the more I started hanging out with her, the better friends and more comparable I realized we were. Might sound obvious, but like I said, Katy was pretty much the opposite of me. This Sam girl was someone who was laid back, kinda quiet and shy, liked my stupid sense of humor for whatever reason, etc. Our school has a steakhouse that you can go to once per week and have to get dressed up for. Katy had the reservation for us 3 and during that 2 hour meal of mostly laughing with a bit of eating and talking sprinkled in, I can definitively say that was the moment I started having a crush on this girl

To give perspective, that last part was in about a couple weeks at most. Oddly enough given how long this story has been, none of that was really reason for me to really want to ask her out, yet, so I'll fast forward about a week or 2 and it's Thanksgiving break. Like I said, I'm from New Jersey and in North Carolina. Sam is from south Florida. We coincidentally scheduled for the same evening bus to the airport in Charlotte. Well, if anyone knows anything about traveling on Thanksgiving week or Charlotte traffic, it's an absolute shit show... We're on our way and she finds out her flight got cancelled. There's kinda a gap between what I did, but whatever it was, something happened cause I do remember calming her down considering how she freaking out a bit and pretty bummed and me staying wi her until her parents were able to find a hotel for her for the nigh and/or I had to get on my plane... And that moment lingered in my mind all break like stink on shit 😂

We get back and I'm convinced I like her, so the goal is to ask this girl out. This is obviously the part where most of you assume this story should end 1 way or another with me asking her out. I mean I have a crush on a girl, go for it; What am I waiting for? That would make too much sense. This is where that part about me growing up in a small town and never really being attracted to someone kinda catches up with me 😑 And yeah, it'll be a theme. But anyone who has or at least thought about asking a person out, the obvious thoughts that come into your mind are, will she like me back? Will she think I'm weird? Will she stop talking to me? What if she chews me out or laughs at me? Am I reading her wrong? Y'all know. So my logic was to see if she liked me back and/or try to get her to like me more, in case she sort of didn't like me as much as she probably did before the break... That was the plan, at least


While I was thinking I had a plan, it turned out 1 of our other friends in the dorm asked her out. It only lasted about 2 weeks, but needless to say, it kinda was a wake up call for me to stop being a bitch and just ask her out. I'll save you the suspense and tell you I didn't. I sort of built excuses, admittedly, but in all honesty, I figured I'd focus on finals cause teachers like to shit on students the last month of the semester 😑... So next semester it is


I'll also sorta contextualize some of the other themes as to why I didn't ask her out, which became themes throughout that semester as well, and the next year, basically (So. year). And I should probably start with who exactly was in my circle of friends: me, Katy, Sam and our friend, Chuck (I wish I had time to explain that inside joke):

A- As I mentioned before, we all lived in the same dorm, meaning that we hung out all the time. All. The. Time. It was harder getting her alone than separating stink on shit. Yeah, I used that metaphor already, but it's funny, sue me 😂 Especially Katy. They were inseparable... More like Katy always being with Sam than the opposite

B- I'm not going to delve too much into this, but it's worth noting that Chuck also liked her and would go out of his way to talk to her, hang out with her, sit next to her instead of me or others when we
did stuff. As for the problem, I didn't want to make him jealous and possibly ruin or cripple our friendship over a girl; our best friend. Moreover, I also didn't want to make this about Sam and somehow phase out Katy, which is not cool. So I took at into consideration as well

C- While Chuck and I liked her, many other dudes liked her who were way more upfront about it and way more direct... I mean like 3 or 4, but they were persistent, for at least a couple months. And she's not aggressive, but she wasn't having it with them. This might've contributed to me not asking her out since I didn't want to be overly persistent like them and I couldn't tell if she just didn't want a relationship. They also didn't know her as well, so that also contributed to her being more annoyed as well

So you'd think that I'd just ask her out regardless, but it pretty much went the way of that first semester a few paragraphs back, minus her having a boyfriend thing. Some stuff happened, but no specific instances worth noting, although my granddad dying midway through the semester kinda had something to do with it and sucked a bit... Not gonna lie 🙁

Place obvious disjointed paragraph insertion here:

At this point, I'm thinking y'all feel like it's more of a 1 sided affair. What actual basis does this mook actually have for thinking this girl likes him? Is he totally making it up? Well, possibly... While it was definitely more of me liking her than her liking me, there were still many times where she went out of her way to be with me or be next to me. There were times where she would hold my hand. She would willingly just sit on my lap. She would let me sleep over her room or she would be fine sleeping over in my room. Well, you might think that's friends being friends. To which I thought as well, kinda. But it was also the way she looked at me and talked to me. I wish I could explain it without sounding so generic. Moreover, she would do those things or other things with me which she didn't do with Chuck or any of our other friends. So that made me ponder, was it flirting or me just seeing things in rose colored glasses? Also, remember, I wasn't used to this sort of stuff. I didn't exactly know the difference... Still don't. Half the time people think I'm flirting with random chicks when I'm literally just trying to start a conversation, be remotely funny and interesting and just being nice in general

Now that we got that cringeworthy, in-cohesive segment outta the way, let's fast forward to the next logical time which is around the end of the 1st/beginning of 2nd semester of sophomore year; the possibility of her transferring. This was the best and worst thing that could happen... Mostly worst. Only best in the sense that if I were to tell her and she said no and didn't really want to talk to me because of it, I wouldn't see her after (it should be noted that even until early summer, she didn't know if she was transferring). The worst being the fact that if I asked her out, what possibly could result from it? Again, I'm from New Jersey, she's from Florida... Only a mere 1250+ miles apart. Also, I realize I've undersold a lot of things in this take for the sake of convenience, but feel that it should be reiterated that she was just as much my best friend as she was a love interest. As much as I had feelings for her, more importantly, I was being threatened with not seeing my best friend again, or at least not in the foreseeable immediate future. On top of that, it sort of plays into the moral dilemma of whether or not I should tell her that I liked her. As if I'm concerned about her leaving, she's the one who was leaving all of her friends. As you can imagine, it was kinda a stressful time for her as well and I'm pretty sure 1 of the last things she would want to hear and be thrown on her plate was that I liked her and dealing with emotions from that. So I bit my tongue and didn't tell her, sort of also taking a gamble on the slight possibility of her actually returning for the next year


Summer passes and I am constantly thinking about Sam. To the point of obsession. And I couldn't help it. I honestly wish I could tell you how stupid I felt on the fact I was thinking about her so much, worrying that she wouldn't return and I wouldn't see her. Probably needless to say, but Jr. year started and she transferred to Florida. My gamble obviously didn't pay off and the 1st thoughts in my head were full of regret

But if there was any consolation in all of this, it was an opportunity a mere 2 months when she invited me to come down to see her and for the football game between Florida and my team, the Vols 🔶◽️🔶◽️🔶 (Who actually playing today) in October, 2013. I mean I get another chance to not fuck up? Awesome! I had a plan and everything! We were flirty towards each other when she was still at my university. She invited me to come see her 1000 miles away. Granted, I'm the biggest football fan out of the 4 of us, if she asks me to visit her, she most likely have some feelings for me, right? Am I seeing this through rose colored glasses? What I thought would happen and what did (or didn't) happen were 2 different things. Instead of the flirty nature we had, it felt more like a plain friendship. We had fun. I had fun (minus the vols getting taken to the woodshed). But it didn't feel the same as when I saw her last. Maybe she didn't like me as much as I thought. Maybe she did and simply just got over me just like that. Whatecer feelings she may or may not have had for me that made me feel like I had a chance, it felt like she was 100% over it. Because of that, I reverted back to my reclusive trait of not telling her how I felt about her. Going back dejected, I decided that it would be best to get over this girl

Unfortunately, like most things, easier said than done. I found myself not being able to get her out of my mind. All of a sudden, those gay love songs by the Beibs or the Backstreet Boys and shit, and those stupid RomCom movies felt more realistic than just stupid overdone tropes 😂 It was a hard pill to swallow knowing her sitting on my lap led to nothing. The way she looked at me and laugh at my stupid jokes didn't mean anything. Her holding my hand didn't mean anything. Trying to get over how I felt when she would stay up with me when I had work to do or insist I sleep over at her place when. Not gonna lie, it put me into a pretty depressed place and I went to pretty great lengths to get over her

To get an idea of the lengths I went through to move on, between Junior and Senior year (May- August 2014), I worked in Miami, around where she's from. I was busy, but I also had a lot of down time. Sure, I could've visited or hung out with her at least a dozen times. Yet I didn't even tell her I was there. Needless to say she wasn't too happy about me not telling her and finding out from Katy (despite the 9 million pics I got tagged in on Facebook). But again, I didn't think I could put myself through seeing her again, yet


It would take me until around midway through my second semester Sr. year (2015), or around 1.5 years since when I saw her last

So, I'd like to say that it ends right there with me moving on with my life, but what fun would that be? Fast forward towards graduation (April, 2015). As I'm folding laundry for probably the 1st time in my life, I get a phone call to let Katy into my room. As I opened it, I get totally thrown off guard by the fact Sam is there, despite her telling us in like August she was coming. Now, I'm a hardened som'bitch! I'm not going to be seduced by this siren once more! I'm totally over this girl... Or so I thought

It didn't happen as fast as you'd think. I was pretty fine with her being there and she wasn't consuming every thought I had. I still did things without her and, admittedly, avoided her a bit by hanging out with my other friends. But even though it took a bit, you can see where this is going 😑 It was incredible if you think about it. Just the psychology alone. I am attracted to this girl, work all this time trying to get over her, and like a building during a hurricane, gets destroyed in a matter of minutes... And I loved every second of it. Hell, I fell deeper in love with this girl than I did before she left


For the next 2 weeks, the 2 of us were attached virtually at the hip. I don't exactly want to go into specifics (partially cause my memory sucks), but we would just take walks for a long time, aimlessly. It seemed like she found every excuse to eat with her at lunch and dinner. During senior week at various events or during parties (the few that were still going on), she would grab my arm and hold my hand. Fuck, it seemed as if she actually liked me... Maybe I was reaching a bit, but the evidence seemed kinda there, especially the last night before the actual graduation where we literally just walked for hours, being really close, physically, talking about everything until about 2am or so. It would've been the perfect chance right then and there, but I kinda needed to think about it and compose myself. After we left each other, I spent the night dicking around with my other friends and contemplating whether I should say something. I came to the conclusion I would the very next day. If not then, it'd be never. I! GOT! THIS!!!! 😬

Graduation rolls around and by 3ish, I have my graduation party. It was exclusively family! Awesome day! If you learned anything by now, it's that things come at the worst times for me. Right before I leave to go see Sam, since we planned to meet up afterwards, I get pulled to the side by my mom to tell me my aunt died. She randomly had a brain aneurism a couple months before and was in a coma since at least February. It was shaky, but last time I heard, which was right before everyone came, she was doing better. But that was pretty heavy. I don't want to diminish her dying in any way, but for the sake of moving this along, I couldn't think about asking her out. Because of the death and also because if I did get rejected, who knows how rational or irrational I would've acted... So, alas, once again, I didn't say anything that day or the following last few days I spent with her

Just like the 1st time I "lost" her, I currently feel like I lost her again. Not gonna lie, it still bothers me that I didn't say anything. Contemplating whether she liked me. What things could've been. If she actually did remotely think the same way about me as I did about her. If I was even justified in thinking the way I did or just seeing things through rose colored glasses. What bothers me isn't the fear that she didn't or doesn't like me, it's that I never found out. How there were so many lost opportunities if I simply manned up

You'd think with such a long take that there would be some grandiose moral or revelation I have to reflect on, but that's not the case. It was just as frustrating that I knew all of these flaws back then as well. The irrationality of my thoughts, but not being able to overcome them. My dad and sports have taught me to think about others before I think about myself and that's what I did. I thought about her before thinking about myself. Her happiness vs mine, yet my happiness also being congruent with how happy she was about me. The ultimate catch 22. Realizing that in the grand scheme of things that me telling her wouldn't ruin our friendship or relationship, but thinking she would think differently of me if she didn't feel the same, thus making me less happy or her happy

There may or may not be a shot with her still, but I figure in the meantime, I might as well get this off my chest. I don't tend to dwell in the past or the negative, but this is definitely different than anything else I've experienced, psychologically. These thoughts and memories still run through my mind everyday, nonstop. Yet all these years I've never told anyone I know any of this. I'm not emotional and never lay any stress on anyone else, usually keeping to myself, boxed up. I've gone through specific parts in my mind, but never the entire thing in any fluid manner, nor this in depth... And I can see why. Not gonna lie, a lot of it was really hard to revisit and write... Some douche definitely might've cut some while this was being written. I don't know and couldn't really tell you the point of this take for me. This wasn't made for anyone to feel bad for me, a sonnet expressing my unrelenting love or some rant on women cause this didn't work out (not to name any names). If nothing else, I think this has become more of therapeutic exercise for me. Maybe some sort of closure as I come to terms to move on with my life. I guess that's for y'all to figure out and time may tell 😬

Fun fact: This is the very reason I came to this site in the first place a little over a year ago... Who would've thought I'd actually stay and be talking about this shit a year later?

14 pages of writing... Not bad for me

Tommy Wiseau's Series of Unfortunate Events

Well, that's it, y'all! Y'all troopers who managed to read through this crap, I thank and solute you! Feel free to tell me what y'all think! 😬

I customarily put a hilarious meme to cap off my takes but I'm going with 2 videos this time... FUCK YOU, GUMBY!!! 😂😂😂


Tommy Wiseau's Series of Unfortunate Events
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