Why Did He Choose HER Over YOU? The Ugly Truth!

[sally421]

I'm sure almost every girl on this planet has been with a guy who never called her his girlfriend or he said he didn't want anything serious. Yet the next girl he's with is not only being called "girlfriend" , but in many cases they get engaged or even married.

Recently a friend of mine was sad because the guy she was dating never wanted to call her his girlfriend, he left her and he got engaged to the girl he met after my friend. She was so angry about it, that she never saw what did she wrong..

Why is that? We start asking ourselves "Why her?", "What did he see in her?", "What does she have, that I don't?", "She doesn't look better!!" and so on..

There are two options:

FIRST: he simply didn't want anything serious at the time he was dating you

or SECOND: If you've made it to a relationship with the guy, but then he broke up with you, then here's why he found someone else for getting more serious with...

1. The way she acts.

Have you ever found yourself in situation where you're being too obsessed with a guy? You're texting all the time, you want to be with him all the time.. etc. Nothing wrong with that, I'm sure every girl does it with pure intentions, but this gives the guy no freedom or personal space. If he can have you all the time, he'll eventually get tired of you.

When he, on the other hand, is with a girl and is able to keep his "freedom", going out with the guys, watching sports .. and so on, it's highly possible that he would choose such a girl.

2. She has the same lifestyle.

I, as many other girls, have been with guys who didn't match my lifestyle. It doesn't matter how much you like a guy if his vision of a perfect Saturday night is going out partying and yours is staying home, cuddling and watching movies, this may cause problems at a certain point of the relationship.

3. She doesn't nag!

I find this really important! Many of my girl friends are too naggy and believe me, NO GUY likes that! If you've reacted negatively to every time he wanted to go play poker or chill with the guys with phrases like "Are you going out with them again.. you need to spend more time with me!" or something similar, this won't bring you further.

Imagine the new girl he's with instead of nagging just saying "Oh you're going out with the guys? Have fun, honey and greet them from me!" and then she uses the time without him for herself. He would definitely go for that!!

4. His friends like her more.

Sounds a bit superficial, but it's highly possible that I guy steps further with a girl, who's also like from his friends.

5. Attraction.

She may not be prettier than you, but don't forget that everyone has their own view on attraction. And sometimes that doesn't even mean "prettier or skinnier". Sometimes the level of confidence plays a HUUUGE role! If the other girl is way more confident than you, this attracts.

6. Being positive.

I know we can't be happy and see everything through pink glasses all the time. But if you were negative really often, or complained every day after work this is a turn off. A positive attitude, when the things are not that perfect is also an attraction. So maybe instead of complaining after work she says "Babe, let's forget about the stress and have a great night together!"

My dear ladies, please DON'T LOSE YOURSELVES when you like someone. Don't forget that you've had a life and were happy before you met him. Don't get too obsessed... just try to enjoy it and don't try to push it!

These are some of the things I've noticed from friends or personal experience that apply almost all the time. And instead of being angry, that someone didn't pick me I really tried to see the mistakes I was making. We all love being surrounded of positive people and good vibes, so try to create ones yourself. Don't be negative, don't hate, enjoy life, grow and DON'T settle for anything less than what you deserve.

[Unit1]

Veeeryyyy true! Nicely written, lady!
I really highly agree with those 2

3. She doesn't nag!
6. Being positive.

Nagging is KILLING! Well, not literally but we won't feel alive anymore after a session of nagging or bitching. There are other ways to deliver the message to us laid back dudes and screaming like a siren will not get you any further (just a pro tip).

And why make an evening after work a fighting disaster when the time can be spend in the opposite direction instead? I think this one does not need any more explanation since you said so yourself.

And also sexual compatibility! Because we are men and we are filled with those testosterone and high libido in our bodies, we will need regular "releases" and love-making in order to feel loved and wanted by our favorite lady. It's one surefire direct way to get to our hearts 💓💋

You totally got the hang of it lady 👍
Now tell me, did you happen to observe boys in your laboratory since you know so much about us 😍🦄?

[sally421]

Hahaha :D First I want to say thank you :)

And second, it's just negative and positive experience. In my first real relationship I really lost myself and started acting like an obsessed bitch, after the guy ended it (of course) it was a HUGE wake up call for me. And usually I'm exactly the "right" type of girl from my article... so after that I never lost myself again and always acted cool.. it's who I am, I never liked nagging or fighting. So happy that I got a second chance with my guy, only because he saw the "real me". We'll see what the future holds for us now, but all I've said in the take I know it's true.

[Unit1]

Cool 😊
Good luck with your relationship.
I'm looking forward to meet *my* lady, who will become my girlfriend 💕
I can't wait...

[BOUNTYGUY9]

l understand every thing that you say l hope it all works out for the both of you

[MaverickAngel]

Love how you explained the nagging thing lol

[Amy247]

Don't forget sexual chemistry! If you are a sex-once-a-week kind of girl and blowjobs are her favorite way to spend time, that could be a factor too! Or vice-versa, maybe you bug him for sex all the time but he's more a once-a-week kind of guy, or you're simply into different things.

[sally421]

So true! I forgot to mention it above, thanks for reminding me. They say sex is not all.. but let's be honest it's not all but it's a really big part of a relationship. And it's true that it becomes better with the time, but for me is also of a huge importance to click instantly with my partner.

[Moochii]

Take into consideration that there is no wrong amount of times to have sex a week. Hell my boyfriend and I have sex twice a week and we’re doing amazing. We both have really high drives, and we also spend a lot of time doing other things than just have sex. I think there should be a healthy balance of sex and spending quality time together.

[OlderAndWiser]

If a guy said these things to women, not only would they not listen, but they would inundate us with hate messages.

I do want to amplify one t, hing you said. A girl doesn't need to be beautiful to keep a boyfriend if she is confident about herself. I have had girlfriends who were moderately attractive but insecure about their appearance; I try to be supportive and reassuring but hearing their 87th apology for not having 36D coconuts is wearisome. One of the most satisfying girlfriends I ever had was a petite girl, rather "mousy" face, 32A boobs, and full of confidence. I enjoyed every time that I was with her!

[Unit1]

This is why i love ugly truths 😀
Very well said.

[Logorithim]

These are all realistic reasons why a guy would choose one woman over another.

[xxcandyxxcanes]

1. The way she acts. 3. She doesn't nag!
I can agree. even though I tend to give guys freedom and don't really care to nag. For some though, feeling too free gets annoying or they need a little nagging. Guess it goes down to needs aligning.

5. Attraction.
Agree! I don't think attraction is just about looks, but I do think people can lose overall attraction over time if they stop taking care of themselves and/or reveal unattractive qualities. I've experienced this and it sucks. Or I'll realize I wasn't that attracted to begin with.

6. Being positive.
I def agree. Negativity is draining when it's all the time. Some can handle it, but most have a threshold. I've seen pessimistic relationships that worked though haha.

I liked the tips you gave, nice read. I think it all comes down to alignment, as they are factors that can go both ways. I don't think many find a carbon-copy of themselves,. We have to decide if the things that are great are worth more than the things that aren't. I like this quote: Some people are for a season, a reason, or a lifetime.

I like the tips you gave. But a good reason why someone doesn't choose you is just because you don't align, really. Sometimes people just aren't right for us, or maybe not for a whole time. Sometimes there isn't anything wrong with you and they're just not who you end up with! :) I enjoyed reading this though. Thanks.

[HitGirl_007]

You can’t think why her not me, it will eat you up from the inside out.

Why not her she is no lesser than you. You are no lesser than her. He just chose her because he can and he wants it because people have different likes and dislikes and that doesn’t make you any less or worse than anybody.

He wasn’t for you, you weren’t for him. He wasn’t your one and your one is still out there waiting for you.

You need to mourn that relationship and him if you cared for him so you can move on but you can’t think negatively about it as it will prevent you from truly moving on and being able to let the next person in.

You are amazing and someone will find you amazing.

We don’t need to list our faults because to the right one they won’t be faults they are who we are and the right one will love is just the way we are.

Why because no body is perfect! And our quirks makes us perfectly imperfect!!!

Just another opinion and take in your take!

Let’s not pick on people’s ways of being. Let’s just show people how to move on better.

[Anonymous]

First one is eh, not really. If he like you and you're engaging with him then he'll want to act on that. Chances are he still won't unless you flat out confess to him. But yeah, no one is like "oh no, that girl I like is paying attention to me."

Fourth one is not a thing. The vast majority of guys could give a solitary fuck if their friends like you. This is essentially the need for the "bros before hoes" statement: Because guys will be very quick to prioritize the girl in their life and they need a reminder not to go all-in and get themselves hurt. They need that reminder to not commit to the hoe and not steer away from their friends unless she's really worth it. But specifically whether or not the friends like her is irrelevant.

Five is more a commentary on the first one. Confidence in girls is meh, whatever, it can be good but can also be shit. It's very much "whatever." However the difference is the confident girls take initiative. Her confidence might even make her a bit annoying, but if she's the first one there and asks him out then oh look, he's out on a date with her because you didn't take control of your situation. Confidence as an attractive feature takes a distance second to confidence that simply meant you're the one who actually came up to me, flirted and sealed the deal.

[DocilexElle]

Yay <3 Anyway, I got the guy... and get this... slept with him on the first night and would you look at that... we're still together a year later. XD The other girls were all afraid of him!

[taleswapper]

Not sure if this falls under one of those, but I REALLY like a girl who doesn't lie to me. Those are rare. Women lie compulsively; it's like they aren't ever willing to just be honest.
How are you?"
*Frosty tones* "Fine!"
"Wait; what's wrong?"
"Nothing!"

And manipulate by withholding the truth.
"I'm hungry; what do you want for supper?"
"I dunno; chinese?"
No, we had that last week."
"Korean?"
"no, too spicy."
"Pizza? I could call for delivery..."
"You never take me anywhere!"
Ladies, if you have your heart set on Italian, at a restaurant, and you've already decided what you want to wear, don't make your man pull it out of you one question at a time; Just say "I want to go out to that new Italian place. Hungry?"

[sally421]

Yes, this is true.

[haniee]

No it's not. I don't do this.

[oddwaffle]

Relationship is a dance of two. Both people are required to dance. They compromise for the dance but they have to be willing.

There is only one reason why a guy is leaving a relationshipwith a woman: He doesn't feel comfortable being with her.

Maybe it's the nagging, maybe it's the smell or the pressure or whatever. The relationship became uncomfortable. It became a responsibility he doesn't want. A job that doesn't pay as well as it should. A duty he didn't volunteer.

[sally421]

True

[Pejtu]

1 she looks better then you
2 she has better peronality then you
3 she ain't bitching about everything
4 she loves him not he's wallet as you do probably
5 she doesn't argue over bullshit u can't even know why u started the fight
6 she is better in bed
7 she is from better family , better genes
8 she supports him in everything he does not like you
9 she loves spending time with him , and you probably dont and he can see it
10 she is just overall better then you :)
11 she can communicate like a normal person and u cannot
thats ur truth here

[JustAsking_1991]

I have all this and even he admitted this to me. But he chose his ex who he was with for 13 years prior. And she's a really toxic person and so is he. So that can happen too.

[Pejtu]

@JustAsking_1991
words have no meaning unless this person shows he really ment it by showing u those things
i love u - this words are only words - if u really do show me - that is the truth

[victoriaxoxo]

I don’t want to be insensitive but how do so many of you end up in these situations? How can you be with a dude and sleep with him and also put in effort to show him that you like him and still not have him date you?

I mean, I’m not saying I never slept with a dude who didn’t completely wanna settle down with me but that was actually good news because I didn’t want to settle down with him either so I never even bothered putting effort in.

In fact most dudes I slept with I never wanted to date but dated most dudes that I have slept with because they really wanted to date. Sorry, I just can’t comprehend how it can be otherwise. Do you just think you can convince a guy to like you or something?

[DocilexElle]

So you had like friends with benefits type relationships with guys you didn't want to settle down with? Then you had serious relationships with guys who you DID want to... That sounds really logical :) ! You're awesome. I feel it. :p Follow me :)

[smg99]

I love this article. I do have a question for you though.

I’m the case it’s only a flirting Or attraction, but he acts sweet and then gives the silent treatment. I can’t even guess it’s my fault or his.

So if we apologize to close the gap , is that seen as clingy? Basically the intention is to get a sound answer why.

Instead they say I didn’t need to apologize and that he both respects and admires me. I find it hard to believe it’s not just eye wash from the silent treatment episode.
Like push and pull.

[sally421]

Well, on your place, I'd give him some of the same silent treatment he gives you. Don't apologize. How old is he? The older the men get, the more they concentrate on their life ( I mean career, sport, friends.. etc. In other words be unpredictable, don't text all the time, be a little bit colder from time to time (but not too cold). Enjoy your life and the only apology you could ever give is "sorry I answer a bit late, but I was...(at a yoga class, out with friends, getting my nails done.. etc.)

[_bunny_]

this is just my take...
he chose her over me cause he didn't want to commit
he chose her over me cause her legs were doors
he chose her over me cause times were rough he couldn't pull through
he chose her over me cause he didn't want to be a dad
he chose her over me cause they had history
he chose her over me cause i wouldn't get on my knees

in the relationship im in now things are so much different they always told me i was argumentative but i realized in this one year I've been with my boyfriend that we haven't had a real argument where we get mad and yell or give each other the silent treatment i always thought i was the problem s i kept trying to fix myself but now more then ever i see it was never me it was them and not all guys are like this but the ones I've gotten are shitty guys exist shitty girls do too but so do good ones but this is an interesting view

[sally421]

Well, what you've said is also true. Sometimes you're just with the wrong guy. I'm not saying to change for a guy who doesn't worth it, if he's an asshole to you, you damn leave!

[streetmonkey]

My last ex wanted a baby and I didn't. So he got one from his next girlfriend pretty fast and then married her. And of course he contacted me (by mail and with flowers sent at my office) to say he missed me and that we should be friends. I sent him a "No, fuck you very much".

So yeah, sometimes, it's just cause he's an asshole and you just got lucky he didn't get more serious. Like for me, I really fell that an angel was looking after me and that it really was a big blessing in disguise. Yay! :-)

[RobLovesDemi9277]

Yeah I call bullshit on this more like he left your ass because you didn't want kids he found someone who was better than you less bitchy and now you miss his ass that's the real truth because you want what you can't have

[X1erra]

Well said. Friends are not the biggest role if you take introverts into consideration, but the rest is truly important. In my opinion, a girl who understands and respects each other's personal space is an important first sign to a healthy relationship.

[Onlythisone]

In my experience it's always the naggy ones that get married... The guys I know all go for bitchy housewives of orange county types, they want an image... Someone who will spend their money and complain all the time... Doesn't make any sense logically but Everytime I'm at another wedding it's a clone of the same girl.

[sally421]

I've always noticed that as well, but you know what? Every girl that I knew and I thought to myself "Oh, she's so naggy, how could she get a boyfriend?" , are now either divorced or simply they broke up. It just takes its time till the guy is not so head over heels in love and sees the "real naggy monster"

[Onlythisone]

So then she gets his money and he decides he hates women and the fairytale starts all over

[RobLovesDemi9277]

Again I call bullshit on that one. More like your baggy and bitch and whining now cause you can't get a guy cause no guy wants to put up with your ass

[GreyEyedGuy12]

My only answer lays with
devaluing yourself. He didn't
create you, doesn't love or
sustain you. I mean, if one
chooses to ignore the pot of
spaghetti in their refrigerator
to opt over eating the neighbor's
leftover table scraps is a choice
that he'll have to live with.

Wait no thoughts on a person
who was never grateful or
worthy enough to dine in your
presence.

[silvermoon84]

These are all good reasons but sometimes it has nothing to do with anything the girl didn’t do. She could have been Wonder Woman with a model’s looks, Rachel Ray’s cooking skills and a porn star’s libido but if he couldn’t see that he was never that interested in her to begin with and nothing she could have done would change that. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your friend (there’s not), but it wasn’t meant to be.

[CubsterShura]

There's one more reason when there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

He probably is in love with some other girl. But for some reason he couldn't be with her and you can't really blame him, he is probably trying to move on himself as well and somehow the girl she chose over you could be the person he loved in the first place.

Just saying for a very personal reason.

[NatashaJ]

Ok but what happens with your friend that was cold hearted what her ex did you probably think she should get over it maybe she madly in love with him and needs time to move on. But if I was her I be happy he left he show his true colors and who knows he probably cheated on her with the new girl. Why would anyone get engaged that quickly to someone? some people just need to be heard and rant about their frustrations.

[RobLovesDemi9277]

Way off on everything except for the nagging part. Here's the real reason 1. If she acts like a bitch 2. If she cheats or branch swings 3. If she doesn't have any manners 4. If she acts like a feminazi man hater 5. If she's no good around kids or doesn't want any 6. If you don't take care of yourself and exercise and watch your weight and what you eat and look like a big fat slob with rolls of blubber on your body and a puggy face. why the hell would he be with you if you exhibit any of these things. No guy wants to deal with that shit. And that's the ugly truth.

[MaverickAngel]

Thank you for this my take... came at the RIGHT time for me.. we haven't broken up yet (Im the one more likely to leave if its not working out) but our relationship is suffering and I have noticed how I went from being cool with my own life to making him the centre of my universe (which came with expectations and demands). Great food for thought!