Why Men Pull Away: Possible Reasons & What You Can Do

[LunaJ]

Girls, sometimes the "It's not you but me..." is the truth.

I’m sorry if you’re a guy and happen to read this, but it’s true. Of course, there are other possible cases like family issues etc. But in the majority of cases, one of these things apply.

✵ 1. You’re a risk. You’re a risk for him. If he chooses to be with you, who knows what will happen. I know, not much will happen, but for men, it’s a big deal. Maybe he sees how amazing you are and realizes if he chooses you, he’s done. You’ll be it for him.

Though for women, we can handle that, men can’t. They have this fear of missing out and this causes them to not go for the girl that’s perfect for them.

✵ 2. He’s feeling pressured. Men can’t handle pressure. I don’t care what they say, any ounce of pressure and they freak out. (It's all about relationships, not other fields of life.) It’s true. If you pester him to propose to you or to meet your parents, stop. This is only going to push him further away.

What you need to do is bring it up once and then don’t bring it up again. Men need extra time to think things through. So, stop pressuring him and let him process it on his own.

✵ 3. He’s stressed. Men easily become preoccupied with school or work. I know, women, handle a bunch of different issues on one plate, but not guys. When something bothers them, it takes over their minds. If you think it could be this, back off a bit and relieve some pressure from him, let him fix his issues.

✵ 4. There’s no chase. Men love being chased and chasing women. It’s all a game. Now, if you two are together, the chase is done—he won. But now, he’s bored. Plus, he also knows that no matter what, you’ll be there when he needs you. So, he’s pulling away to put you on the side burner until he needs you. So, you’re going to have to make sure he doesn’t get you.

✵ 5 He’s not sure if you’re the one. He’s not sure. He likes you, he thinks you’re amazing, but he’s just not sure if you’re the one for him. I know, it’s stupid.

We’ve all been here with someone and for most of us, we don’t understand why someone would put another person through this. But, it happens. He’s pulling away because he thinks if you’re the one and if this is his reaction, he’s not the one for you.

✵ 6. You were not a priority. You weren’t someone he saw being with on a serious level. Sure, he likes hanging out with you and having sex with you, but this wasn’t supposed to become something intense. If he never treated you like a priority or he’s now treating you as an option, you need to cut him as soon as possible.

✵ 7. He wants to break up with you. I experienced this, although I was the one who wanted to break up. I was living with my boyfriend and for two weeks, I didn't feel desire to be physical with him. Less kissing, not much cuddling etc.

Then, two weeks later, I told him I want to break up with him. It could happen because of a combination of reasons.

✵ 8. He’s seeing someone else. This is usually another great reason why he’s pulling away. Okay, they’ll be other signs. For example, he’ll become secretive, he’ll stop touching you, and having sex with you. Now, if he’s also acting distant on top of these signs, then there’s a good chance that you’re not the only one. Before you get played like a fool, ask him.

✵ 9. He doesn’t feel wanted but rather needed. Men want to feel desired and wanted, right? Same as women, we want a guy to desire us. Now, when someone stops feeling desired and starts feeling needed, it’s different.

Feeling needed adds responsibility to a situation that they may not be ready for. Feeling needed also makes the situation permanent and can freak anyone out. It’s like he feels once he’s in it, he can’t get out.

✵ 10. You two are on different pages. Maybe he doesn’t see you as someone to have a serious relationship with. Meanwhile, you prepare to introduce him to your family. See what I mean? You two aren’t on the same page and if he sees this ahead of time, this could be why he’s pushing on the brakes. He’s not ready to commit. If this is the case, he’s going to calm down the situation by backing off.

✵ 11. He’s no longer attracted to you. If he’s pulling away from you, no longer sleeping with you, or showing you affection, it could be that he’s no longer attracted to you. No, this doesn’t mean you’re ugly, this just means he’s not attracted to you.

So many women think this means that they’re not attractive, but they’re wrong. His emotions changed and he no longer sees you as a partner.

✵ 12. Something bothers him. It could be that it isn’t even related to you. Maybe he had a fight with his mom or his boss is giving him a hard time. Point is, men are shitty at communicating. So, this could be nothing to do with you. However, he’s too busy internalizing his emotions, and he’s hiding within himself. Thus, here you are, freaking out that he’s not into you. So, talk to him.

Advice:

Men pull away for lots and lots of different reasons.
* The best way to stop him from withdrawing and bring him back to you is to stop trying to pull him back
* Try to remember that him pulling away is a totally natural thing that all men go through at one time or another
* You can create a desire for him to get close to you again by not chasing after him
* Win his respect and love by communicating your feelings effectively and without judgment

Comments:

Please consider that people are different, the things written above might not fit to all the cases, but it can give a hint to someone who is clueless about the reason behind the - sudden - change in their relationship.

[Juxtapose]

I pull away when I'm not interested.

And no, I don't enjoy a "chase", I enjoy bonding with someone like an adult.

Save the games for teenagers. I'm too old for that sh**.

[Twinrova]

Couldn't agree more.

[Juxtapose]

@Twinrova *high fives*

[Unit1]

Count me in chaps! Because I'm the same!

[Anon-ymous1]

@Juxtapose
Eh. You not enjoying the chase has nothing to do with your age. You just don't enjoy it. People younger than you, and older than you, enjoy the chase. Age isn't a part of that.

[Juxtapose]

@Anon-ymous1I feel like it's a bit of an immature way to conduct oneself but more power to you if you enjoy playing games.

[Anon-ymous1]

Whatever that means.

[PrincessPie]

I agree with these. but if he's pulling away then he clearly doesn't care for you anyway so you may as well move on from him.

[btbc92]

"Though for women, we can handle that, men can’t. They have this fear of missing out and this causes them to not go for the girl that’s perfect for them." Actually, women who aren't looking to settle down or marry think the same thing. It' isn't just men. But #1 is often correct.

This is actually correct with point 2. But I personally feel that this is often a state of paranoia and mentality. If they want to hump around they want to be promiscuous and do it. But again, this can apply to women too sometimes.

Allow me to just summerize everything you wrote. And I thank you for the great myTake. And this is my advice for anybody. Male or Female.

MAJOR RULE TO ALWAYS FOLLOW for serious dating/consideration for marriage: Be friends first BEFORE thinking about dating or romance to get to truly know WHO they are and WHAT they are ABOUT. If you DON'T DO THIS, then YOUR being STUPID. And you can't blame anybody else but YOU. Not them. For not being smart.

#1. Preliminary Stages: If you sense that he/she is risky in general. Don't date them.
Official: If they have issues with this and is considering other people. Just do them a favor. Breakup. You don't need the back and forth. That way you don't have to deal with it. And they no longer have to stress over you.

#2. Preliminary Stages: Talk about marriage, sex, kids, any other serious things you care about and meeting family NOW. Do not wait till being official. That way you know what they are looking for. And they know what type of person you're looking for as a partner.
Official: Let me tell you something about this. I just had a talk with a married friend concerning a similar topic. Don't make promises you can't keep. Any promise you make. That person has the right to hold you liable to it. Most say that as an excuse because many blame women for not knowing what we want. Which is true for immature females. But meanwhile, this goes for them too. They don't have their life planned out. In reality, you sound just like their parents. So if you have your life planned out and they don't. Maybe you need to consider if that person is worth the wait. Out of respect.

#4. If you wonder, I have skipped 3 because this is the right advice. Going into 4. Don't play the game BACK. Before and during dating. Just DON'T. Yes, they love the chase in general. Remember in general. Just because they love the idea of it, it doesn't mean that they actually enjoy doing it. But don't BE the CHASE. If he wanted you, he would.

[btbc92]

#5. OH PLEASE! There is no such thing AS the ONE. Either he chose you or he doesn't. End of story. If anybody says this. RED FLAG. Run away while you still can! Either that person has been sadly misinformed or That person is playing with your head! Would you date a person you didn't already choose for yourself? Seriously use your brain. I hear somebody call me the one, I'm out. This ain't no fairytale!

#6. Sadly this point is all twisted up. There is a difference between priorities and taking you seriously. You don't have to be a priority. But if that person never took you seriously then you dump them. Nobody is a priority unless it by their choice. Making time for you is okay. Making you a priority is best saved for marriage.

#7. Best you ask that person before you start assuming. Most breakups happen because women and a few guys always accuse the other person. Don't assume.

#8. This is not full proof. There are people who never pull away and still cheat on you. They can still

[btbc92]

have sex with you and still cheat. Put it like this. If they want to cheat, they will cheat. Period. Looking for signs ain't going to help you. Getting evidence will. Especially if their good surreal cheaters. Master manipulators who are men know's how to leave breadcrumbs just for you to follow into their trap. Because they know women allows looks for 'sign's.'. Men don't do this. ^^

#9. At this point, you better know what the heck he is looking for BEFORE you become official. Don't get into any relationship where you can't meet that or refuse to do things you don't want to do. Especially if goes against your beliefs.

#10. You do NOT want somebody who switches up on you. That is not loyalty. That is fickleness. Do NOT date somebody or MARRY somebody who shows this. That means they will have a VERY HARD time making hard and serious decisions. Especially if your mature in this area. This is the MAJOR reason why I rejected guys. I knew right away.

#11. Okay. Leave the phony people

[btbc92]

alone. Last I checked, men are supposed to be the rational sex, right? So that should be a red flag if he can't talk to you about the problem to fix it. Mind you, this is a marriage advice. Only apply this when it's other matters that aren't sexual.

#12 is good advice. However, always remember that it's about communicating. The least a person should do is come to you immediately about the problem and then talk about space for him. Otherwise, if he can't trust you with it. Again, you may need to question if this relationship is right for you. Trust is key. You do NOT want this in your marriage if you have plans for it.

[Boredguy112]

Can confirm, we're the rational sex, haha.

[freakyzeaky]

Here are my personal thoughts on this list:

#1: I know I wouldn't feel like I am missing out as long as my woman and I are compatible. Especially sexually, because women tend to get bored faster than men in this area. I'm not one of those guys who sleeps around or feels like I need a strange woman every week. I feel sex is intimate and would rather be intimate with a woman who adores me and I adore her.

#2: Yeah pressure and nagging can really annoy a man, but if a man really cares about you and is enthusiastic about the relationship, he won't see it as pressure. He might feel nervous, but if he feels like you support him in his feelings and he is able to be vulnerable, then much of that pressure fades.

#3: Once again, this is where support comes into play. If a woman expects a man to hear her out and to support her, why can't a man do the same? Yeah, some men refuse to ask for help else they feel weak, but as long as a woman shows there are strength and bravery in being vulnerable, a man can open up about his issues and actually ease his stress knowing you are behind him.

#4: Personally I don't get bored easily like some people. When you mature, you realize the game is nothing but a sham. You start to appreciate stability, values, shared goals, and the more simple aspects of life. I don't like having to chase someone down. It should be a team effort. Holding things back because you feel like it will entice someone is manipulation and to me, love shouldn't be about manipulating a person.

#5: It can be difficult when two people aren't on the same page. Maybe you feel more for him than he does for you. Perhaps he isn't ready emotionally, which is natural. Maybe you need to have a TALK. Communication is key, it always is. Sharing your feelings for him and allowing him to honestly express himself, his feelings, and his reservations will help you understand him. Don't JUDGE or try to persuade. It is always best just to empathize and show that you are there for him regardless of where it at in that moment.

#6: I agree with this, but it also depends on what you are looking for. Are you fine with an FWBs? Maybe he doesn't see you as compatible in the long term, but he loves the sex and enjoys your company. There is nothing underhanded about that. Best thing to do is just to open up the conversation about dating other people, but that doesn't mean you can't still see him and get your kicks if you enjoy the sex too!

[freakyzeaky]

#7 + #8: Yeah, if he is distant, it could be that he feels you aren't being as affectionate as he wants you to be. It should be that maybe he feels you aren't compatible in other areas, but is ashamed that he still enjoys the sex. Maybe there is someone else that came into the picture and he is the kind of guy who isn't loyal. A whole number of reasons why a guy might pull away and want to break up but not have the courage or the will to break things off. He could be stringing you along. Best to just break things off clean or at least bring it up and chalk it up as a mismatch.

#9: As mentioned previously, this is one of the biggest reasons I think. Guys are just like women in the fact that we want to feel adored and loved. We don't just want to be needed by you. We want to feel special, not just as a commodity. We want those random touches, those moments of staring into each other's eyes, feeling your fingers in our hair, those moments when you just want to tear /our/ clothes off...

[freakyzeaky]

... right there and then. Touching foreheads and mouthing "I love you" without a single sound. That closeness cannot be replaced by simply "being there" and needing our support.

#10: Communication...

#11: Attraction always begins with #9. Be more affectionate! Show some initiative! It isn't just your looks or how you present yourself. It is about going the extra mile to make sure your man is satisfied. If you do this, and he is hot for you and cares about you in the same way, he will also go the extra mile. I know I would. If my woman gave me random mind-blowing BJs, best believe I am going to give her head for 30 minutes or longer almost every single time we fuck. Treat each other like royalty in this regard. Get downright nasty! Nothing makes a man more pleased than being highly sexed by his beloved. He will think about you constantly. Just the thought will drive him crazy. If you are more experienced, turn him the fuck out!

[freakyzeaky]

#12: If a woman lets his man show his vulnerable side and that it is okay for him to be weak, then he will share anything and everything that bothers him just as you do. The problem is that men are conditioned not to show any sign of weakness, or least do their best to hide it. He doesn't want to lose you because you think of him as less of a man. This is the conundrum that men face. Women hate insecurity in men, they claim it turns them off, but at the same time, they want their men to open up. You can't have both! All people have their worries, their past traumas, their neuroses. If you really care about him and love him, you need to care about and love ALL of him, even his fears and weaknesses. If he shares these things and then suddenly you lose attraction because he showed you a not so dominant side of himself, it is going to hurt him right down to his core.

[freakyzeaky]

We need to shed these ideas that men have to hide their sensitive sides. Women need to stick up for and champion their men, show them that it is okay to be HUMAN.

Going back to this whole "chase" thing, there is nothing wrong with showing concern for your man. He just needs to know that you won't hold anything against him if he opens up. Men mask these things with anger, telling you to leave him alone because he secretly knows that if he reveals these things, you will either take offense or think less of him.

Guys want to be RESPECTED first and foremost, almost even more than being adored. Part of that is having empathy and looking past his weaknesses to see his strength. There is a strength in being vulnerable, it takes courage, and you should feel special, NO, HONORED to be privy to his heart.

So next time your man pulls away and doesn't want to express himself to you, think about why that might be. Some reassurance, being trustworthy, and honoring him goes a long way.

[CallMeDave]

I think most of these are fairly accurate, but for me at least definitely not #1 and #4. I'm happy to be in a committed secure relationship. I like the intimacy (emotional, not just physical) of being in a close relationship and would be more likely to think I'm missing out on something good when I'm not in a relationship than when I am. Also, the "game" is not fun for me. In fact I stayed in one bad relationship way too long because I dreaded playing the game again.

I definitely agree with the last suggestion "Win his respect and love by communicating your feelings effectively and without judgment". Being critical will drive me away. Explaining her feelings without blaming me for them is a much better approach. I want to understand how she feels and whenever possible do something to make her happy. If I'm upsetting her, it's not intentional, and acting like it is intentional will upset me and drive me away.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

No, no chasing. The point is to get the girl and stop. I'm only going to the efforts that I do because I want the girl but I have the hope of stopping *so that I can actually enjoy the freaking relationship.*
*The best part is when I can stop chasing,* I was only ever doing it to get you.

This right here: "you’re going to have to make sure he doesn’t get you," is a mistake. Literally do the opposite of that.

Chasing is what you want and you're projecting it onto me, it's not what I want. I think there's been a misinterpretation, specifically at the point where you decided the guy was pulling away.

[samhradh_leannan]

I think you’re right in a lot of cases. But, at the same time, people do tend to want what they can’t have. I’ve seen that work too.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

@samhradh_leannan In this aspect of life, for guys the only time it's true and ideal is when referring to one night stands and not wanting to see the guy again. Statistically the best strategy to find a guy to sleep with you exactly once is to play hard to get.

[samhradh_leannan]

I personally have had guys show more interest in me as soon as I become unavailable or less interested in them. And not one night stands. Not saying that it always happens or is necessarily something you should do intentionally, but I’ve definitely seen it happen. People do have a tendency to want what they can’t have, or what seems enticing because it’s just out of reach. The forbidden fruit.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

@samhradh_leannan Not that sometimes it will happen that way, but isn't it also an at least just as a good an explanation to say that they were interested but didn't feel pressed for time or pressed for the need to express it until they realized you were pulling away from them and becoming unavailable?

[samhradh_leannan]

I’m sure that both things happen.

[Browneye57]

Ew boy... you really just don't understand men yet, and here you are spewing advice.

"... men are shitty at communicating"
I'm here to tell you that men are different than women. Recognizing that will go a lot further than labeling it bad. You're lucky a guy will even talk to you let along date you. You're toxic.

[scooogy]

Honestly, you lost me at point 3. There are girls at college who went nuts because I rejected them. Spread rumors like wild, which still wasn't enough revenge to them. Or kept on creeping at me or ask out other guys when truly drunk. While I dealt with rumors, threats, mobbing by girls (when drunk) and people constantly asking me what I'd done wrong. All that besides studying hard. A major which most students confessed they wouldn't choose because it's that hard. All this - while I'd just rejected a girl.

[LunaJ]

watching how many girl have bad personality n horrible mindset nowadays, if i were a guy I'd rather be gay sometimes lol 😂

[scooogy]

Exactly 😂

[Boredguy112]

Yep 100%... When I catch wind of the crappy mindset I stop caring what they think... its crazy.

[scooogy]

@Boredguy112 Unless they continue creeping on you, acting all innocent.

[Napoli]

"Men can't handle pressure" kind of backhanded statement and a bad generalisation.

No offence, but this is all old fashioned stereotyping that sounds like it's come from too many chick-flicks.

You can't speak for all men. Women will never be experts on men and vice versa, so matter how many we date or for how long.

If you'd done it the other around a "why girls pull away" it could have been more on point from your point of view.
Unless you are a guy, you can't think for them.

[lovelyhoneybones]

Plain and simple, he doesn't love you. If a man loves you, he won't ever make you feel otherwise. If a that loves you leaves you, that's why he left you. He understands no matter how hard he tries, there's nothing he can do to make you both better.

[10dsw]

Good take but I also agree with @Regular1

Many girls will stop having sex or try to use sex as a bargaining chip. This one is HUGE and nowadays with guys having access to more options is enough to cause guys to pull away.

Not contributing/getting in the way of success (or even just trying to reach some goal) is the next biggest thing

[NineBreaker]

I think that #12 is the predominant case among men. I am most definitely guilty of that more than anything else on that list. Personally, I think that I was raised to greatly emphasize actions over words, and I think a lot of men consider that to mean to neglect words (which isn't a good idea).

[AlphaM1]

Seems to me that, you had bad experiences with men. I'm sorry to hear that but all men are different just like all women are different. if you see number 1 as a risk then it is your fault. If a man pulls away Real women know that they have to talk about it or sometimes just give him a bit of space.
Your post is abit confusing too so I stopped reading. orry!

[LunaJ]

i didn't have bad experiences. i had only one, the 2 other break up i had was cos a normal reason n both guy is a valuable person.
and, i exactly talked with my man that what's going on when i needed.

this post is for the girls who need advice.
sry that you found the text confusing, it's a list of possible reasons as stated in the title.
you're free to decide that you continue reading or not, no need to apologize 😁

[thechico79]

It all boils down to communication, clear and thorough communication. We men can't stand hidden messages. Let your yes be yes and your no be no. Keep us engaged, when we ask are you okay, don't yes yes and don't mean it. Let us do things for you as well. For example, if he invites you over for dinner and he wants to cook, let him cook don't stop him.

[LunaJ]

some men still pull away for whatever reason. between me n my guy the communication is active, in any topic. yet, he did pull away. so i just faced him the question "what's going on" and i got my answer.

some women really can cause a hard time to you guys, when they don't tell what they think but expect you to find it out 😵😦

[thechico79]

him pulling away must of been for reason not pertaining to you at all. like you mentioned.

Yeah, we are not mind readers. When we ask it is because we genuinely want to know.

[Anon-ymous1]

There's a lot of truth in this, and some non-truth. But 1, 2, 4, 5, and 6 are all very true. No, a little bit of stress does not make us fold, at least not most of us. However, yes commitment is a big deal for us. It's something that biologically isn't supposed to happen, so we wrestle with it. It doesn't mean that if we do end up committing, we regret it (at least not mostly), but it's just hard.

[FatherJack]

" Men can’t handle pressure " ... Really? I'm a FT working single dad , disagree strongly on this one , a lot more is expected of men with less supoort , than women , not a sexist comment at all , but that's reality !! However overall good points , I definitely " pulled away " ... permanently from my ex , as she decomposed into a lazy , fat , constantly complaining stress inducing object , that I am far better off without

[LunaJ]

"stress inducing object" uuh 😦 and did she wonder why you left?
i highlighted that pressure in this case a specific one. exactly for those men like you who'd think it's about all possible stress options.

[Regular1]

The real reasons.

1. She talks too much
2. She becomes too much of a bitch
3. She doesn't contribute anything to his life.
4. She starts witholding sex as a punishment or bargaining chip. Then she starts rationing it
5. She becomes boring.

Advice

° Cook, clean, and enthusiastically empty his balls once a day.

[ChancellorCharemagne]

LMAO, you know you struck a cord when only girls downvote and only guys upvote!

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Bruh, spoke the truth. Lol

[VIVANT]

Enjoy dating men ☺️

[dude64bro]

Only reasons I have pulled away in the past were:
1. I wasn't at a good point in my life.
2. I realized that my girlfriend was a really messed up individual that I knew I didn't want to spend time with until she grew up a little bit.

Those are usually the reasons for me.

[lord_chilled]

Some of the points are valid.

But here's the top reasons according to me why men pull away/leave:

1) the girl is slutty/unloyal
2) the girl could be slutty/unloyal
3) you have a feeling the girl is unloyal

Also
4) the girl doesn't respect you
5) the girl stopped desiring you (less or no sex)
6) there is some cultural/family problem/differences that makes it very hard/impossible to continue the relationship.

[Charlucky]

✵ 4. There’s no chase. Men love being chased and chasing women. It’s all a game. Now, if you two are together, the chase is done—he won. But now, he’s bored. Plus, he also knows that no matter what, you’ll be there when he needs you. So, he’s pulling away to put you on the side burner until he needs you. So, you’re going to have to make sure he doesn’t get you.
Wrong! I hate chasing. I am sure there are other guys that do too.

[Boredguy112]

This is a terrible article full of self doubt, lol.

Just be nice to your man if you want him to stick around. That is your best chance. If they leave and you were trying your best... he found better options. Thats all there is to it.

[Boredguy112]

Im slightly offended I was downvoted by a girl...

[FýrdracaDócincel]

Aren't you the same chick who tried to excuse cheating with "what if they married the wrong person?"

You really aren't at liberty to have any kind of opinion on relationships. Sorry. 😕

[LunaJ]

that's not an excuse. that's a real reason. get married wrong n you'll see how it works.

i made 5 year research in relationship issues but yeah seeing lot example can't give a knowledge 📕

[DaTruth01]

you're basically telling women to be hoes lol funny how hoes think they are worth anyones time