To Not Share a Phone Password Is Like you’re Hiding Something

[xButterflyKisses87x]

This mytake was inspired by another mytake recently written, here.

One thing @estoydorado1 had said was.

Why a lack of trust is a reason against my S/O having access to my private accounts.

True to a point

If they are your significant other they most likely know what you make per month/pay check depending on what source of income you have. Most banking apps if you have them installed on your phone usually either come with a password option that you have for your account or a finger print option. I know mine has both and I usually use the fingerprint. Most husbands and wife’s share bank account so they know what their partner is making. My husband and I share both accounts including savings we both know what comes in and goes out on a monthly basis.

The only reason why I have a pin on my phone is because if my phone becomes compromised or lost someone will NOT have access to any of that info especially if there is a way to hack in and get passwords for everything

Phone passwords are a great thing only do to the fact a lot of people that own a smart phone likely has a banking app on their phone or something with personal/sensitive stuff like emails, or simply embarrassing photos not that many people would admit that honestly, or their chats on social media since kik, whatsapp facebook are all pretty common these days.

For starters I’m married and I don’t have anything to hide from my husband but I wouldn’t keep it on my phone if I did mainly because he does have my password but I don’t like to hide things from my significant other its pretty deceitful to do something like that.

That being said it doesn’t really bother me if he does go through it because you want to know what? It just gives him reason to trust me and know that I’m not lying or cheating behind his back.

However he has different views only because I have caught him hiding things from me and personally I hate it. He hasn’t changed his phone login at all which is good for me but I try not to look for anything on there and he knows.

He also know what it’s like to be blindsided from people hiding things. His ex wife used to hide from him the fact that she cheated multiple times on him and her chats with those guys that she couldn’t meet up with.

[Anonymous]

i check my girlfriends phone, because she snoops through mine.

[ThisDudeHere]

You two seem childish

[Unit1]

@ThisDudeHere but who cares about 2 people stalking each other? They have pretty much found each other.

[Opinion Owner]

@ThisDudeHere nah, I don’t trust her. Too many sketchy things, and if I find her cheating the dude is getting broken

[ThisDudeHere]

If you don't trust her then why are you even together with her?

And why attack a guy who only wanted to get laid? She's the one who would cheat on you.

[Opinion Owner]

@ThisDudeHere she’s getting broken too, and why am I with her if I don’t trust her? Because I love her

[ThisDudeHere]

Your relationship seems broken.

[ThisDudeHere]

Thats not full love if you can't trust her.

[Opinion Owner]

@ThisDudeHere yes it is. It’s called she talks to a lot of other guys and I don’t want her too.

[ThisDudeHere]

Dude have some standards and a spine. Thats not worth it.

[Opinion Owner]

@ThisDudeHere what do u mean bro

[ThisDudeHere]

I mean that you're in for a life of misery if you continue to just bend over and take this situation in the ass like you have been doing so far.

[Opinion Owner]

@ThisDudeHere are you dumb? I put my girl in her place , regardless

[Opinion Owner]

You probably take orders from your girl you pussy

[ThisDudeHere]

By tolerating that kind of stuff you lose the right to call someone else a pussy.

[Opinion Owner]

@ThisDudeHere what do I tolerate?

[ThisDudeHere]

My point is that if instead of breaking up with her, you continue to put up with her, then you're essentially tolerating her shit.

[Opinion Owner]

@ThisDudeHere you what? You’re right, guck this hoe, I’m going dump her on the weekend and try to fuck her friends. I’ll consider this

[Opinion Owner]

Fuck*

[ThisDudeHere]

Good luck with that

[xButterflyKisses87x]

OP Owner... Never ever mess around with friends that's low!

[Opinion Owner]

I low it’s very low... but she hurt me badly and I get depressed about what she did. So isn’t this the best option?

[xButterflyKisses87x]

Why revenge? you're just better off leaving and being happy!

[Opinion Owner]

But I love her , it’s hard, this is very stressful , I don’t want anyone but her , you know?

[xButterflyKisses87x]

I get that you love her, but revenge is never an option that's just really evil

[Opinion Owner]

Then what do I do?

[Unit1]

@ThisDudeHere now i really get why there are questions about men nowadays being "pussy whipped and feminized men"

... Disgusting.

[Opinion Owner]

@Unit1 😂

[OatsnWhey]

Has she cheated before?

[wolfcat87]

Trust is like respect, to be valuable it must be earned and not just given.

I don't trust anyone who does not represent themselves as a trustworthy person. I am an open book, and I expect all of the people in my life to be open books. If someone is in such need of their privacy that i feel I need to pry, then I don't want them around in the first place.

My friends don't care if I look at their phones. My husband does not care if I look at his phone. We are all honest with each other, and we earned the trust we share. I don't have to worry about a single person backstabbing me.

Think about this, about 40% of people cheat... Let's just guess how many people in these comments demanding their right to privacy actually end up being one of those people? I can't think of a single person I know who did not end up cheating who needed privacy. If you're with people you should be with, there should be nothing on your phone that would cause an issue.

In over 10 years of being with my husband, he's asked for y phone once. I handed ti to him immediately. He handed it right back without looking. My actions were trustworthy, and so I have his trust. I'm nosy and go through his phone maybe once a year if I'm super bored, but it's always a snore fest unless a relative send him info that he forgot before relaying it to me. Because he is so open and gives me his passwords to everything, he has more privacy, because I don't see a reason to worry based on his honest ACTIONS.

Blindly trusting people is asking to become a victim. I see people breaking up every day, living a lie every day, contracting STD's every day, getting conned every day, cheated on every day, wasting their valuable time on someone unworthy everyday, getting blindsided and betrayed every day... because they blindly trusted someone based on the misconception that blind trust equals love. That's not love, that's foolishness.

I don't have time to waste acting like a fool with unworthy people. An honest person won't be offended. They may ask why, but then they will hand you their phone. It's not porn, nudes, secrets of friends, or "privacy" that they are protecting if they choose not to. They are protecting their right to choose their selves over you and to act against your best interests. Does that sound like a good start to any meaningful relationship? Anyone close to me can go through my phone, but they very rarely do. They know I've EARNED their TRUST.

[CallMeDave]

I disagree. I am a strong believer in openness and honesty in relationships and my girlfriend and I are very open an honest with each other, but I don't think we both have to give up all of our privacy in order to be in a relationship.

We actually do know each other's phone passwords, but I don't go looking through her phone and I'm pretty sure she doesn't look through mine. We only use the other person's phone when they ask us to, for example if one of us is driving and gets a text or wants to look up something, we'll ask the other to do that on our phone. Otherwise her phone is hers and mine is mine.

This also is not only about your partner's right to some privacy but all of their friends' right to privacy also. If you send a message to your best friend about a really personal matter, do you want her boyfriend to be able to read that? I think most people wouldn't, but when people give their partners free access to their phone, all of those conversations are then shared with the partner. If I had a friend that I knew was sharing everything I sent them with their partner, I'd be more reserved in what I send which might not be good for the friendship.

My opinion is that if you feel like you have to have access to your partner's phone in order to trust them, then you have a relationship problem or a personal problem with trust. I trust my girlfriend without having to spy on her and dig through her phone and I'm confident that she trusts me just as much. That's how I personally think a good relationship should be.

I don't believe in this idea that anyone with nothing to hide should be willing to share everything with their partner, the government, or anyone else. I still believe people deserve to have some amount of privacy.

[Anonymous]

Honestly.. Why do NON-cheaters complicate things?
You got nothing to hide. Yes, it MIGHT (not always) show a lack of trust, but that lack of trust would go away if you don't fall into the dumb cycle of then continuing not to allow access to your phone because of their "mistrust". That mistrust is increased furthermore through that cycle.
If you have nothing to hide, show them they're wrong, IF they do mistrust you. Sometimes it's just innocent curiosity and other times it's experience & lack of trust. Either way you could end it instead of prolonging it. You're at fault if you hate the feeling. You can end it.

My boyfriend & I have no such problem cause he told me RANDOMLY (without me asking/caring) his password, and i in return did the same, out of comfort and convenience.
Now when I say "hey can you play that song on my phone" he can legit take my phone if it's closer to him without me needing to go through the hassle of unlocking it, and vice-versa, for instance.
It's honestly so much better. We're perfectly happy because we creeate no such lack of trust.
And since we know each others passwords we both know and dont check for something that might be hidden.
Chill tf out yo. These phones shouldn't be causing you life problems.

[CubsterShura]

I would not let my partner see ALL my stuff. Things where I know that I have nothing to hide from him I'll let him see. But otherwise, I may have things like planning for him a surprise, a friend/relative sharing something that's private to them, stuff like that. If my best friend shared something very private, suppose an explicit description or picture, she would definitely not be happy if my man somehow finds it out.

So neither would I let him see everything nor would I hide everything from him. :)

[xButterflyKisses87x]

I keep the surprises off my phone :)

[CubsterShura]

I get it. I still want to make sure that in order to let him know my stuff I won't let him know other people's stuff.

[sovetskii13]

I believe that every person needs to have some level of privacy. Doesn't matter how close you are to someone. There are always things that are best to be kept private. Some things may be best to leave between you and a therapist or doctor. We should never feel pressured by our partners to expose everything about ourselves.
Personally, I don't have much to hide. But I still would never share my passwords with a partner. There are things that I just want to keep to myself. It doesn't mean that it's something bad or should be ashamed of.
If my partner won't accept my privacy then they have to leave. I won't demand their passwords because of the beliefs I mentioned.
Also, I have trust issues. I don't know where they came from but I know that they have been with me for over 15 years. I can't change that. If my partner doesn't accept any mental or psychological difficulties I struggle with then they should leave me.

[estoydorado1]

I think we've discussed this already. It may have been you or someone else but I'm not permanently logged onto anything on my phone just because it's so easy for people to break through lock screens nowadays. I lost my phone at the grocery store and asked the front desk people to call my dad's phone when they found it. Because he wouldn't pick up an unfamiliar number, they managed to disable my lock screen and call him in less than an hour.

My biggest issue is a S/O constantly harassing me to have full access to all of my social media accounts and even my bank stuff. And if I'm not comfortable with giving them 100% control of my accounts, I don't think I'd deserve to be accused of cheating or hiding. I'll show them my DM's if they have reasonable doubts but I won't be guilted and monitored like I'm their property.

[estoydorado1]

I guess we just have different levels of trust. You require hands on monitoring. I prefer to be with someone who I can have faith in. I would hope that my S/O would feel able to bring their concerns to me in person as opposed to just silently flipping through my private convos.

[yoshi_wanna_ask]

Just because someone values privacy doesn't mean they're "hiding something" and how conceited is it to think that you *must* have access to all of someone's private information and/or accounts to keep their cheating/lying in check? I get it, people as a whole aren't trustworthy but treating them like a disobedient toddler won't improve that but worse still it's incredibly disrespectful. If this was the olden days and there was no tech & passwords would you demand access to every drawer he uses? A double of every key? Every ledger?

It has to stop somewhere but the best way to 'make sure' someone is trustworthy to begin with, is to trust them in the first place. If you don't even trust them there NO WAY you should be living with them or marrying them and if you can't bring yourself to trust anyone... maybe you should get some help for that... or become a secret agent, that works too.

[coralee]

If you don't trust your partner your relationship is doomed to fail. Some couples do share phone passwords and that is fine, but it isn't wrong for people to expect a semblance of trust in their relationship. There are hundreds or reasons I wouldn't want my partner going through my phone and none of them are deceitful. Maybe I'm talking to my friend about her personal health issues, maybe I'm planning his surprise birthday party, maybe I just want girl chat the he wouldn't get or understand. I wouldn't be with someone I couldn't trust.

[tek555_pessimist]

I wouldn't have any issues giving my s/o my phone login, both my siblings already know it and I'm too lazy to change it. I don't really do anything important with it other than make calls and texts, and run idiotically large amounts of tabs to keep track of stories I'm reading. I would of course have to trust them not to post stuff on facebook etc. but considering how often I use that its not really an issue. I don't do banking on my phone, I don't like the risk. As far as anything secretive goes, if you have that (I don't) then use an encrypted database. It would be a different story if I had confidential stuff on there though. However, if they are constantly going through my texts, messages etc. that is an issue (though I suspect they would become very bored very fast as they are not very interesting).

[Miristheiss]

Probably. After a certain point. If you've been dating someone for two months having "privacy" may still be valid. If you are married and/or been dating 1.5 years and you have all of these hidden things on your phone and your mate isn't allowed to see your phone than I'd say that is unhealthy and suspicious. At some point you two as a couple kind of become "one" and that gives off the vibe you want your cake and eat it to. You want the perks of a relationship but also want to be "single".

[Being_a_good_Indian]

Thanks for sharing your Take with GirlsAskGuys Community. One Shouldn't Hide Phone In A Relationship If a four-digit password is the barrier between Relationship it means trust is lacking.

[xButterflyKisses87x]

I have it for other people. My husband has my pin

[Being_a_good_Indian]

That's Great. Have a great relationship ahead.

[xButterflyKisses87x]

Thank you!

[Being_a_good_Indian]

onceuponatruth.files.wordpress.com/.../...g-vi.gif

[samhradh_leannan]

There are practical reasons to give your SO your phone and laptop passwords. They might need to borrow your device, check your phone for you if you're driving, etc. The purpose of having a password on these devices should be to protect your privacy from people who you do not know and trust. It makes little sense to lock out the people you're closest to- unless you have something to hide.

[cherryphi82]

I've been married for a long time, so my SO and I share phone passwords, but more for practicality reasons. Same with the kids. If it was just a boyfriend/girlfriend, I probably would not share, at least not right away.

[LogicBomber]

The idea that not allowing your partner to be controlling and invasive is somehow proof that you are hiding something is like the government telling you that constant surveillance and personal invasion is not a problem if you aren't hiding something.
It's an asinine shaming tactic to try and guilt you into giving up personal privacy.
ANYONE who requires their partner's password is abusive and controlling and the relationship is toxic.

[Band_freak]

The main reason I disagree with my partner having access to my phone is because it compromises my friends privacy. If my friend tell me a secret she doesn't want anyone to know and my partner reads those messages she then finds out my friends secret which isn't very fair on the friend

[Pinay_ako]

I never ever share passwords with any of my previous relationships because there was no need for it. Just because I am not sharing mine doesn't necessarily mean I am hiding something which I am not. I just prefer my privacy and they prefer theirs too. We never really brought it up. If they want to cheat on me, that's on them.

[clampfan101]

It’s important to share important things with your partner, but you don’t have to lay out your entire life on the floor and hand them a magnifying glass. lmao Privacy is still important too. Everyone has things they want or need only themselves to know, be it on their phone or simply in their mind or heart. You can have a perfectly honest relationship while keeping personal secrets.

[admles]

This MyTake is really about you justifying your controlling nature and insecurity.

People have a right to privacy, and while he won't be saying things he doesn't want you to see, chances are his friends are talking to him about matters THEY want to keep private.

"What have you got to hide" is just snoopers justifying what they know is wrong.

[Bliss-taylor]

My husband and I share all passwords. We have nothing to hide. We never feel the need to check up on each other either.

[Izumiblu]

I have stuff on my phone that is secured for work. I am under a non disclosure agreement therefore I do not share my password with anyone. I occasionally will give him my pin if he needs to use my phone or whatever but he does not have my permission to go looking through my phone. Plus my pin gets changed every 90 days. He has similar boundaries for me.

I don’t believe that a person needs to be open book to prove trustworthy. You maintain appropriate boundaries