Needy, Clingy, Passwords and Phone Checking are Not Healthy!

[natured]

Respect, is the first element a couple should obtain in order to make a Relationship work, a healthy relationship includes also respecting each others emotional and physical boundaries ...

BUT HOW DO WE REALIZE WE ARE BEING CLINGY ?

(Let's face it, most of us don't admit it)

Sometimes us women can't have enough, we want to be around our Men all the freaking time, check what they are doing, what they are wearing, with who they're hanging out with, and we just have to STOP ... honestly being needy and clingy is TOXIC for every relationship.

Been there, done that, trust me it's BAD !!

And it takes time to rebuild everything ... and rebuilding does not mean that he will give you opportunity, to fix all of this mess that you have caused.

SOLUTION: Let him go out with his friends for a soccer game, let him go at a BAR without you bombarding him with 45 messages asking him "WHY ARE YOU NOT TEXTING ME BACK" (after 10 minutes of him not texting you because he was talking to his friend about the last football game) ...expecting them to tell you where they go and who they’re with violates their basic right to privacy, usually, they will tell you on their OWN.

Try and focus on yourself, call your girls, have a Ladies Night, YOUR MAN WILL ADORE YOU FOR THAT, i learned that a (real) Man finds it HOT when his Woman has self worth and loves to laugh and have fun with her girls, obviously, if he let's you DO THAT, you have chosen the RIGHT ONE. (I put my hands on fire for this)

If your partner doesn’t have anything to hide, they should be okay with showing you his phone, facebook, e-mails etc ..

WRONG !!!

Everyone has a right to privacy, and no one deserves to give it up for the sake of the Relationship, if you have a hard time respecting this part, then it literally means you have TRUST ISSUES, if trust is lacking in your relationship, it is impossible for the relationship to be healthy. I HAD TO LEARN IT THE HARD WAY ... :

"He would never let me see his Phone, he would always take it away from me, i SAW RED FLAGS immediately ... so one day i grabbed his phone and locked myself in the Bathroom, i CHECKED and guess what i found ? .....

...

...

...

NOTHING !!!"

Absolutely NOTHING, conversations with his mom, uncle, cousins, male friends ...

You can imagine his "I TOLD YOU SO" face when i got out of the bathroom ...

Guess what, i was such an IDIOT, i still didn't trust him ...

So i went to the extreme and went all C.I.A on him, i followed him, expecting him to be with some chick and all drunk (he always told me where he was going) i spied, and guess what ??

He was there and did NOTHING!! Talking with his guy friends, drinking beer and having burp

contests...

A naked chick could pass by and he would not notice.

THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED THAT I WAS CLINGY AND THAT I NEEDED HELP !!

How i resolved this ? I didn't need any therapist or GOOGLE, (don't get relationship advice on google for gods sake TRUST ME BIG TIME GUYS !! that's what made me CLINGY) but by communication, we had a LONG dialog, i openly told him everything, and we found the solution, it's called : RESPECTING BOUNDARIES AND OPEN DIALOGS !!

"When there’s space for each other, it allows greater scope for bonding between the couple.

It becomes easier to understand each other when you give the freedom to the other to enjoy their space."

The bond between two people grows stronger when there’s space to breathe, when you dialog about what is bothering you, Men can't read minds, you can try and PUT UP YOUR BEST "I am very UPSET Face"

HE STILL WON'T UNDERSTAND ...

So have a nice talk with your Significant Other, tell him WHAT YOU WANT and WHAT YOU WILL GIVE IN RETURN, and how to COOPERATE !!

Deeper the roots, taller the tree and stronger is an old Indian saying.

The best relationship is composed of an understanding girlfriend together with a loyal and honest boyfriend. IT TAKES ALWAYS TWO !!! But one should make the first STEP .

Natured <3

[TiredGirl123]

I use my boyfriend's phone all the time, but he gave me consent. My phone is slower than his so I use it to check fb, email, look up funny pics, etc all the time. But what's important is he gave me consent.

My boyfriend and I are best friends so I think we are a little clingy to eachother. He goes to a party and I tell him to have fun don't worry about texting me but he still does a bunch anyways, sending me pics and stuff.

We are so close and trusting to the point we share each other's stuff like it's our own. He uses my laptop and I use his car. He told me about when he went on a trip and was at a bar and got hit on by a prostitute.

However maybe we aren't normal. Good points you made though, I like them!

[natured]

I have the exact same relationship with my man now lol, but the beginning was a little weird because i never trusted Men in general, not even my dad (he cheated on my mom and she found out through his phone) and that is why i was reacting that way, because for me all Men where pigs.

After i found out that he has nothing to hide (and people keep judging me for checking his phone and literally spying on him if you read the comments one even said that i was trying to sabotage my relationship which is not true) but yeah, now we use each others phone computers and we leave everything open from facebook to email accounts.. but hey... i made mistakes and i learned from them :)

[MrOracle]

"He goes to a party and I tell him to have fun don't worry about texting me but he still does a bunch anyways, sending me pics and stuff."

Sharing with your partner can be fun when it isn't expected/demanded of you. But a clingy partner makes you want to seek an escape - time alone - and sharing is the last thing you want to do.

To put it another way, being clingy/stalkery actually works against your best interests.

[TiredGirl123]

@MrOracle Good point!

[coolbreeze]

Being needy and super clingy is never healthy and it can destroy any relationship. Trust, commitment and communication is very key for any relationship to survive and last.

[Kayla43]

I agree that it's not healthy to be paranoid of your significant other cheating on you, shouldn't let it get to you and bother you.. I never suspected of my current boyfriend on cheating with me not even once. I don't know, it just seems weird that you have to go through password changes with someone you love. Just seems kinda misleading if you ask me.

[natured]

It is not healthy at all, and it does depend on ones character, i tend to have a high temper, even though he never gave me a reason to cheat i still doubted, it's like a sickness, you want to catch him doing something that he won't DO, but as you read i learned from my mistakes :) now i trust him completely... but i just shared the passages for all the paranoid women out there.

[Kayla43]

I never willingly wanted to catch my boyfriends cheating.. It's depressing to think about..

[allahu_snackbar]

To be honest I don't get the privacy thing, I don't have a problem with my girlfriend looking at my phone and emails etc because it doesn't matter to me, my boring ass texts, calls and emails aren't a private thing. You might occasionally get the wrong end of the stick if you're paranoid, but usually if people are protective over that sort of thing they're hiding something. Out of all the people I know who've had issues with infidelity, they've found out through checking a phone that was closely guarded.

[natured]

I thought the same... but some people just don't like to have their phones checked and it's simple, now me and him we check and use each others phone, this was just a BEGINNING OF THE RELATIONSHIP THING, and it's not all the time the way you say it, You men have different shades !! Just like us women,

[allahu_snackbar]

Fairy snuff, s'all about compatibility I spose. I can't be bothered with someone who acts like they're hiding something. Trust is dependent on certain factors, blind trust no matter the circumstances is foolish in my opinion.

[vonasaurus]

i agree; surveillance in relationships is not healthy.

my man and i don't have cell phones, but we've used each other's computers and tablets. if i really wanted to, i could totally creep his fb messages or emails... but i don't do that because i trust him and don't feel the need to snoop (this, from someone who's been cheated on before).

the problem with this behaviour is that you are not only violating your partner's trust, but you have a bunch of random data about your partner with no context. if you go snooping to soothe your paranoia, chances are it'll have the opposite effect and fuel your insecurity.

while i'm a very private person (growing up, i never had any privacy and keep almost everything under lock and key), i have nothing to hide.

[Hidden_P]

I understand and appreciate this post a lot. However I think for a lot of woman your relationship is far more stable or more stable than they perceive.

My boyfriend knows my past and for that reason I don't suffocate him. It doesn't stop me being emotional all the time.

[Blueeyes81]

Good take. One of my friends wife is this way. He moved out and into his parents home to get some space and to make a decision as to whether or not he wanted to get a divorce. So he invited me out to coffee so I could offer some advice. The entire time (about an hour) his phone was blowing up. Text after text after text. It was ridiculous. The texts went something like this. "I can't wait for you to put this silliness behind you and move back home", "I love you", "Why aren't you responding? Are you with another woman?", etc. He must have got about 90 texts in that hour. A person's insecurities are often their own worst enemy.

[Anonymous]

Respect and trust are the basis for a great relationship. Being clingy is ugly no matter what kind of relationship.
I have been married a long time, and I have never felt the need to go through my husband's phone/computer/etc. If I ask to see it, he would show me because we trust each other.
If the guy wants to go out with the guys, okay. And girls have a girls night out. BUT it isn't necessary for a lasting relationship between husband and wife. The most important relationship is between husband and wife, not between friends. If friends are more important, then there is a huge problem with the relationship.

[FatherJack]

Men MUST have their own space , we are generally less social & talkative than women too , but much simpler creatures than women too. My ex wife always went through emails , then later phone , but the main reason I dumped her is that she is lazy & was always complaining & never once appreciated what I did. It's actually easier being a single father , she was a burden.

[martyfellow]

Right, you should never hesitate to take the first step; probably your s. o. thinks the same way, but is reluctant to say anything, since it might be taken as criticism.

[bloodmountain1990]

I've dated some clingy women. Luckily they never asked to see passwords, my phone, etc but I've had some who would throw a fit if I couldn't hang out some days even if I rescheduled for another day. SMH

The crazy thing at one point I was dating two girls who were both at opposite extremes. One was super clingy while the other was very hot and cold/flaky. No happy medium.

[Anonymous]

This goes both ways in my experience, just for some reason we allow men to be worse and get away with it because we find jealousy and possessiveness attractive for some reason! At least I did when I was a teen and I know most other teen girls do as well.

[Prof_Don]

In a relationship, I am a firm believer in everybody needing room to breathe and retreat. Let the cellphone be that retreat.

Otherwise said person would start to feel smothered.

[blondfrog]

You can actually get arrested for calling the cops when there isn't a real emergency too many times too. Which I am glad to see, but hey crazy people will be crazy. Yes texting someone that many times is just ridiculous.

[JustinTheGreat]

A relationship should be about trust. And if you don't trust your partner, you shouldn't be with them.

[NajemEddine]

finally one women understands the truth

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=76RrdwElnTU

[TacosRAwesome]

Sometimes I wonder if I'm so unclingy I seem to be not caring. I guess I only get clingy when I'm bored.

[John_Doesnt]

Bond? You mean James Bond!
I think a clingy chick only exists when a guy is too awesome like James Bond. There is science to this.

[Iraqveteran666]

Your science proves nothing. Clingy chicks are that way because the know I'm too good for them.

[John_Doesnt]

@Iraqveteran666 you just proved my point in your sentence: they're clingy because you're too good. Which is exactly what I said: clingy chicks are clingy because a guy is too awesome.
You seriously need to learn some reading comprehension.

[Iraqveteran666]

Shut up Mr Science guy. God makes men what they are and they made me awesome.

[John_Doesnt]

@Iraqveteran666 that doesn't even make sense. Are you even really an Iraq veteran? I find it hard to believe my tax dollars trained you to be illiterate.

[Iraqveteran666]

Cause rednecks no read and right real good.

[Unit1]

You're right but it took you long time to realize that at last :/
I mean it's really THAT simple, isn't it?

[Anonymous]

a woman who trusts her man, shouldn't have to look through phones, and follow him

[natured]

Women still do though :) it's something everyone does it's just being curious

[Opinion Owner]

no its called, mistrust

[natured]

For men it is called mistrust and i agree, but for us women is just the uncontrollable desire to catch him cheating as IF WE WANT TO CATCH HIM CHEATING i know,.. we make no sense, and i say it as a woman WE DO SUCK SOMETIMES... :)

[Opinion Owner]

then maybe you really don't want to be with him after all, and you only like the attention he's giving you. you're sabotaging your own relationship, because you feel like you're not good enough for him. it's a common theme

[natured]

I am glad to know that you have a bright Idea of me and my amazing relationship, looks like you didn't have such experiences and i understand, but it's okay if you think that way. fact is i WANT TO STAY, fact is i am no sabotaging anything i don't even know how to sabotage because i was educated well enough, fact is i am the happiest person on earth because i am with him ;) good luck

[Opinion Owner]

no, you tried to sabotage the relationship, and you know it

[natured]

If i would try to sabotage a relationship why would i still be with him? I made this post to show people that i have learned from my mistakes, i am not saying that I DID THE RIGHT THING, he never gave me a reason to cheat but i still investigated, and I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE, this does not make me a bad person and i think you should stop judging and try to understand that there are different characters in the world, not everyone can be LIKE YOU... so please stop this thank you

[Opinion Owner]

im telling ya, you tried to sabotage it

[Opinion Owner]

if you trusted him, you wouldn't have. you were intentionally sabotaging it. it's a common occurence

[Anonymous]

thechive.files.wordpress.com/.../...-photos-11.gif

[Lucifer_666]

Okay, I know this is kinda random, but that first lady. Wow!