Relationships

A Story of Being Someone's Mistress

I met the guy around six months ago, when I was in my second year of university. Some kids in my dorm were having a party, and both of us happened to be there. When I first saw him, there was an initial attraction, but I'll never forget the first thing he's ever said to me - "Hey, that's funny, you look exactly like my girlfriend". As soon as he said that, he became off limits to me, because at that point in my life, I was still a normal human being and I had morals. Even though a hookup was out of the picture for me, we talked a lot during the night. At one point, he mentioned he has nowhere to stay and that he'd have to sleep in his car. Naturally, I offered him to sleep at my place, since all of my roommates had gone home for the weekend and I had three free beds. Once the party was over, we went back to my room and smoked a few cigarettes on my balcony. We then moved into my room and talked for a bit more. Let me clarify again, I wasn't trying to get with this guy, all I wanted was to be nice. And then, all of the sudden, he leaned over and started to kiss me. I had no idea how I was supposed to react, but keeping his girl in mind, I awkwardly said it's time to sleep and showed him to my roomies room.

A story of being someone's mistress

He left the next morning, before I even woke up. I thought nothing of it, and basically forgot about the guy. I was on vacation with my family when he messaged me. He was as easy to talk to as when I was drunk, which I found really surprising. We talked a lot over the course of the whole weekend, and we sort of decided to grab a beer together next week, as a strictly friendly thing, of course. Wended up having 5 beers each instead of the one or two we planned on, so it’s needless to say that I got pretty drunk. We talked about everything and nothing for hours, and he was so charming that I forgot all about his girl. It was me going for the kiss this time. After that, we spent a significant amount of time making out until he offered to walk me to the bus stop. Now this might seem a bit odd, but he lives with his parents and all of my three roommates were back, so there wasn't really much of a choice. But fortunately, the way to the bus stop from the bar we were at leads through this large, poorly lit park. It was well past midnight, and the park was completely empty, so one thing led to another and I was bent over leaning against a tree.

Even though what I have done was completely against my morals, I regretted nothing the next morning. We continued talking like nothing happened, and after a few days, he invited me to his place for the weekend, since his parents were out of town. I sensed that this was perhaps a bit too much, but both the guy and the sex seemed great, so I couldn't bring myself to refuse him. And again, there was no regret. We spent the weekend drunk and high and naked, and it was one of the most intense experiences of my life. I thought it would be just about the sex, but boy was I wrong.

We continued to have weekends like this as often as possible, and it was amazing. The only problem was that it was getting a little out of hand. I started to fall in love with the guy, and I can't be sure, but I felt like he started to want more than sex from me too. I knew it was getting bad, especially because of the girlfriend issue, but I convinced myself that it's okay, that I'll never meet her. But her presence was still kind of haunting me, especially the picture of her he had on his desk.

A Story of Being Someone's Mistress

Flash forward a couple weeks, we happened to go to the same music festival. There's some 100 000 people going to that thing, so I was pretty sure we wouldn't see each other. That's when I found out that we have 2, very close mutual friends. I ended spending the majority of the festival hanging out with him and his girlfriend, among others. It sounds risky and awkward, but more than anything it was extremely hurtful for me. By then, I was full on in love with the guy, despite the fact that I promised myself to keep it sexual. Every time he held her hand, kissed her or even called her by a pet name, I felt like I was dying inside. I probably smoked a pack a day just looking at them. I tried to cope by hating the girl, but she was super nice and cool and pretty and funny, and I felt like a monster for doing what I did. But I'm a selfish bitch, and I would have happily pushed her in front of a train (metaphorically of course) just to get what I want.

Soon after that, the guy seemed to have realized that he wanted more from me, and he started promising he'll break up with his girlfriend. He insisted it wasn't because of me, but I found it hard to believe. Anyway, it happened about three weeks after he'd first brought it up. I started naively picturing a bright future with the guy, that he might want a relationship with me next, or that we could at least be a bit public or I don't know, just something. But the reality was the exact opposite. He said he doesn't want to date anyone for a long time, that he feels sort of heartbroken and that he needs to take it easy. While he continues sleeping with me. That felt like a knife in the chest for me, since I thought he started to develop feelings for me as well. I found myself in an impossible position where I couldn't bear the thought of not being with him, but at the same time I couldn't imagine being near him while knowing he'll not reciprocate the love I give him. This has been going on for three months now, and I can't seem to figure out a way out of this situation. He's everything I ever wanted, but I don't know if he'll ever feel the same.

A Story of Being Someone's Mistress
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