Monogamy And Why It's Currently Dying

[CHARismatic110]

Disclaimer: I am in no way claiming to be a relationship expert or guru or any of that. These are just my thoughts and opinions on the topic of discussion. So keep that in mind before you decide to go running off to the comment section with your pitchforks and torches to burn the joint down.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, greetings! I’d like to talk to you guys today about something that’s been on my mind for a while now. An elephant in the room if you will. Something that seems to be dying out at an alarming rate. Monogamy. By definition, monogamy basically refers to being married to, in a relationship with, or having sex with ONE person. Seems easy, right? You would think so since you’re literally choosing to be with one person and then simply sticking with them. So then ask yourself this: why are divorce rates so high? Why do people cheat? When did casual sex become so…casual? Is monogamy dead? Pull up a chair and let’s chat!

To answer the question asked above, sure, monogamy is still relevant. People get married every day. The better question would be is it still valued? And to that I would have to answer no. I don’t think commitment is as important to people as it used to be. I mean, we’re currently living in a society where hookup culture is becoming the norm. People would rather have one night stands, casual sex, and be friends with benefits as opposed to being in a committed a relationship. Why, you ask? Simple, because it’s easier. Less responsibility has to be taken for actions this way and we all know how people love to take responsibility for their actions. We’re also in an era where it seems like people are going out of their way to NOT care. I genuinely feel bad for this new generation because they “give no fucks about anything”. It’s cool for them not to show emotions and not to care about anything. It’s all just a recipe for disaster.

Then we’re also dealing with the rise of FOMO, or the fear of missing out. FOMO and monogamy are on two different ends of the spectrum. So many people will get into a relationship with a decent person just to cheat on them, or decide that they want to explore other options because of this feeling that they’re missing out on something. FOMO will also stop a person from getting into a relationship to begin with. It goes back to whole the commitment thing. People hesitate to commit because committing means that their options are taken away. Their freedom is taken away. Even if they know deep down that the person in front of them is the person for them, that nagging feeling (FOMO) will cause them to walk away. Later on, after realizing that they really weren’t missing out on anything, that’s when regret sets it.

Monogamy. Exclusivity. Commitment. All things that I feel are dying out. No one takes relationships seriously anymore. People would rather be in a situationship or a friends with a benefits type thing (which is basically the commitment without the responsibility). And this isn’t me condemning anyone for their personal choices. At the end of the day, you do what works for you. But at the same time, the fact of the matter is that times have changed. People are opting to go less traditional routes when it comes to dating. Like it or not, monogamy is becoming a thing of the past.

That brings us to the end of this discussion. If you've made it this far, thank you for reading! Until next time, stay classy GaGers. See you on threads.

#CHARismaticOut ✌🏾😎❤

[HandsomeGuy500]

I've been saying the same thing for years. It's a combination of things. I think the main one is the brainwashing of the media. The powers that be want to destroy the family, and the TV is their greatest weapon. They want to convince people that cheating is inevitable, and that lifelong marriage is outdated and boring. They use TV dramas and movies to convince people of this. Then there is the rise of hardcore pornography. As time has gone by, pornography has become more prevalent and more explicit, and because of the internet hardcore pornography can now be accessed by teenagers and even children. And then we have the divorce laws which have been changed to make getting a divorce much easier. Once upon a time the family unit was the bedrock of society. People understood that the family was the glue that held society together. But now we live in a generation of selfish, greedy people who are brainwashed by the media and just don't seem to give a shit about much. People are seeking pleasure rather than happiness and that's the main reason why monogamy is dying. It's a combination of media brainwashing and people just being selfish and not giving a fuck.

[CHARismatic110]

"People are seeking pleasure rather than happiness and that's the main reason why monogamy is dying."
I agree. It's all about how quick they can be satisfied.

[ManaX]

So right, I'm lucky enough to be with a man that still has more traditional views on relationships and no interest in what society if being fed in this day an age. I see my friends relationships with men and it's messy.

[Investigator]

"They want to convince people that cheating is inevitable, and that lifelong marriage is outdated and boring."

Maybe in some cases, but the cynic in me suspects that a lot people don't need convincing. Really, watching people on TV cheat probably comes across more as making people aware of the fact that this is something that happens as opposed to convincing someone that their spouse is cheating. I suspect a lot of kids grow up believing in the "happily ever after" world of fairytale land, where everything kind of just works itself out. However, when you first get broken up with or cheated on, the illusion of "forever" becomes shattered and you are forced to live in the real world, where bad things happen to good people and life doesn't always seem to work out the way it should. It's not that people can't be trusted, it's that you come to realize that people can be untrustworthy. You can't put that genie back in the bottle.

[BrittBratt2416]

It's sad, it very is sad that thing are becoming this way. People really don't know how to love anymore.

[CHARismatic110]

Very sad.

[OlderAndWiser]

I pray that you are wrong but fear that you are right. The victims of this, of course, are the children.

Q. "Mom, who's my daddy?"
A. "I don't know, Sarah. It might have been Dylan or it might have been Jason or it could have been Branford."

Q. "Whoever it is, don't they want to be my daddy?"
A. "I don't know, Sarah, None of them knew I was pregnant before they left and I haven't heard from any of them in at least 10 years."

Q. "Mom, I wish I had a daddy."
A. "I know, honey, but there's nothing I can do about it."

[freakyzeaky]

It is dying because women don't depend on men anymore. Honor and moral values are also dying too. Although, I wouldn't say it is "dying" since there are many monogamous relationships and it is still the most popular form of relationship by far. However, I would say that polygamous and open relationships are becoming more popular. Men are letting their women cuck them, not standing up for themselves and setting healthy boundaries for themselves. They are acting like they need to just take what they can get in both sex and love. That is a recipe for disaster and it is forcing women to have multiple partners to get what they want.

The idea of men being the givers and women being the receivers has never been as strongly promoted as it is today.

I also think that certain people live in their own little "world". Very attractive or popular people might experience certain tropes like hypergamy, FOMO, golddiggers, etc. but regular down-to-earth people are still creating loyal monogamous relationships, getting married, settling down, having children, and so forth. Yes, those relationships can still have their struggles with divorce rates being higher than ever, but that I feel is once again another indicator that women don't need men and are willing to break things off regardless of how the chips fall.

[CHARismatic110]

I agree to a certain extent. I don't feel it's more a male or female thing rather a human thing as a whole.

[freakyzeaky]

Well, you have to remember, women are generally the choosers. They are the "gatekeepers" of sex. With so much dick saturating the market, it is easy for a reasonably attractive woman to sit back and let it come to them. If guys were as pursued as women are, and had their choice, it would be the reverse. However, guys have to work to be chosen.

Women essentially create the relationship dynamic. If women want monogamy they will only go for men who are loyal and want monogamy. If women want polygamy, they will only go for guys who are fun and will let it be known that it is only casual. That is because women are the ones who choose.

To change this dynamic a huge upheaval of men "going their own way" would be required. Men would have to be more choosy, pull away from being the pursuers, require their women to be monogamous and not sleep around to even give them the time of day. However, with the male sex drive and biological imperative, I don't see that happening anytime soon.

[freakyzeaky]

Basically, men are too easy. It would require even the most handsome and charming men to hold back their casual desires and stick to the principle of monogamy for things to really change.

Why do you think religious communities tried to hard to shame those who had sex out of wedlock? They knew that as soon as monogamy started to become compromised and sex became too focused on instant gratification, the traditional (and most healthy) family unit would be destroyed.

Studies have shown that boys cannot be raised to be men without a proper father figure. Studies have also shown that traditional family (masculine and feminine partner raising) are far more effective as raising children who have healthy emotional and social intelligence.

[CHARismatic110]

It's not just about sex tho. If you wanna get gender specific, women tend to be more serious about relationships than men. Men are the ones that are more prone to dead a relationship because of FOMO. Or not know what they want.

[freakyzeaky]

Exactly, men want to sow their wild oats. It is a biological thing, which makes this dynamic all the harder to break. It still falls on the woman to have a baseline expectation for monogamy for it to survive generations from now. Men are the studs and women are the core of the family unit. That stud needs to be forced to be monogamous either through socially imposed rules or by women restricting access to sex.

I remember years ago, there were no PUAs. It was all "players"; guys who lied about being monogamous to get casual sex. Now, sex is far more casual, even from women. Now there is no reason for high-value men to settle for commitment when they have so much choice for freely available sex partners and women have far higher expectations for a man because they no longer require a man to provide for them.

[CHARismatic110]

Again, you have some valid points. I'll give you that.

[ImMackFreeze]

Awesome Take, you really think monogamy is dying out? Such a shame, I thought it wasn't.

You nailed it with the hook up culture, that is a after effect of the Sexual Revolution, the Sexual Revolution is what caused casual sex to be normalized, it also increased single mother rates among all demographics and increased divorce rates as well! We are living in the aftermath of the Sexual Revolution and it turns out the more sexual partners a person has the less happier they are in marriage and higher divorce rate appears. The opposite is true with less/no partners.

What the Sexual Revolution did is create "I Don't Care About Anything" society and makes people pursue what is quick and easiest as you say. So now, people pursue instant gratification be anything now not just sex. That is also why you see instant gratification in social media, porn, fast food, etc. and not just in sex. That instant gratification lifestyle where reward is constant is destroying people since now, people have no need to work for reward.

Awesome Take

[CHARismatic110]

Makes a lot of sense. We definitely are in the era of "quick, quick, quick" lol. Kinda sad. Nobody takes time to enjoy the moment anymore.

Thanks tho.

[JustAnotherGirlie]

I would argue the opposite - people DO take commitments seriously.
As a result of 50% chances of divorce, women (and especially men) understand the repercussions of a failed marriage. So we approach it more carefully. We understand the risk and how it could eat up our savings and investments.
This caution towards relationships extends to ALL romantic relationships. People are wary of even simple bf/gf commitments because we know it doesn’t last. Women don’t have to be in unsatisfactory relationships so they are more likely to break up and find someone else. So overtime, why would any man put all his resources into a woman that might be a bad investment?
In short, men and women take relationships VERY seriohsly. That’s why we have 5 steps before reaching an exclusive relationship. We want to be DOUBLY sure of the person we are with. Monogamy isn’t dead, I just don’t think a lot of people can afford to buy into romance anymore. The costs financially and emotionally are too high to just “give in” to love

[CHARismatic110]

There's approaching with caution and there's playing games. I don't disagree that there are people out there that fall into the category that you're describing, but I'm not gonna sit up here and act like there isn't an issue with commitment in today's society either.

[JustAnotherGirlie]

People play games but none of that is new. There were playboys in my grandma’s generation. Heck my grandfather was a PLAYA. Milennials now are getting married and buying houses later because they can’t afford it. They do take it seriously, just at later ages. No point in seriously dating women when you have no money and no career to speak of.
I would also like to ask what your idea of commitment is? An exclusive relationship? A marriage? What level of commitment are we talking about here?

[CHARismatic110]

Commitment in general is what I'm talking about. Not even just with relationships and marriages. With everything.

[meowcow]

It is certainly becoming less popular, but it is far from dying.
Those who are more likely to believe in polygamy are youths. And that's partly because they are not prepared to settle down and start a family. While I never lived a polygamous lifestyle, I certainly slept around with multiple women more frequently in my 20's.

If such a person decides to start looking for a permanent relationship and start a family, I fail to see how a polygamous relationship would turn out well. If it's a woman with multiple male partners, a man is unlikely going to want to help take care of the other man's child and vice versa.

[CHARismatic110]

That's true.

[kaylaS91]

Your entire last paragraph is true only if you believe that strictly online movements like MGTOW and all the bashing of women for nothing more than having the same rights is reality. Which it isn't.

Every single one of my friends have all been with the same partner in monogamous relationships for upwards of at least two years. I've been with my boyfriend for longer, and tbqh, don't know a single person who is a non-monogamous relationship. So.. I'm not really sure what you're basing your opinions off of.

[CHARismatic110]

I'm basing it off of experience and what I see. That's great that you and all your friends have been in relationships for awhile. It's kind of split with my group if friends.

[katiesmuff]

two years is a very short time to be judging. Breakups, divorces, cheating begin to rise rapidly after 6 or so years in a monogamous relationship.

[kaylaS91]

@katiesmuff oh? That's a very specific 'expiration date' to give relationships.
Care to share the link to studies that support that?

[WTFliberals]

Nice Take.
I get what you mean.
It is difficult for most people because they lack discipline or self control
Of course they will say who are you to judge? but idgaf ! its the truth
I don't get why sexual life and relationships are the highest priority for a lot of people.
Yes. it is important, but not in a way that you have to not miss everything about your life regarding only this aspect.
Anyway, I take as a positive thing to filter out people who don't believe in monogamy or the ones that keep making excuses. I'm idealistic toward this issue.

[CHARismatic110]

Optimism is always good lol

[WTFliberals]

Exactly. Keep your head high !

[CHARismatic110]

Always mate, always.

[art84]

Monogamy meant more when people took it seriously in staying together for better or worse and didn't believe in divorce. I think in the world that we live in we just want to do whatever we want and live in "I can do whatever I want" attitude and don't care who I hurt and just live in the moment. Also blame society in what we watch on TV or social media for looking down on monogamy and praising open relationships and such. It's really sad that people can't stay in a relationship as they are never happy and move on to the next person and the next to fill that empty void.

[CHARismatic110]

Agreed.

[10dsw]

Because a long time ago monogamy was easier to obtain. People married their high school crush or met through family, etc.

Now I have to go on 20+ dates before I find a girl that I'm interested or a girl that's interested in me. And most of them have hooked up with me on the first or second date so I kind of just got programmed to sleep around with multiple women, honestly.

[CHARismatic110]

So if they hadn't hooked up with you, then what?

[10dsw]

If I found them otherwise interesting, I would probably talk to them a bit longer and get to know them a bit more. Otherwise I'd probably just stop replying

[CHARismatic110]

Hmmm... i guess that's fair. Gotta respect honesty.

[LegateLanius]

We live in a age where everyone wants instant gratification and most people are not willing to work together and compromise. I live in an area that has a lot of couples that have been together for a while so i am a little biased. It is quite sad when people are not willing to throw down their egos and communicate. The victims are the children and in a broader sense, everyone.

[CHARismatic110]

Oh yeah, no one compromises anymore. So many people have this "my way or the highway" mentality. And communication, something else that's dead.

[katiesmuff]

We can blame i phones, social media (facebook, twitter, etc) for the evaporation of communication with each other!
I would also have to agree with the no one compromises anymore as well. It's really a shame.

[cookiiee]

@katiesmuff OMG this is so very true. And you can see this from a young age

[Tdieseler]

oooooh Jezuz... isn't this how monogamy came into play in the first place?
Who the fuck wants to do the shit that is harder? If Monogamy is harder, fuck it.
But it started out with women. Hey, thats their programming, like swans. But that is not male programming. When women start trying to change Male-Female relationships... do they know that there is blow-back? somewhere in there, something breaks. Like when they increased the divorce rates AFTER forcing the guy to marry... did they think that there wouldn't be blow back? that guys will stop taking marriage seriously since the cunt can break it off in 48 hours?

what ever it is... Monogamy is not how it started and we all know that, and while women are pushing for one thing, meanwhile not knowing its just unraveling others. Thats why i got my Eye on Feminism... the day that bomb drops... its over.

[CHARismatic110]

Oh look, another women blamer. *yawn*

[Tdieseler]

hahahaha... you could just say truth-sayer. how can you blame someone who started it.

[BaileyisDarcy]

Funny thing is, in the end its men who want to settle down, and women who get restless.

Who started the trend of monogamy?

[AlphaStyle89]

@BaileyisDarcy I think you get it in a completely opposite way !
In the end women who wants to settle down ! cause they usually need the backbone after they turned 35-40 years. While the single men are constantly improving their social and financial status year after a year.

[Tdieseler]

@BaileyisDarcy You women did... and im determined to get rid of it

[CHARismatic110]

Stfu

[Tdieseler]

see... now you are just being hostile Char

[TheUsername27]

Lol this b****... women want to settle down more then men.

[Tdieseler]

@TheUsername27 aye... be nice to the lady... thats my bff... you wana go hard, go hard, but be easy on the names

[Maik567]

I think you saying that monogamy is "dying out" is completely ridiculous. You say "monogamy is still relevant" but that's a gross understatement. Monogamy is still the norm by far and polygamy is still extremely uncommon and not seen as a credible lifestyle in most peoples eyes.

Yeah the one night stands and friends with benefits arrangements are more common than ever before but most people still want to get married in some point of their life or at least want to find "the one".

[CHARismatic110]

I didn't mention polygamy here. I didn't say monogamy is dying out and polygamy is taking over, I said I feel like it's becoming less if the norm because people don't value commitment anymore.

[ThisDudeHere]

Monogamy just like many other time-tested things is not and wil not disappear - it just won't be as prominent as it used to be. 19th century people arguably had the best manners as opposed to people today but manners haven't died out, they're just not common (in comparrison).

[CHARismatic110]

It won't die completely, sure. But it's fading.

[Naydyonov]

it's Marxism.
When you have family you have your spouse to rely on, and as your kids grow up you can rely on your kids.

When people often don't have spouses or kids it means that at some point when they'll need support they will go to: The State.

When people rely on the State instead of their family the State becomes stronger and can expand itself in size and control, since, 'If we don't help you, who will?'. And you realize it's true, the State does pay for your food, housing, education, so it's better not to go against the State.

[zagor]

Actually communist China has a pretty poor support system for the elderly; most still depend on their families. Which is tough with 1 or 2 children.

[Naydyonov]

@zagor Because their communism is stronger is other aspects than Soviet Communism.

[bubble_tea]

I read the hookup culture is not as prevalent as everyone thinks - like only 10 to 20 percent participate - , they are just more visible and loud about it.

[CHARismatic110]

Interesting. I'll have to look into that.

[TylerKuykendall]

I read about a study that indicated millenials on average have less sexual partners than baby boomers on average have had.

[bubble_tea]

@TylerKuykendall Link?

[TylerKuykendall]

www.google.com/.../...-story.html%3foutputType=amp

[TylerKuykendall]

Sorry it took me long enough to reply, but I'm catching up on notifications and whatnot.

[bubble_tea]

@TylerKuykendall NP. Thanks! That was a surprising read. I think you meant this graphic from a link I found in your source: img.washingtonpost.com/.../2300-teenage-sex2.jpg The keyword here is.. projected! You never know.. maybe you all will go wild in your thirties and forties and overtake the baby boomers! lol

[DiogoRibeiro]

Great take. I agree that it is a combination of things.

I personally always preferred to be in a commited relationship. Yeah, it's harder, but you definitely get more out of it.

[CHARismatic110]

I agree. But putting in the work makes it that much more sweeter to reap the rewards!

[BronzedAdonis]

Have you been living in some isolated Hippie commune all your life OP?

You're way off the mark. Yeah, commitment is not quite as preponderant as it was half a century ago but it is by no means obsolete or in any remote threat of 'dying out" by any stretch of the imagination.

[CHARismatic110]

Nope. I haven't.

[nakesia]

Monogamy is gone because people are not who they pretend to be. The relationship starts out good but then it takes a bad turn. Besides, it's a lot of people in this world. You might meet someone else and your feelings happen develop for them. Love between a man and women isn't real. It's a reason, something physical, not pure. That's why monogamy won't exist. The human being always love a man or a woman after seeing their sexy looks, having sex, and money. Love isn't real

[CHARismatic110]

I don't fully disagree with you. Romantic love has lost its meaning.

[cheesesteak7]

@ OP and everyone else agreeing - monogamy is NOT dying.

We probably have more monogamous relationships than ever, % wise. Cultures throughout history have promoted polygamy, legal prostitution, etc. It's really only been the past 100 years or so that monogamy has become a real cultural emphasis.

[taleswapper]

Thing is, monogamy is historically a recent phenomenon. Humans evolved from social primates, with casual sex being the norm. It was only with the advent of "civilization", and more specifically inheritance of assets, that sexual fidelity became prized. Now, with divorce being easier than marriage itself, we've come full circle.

[DamnMan]

Justifying a failed relationship?

[taleswapper]

@DamnMan Nah. Married almost 20 years.