60% of the people on earth are female, and 40% are male...may the odds be ever in your favor.
I can't predict what every girl on earth wants, but I did have to interview more than 100 people working on a dating project. I also happen to be, you know, a girl. I've decided to write my take on the top five things guys do wrong (and right) when dating us. It will be interesting to find out who agrees, who disagrees, and whether I will get one or one hundred of the trope-reply: "Why are you even posting this?"
If you don't know what a website is for, you probably shouldn't be on it, mmkay?
1. He's polite.
Guys say stuff like "Some girls you just want to bang, and some girls you can take home to mom" ... we feel the same way. Talk to a girl like she's your boss, not a hooker, if you're interested in being with her. Why doesn't 50 shades prove me wrong: When whatserface says "So you'll get your kicks by exerting your will over me" whathisface responds "It's about gaining your trust and your respect, so you'll let me exert my will over you."
A lot of guys don't bother to ask for our consent, and not just sexually. Some guys who are perfectly happy asking their mom what she wants for dinner or asking their friends which movie they want to see, can't be bothered to ask a woman if she'd prefer them to hold doors and pull out chairs, whether she's interested in the movie they're taking her to see, or where her parents are from.
The most basic small talk seems lost to men in the dating world. Yes, we know you want to have sex with us and no, we don't need to be reminded of it every three seconds. I see my boobs every morning and yes, I know they're really great. And if you can't eat soup off a spoon without slopping it all over your shirt...if you can't eat sushi without shoving it in your face without stopping to breathe, you are literally never going to see them.
2. He is humble.
Mmmm, Chris Evans...I would marry the heck out of...what was I saying again? Okay, there's no denying that he's ripped and gorgeous, but that's not why girls love Chris Evans. The survey says that what really draws us in is his humility. Whenever he wins an award, this actor looks like he's about to burst into tears and thanks everyone so profoundly you get the feeling that he really doesn't know how amazing he is.
When whatserface in 50 shades asks whatsisface what she's going to get out of the arrangement, according to the author: "He shrugs and looks almost apologetic. 'Me'."
It's a sad fact in our society that women are used to being second class citizens. We're used to being put down and beaten up, and having nobody on our side (not even other women). So when you get down on one knee and say "Hey, you've got me. I'm a big, strong, employed guy but you are bigger somehow" we melt like butter on summer day...even if you're not Chris Evans. And don't worry. I'm pretty sure not even Chris Evans is Chris Evans, at least not as we imagine him.
3. He knows when to throw a compliment, and when to pull one.
How many times have I heard guys complain that I can't take a compliment? No wonder...you might think (for whatever reason) that you're being sincere when you say a girl looks beautiful, or like crap. The truth is that you're wrong. On a couple of levels, but lets start with the obvious one.
If a guy says I look beautiful, and it's 5pm on a Friday, my boss just screamed at me, and my mascara is running, my immediate response is "what a jerk-face". I'm going to remember him lying to me and the next time he says I look beautiful, that's going to be the picture in my head. He said I looked beautiful again? Oh, no! Do I really look as bad as I did that day when my boss screamed at me, my mascara was running, and I was coming down with a major illness? Great, I'd better spend yet another half hour in front of the mirror.
Here's the other level that works on: all you care about is what I look like. Girls might focus on our bodies, calling ourselves too fat or too skinny or too whatever we think is wrong with us, and expect you to say "no, honey, you're beautiful." If we're NOT talking about our looks neither should you, unless it's obvious we put a lot of work into them. Otherwise, compliment us on the traits we value. Hard work, athleticism, kindness. Let us know that you see US beyond what we look like.
General rule: if I'm coming down the stairs in an evening gown wearing more rocks on my body than there are in the pacific ocean, you'd better gasp and say I look beautiful. If I'm sitting on the couch with gingerale drying on my chin, wrapped up in a blanket with 2 boxes of tissue just in case one runs out, hacking up a lung while trying to catch the newest episode of law and order, no honey. Just no.
While guys tend to focus their ideal of beauty on us, objectifying us (a hot girl, a nice car, a big house, all the same thing) we tend to focus our ideal of beauty on actual stuff. Real objects. I'm only beautiful if Dior says I am.
4. He's soft spoken
What do James Dean, Chris Evans, and every Disney Prince have in common? They're soft spoken. We can learn something from Tropes like Beauty and the Beast: once the prince learns to be kind, decent, and soft-spoken, he turns back into a quiet, regal prince.
Guys yell for a lot of reasons: sometimes for any reason. Your football team won? AAARRRGGGGGHHH They lost? ARRRRGGGHHH Some guy slept with your girl AAARRRRGGGHHH You see a pretty girl walking down the street AAARRRRGGGHHH
Meanwhile we were raised with Cinderella singing sweetly while mopping a floor, and whispering her secrets to mice. The fastest key to a girl's heart is to honestly just shut up and listen to us. Guys are so used to talking their way into or out of things that it's counter-intuitive to just listen.
So just, speak a little more quietly and show us your most adorable grin.
5. He's energetic.
I think this is where those "bad boys" come in. A guy who is always doing something is interesting to most of us, and we like guys who share our interests. If you play guitar, swim, play a sport, let your crush know, and don't be afraid to show off.
This is a no-brainer on the 50 shades meter. Dude was a billionaire and had no problems being obsessed with himself.
6. He's not a cheater and we don't smell fire.
A lot of guys make it obvious that they're the cheating kind, EVEN if they've never cheated on anyone in their lives. Some women even pretend it's not incredibly annoying and a few even try to convince themselves this is normal. Who knows why.
Staring at other women when you're with a girl, making comments about what other girls (especially family members of hers) look like, telling her that she should dye her hair like her sisters, or any other a-holian behavior is going to get you a one-way ticket to the doghouse.
Of course, some girls hate themselves enough, believe that if you leave them they'll never find anyone else enough that they are afraid to speak up and fight back against the way they're being treated. They pretend to be happy because the alternative is being alone.
You know what's odd about guys who say staring at other girls is "normal"? They're the first ones to freak out when their girfriend so much as things about another guy.
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