Relationships

The Power of Writing a Letter

I was having a rough semester. I was having a plethora of issues with a guy I really cared about which had finally gotten to a point where I needed to either address shit or let him go forever. And as I am a person who has a very strong fear of lack of closure, I was definitely going with the former.

All of my friends, who I kept updated with the drama, gave me advice. Most of it fell into one of two categories: "You should find where he hangs out at lunch and confront him" or "You should just get over him and move on."

Every single person was shocked when I said, "actually, I'm going to give him this," and pulled a handwritten letter out of my backpack.

The Power of Writing a Letter

Now I'm not saying I did it perfectly. My letter was way too long and way too flowery and eloquent. I didn't hold back at all and told him exactly how I was feeling. But it worked. He read it and contacted me a few days later saying he'd be willing to talk things over with me (in a mature and civil way!!!)

So now I take my experience to GAG to share my opinions and advice on why I think letter writing is an amazing communication tool and something we should do more often. I think, in today's society, where phones dominate and today's couples struggle with many communication issues, the practice of letter writing has been scorned and undermined. However, the power of a simple letter can be highly effective, and here's why:

1. You can say everything you want to say, in the way you want to say it.

How many times have you been having a discussion or confrontation with someone and accidentally let an insult slip out in the heat of the moment, making everything worse? Or reveal a detail that ultimately makes you feel helpless and vulnerable? Or finish the discussion and walk away, only to

realize you forgot to bring up something that you really had been wanting to bring up?

You don't have to worry about any of this when writing a letter. You have as much time as you want to re-read and re-write it. You can delete unintentional insults. You can hold back information that makes you feel vulnerable. And you can include and stress your most important points. You don't have to worry about getting tongue-tied, or crying at the parts that make you upset, or that you won't have time to say everything you want to say. You are completely in control of what's said and how it's said.

2. You don't have to find a time and place to talk.

Another reason why I didn't take my friends' advice of direct confrontation is that I knew what it would lead to: I'd storm into the classroom where he hangs out at lunch, cause a big scene, make everyone think I was psycho, and after all that, he wouldn't even listen, he'd storm out the instant I began talking. I also didn't take my friends' advice of confronting him over text, because I'd begin typing and sending what I had to say, which would obviously require more that one chat bubble, he'd come online, begin reading what I was doing, see that I was still typing, and block my number halfway through.

Sometimes, especially when both people are upset, it can be hard to get someone willing to sit and spend time with you long enough to talk out issues. Even if both people are willing to talk, it can be hard to get time alone to do it. And direct confrontations where one person is screaming at the other, who doesn't want to hear it, are rarely beneficial to the relationship.

That's where the letter comes in. All you have to do is write it and deliver it, and they can take it home, read it whenever, think about it, and hear what you have to say.

3. They can't get defensive or walk away.

Similar to my last point, whatever you say in your letter is what they're going to read. They can't stop you if they sense that you're going to bring up something they don't want to hear and they can't storm away if they get uncomfortable with what you're saying. With the letter, you're saying everything you want to say, and they have no choice but to listen without interrupting.

4. They have time to process.

Unless the person you're contacting is a total piece of shit, they care at least a little about what's going to happen to your relationship. And they need time to process too. After they read the letter, they'll have time to think about it. Formulate their own response. Realize your point of view. And they'll be more ready for a talk the next time they see you.

5. It shows you care.

I give this advice that I'm giving to all of you guys now to my friends whenever they're having applicable relationship problems. And half of the time, I'm met with a response like "I don't have the time," or "I'm too lazy," or "I have better things to do than try and write a letter."

To which I always respond, "If you don't want to take the time to really try and write something that could fix your relationship problems, how much do you really care about fixing the relationship?"

It took me five hours to write the letter I ended up writing. But that's okay with me because it shows I cared. I cared enough to put a lot of time into writing something that could fix our problems. It shows I thought our relationship was worth five hours of my time. And if you show you're committed, well, that's always something you want to show your partner.

No one has ever written me a letter. But if someone did, I would be very impressed and flattered. I'd definitely take it into consideration. Because anyone who takes the time to write so much to me (and yes, I admit, writing letters is not always easy) would definitely prove to me that he's dedicated and willing to put effort and hard work into our relationship.

In conclusion:

Now I'm not, in any way, saying that letters should /take place/ of an actual conversation in real life. The same way people break up over text, there definitely gets to be a point where you're hiding behind the formality and emotionless tendencies of letters. But they are an amazing and effective way to show gratitude, get conversations started, and explain points you need to get across.

Therefore, if you're having a relationship problem that you're beginning to feel hopeless about, I would strongly encourage you to find a pen and paper and start writing a letter. You never know- maybe you'll thank me later. ;-)

The Power of Writing a Letter
Post Opinion