Don't yell at your girlfriend in front of others (meeting my boyfriend's brother)

[tallandsweet]

Background

Due to my parents' bad reaction to telling them I have a boyfriend, I decided to go home early (I no longer live with them).

I hadn't slept or eaten properly (6h of sleep and 3 meals over 2.5 days) and it took me 11 hours to get back. I was exhausted when I arrived.

My boyfriend picked me up, we went to my place and I tried sleeping a little but he wanted to talk (since the whole parents-hate-him-for-no-apparent-reason-thing is quite unsettling).

Photo by Nuno Antunes on Unsplash

He had asked me in advance whether it would be okay if his brother's girlfriend came over because she had to wait for his brother to finish business in my city and it's dangerous if you're outside at night.

I'll refer to his brother as Max and his girlfriend as Zoe from now on.

Meeting my boyfriend's brother's girlfriend

While waiting for Zoe, I fell asleep because I was so tired, but I forced myself to get up to meet her and make some conversation. During this conversation, I decided that me and my boyfriend would join Max and Zoe and go sleep at my boyfriend's parent's place, which is ~3h away.

They had to go back there anyways, so I repacked my stuff within 3min, got into an absolutely tiny car and instantly felt regret over bringing myself into this situation in my state.

Photo by Olav Tvedt on Unsplash

Picking up my boyfriend's brother

Again, I hadn't slept or eaten and was exhausted from travelling wearing a face mask for more than 10h.

Zoe started driving in a city that is strange to her without Google Maps (which was pretty stupid), but eventually, we were able to find the address Max had sent her.

Max wasn't anywhere to be seen, so my boyfriend went looking for him and returned with him a couple of minutes later. Max didn't greet me. Instead, he leaned against the outer wall of the house he had just exited and started to pee.

Photo by Jonathan Cooper on Unsplash

Zoe couldn't believe her eyes, apologised to me and said that he wasn't usually like this and that she had no idea what was going on.

The beginning of the ride

The two guys got into the car and Max greeted me by yelling "WHAT'S UP SISTER IN LAW" at the top of his voice. I'm extremely sensitive to noise, and the sleep deprivation didn't add to that either. I said that I was fine and he proceeded to put on some music at a very, very high volume and started singing and dancing along.

Max was very, very drunk.

He leaned over to kiss Zoe, who was driving, but she just said that she didn't want to kiss him because he smelled like a pub and how she didn't like that.

He tried a couple more times and got really angry when he realised that Zoe was tired and didn't want to be around him while he was this drunk. He told her that she shouldn't reject him, continued talking to me at the same time and got more and more angry as time went on.

Photo by Jonathan Cooper on Unsplash

I texted my boyfriend "bro wtf", to which he just replied that he's sorry this is happening and that he never knew it would be this bad. Mind you his brother got drunk despite knowing he would meet me that day and him usually not drinking alcohol. Neither of us knew what state he'd be in when we picked him up.

The climax

After a while of this, the screaming got more intense and he continued to insult her, try to kiss her and so on. Max said that he wanted to get out of the car immediately, which isn't possible on the highway, he got very angry when Zoe said that that wouldn't happen and kept asking her to pull over or to exit the highway. He yelled at her at the top of his voice and it didn't look like he'd stop doing that anytime soon.

All of a sudden, while we were still on the highway, while we were going 111mph/180kmh, he grabbed the steering wheel and moved his hands rapidly, the car lost its balance, Zoe started yelling, I started yelling "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU", my boyfriend grabbed my hand really tight and for two seconds, I genuinely thought the car would crash into something and at least one of us would die. Zoe luckily stayed calm the whole time, grabbed the steering wheel tightly and told Max to back off.

Photo by Perchek Industrie on Unsplash

Because of this, he forced Zoe to exit the highway and demanded to be dropped off at the nearest fast food restaurant. Zoe tried telling him that there was no way this would work because due to COVID, these places shut down at some point and were already closed (because we were driving very late at night), but he didn't want to hear it.

When Zoe stopped at a red light, Max jumped out of the car and ran into traffic (two cars, but still). Zoe almost started crying, asked us what she should do and pulled over. My boyfriend went after his brother, who only continued to yell at him, telling him to back off. Since Max didn't have his phone on him, my boyfriend told Max to meet the 3 of us at the next gas station (which was 2mins away by foot).

Cooling down

At the gas station, Max started yelling at the gas station employee because he reminded him that wearing a mask is mandatory. Then, he went to Zoe's car, yanked out his mask and some change and bought alcohol and cigarettes to "help" calm him down.

Photo by Anshu A on Unsplash

After smoking and drinking, he got back into the car, told Zoe to drive and stayed calm for a while - he even tried making some conversation, half-assed apologised to Zoe (but not to us) and tried to find out more about me. He said that he'd come over at his parent's house the next day, but Zoe said that she needed some time alone as a couple and I mentioned that I would need time to relax after what just happened.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Max made fun of my Austrian dialect, commented on how his brother had never brought a girl home before or introduced him to one and said that he had never seen him hold hands with a girl before either. He also said we looked cute when I got tired, put my head on my boyfriend's lap and he stroked my hair. Max was trying to be sweet, but he couldn't make up for almost killing us.

I broke down when we finally arrived

After holding all of my opinions and feelings in for almost 4h, I couldn't take it anymore. Once we arrrived at my boyfriend's parent's place and realising we'd have to sleep on a small couch, I told my boyfriend I'd have to go home by train or I'd lose my sanity. Because of current Lockdown rules, I wasn't able to leave the house though because there's a strict curfew.

I sat down, told him that I had to break up with him after what I had seen and that I was really disappointed with him. I explained that I had expected him to say something, to stop his brother from yelling all the time, playing loud music, and to get him to have some respect. I started feeling the rage inside my veins and told him every single thing he had done wrong that day:

• how he hadn't let me sleep
• how he hadn't gotten me food
• how he had pushed his own agenda instead of realising that it wouldn't be a good idea for me to meet his brother in the state I was in
• how he hadn't faced his brother AT ALL.

I was mostly angry at myself for not saying "I think I'd rather stay at my place tonight" after seeing Max pee on that wall, right then and there. I put all the blame on my boyfriend though and he made me so angry I poured water on him to provoke him (to see whether he'd hit me or whatever like my mom had suggested he would at some point in time). He told me off for doing that and wanted to go outside, but other than that, he was good.

Photo by Alex Iby on Unsplash

I knew that my boyfriend was more embarassed about how his brother had decided to treat us than I could imagine.

Still, I continued to talk about breaking up and how I didn't see myself in our relationship anymore after seeing how he hadn't stood up to his brother. He then explained that standing up to him would only have provoked him further, that Max was a highly manipulative person in his family that nobody liked, and that he was sorry that he had dragged me into this situation.

After fully realising that we almost died, that his brother was horrible and hadn't added value to his life for quite a while, he started to cry, which is something he never does and I know he can't force either.

I started to cry too, we consoled one another, calmed down, went to bed and returned to my apartment the same day.

The aftermath

I haven't seen his brother since this happened, he hasn't made a serious attempt to apologise to me either.

My boyfriend's family was so embarassed for how his brother had acted that they almost cried over the whole thing too. His mom scolded Max for his behaviour, but regardless, it took me several attempts to make it clear that I still liked them and judged Max for what MAX did but that I don't consider him a part of my boyfriend's nice family.

Has something similar happened to you before?

Have you seen someone yell at their partner in public or private and just thought to yourself: "wtf?"

How do you deal with black sheep family members?

[RHK36]

I think it's pretty normal for most families to have one person like this. I think your boyfriend should have handled it better, definitely should have warned you beforehand. His brother seems like an asshole that they put up with and chalk it up to " that's how he is". How he has a girlfriend, no idea.

Also seemed like an overreaction on your part to suggest a break and pour water on him to illicit a reaction. That's bad communication. If you're willing to break up with someone over someone else's behavior then maybe there's other issues at play that probably need to be sorted.

[tallandsweet]

I agree that most families have at least one black sheep.
My boyfriend had no idea his brother would get drunk as he usually doesn't do that.
I should have added that this was the first time my boyfriend saw his brother drunk, so it was quite a shock for him too.

I know that I overreacted, I suggested a break in part because I realised that his brother is EVERYTHING my parents warned me from. I couldn't handle that. He used to sleep around a lot, got involved with substance abuse after breaking up with the love of his life and just isn't a great person.
Everything my parents deem to be shady about my boyfriend would actually be a lot WORSE than they assume if my boyfriend was like his brother.

I don't want to go into further details because this is pretty private, but my boyfriend hadn't seen his brother for years before this happened. It's complicated and I think we drew a line we're both comfortable with.
I obviously don't expect him to hate his family or to ignore his brother from now on, but I think he realised that his brother changed a great deal and that he's not a good influence.

I was angry at my boyfriend, but mainly at myself as well as at my parents for using their propaganda on me for weeks before finally returning home.
I wrote about that in this take: How telling my parents about my 6mo boyfriend went (they hate him for religious reasons) ↗

I hope this explains my reaction a bit - I think what really healed how I was hurting inside was when my boyfriend said: "you have no idea how embarassed and sorry I am, but I know that there is no excuse and no way to justify his behaviour."

[RHK36]

Ahh, gotcha. Yeah sounds like a lot to deal with. Ultimately that's his family and at some point you'll probably be interacting with his brother again. When you're with someone you'll eventually have to especially when they're your in-laws.

[tallandsweet]

That's right, but at least I know that this has a 90% chance to be the worst interaction I'll ever have had with him, which is a relief!
I know he'll be sober the next time.

[slatyb]

Always have an exit when Max is around. NEVER get into a car with Max again. NEVER plan to stay overnight in a home where Max is staying. If your boyfriend doesn't support that and makes excuses for his brother, dump him because the whole family is bad news.

[tallandsweet]

Thank you for your reply.
I have had a very long and heartfelt discussion with my boyfriend on the topic of Max, during which he revealed details that were of utter importance to me being able to understand Max' behaviour. Had I known then what I know now, I never would've met Max.
Still, there is a part of me that feels sorry about Max because I believe that when he saw me and my boyfriend together, he realised how much he had messed up his own life, but that's still not an excuse.

I haven't returned to my boyfriend's parent's house since and don't plan on doing so until Max has apologised to me. For a brief moment, I thought that this was a petty reaction to him treating us poorly on one day and one day only - but if it's really out of the norm for Max, he should apologise to me, the most important person in his brother's life.

I have also noticed that Max is disturbingly envious of his little brother, which goes hand in hand with what I wrote above. This is something I've never seen so clearly in someone of Max' age.

Nonetheless, he's family, so I've come up with a detailled plan with my boyfriend and was very clear about my sincere wish that he'd stay away from Max in the future (which he has because Max always insults him and is highly manipulative). I won't get into the car with Max again, simply because I can't handle the noise or the cigarette smell.

[tallandsweet]

Finally, my boyfriend had suggested that we'd stay at Max and Zoe's place instead of staying with his family if we visit them and had given me valid reasons why this would be a better option than staying with his family.

This was way before all of this happened. When I sat down with my boyfriend to talk about what had happened in that Car with Max and Zoe, I told him that from the moment I had seen Max, I had been afraid of him in a way I haven't ever been afraid of someone before. He just seemed off to me. I told my boyfriend that this alone was reason enough for me to never want to meet him again, which he accepted.
He also didn't try to justify Max' behaviour. Max has since come forward to his mother to try to explain why he had taken all of my boyfriend's clothes that were at his family's place and why he had been acting so strange lately, but he still hasn't apologised to either of us.

My boyfriend's family has been very clear about the fact that they condemn his behaviour and that they are very shocked and confused why he's acting like this. Nobody is trying to say that I overreacted, which I think is a good thing. I like my boyfriend's family, and since Max is a grown man and has made his own life choices for a while, I think it's okay to leave my boyfriend's family out of the equation.

Still, I will always address issues I have with Max in the future. He will most likely attend our wedding and I'll most likely attend his, so we'll have to find a way to be okay with each other's presence. I hope that makes sense.

But again, I'm glad my boyfriend didn't try to make any excuses for his brother.

[slatyb]

An apology is not enough. Max is out of control. If you and your boyfriend are going to see Max again, meet him in a public place where you can easily leave the situation if necessary.

[tallandsweet]

This is good advice, thank you. I'm quite lucky to be a girl who will stand up and speak for herself, so even if we were to meet in a non-public place, I wouldn't feel reluctant to get up and leave the situation if I had to.

I think an apology is necessary, but since what Max did cannot be apologised for, it won't be enough.

[slatyb]

In a private home with a very angry person, leaving may not be so easy as the exits are limited and narrow.

[Apope16]

This is a sad story. But let me be very clear. Nobody should ever be yelling at anybody. That is not how to resolve conflict. Ever. People should talk like adults or walk away and come back to the situation when you are calmer. Yelling is never a good way to argue. You can argue but you sit down. One person talks at a time over coffee. THen you kiss and cuddle afterwards. This is just not okay to hear a guy yelling at a girlfriend. Not even in private.

[tallandsweet]

I couldn't agree more.

[w0810lv]

Oh yes I've actually witnessed this many many times in my life but in my family I'm the normal one and instead of black sheep it's my entire family there black sheeps of the world so how you handle that when it's everyone in your family and all of there gfs too our there family's black sheeps and it's a insane asylum and there's just to much toxic stories to tell in here it would take me a month and how I handle it was to escape because the crazy part is that they all live together so I started looking for the why this is happening to many with the same behaviors not to be a reason why and I discovered the why Antisocial Personality Disorder Psychopaths and Sociopaths which describes most of my family and then it came to Narcissist Personality Disorder and this explains the rest and there GFs so that is that and the girl who triped on the boyfriend the way you went from loving to discarding back to love Bombing makes me very worried for your mental health cause you might be Co Dependent and your boyfriend seem like he might be an Empath and as far as his great family goes there hiding something dark cause those same nice people made his brother into what he is the things you describe is what happens to a person growing up in a situation were there was mass loads of mental and most of the time physical abuse too so unless they were adopted those nice people are the ones who created him so the whole general vibe of the story highlights mental illness

[tallandsweet]

Thank you for your detailled reply.

I know why my boyfriend's brother turned out to be the way he is and I don't blame his family for it.
It's complicated, but I think it's not my place to reveal that information here. I know what they're "hiding", because they told me. It's as simple as that.

I was really tired and honestly, the last 30mins of that car ride felt like 3h. I couldn't move because the car was so tiny, and while this doesn't justify my behaviour, I just couldn't handle it anymore.

If you read some of my other posts on here, you'd know that I have Asperger's, which makes it very difficult for me personally to deal with strong emotions, especially anger and sadness. When I get as angry as I did that night, I feel like I'll pass out any second and I lose my filter completely.
My boyfriend has witnessed this before, I had warned him previously that it may happen at some point, so I wouldn't refer to my behaviour as "love - discard - love bomb".

I hope that this sheds some light on my behaviour, though it clearly doesn't justify anything that happened.

[EmotionOfFear]

1. I'm so sorry. That experience sounds traumatic and absolutely horrible, and I'd be beyond miffed if I was in your shoes.
2. Don't provoke your man, especially not to just fact check a thing your mother suggested. Especially your mother, who does not like him. That was really uncalled for.
3. I understand being frustrated with your boyfriend, but this was clearly something you had to work through together. It's pitiful to break up with him over his brother's behavior. His brother is an adult, and those are his life choices, not your boyfriend's.

[tallandsweet]

1. I agree that it was traumatic, I'm glad to have had some time and distance from the whole thing to really be able to think about what happened.
2. I 100% agree. Please keep in mind though that I was indoctrinated by my parents that my boyfriend is a horrible person for all the time while I was with them and that this whole thing happened on the day that I returned from my parents.
I don't want to justify my behaviour, but I was DONE. I needed sleep and food badly and simply couldn't understand why my boyfriend had brought me in the situation we were in and felt that he should've done something.
I thought it would be the right time to test my mother's theory, but I know that it was a cruel thing to do and feel very sorry that I did what I did.
3. I understand what happened much better now. There would've been no use in talking to my boyfriend's brother or telling him that what he's doing isn't okay. We didn't break up obviously, I think that would've been uncalled for because like you said, it's just his brother and not him that acts like this.

[rjroy3]

Has something similar happened to you before?

Nothing to that degree, but dealing with family members acting ridiculously of my dating partners? Absolutely

Have you seen someone yell at their partner in public or private and just thought to yourself: "wtf?"

Not wtf. I've thought, "what the hell is that about?". "Who the hell would accept that and stay?". "Who the hell would think that's okay?". "I'm clearly missing something". "None of my business"

How do you deal with black sheep family members?

You don't. It's not your responsibility. Family matters are family matters. It's also not your job to interact tho. You have no obligation to assist his brother and girlfriend at all

[tallandsweet]

That last sentence resonated with me so much.
Also, I couldn't help but also think "why the hell is she letting him do this to him" all the time I spent with the two of them.
Ultimately, it's her choice though and I respect that.

[yucychan]

I'm sorry to hear that you have to go through such a bad experience. I feel especially sorry for Zoe. Why is she still with Max?
Max is an asshole. Being drunk just brings that asshole attitude out even more. Why your boyfriend ever thinks it is a good idea to meet up with his brother also indicates that your boyfriend makes bad decisions.
The whole thing is just bad planning on his part. After you returned to your place, you should have eaten something, rest first, and then go to your boyfriend's parent's house the next day. And yes, I agree with you. Your boyfriend is as bad as his brother in that he didn't speak up for you. His excuse of "standing up to his brother would only have provoked him further, and that Max was a highly manipulative person" doesn't sit well with me. I believed it's not that he can't stand up to his brother, it's he doesn't want to. And sorry to say, your boyfriend is useless.

[devilman666]

Yeah man he should've just beaten his brother right then and there because family should become meaningless once you meet a nice girl who is willing to date you. If your sister was like that, what would you do about it? Would you hide her from your significant other? Would you pretend she didn't exist? Would you disown her? What is the proper response to having a delinquent sibling?

[ScottSummers]

she could have stand up for herself too, her boyfriend is not her dad

[ScottSummers]

@devilman666 to beat his own brother because of some girl? Are you insane?

[devilman666]

Sry the first line of my comment was sarcastic. I feel like the questions that follow should have given that away, but whatever.

[yucychan]

@devilman666
Who said anything about beating up his brother? I didn't say that.
The moment that they knew his brother was drunk and going to be a pain in the ass the whole trip, they should have just cancelled it and turn back. It's apparent that it's not the first time that Max was drunk and went berserk. His brother knew that very well.
If my sis was drunk and went crazy like that, then I wouldn't have let my boyfriend meet her like that in the first place. We would all meet at another time when my sis was sober and at my parent's house. I never said anything about disowning that sibling, or hiding him from my SO, so don't twist my words.
I'm just saying her boyfriend is just lousy and made bad decisions.
The whole event is such a shit-show, where his brother started screaming at his own girlfriend, to trying to run them off the road. Till now, that brother also hadn't apologized for his behavior. If I had a brother like that, I will be very ashamed of him. Until he get his act together, there's nothing to be proud of.

[Anonymous]

1) WHY are you blaming your boyfriend for the fact YOU couldn't act like an adult and get some rest or sleep? That YOU could NOT say forget meeting his brother? Do you want him to wipe your ass for you too? You are SO immature.

2) WHY are you blaming your boyfriend for his DRUNK and AGGRESSIVE brother. For all YOU know your boyfriend has tried to stop his sibling before and gotten the shit beaten out of him. You are SO immature.

3) Act like an ADULT and STOP BLAMING others. If you don't like the brother then AVOID him. It is THAT SIMPLE.

4... do the boyfriend a favor and go away. You're too immature to be involved with him and this sort of family situation.

[zagor]

Not unusual to have at least one person like that in a family. My brother-in-law's brother borrowed money from him with no intention of paying it back and broke off what little contact he had with him. He is heavy into drugs and alcohol, and I suspect was pretty abusive to him growing up.

[tallandsweet]

The whole money issue is very relatable.
Max went through more money people make in 10 years in just one. He saw a lot of stuff I would never expose anyone else to, but he's pretty down to earth when you think about the people he's in touch with.

Substance abuse isn't fun. I think this was a one-off though.

[TallAnon]

Well that was a ride and a half. Your boyfriend really should've done more to prevent this from going out of control and you should've probably told him clearly about everything that was wrong as it was happening (food, etc.).
Sounds like his brother is a big problem in general, I would like to think I would've done better in the situation, but knocking out your own brother isn't an easy decision to make either.
Definitely decline to do anything involving his brother until he apologized.
Unless you're breaking up over this? Which wouldn't be a stretch.

[tallandsweet]

Thank you for your reply.
I'm not breaking up over this as my boyfriend quickly came to his senses when we were finally able to talk in private.
I think what happened may be explained as follows:
This was one of the very few interactions they've had over the last couple of years. I had talked to his brother on the phone very briefly in September 2020, when we were in the very early stage of dating. Other than this, my boyfriend only talked to his brother one more time on the phone after that.
Some weeks ago, he saw him again for the first time in several years. It's a complicated story and I won't get into details as this would get too long. He told me that he was very nervous about me meeting his brother as he was unpredictable. However, he had no clue that when we met, his brother would be drunk (as he had never seen him drunk and his brother doesn't usually drink).
I noticed that when he got out of the car at that red light, something changed with my boyfriend. He got out of the car, approached him slowly, but didn't back down despite his brother only yelling at him and being rude.
He later told me that he would've knocked him out if he had had to and that this scared him.
My boyfriend no longer is the small boy his brother knew several years ago, he's a fully grown man with a unique (=annoying) girlfriend.

I think we unanimously agreed that his brother was the issue, not us.
His brother hasn't apologised, has sworn to break us up (?) and is acting weird in general. He also broke off all ties to his family (again).
I don't think this is something I should worry about in the future.

[tallandsweet]

His brother insisted that he wants to drive the car instead of his tired girlfriend, but she obviously declined. I think this shows that drunk people can't assess risks (and I'm pretty sure he's bad at assessing risks sober too).

I don't know why this happened, but I know that my boyfriend had all the right reasons and didn't want either of us any harm.
Since he opened up about his brother and his family after this happened, I'm good now. It would've been a major red flag to me if he had shut down and not wanted to talk about it though!

[TallAnon]

Sounds like you properly talked it over, that's great. Yeah, my dad isn't in contact with most of his siblings either, which is sad, but probably with similar issues. He always tried to make sure me and my sister stayed on great terms due to that.
Just remember that you and perhaps later, your children might get in contact with his brother as well (birthdays, anniversaries, etc.) Make sure you set the expectations correctly.

[tallandsweet]

You have a point there, though I think it would be feasible to avoid contact. Not easy, but feasible. I'll think about that, thanks.

[msc545]

Your boyfriend knows his brother much better than you do, so if he said yelling at him would only make him worse that is probably the truth. I have seen this sort of thing before, and the best thing you can do is to make sure that in the future you have no contact with the brother, even if it means you will miss some family events with your boyfriend. I feel bad for you and your boyfriend and his family, but dealing with alcoholics is very difficult, and I think they probably do the best they can. You do not have to be part of their efforts, but you can still have your relationship with your boyfriend. Best wishes.

[tallandsweet]

Thank you for your reply.
I agree that my boyfriend knows his brother best, though I would like to add that this is the first time he had seen him drunk. His brother is known to have had a substance abuse problem in the past, but not with alcohol, so it seems like a substitute for me.

I don't think he's usually like this.
The way I explained his brother's behaviour for myself is that when he saw us, he saw how much he had missed out on in his little brother's life (they had no contact for several years). I think this made him angry. My boyfriend also mentioned that since we're polar opposites (I'm educated and very clean and pure, imagine the opposite of that yourself), he may have felt the need to establish his position as an alpha.

My boyfriend's brother broke off the contact with his family himself (again), but apparently, this hasn't stuck for that long in the past, so we'll see.

[msc545]

Good luck!

[Wiredone]

I'm sorry you had to go through that. Personally, if I was your boyfriend I would have said something to my brother when he peed on the building. I would not have tolerated everything he did in the car. When he jumped out of the car I would have knocked him out cold, and take over driving while he slept in the passenger seat. He had absolutely no respect for anyone in that car.

[tallandsweet]

I think that last sentence is perhaps the key element that bothered me so much... His girlfriend had driven him around all day, she was really tired when I met her at my place and she was so embarassed to even be there because she knew I had just spent all day travelling and had zero time to clean/prepare my home for her arrival.
I feel really sorry for her, she doesn't deserve to be treated this way.

[Wiredone]

Nobody should be treated like that. That's very disrespectful and nasty. I hope you managed to catch up on your sleep.

[tallandsweet]

Luckily, I was able to sleep for more than 12 hours at my boyfriend's parent's place, both of us really needed that sleep (he sleeps A LOT in general and I was catching up).
I gave the issue a great deal of thought.
This encounter I had with his brother made me feel even more scared of him than I already was, and I think I communicated to my boyfriend that as long as I was feeling this fear, I simply couldn't be around him.
It would be different if his brother had apologised, been nice afterwards and so on, but unfortunately, he chose to be mad at my boyfriend for some reason, took 1/3 of my boyfriend's clothes for himself to wear and didn't return them either.
You wouldn't expect that type of petty behaviour from someone in their 30s.

[Wiredone]

He is a very immature 30 year old. I disowned my brother years ago because of his behavior towards me and my wife when my father died. He never apologized. It's been 13 years and I still haven't spoken to him

[tallandsweet]

That's sad but understandable at the same time.
I have a really immature room mate I have to deal with right now unfortunately, I just posted a take on that whole issue as it kind of combines everything that's been going on.
It's a lot, the more I'm thinking about it the more I'm realising how much my life has changed from just half a year ago.

[Wiredone]

Unfortunately everyone's lives have changed. For some it got easier and others it's unbearable for them. For me, it's hard but I'm managing. I'll check out your take.

[msbrightness]

Hey,

Don't yell or physically or emotionally abuse - ever.

Women regularly control men by withholding affection they palpably feel - to hurt by 'aversion to loss'. It's the same as yelling (in private or public)

Imagine how a female feels when a male she is attached to - walks away in front of others.
Yet women do it all the time. Simply to invalidate and hurt.

[hi_it_is_me123]

If i was you i would call the police to get rid of this fucktard due to harrassment. I dont care if he is a brother of my boyfriend and i also would yell and insult him for making fun of your dialect. Why were you so patient. Is zoe also stupid? Why is she with such male cunt? Is he the brother that is a fuckboy? I also liked your attitude. You know what you want and you dont let people influence you and you show your boundaries

[DocJones]

Stay away from him and never get into a car with him ever again

[tallandsweet]

I'm just lucky he didn't drive. I don't want to be near him for quite a while.

[DocJones]

Yeah sounds like he is unstable

[Jjpayne]

Thank you for continuing to share your experiences with us

[spartan55]

Just curious, did you apologize to your boyfriend for dumping water on him?

[tallandsweet]

Of course!

[hahahmm]

Stop trying to force yourself into your boyfriend's family situations. Nobody invited you. You invited yourself. Let things happen naturally.

[tallandsweet]

I don't know what you're trying to say. My boyfriend and his brother invited me to go to my boyfriend's family place that night. I wasn't forcing myself into a situation.

[hahahmm]

Oh, is that what you're telling yourself now? Because it's not what happened according to your post where you wrote: "During this conversation, I decided that me and my boyfriend would join Max and Zoe and go sleep at my boyfriend's parent's place, which is ~3h away."

[tallandsweet]

What I meant when I wrote this was that my boyfriend invited me but let me make the final choice - that moment was when I made that decision. I didn't force myself on anyone.

[jasco]

Honestly Max seems to be suffering with depression, he needs help. Even if you don't forgive him, you need to convince your boyfriend to get your brother in law help

[tallandsweet]

I have had that thought too, especially given what I know, but I think he's too toxic for anyone to tell him to seek help right now.

[tallandsweet]

Also, depression doesn't justify behaving this way.

[jasco]

it actually can justify it sense he was also drunk. Many victims that die usually do it by there own means or by using someone else as a means to kill themselves. No one is ever to toxic to be saved, U need to give him a chance. He won't get better if left all alone, it will only get worse. Sooner or later you may see him dead on the street somewhere or worse at your front door

[Kabluie]

Yelling is a waste of vocals, you don't really get a point across any better than having a conversation over it.

[tallandsweet]

Couldn't agree more.

[Jamie05rhs]

Wow. I'm glad you survived and didn't crash. That is really scary.

(Also, I hate alcohol. 😡)

[cicadas]

I'm sorry about this, seems really traumatic. What are you planning to do?