How Gaslighting Messed Me Up

Gaslighting is a really messed up form of mental abuse usually done by narcissists, sociopaths, and manipulative people in general.

I guess a better definition of it would be "an increasing frequency of systematically withholding factual information from, and/or providing false information to, the victim - having the gradual effect of making them anxious, confused, and less able to trust their own memory and perception.

People who do this are some of the biggest pieces of shit, you'll ever meet. At least in my case.

I'm in a much better spot now, but unfortunately it took me a long time to get over it and I didn't know what gaslighting was until months after it occurred. Learning about gaslighting helped put things into perspective.

Getting started, in summer of 2016, I saw this girl on OkCupid who viewed my profile and was really cute and had a ton of common interests, mostly metal and horror, but we had similar political views and outlooks in life. Not to put her on a pedestal, but finding a girl with similar interests to me is pretty rare. She would send very long messages and we talked for a bit, and she would act a little hot and cold but sometimes it's truly hard to tell, especially in the very beginning.

Then we had our first date, and it was one of the best first dates we ever had. I only expected to have a few drinks, but then we went on a mini bar crawl around Chicago, hit it off big time, and then I ended up going back to her place.

As soon as we got back to her place, she then tells me she just gets out of a 5 year relationship and I was thinking "wait, you're just telling me this now". I mean it was still early on, but I feel like I could have taken a different approach but i knew ahead of time. Because let me tell you having been somoene's rebound before, it fucking sucks. It'll mess you up more than someone just ghosting you. Not to mention that a narcissist and someone on the rebound is a dangerous mix, when it comes to your mental health.

I decided to pursue because she seemed cool and we showed each other bands we liked, made out to them. She even put on Neurosis, one of my favorite bands and had us make out to it. That was definitely a first. I ended up crashing at her place, woke up and made out for hours and just listened to music with her while cuddling in bed. It was very euphoric.

Then for the next 3 weeks, it was odd. She would initiate texts a lot and send snapchats, instagram and stuff but then as soon as I'd ask her to meet up again, she'd come off flaky or make excuses. Like I get that she was busy but 3 weeks straight? Unless you're on vacation, it seemed like bs. I only asked her out once a week as well. I mean I get it, she was going to grad school and I had my own life too but consistency is not too much to ask for. Space and consistency are two very different things, not mutually exclusive and when she acted like that, it made me wonder what I did wrong, but at the same time I didn't wanna question her because it was early on and was afraid of coming off as clingy.
How Gaslighting Messed Me Up

Then out of the blue she texts me to go see a movie, and was all over me. I didn't know what to think given her constant hot and cold behavior the previous weeks. I didn't question it and went to see the movie, got drinks and then made out in my car and listened to music for an hour. It made me think ok maybe it's not so bad after all, went with the flow and then she started to act more consistent.

A week later, she hits me up to come to her place and I go there, she offers me drinks, watched movies and she was sucking up to me hardcore. She even mentioned our first OkCupid convo ever when we were making out which i didn't expect. We then got food later at the bar too and she paid for everything. Once we got back to her place from the bar, she takes her dog out and tells me to go to her bedroom because she wanted to have sex.

I wait on her bed and then as soon as I get up to take my shirt off, I see a wrapper in her bed, look in and it was an empty trojan condom wrapper from another dude she fucked from recent, may have been the day of, who knows? I froze up in disgust. Now it wasn't cheating but that's still really fucked up. Her response was, oh that's trash and we still had sex, of course i wrapped my shit, but the sex was horrible and then shit got shadier and shadier. She was freaking out about her roommate coming home when she heard neighbors outside, told me to leave. I legit almost puked on the way back home trying to process what the fuck just happened.

Then over the next few days, things got worse and worse. I asked my friends if they had ever experienced anything like that because that was so fucked up. I mean not to be a hypocrite, I've multi dated and hooked up with a few people in a short amount of time, but I also didn't rub it anyone's face or leave evidence behind. Me and her were supposed to go to riot fest together too and one day i texted her 3 days after it happened and she ignored me.

Then a few days riot fest came and I was too depressed and angry to enjoy it despite being with a bunch of friends and seeing The Misfits and other bands I wanted to see for years. I thought I was going insane. I even tried calling her to talk about it and then 10 hours later she basically told me to fuck off and never talk to her again and then deleted me from snapchat. Weeks later she blocked me from Instagram which was fucking bullshit because if the roles were reversed and I invited her or some other girl with a condom wrapper in my bed, I'd be fucking crucified. This is not a gender issue, but a narcissist issue. It's a shitty thing to do regardless of what gender, race, or orientation you are.

This gave me a lot of anger, anxiety, and depression and because we had so much in common, it made things a lot harder to get over.

How Gaslighting Messed Me Up

I would date other women after her and still feel like shit. It would be a distraction. Like it would help relieve it somewhat but then if the dates ended badly, I'd be back to zero. I almost felt like I was rebounding from being someone's rebound. An absolutely horrible position to be in.

4 months later, I run into her at a concert and after the show she calls me over, we start making out which was unexpected. I was super confused and then she asks to get drinks, gets in my car and then starts acting narcissistic again. She's like I didn't expect to see you, did you just come here to see me? How much of a narcissistic cunt can you be to ask that, especially after getting in my car. Then we get to the bar and she blows me off and starts talking to this stranger, tells me to leave and then i turn around she made out with that stranger.

Then 2 months later I started dating another girl and then I got to a concert with her and my other friends. Me and the girl i was seeing then go out for a smoke and are holding hands and then the same said girl is out there, sees me and despite that i was holding hands with the girl i was seeing, she starts screaming omg omg omg, he's following me to her new boyfriend and friends and her friends start giving me dirty looks.

If I wasn't with the girl I was seeing I would have called her out in front of everyone and said alright you fucking piece of shit, if you feel like you're the goddamn victim, why don't you tell everyone how you invited me over with a condom wrapper in your bed, you fucking narcissistic piece of shit.

Then later on after the show she sees me and starts pointing me out from across the building and starts slandering against me. I seriously wanted this person to get hit by a bus at this point. It's like I'm at a goddamn concert, I got into these bands before I met you, and I'm with the girl I'm seeing right now, you crazy twat. What the fuck am I supposed to do, stop doing what I enjoy so you don't see me when you're the one who fucked up. Go fuck yourself.

Then a month later, me and my coworkers get lunch at subway and then as we leave, out of all people, she walks up the stairs and gives me dirty looks. I then saw her a month later at a Mastodon concert as I was leaving and I told my friend, dude we gotta get out of here, she's here and he's like get over her man. And it wasn't like it was because i wanted her back, but because I didn't wanna put up with her bullshit. It made me feel anxious and guilty just for going to the city and living my life in general. How Gaslighting Messed Me Up

This also taught me another thing, never ignore red flags. Just because someone has common interests and is cute, doesn't mean they're good for you. I learned this the hard way. I mean she definitely does not represent all women into metal or all women in general, but if you see red flags, guy or girl, you do not ignore that or it'll cost you. The only thing is how do you predict/let alone prevent this behavior?

I mean despite that she acted a little hot and cold, there was no way to predict let alone prevent the condom wrapper situation on my end. But I would argue that you are better off being single than dealing with these shitty kinda people.


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Most Helpful Girls

  • This is normal routine. They make people attached with them and then they leave them alone for them to feel lonely and left alone especially after having the assumed a good time, what has actually just planned that way to be. Then they know you get confused and can not concentrate. This they hold against you as if you have demons and therefore should also surrender to satans empire and admit your weakness. If you do not give in they hate you because they compare with you like they surrendered and were weak and you are still not. Narcistic people are easy to be talked about guilt feeling and they pass it through to others like you must also feel guilty. People abuse others people guilt feeling while we should learn the aspect of forgiveness and that also means to let go of the others you try to keep in your claws.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • Forgive a person who continued to manipulate me, abuse me, and then slander against me when I’m trying to live my life? Fuck that

    • I know if you read it, you read it that way. But if you read better I said, the narcist must learn to forgive. Language is not always easy.

    • Sorry I thought you were talking about me

  • Her behaviour isn't right and she sounds like someone who likes attention and the manipulation of men, but doesn't want to commit. She probably has her own problems, but I fail to see this as gas-lighting. She never altered your reality or you made you doubt yourself as a person, she just wasn't straight up with you and gave you false hope.
    As someone who has been in an abusive relationship, this seems a small thing compared to having your entire life controlled by a partner. That unsettles you at the core, alters your personality and makes you view everything and yourself entirely differently and usually negatively. You could've completely ignored her plenty of times but you kept coming back when she didn't really have anything but sex to offer.

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    • Her blocking me over this and then accusing me of stalking when I’m going to a concert or wherever sure sounds like gaslighting to me.

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    • This explains it well - www.aconsciousrethink.com/.../

      These are ten signs you have been gaslighted. I experienced all of them in an abusive relationship:

      Are constantly second-guessing yourself.
      Start to question if you are too sensitive.
      Often feel confused and have a hard time making simple decisions.
      Find yourself constantly apologizing.
      Can’t understand why you’re so unhappy.
      Often make excuses for your partner’s behavior.
      Feel like you can’t do anything right.
      Often feel like you aren’t good enough for others.
      Have the sense that you used to be a more confident, relaxed and happy person.
      Withhold information from friends and family so you don’t have to explain things.

    • Yep, I definitely felt that way when she was exhibiting the hot and cold behavior, before the condom wrapper situation happened. I was afraid of addressing it in fear of coming off as clingy/needy and thought it was all my fault at points.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Hey mate that's why I would not date anyone from Okcupid, it was good 10 years ago, but the sit is full of lefties, sex accultists, and girls that need to be put in straight jackets, I'm not sure if this girl was gaslighting you, she was just fucking with you, it's on of the reasons if I date again it will be with a Christian. This girl was just a nasty piece of work.

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    • I’m pretty liberal myself but I don’t think them being liberal is an issue

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    • Politics do divide however, I don’t know if I’d be able to date a conservative Christian. Are they bad people? No but I don’t think we’d share the same morals.

    • A lot of them might try to boss you around, but essentially it's supposed to be a religion that teaches people how not to be an arsewhole.

  • I've had a couple chicks gaslight me... nothing like knowing something, pretty much already proved it, but find myself sitting around waiting for evidence of what I've already proved to come out because somehow the facts and obvious are never good enough. I was never right about anything... eventually I was just being stupid. But I wasn't, and knew that I wasn't.

    Both of the relationships lasted way longer than they should have. Both the results of them saying they want one thing, but actually have a slew of their own agendas. Like one moment I was special, the next I'm human garbage. Both took very heavy tolls on me as a person.

    Like you said, if you see the red flags, GTFO of there ASAP... it's not worth the damage or attempts at damage control. Be glad you didn't end up living with her or stuck in a more constant sort of relationship with her. It was sporadic and it's over now... it could've always been even worse bruah.

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    • Yes, it could have been worse but it was still very bad because I kept on running into her and having her defame my reputation. Imagine doing the things you love doing, in my case concerts, and someone trying to make you feel guilty just for being there.

      But yeah i agree, never ignore red flags. Like I told someone above, sometimes when you look through rose tinted glasses, the red flags just look like flags.

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    • Hell yeah dude. To quote myself in my first comment about the chicks that gaslighted me..."Both the results of them saying they want one thing, but actually have a slew of their own agendas."

      Fake from the start sorta chicks.

    • Yeah this one just kept giving me mixed signals. I actually respect women more who are honest about just wanting a hookup/fling. You can either take it or leave it at that point.

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What Girls Said 18

  • Gaslighting is such a horrible abuse tactic, and it's so nefarious that it is sometimes hard to pinpoint when exactly someone is doing it. We should all strive never to ignore red flags, but with emotional abuse the signs aren't always easy to see particularly when we are attracted to someone. We tend to put blinders on. I'm sorry you went through that. Hopefully your relationships since have been healthy.

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    • Yeah I mean the only red flags were that she just got out of a 5 year relationship and how she acted hot and cold. And when she did act this way, I thought ok maybe she needs to take some time to open up and I thought it was still worth it because of how much we had in common and believe me I asked my friends and everyone if I should still pursue and they said unless she is constantly bringing up her ex, try it out. Believe me, I had my doubts and concerns.

      I’ve been rebounded before and it wasn't pretty. The other girl I got rebounded by was in an on and off relationship with her ex for 6 years and even asked me to make fun of her ex for his baby dick. Which I should have bailed at that point but nope, I was coming out of a long dry spell and this only made it worse.

      This just goes to show that you are way better of being single than staying with these types.

  • this was too long and I only skimmed but I sympathise. I was gaslighted too by a friend in high school and it effected my entire worldview. I was diagnosed with depression during this period along with a high level of anxiety. After I separated myself from this girl I recovered entirely. Worst time of my life.

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    • I’ll admit it was very long but I feel like all the details give it more perspective.

      Long story short, said narcissist in the mytake invited me over to her place on the 3rd date with an empty condom wrapper in her bed, only to turn it around on me by blocking me on social media and then accuse me of stalking if I saw her at a concert, despite having similar music tastes. It was a nightmare.

      I mean if the roles were reversed and I did that shit to her, I’d be getting a lot of shit for it without question.

  • I didn't fully read through all the other comments, but even skimming I didn't see if anyone else said this: It's crystal clear to me that this chick was cheating on someone else with you, or at the very least, they weren't truly fully broken up/hadn't stopped seeing each other.

    It's very obvious to me that she didn't want to ruin what she had with him, by getting caught with you around. What you thought was her being "hot and cold", was her getting attention from you whenever she couldn't get it from him.

    I've dated more than one emotional abuser, and I'm no stranger to this kind of treatment. The difference is, I wasn't table myself to begin with, which why I kept finding other damaged people. I've sought treatment, and gotten much better, so I don;t fall victim to it anymore.

    All I can say is, I feel for you. I can only imagine how traumatic it must be for someone who's mentally healthy and stable to have gone through this. Now that I'm more stable myself, I look back at who I used to be, and even I can't understand some of that crazy shit that bitch did! Like, what the hell was I thinking?

    I just hope that this hasn't ruined you; that you have, or will, find some way to overcome this, and fully recover.

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    • You can’t understand what you did back in the day or someone else?

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    • Good thing you’ve changed. But I’m sure you’ve never done the condom wrapper thing

    • Not only is that nasty, it's unclean in my opinion. Condoms are not 100% effective, and other infections can come about from sex that aren't necessarily caused by sex. Like too much sex can cause yeast infection, UTI, and BV in females.

      If I were you, I wouldn't have done anything with her that night.

  • That's some really messed up shit. But yeah, she's a psycho. It's good though that you've learned something from it and the fact that you've not become bitter over it and start making a gender thing out of it shows that you're actually quite mature and rational.

    And you're right, you couldn't have predicted it until the condom situation. Yes, red flags shouldn't be ignored, but at the very beginning we we are crushing on someone new we're focusing and clinging onto all the positive things. The only really big mistake you made was getting involved with her yet again when you saw her again 4 months after she blocked you. But well, you're human.

    I've been in a relationship with a narcissistic sociopath myself (I dare diagnosing him as that despite not being a professional) long ago when I was in my early 20s. I was devastated when it was over even though he hurt me very badly, but as time went on I started realizing how lucky I was that it didn't go on longer. Because the longer you stay with a narcissist in a toxic relationship, the harder it will get to get out of it and the worse the effect on your life.

    So let's appreciate the life lesson's we've learned.

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    • Right. I didn’t exactly get bitter towards all women but it did make me question reality, myself, and others when going forward. Not that I thought other women were gonna leave condom wrappers in their beds, but just make me wonder what’s tea and what isn’t. I think the fact that I never really had a proper relationship made me feel even worse about it.

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    • I personally never really experienced being a rebound (at least I'm not aware of it), but I do imagine it's a situation where you can only lose.

    • It’s horrible. You feel like it’s going somewhere only to realize you’re being used to fill a void and then you feel guilty because the person “isn’t ready for a relationship” and generally makes it all about them. It isn’t healthy by any means

  • She's so messed up and she does sound narcissistic. I agree that you are better off being single than dealing with such people, but what do you do when they exist in your family?

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  • Great take, I think pretty educational too. Sorry you experienced it.

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    • Thanks. Yeah I’d argue to never date people on the rebound as well. I had been a rebound to a girl 3 years prior to this without knowing what a rebound was till after it ended and avoided people like this till her. I thought oh ok well this time I’ll just take it super slow and be more patient. Nope. It was still a headache.

  • Wow, that's hella fucked up. I'm sorry you had to go through that shit. Like she sounds like a really really fucked up person with serious issues and I hope she's completely out of your life.

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    • Yeah super fucked in the head and I felt bad that I legit had feelings for her. Again not putting her on a pedestal, but when I told friends about my first date with her, they would say damn you met your dream girl and all. Just goes to show how manipulative some people can be.

    • How long did it take you to recover from her?

    • About a year as I’d keep seeing at shows. Still lingers from time to time, I think what also made it harder was the fact that I’ve never had a proper relationship, which isn’t anyone else’s fault but going through this made me question what’s real and what isn’t.

  • This happened to me he kept on insisting everything was fine, then it wasn't. Then he broke up with me. Then it hit me, this had nothing to do with "not hurting or upsetting" me. It was literally him not wanting to feel like a dick because he was a dick and not wanting to deal with the idea that I would want nothing to do with him after he shit on my life.

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    • Yeah people who do this tend to do things to make them feel less guilty or not guilty at all. Speaks volumes about them.

    • Exactly, you realize that it had little to nothing to do with you.

  • That's quite possibly the worst thing I've ever read and I'm sorry you ever had to put up with any of that :0 she was one crazy bitch

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    • Yeah she seemed super cool and down to earth at first only to end up being one of the biggest pieces of shit I met. You’d think someone like her who’s going to school studying prostate cancer would be more mature than that, but I guess not.

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    • If she's busy playing the victim when she spots you in public I doubt she ever will unfortunately, no matter how much she should. The main thing is that you're doing a lot better now, that whackadoodle was not worth the amount of mental struggle she put you through and I wish you the best of luck finding an equally as cool chick with less of a tendency to switch personalities like Harvey Dent

    • Yeah, there’s better people out there for sure. But despite that I’ve dated plenty of people after her, none of them really led to anything. Dating is really hard these days. I haven’t given up but it sucks when online dating is your only method of meeting people.

  • At first, I wasn't sure this was gaslighting, until I read the whole thing. That woman is evil, and lucky I didn't know her.

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    • Yeah i know it was a lot to read. But I felt all the details put it into more perspective. But yeah she might be one of the shittiest people I’ve ever met, let alone dated.

    • Well, it was one of the few things I've read fully on this site, so good job. She reminds me of someone I know, someone related to me, sadly.

    • Oh really? I’m sorry to hear that. In what ways? If you don’t mind sharing

  • You got lead on from the start and had a bad relationship. Tough tomatoes bro that's life. Grow a skin learn from the mistake and get over it.

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    • You’re missing the point. Yes she was a psycho and is out of my life but gaslighting is super damaging to ones mental health in the long term.

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    • How about you go fuck yourself. You’re just trying to one up me at this point. Sorry to hear you were raped, but just because you were raped doesn’t mean that other people who have been in fucked up situations have no room to vent. So maybe go kill yourself.

    • You think slander and and having your reputation ruined is no big deal? Then fuck right off.

  • She sounds psycho

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  • I can relate I avoid these people

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    • But how do you notice the traits?

    • You just recognise it when they start acting crazy cause they usually hid it and then you delete and block them from your life

  • Nice take

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  • I love this take

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  • I was gaslighted by my boyfriend.

    He knew porn was a dealbreaker for me, and was still looking at it, and whenever I caught him, finding evidence he’d been looking at it, he’d act like I was crazy, like I was mistaken and would try to convince me that the time stamps were wrong and that he didn’t do it. He would look me dead in the eye and like, his eyes would stay the same and his heartbeat would stay the same. I checked.

    He fucked me up so badly. I stayed with him another year after that until he finally admitted it. He has the gall to be pissed that I don’t trust him. He got to get past his behaviour and (hopefully) change, but I only get to start dealing with it when he admitted it.

    It already hard for me to trust men, and he made my mental health suffer so badly, I’m still recovering.

    I know I should have more self worth, and there’s no evidence that he’s still engaging in damaging behaviour, and he’s been so good the last year, after an ultimatum, that I don’t want to leave. He’s my everything. I know how much it can hurt to have your world ripper and turned upside down and told that that’s how it always was. I wish you all the best.

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    • I'm not saying it's wrong of him to lie to you about it by any means but as someone myself who was in that position with an ex, I constantly felt like shit because of her and reacting how you're saying. Now the difference is I didn't know st the beginning but I've been doing it since like 13. To break a habit like that is NOT easy. We don't look at open cause we don't love our girlfriends. There were times she would go a while without wanting to and my libido was through the roof and still can be. I'm not gonna force her to put out every time by any means but her just berating me didn't help me any. All I'm saying is if he ever does, try sitting down calmly and try to help him work through it together. That way he doesn't feel like hiding it and can admit when he feels the urge.

    • @ScaryCool ahh, the main difference here is, I have the higher libido, and was, shall we say, available for any urges. But he chose porn instead. I even told him he could have whatever he wanted done to him, any show he liked, just ask and I’ll see what I can do - so it’s really not okay when he’s not having sex with me for months and looking at porn when he’s telling me he has no libido and isn’t interested at all. Just made me feel rejected, then rejected AGAIN when I found out he was lying about that too, and just didn’t want ME. I’m sorry about your girlfriend, but if you’re having trouble breaking the habit of something that’s hurting your partner, I think it’s best to ask for their help, instead of hurting them.
      And porn is awful anyway, these people are being abused and sexually assaulted regularly and it’s gross that people get off on that.

      Since he’s messed me up so much mentally, He knows if he does it again we’re through. I have to have some self-respect/ preservation

    • Oh well I can't say I ever did that that's for sure. I wish mine had been so eager lmao. I did try saying these things before but nothing changed in either of us I guess. Deff have cut back since then, occupied myself with other things in life which may have been one problem then, plus like you said that's a bad industry really.

      Yeah I understand you. This is something you feel strongly about and if someone can't commit to that why should you settle?

  • Interesting

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  • Sorry for that

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What Guys Said 15

  • That's really rough. Thanks for explaining your experience with this.

    There is really no way of knowing for sure about someone you've just met.

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    • Yeah thanks for reading. I know it was a lot but this was a learning experience for sure and I felt it was best that I shared this with others.

      I’d also like to add that society has a shitty attitude towards depression. I had a super hard time getting over this and when I told some people about it, they’d say “just get over it” as if what she did was justifiable. If depression was that easy to turn off by flipping a switch, people would do it right away.

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    • Agreed- it's much worse, and so was seeing her again in public. Good thing you didn't get married to her- that would have been way worse.

    • Yeah it would ruin the concert experience and it was scary as she seemed like the kinda person who would slander against me and instigate shit in general.

      It was just totally uncalled for and yeah it was good that I didn’t marry her or date her for a long time, but even in the month and a half period we dated, it still fucked me up.

  • I just don't allow myself to be manipulated. As soon as I get the sense that someone is trying to manipulate me, I call them out on their shit and then I proceed to cut ties with them.

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  • Sorry you had to go through that. I went through something similar but i came out gaslighting her right back. It'll happen again in the future now doubt. She will eventually meet a person who can reflect that shit and next minute she'll be gaslighted for 10 years and wouldn't know

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    • How did you gaslight her back?

    • I don't know. It's just a defense mechanism response,
      A combination of wordplay, reverse psychology, guilt trip, maybe more
      You get that if you have a narcissist mother, only 1% of people gaslight consciously. Sometimes they do and think it's normal because growing up I thought it was weird, but not that crazy. I didn't know what gaslight meant until a few months ago, Been doing it as a defence mech for pretty much 15 years when i read more into it's meaning.

  • Hey man, I understand what you've gone through. I've also done a quick analysis - piece by piece from point A - Z. Message me if you want to go further.

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  • That's happened to me. Call you when they need you for a bit and then dump when they dont. It's by people who don't take others people's feelings into account. It's sad really because you gotta realize, you know they won't have a stable relationship at that rate.

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    • But she was in a stable relationship months after this shit went down which sickens me. Not that I'm jealous of her or want her back by any means. But what pissed me off is that she played the victim card with me in front of her boyfriend and friends. I seriously wanted to ruin her life at that point.

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    • Yep, like I said it's better to be single than to be with these people

    • 👏 amen.

  • Firstly, thanks for writing this. I've no first hand experience of it in a relationship, but you bring it to life very, very well indeed.

    Secondly, your last couple of paragraphs - absolutely spot on. Too many people do ignore this kind of stuff, to their eventual detriment.

    I'd recommend this Take to anybody who feels like they *might* be dealing with a narcissist.

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    • Yeah I mean I didn’t necessarily ignore the red flags. I mean I definitely had my questions and doubts with her behavior while we dated. I just didn’t know that it was a form of narcissism let alone gaslighting at the time.

      That being said, with all those red flags present, there was no way I could have predicted let alone prevented the condom wrapper part. I think the whole fact that she made me feel like I was the guilty/crazy one was worse than finding the condom wrapper itself. I felt like I was victim blamed/shamed by her and others for speaking out. Not by everyone but definitely by her and some people.

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    • What do you mean by triangulation and flying monkeys?

    • Some people thought I was being sexist/slut shaming, but even many of my female friends/dates who have had their fair share of partners and are sex positive in general thought the whole condom wrapper situation was disgusting and fucked up

  • God please let me meet one of these gaslighters.. sounds like so much fun... time to turn the tabes!

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  • what a weird story, i would be just as confused as you!

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    • I would argue the whole gaslighting aspect was even worse than the condom wrapper situation itself. Would have been a whole different story if she apologized to me, but nope. She’s a manipulative cunt that can’t be reasoned with.

    • The worst part was it happened during riot fest and even though I saw some of my favorite bands and went with a lot of friends, I couldn’t enjoy it because of how confused and depressed I was.

  • That's screwed. Obviously she is nuts. The hot and cold game is a clear sign of GTFO.

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    • Indeed. But sometimes when you look through rose tinted glasses, the red flags only look like flags. A poor mistake many people make.

    • I did had a similar experience, except that it was complicated. She was no loonie.

  • Go to a court and get an order barring her from any contact.

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    • Nah that’s too much of a hassle. If anything, she’s the one acting like she has a restraining order against me.

  • Great take

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  • Good take

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  • She's a flakey ass cunt. Ignore her.

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    • Indeed, and fortunately I haven’t seen her anywhere since October. But I’m just arguing that her accusing me and slandering against me was way worse than what transpired with the condom situation.

  • She definitely has issues but also sounds like a guy version of a player. I don’t get how they came up with the name Gaslighting for this but, it just sounds like she has low self esteem

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    • Quite the opposite, seems like she has a super big ego and won’t take accountability for her own shit. It’s gaslighting because she tried convincing others and myself that I’m somehow guilty for what she did.

    • Maybe it’s to cover up the insecure person she really is , she doesn’t trust anyone it seems

  • Russia has been gaslighting the US, to get Trump elected

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    • in which way? Like I definitely believe Russia meddled, but are you saying Russia is blaming us for Trump?

    • All the fake news they spread, the facebook ads

    • Putin wanted Trump over Hillary: she was too though for him.

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