He rejected you...What now?


You liked him for a while. You daydreamed about his baby blues every day. You fantasized about your perfect date. And you planned every single detail- what would you wear, what would you do, where would you go... All of that would have gone smooth if there wasn't one tiny error: he said no.

He rejected you... What now?

Your fantasy becomes shattered like a broken mirror. You stare at the pieces and wonder what did you do wrong, wondering how come you didn't predict this. You feel like wrapping into your favorite blanket and crying until you have a headache. You don't feel like getting out of bed, you don't feel like going anywhere. You just want to lay in your bed until you're all better. But that takes forever, so you think you should stay there forever. Except that's not the solution.

Even though it feels like it's the end of the world, it's not. It's an end of a possibility- what could've been, not what is. You feel lost and you want the pain to end...

What now?

1. Realize it's not your fault

I know this one is hard to grasp but it's true. Many people think that they can predict and control other people's reactions. They can't. You can only control yourself not someone else. So, no, you couldn't have done anything to prevent this. Asking out someone is a risk itself so the chances are always 50/50.

It's like gambling- you can't possibly predict where the dice will end up.

He rejected you...What now?

Also, a lot of people (especially girls) think like this: he rejected me because I don't have blonde hair/ green eyes/ long legs etc. Here's the reality: he rejected you because you're simply not his type. You can be the most attractive person in the world and he still may not be attracted to you because you don't fall into his standards. It's most definitely not your fault.

Think of it as this: you're top noch pop music but he prefers rap so he won't even consider listening to pop, even if it's the best out there, because it's not his thing.

But what if I change myself into his type?

Never ever change yourself for someone. Only change yourself for you. Nobody else. But let me answer the question- if you did change yourself (dyed your hair black/ wore green contacts etc) into his type, yes he might like you but you'd be miserable because you would feel fake. You would be fake because you would just be pretending to be someone else- you can't completely change who you are no matter how hard you try. Like I said, it's a very bad idea. Love yourself for who you are otherwise no one will.

2. Stop overthinking

A few days after he rejected you, he stared at you all day. His feet were pointed in your direction and you could've sworn he flashed you a smile when no one was looking. It must mean something, right?

He rejected you...What now?

He may have rejected me but he still might like me, right? Right?

NO. If he did like you he wouldn't have rejected you. Every "signal" or "code" he's sending you is just your imagination running wild. Don't worry, you're not crazy, it's just your mind trying to protect you from the ugly truth. It's never pleasant to hear that someone we like doesn't like us, so to get away from the hurt we imagine things that aren't there or, in this case, feelings.

In your little fantasy world he likes you, but he'd only said no because he's too shy to say yes. Or maybe because that other girl likes him so to spare her feelings he'll refuse to go out with anyone, even if he did like the girl who asked him out.

Living inside that fake happiness bubble is bad because of two things:

a) You're lying to yourself

b) You're setting your hopes high

The first one is quite clear. The second one is really bad because this guy might ask out someone else or might get a girlfriend and the reality of it would be like a huge kick in the butt- in other words it would be pretty nasty because the hurt you've felt from before would be multiplied by x100.

So, do yourself a favor and stop overthinking. He might not be even looking at you- he might be looking behind you. Or you could be the first person who asked him out so, naturally, he's surprised.

Either way, you can't possibly know what's in his head unless you go up to him and ask him. Which I don't recommend because you'll get a super awkward situation. But if that's what floats your boat then go ahead.

3. Own it

You'd mustered up the courage to ask your crush out and he'd turned you down. And now you're feeling down because you didn't get the answer you wanted. Get that pretty head back up because I've got some good news for you: it doesn't matter that you "failed", it matters that you tried. It's not his answer that counts, it's your question.

Instead of thinking that someone rejected you, think of it as doing something bold and daring- you've done it even if you were scared to death. Congrats, that's a little thing called bravery- doing something outside your comfort zone.

Not everyone is capable of doing that- getting outside of their comfort zone- so be damn proud you did.

He rejected you...What now?

You may not have gotten the result you've wanted but you've gained experience and you'll know what to do and what not to do next time. Just because one guy said no doesn't mean you should stop believing in yourself.

You didn't lose anything- he lost an opportunity to get to know an amazing girl like you. It's his loss, not yours. You've gained experience and that's priceless. You're still your amazing self but a bit smarter.

If you let rejection own you, it'll completely kill your confidence. Instead, do it the other way around and you'll get a confidence boost because you're think of yourself as someone bold- which you are.

4. Give it some time

Even if you are confident about it, rejection still stings. After all, that guy did mean something to you. You want it to stop and you want to know when will the pain end.

It's unpredictable- it might stop in 5 weeks or in 5 months. It's always different for everyone and it depends on how well you knew the guy. Either way, it's like an open wound, you have to give it some time to heal.

He rejected you...What now?

It's going to itch and it's going to sting for a while until there's only a scar left. It won't hurt anymore, it'll just serve as a reminder of what you went through and what made you stronger. Some day you'll look at it and you'll smile because at the time you'd thought it was something you'd never get over. Oh, how wrong you were!

Remember, what made you cry yesterday will make you laugh tomorrow.

Stay strong and never give up.

He rejected you...What now?
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Most Helpful Guy

  • R3d_Anonymous
    Eh, I've had a super intense crush turn me down before, and it wasn't this bad. I was slightly sad for a couple days and I was completely fine after that.

    And well, the only somewhat annoying thing is how long she's just been stuck in my head in my subconscious thoughts. No other girl that I asked out besides her had this much of an impact on me. I guess it was because this was the first intense crush I had after years.

    This happened a little over twelve months ago and well she's started her freshman year of college now and I'm currently a senior in high school.

    For the past few weeks it's finally feeling like my intense sexual attraction to her that I didn't even have for women in porn, and her presence in my subconscious thoughts, are finally dwindling down. Literally, this entire past year, thinking and fantasizing about her got me off quicker than porn itself. I was madly attracted to her. And again, while I didn't really feel sad about it all, especially after the first two days, she was still just stuck in my head.

    The real test though is going to be a breakup and that's what I'd be most worried about (but there are resources for handling that too). Because in that situation you've already emotionally invested so much and that's quite a severe loss.
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Girl

  • RJGraveyTrain
    I really liked how this was written; it was set up well, flowed easily and you made some solid points. Overall good take.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • miserybusiness
    "stop overthinking" is the big one

    but it's the hardest
    because when you try not to think about something,
    you end up thinking about it even more
    and then you sit there
    trying not to think about it
    when in fact, you trying not to think about it, means you're still thinking about it
    it just never ends
    until one day, when you open up your fridge, and eye last night's bowl of pasta
    and realize that the pasta is the most important thing in your life right now
    and nothing else matters
    more than that pasta
    Like 2 People
  • Glitterandheels
    He left u it's over now it's time to go Taylor swift yayyyyyyyyy
    Like 3 People
  • Gemini86
    Personally, I just live my life. There is somone else out there who would no reject you. Life goes on. If he did not want, and or like what you had to possibly offer somone else will. It is hard of course, but life continues.
    • True, true. It's irrational to lose all hope over someone who you didn't even know that well.

  • BackInGame
    Moless him on facebook, stalk him and send him contless text message with stipid stories. this is what most of females will do after reading this "article".
    Disagree 2 People
  • Azara
    I can't I, aging anyone getting that upset over being rejected fir a date. Unless hiu e known each other fuve years. And it's also odd anyone would fantasize about a date that hadn't been planned yet.

    I think when asking someone out its important to acceot the equal possibility they will say no as say yes. Get the expectation and intention out of the way before you ask them out. It's just a question and it's just an answer. Your intention is to ask. This doesn't ir shouldn't imcolve expectation. Just ask see what the Nswer is then if it's yes you can start thinking about the date.

    Also I'd consider anyone very lucky to get such an unambiguous response as a no. I think the reason second guess rejections is bc often times they do t sound like rejections. If a person says no thank them fir being honest it will make you feel reasonable dignified about the whole thing and guve you confidence to do it again., Unlike that picture.
    • Yes, it's quite odd but that's what crushing is all about: fantasizing.
      I do agree that you should keep your head cool and lower your expectations but sometimes that's very difficult if you've been crushing on this person for too long or when your feelings for them are too strong (that rhymes xD).
      I absolutely understand why someone who gets a straight "no" as an answer is lucky-- plain ignoring the question is x1000 worse or when someone says "maybe"- it can and it will give you false hope. In both cases, it's rather obvious that the guy you've asked out has no respect for you because he won't give you an answer or he isn't completely honest with you.

  • Rockstar06
    So good! Just what I needed to hear
  • 9mfeo
    I have already decided to become an atheist nun.
    • Count me in! Jk, jk. You're just 23, you'll find someone (or someone will find you!) :)

  • LovesTVDx
    Such a great take! :D
  • Anonymous
    I think not only With a crush That rejected you, but also With breaking ups.

    When a guy is not interested in clearing things out or fixing issues in a relationship, then this post can also apply.

    Being constant and never giving up can turn in insisting, forcing even harrasing That person.

    If you really love someone then let him/her go.
  • Anonymous
    I didn't think girls asked men out , I no I have never done ! It's the mans job to do this not the woman's
    LikeDisagree 3 People
    • It's not a man's job: girls can and should ask men out. The worst thing that can happen is rejection and that sucks but what even more sucks is asking yourself "what if's" because you haven't acted on your feelings.

    • dartmaul15

      101 on how to remain single; listen to anon.
      sorry girl, but we're living in the world of equality nowadays.

      not taking intitative at times and being passive is the best way to ensure no guy bother. That's the truth. Unless you want some super religious guy at least

  • Anonymous
    That third and fourth point really helped me, so thanks! :) I feel better now.