The When We's
Every couple can be the when we's from time to time, and at first, it's welcomed. It's a good thing. You know the type: when we buy our house, when we have children, when we get married we'll do this and this and that, but this couple has been at it for so long that it's become annoying. Neither of them can ever seem to accomplish the goals of getting married, or buying the house, or having the kids, or repainting their office, or traveling the world, or whatever, but they constantly talk about it like it's day one of their relationship. Do it already! Also annoying is the other side of that when only one of the two accomplishes something and they refer to it always as we. "We had the baby." "We got our Master's degree."
The PDA = A-Okay Couple
You expect couples to exhibit a little PDA from time to time, but when they are full on tongue f--king every chance they get, it's too much. Their hand should not be down their partners butt crack at the dinner table in front of other guests. Time and place my friends, but not while we're trying to eat or in the middle of a conversation you all are supposed to be having.
The Twinning Couple
It may only have been half an hour, but in that time, these two have finished each others sentences "on accident," seven times. They look alike or purposefully dress alike and you never see one without the other. Game night with these two is a nightmare because they read each others minds and at this point, you wonder if you pinch one in the arm, if the other one feels it.
The Most Romantic Couple Ever
Like who has time to do this every weekend? Who's going out to this floating dock and lighting all those lanterns in time for sunset? This is the couple who seems to live in the fantasy fairy tale that you refuse to believe can exist in real life. Sure, sure that's on you, but seriously this googly eyed stuff is them every day. It's big romantic gestures on a one-upsmanship level that can't be topped like flying to Paris on a whim, or renting out entire movie theaters so just the two of them can enjoy a movie, or getting roses every week. They can't be real people. It's just not fair to the rest of us peasants to have them set this ridiculous bar up so friggin' high!
The Please Get a Divorce or Break up Already Couple
Every time you invite these two to anything, you have the actual thought of whether or not you actually should. They are constantly fighting and need to break up for everyone's sake including their own, but can't ever seem to actually do it. They are long past trying to at least fake like they don't hate each other, so it makes everyone extremely uncomfortable when they openly belittle each other and try to make one another cry in public.
The Master/Servant Couples
Before your friend got into this relationship, they were free independent thinkers, but now...did he just actually beg his girlfriend for her permission to go out with his friends this weekend? Has she ever just ordered from the menu without him telling her what to order? Why do they always have to verify that they can do anything or go anywhere or talk to anyone without their partners say so? It's creepy and sad. You would send a text message and ask them if they need help to break free but you 100% know, their partner is going to intercept it.
The Social Media Whores
Guess what this couple is doing? Guess? Just kidding, you don't have to guess because it's all over their Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, etc. There is nothing they don't do that doesn't end up as public record. They just woke up. They just went to the gym. They just had a coffee. They just forgot their bag at the gym and had to go back--ha, ha (barf) ha ha. Shut-up already! Even worse is when this couple has kids, then it's all about what the kid or kids are doing all day long. No one needs to see a 56 picture documentary post of your day at the park. No one.
The, You Jealous Couple
For the record for the last time, we are happy that you guys found each other and love is in the air, but this couple assumes ANYONE that makes ANY kind of comment about their relationship that isn't a glowing rave review is a bitter jealous loser who is desperate for what they have and wants to destroy them. Like damn! Calm down! They think that because they are happy, no other couple can be as happy as they are. If you had a great weekend hanging out with your SO, their weekend was even better than yours and they'll make sure you know about it.
The TMI couple
"So Sharon had to really poop badly and she started screaming after about ten minutes, so I went in and then I..." or "In bed, Jon likes when I lift my..." or "you never really know a person until you are arms deep in..." Please...for the love of all things good and holy, stop talking! Unlike the media whores you have an option of not following, you have to sit and endure actual IRL conversations with this couple about things no one outside of the two of them should actually know. Stop it! Stop it now, or so help us, you'll end this friendship!
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